oasis

I just re-read your responses to me from yesterday and started crying. Geez, what’s happening to me? I guess I’m starting to feel real emotions again.

Physically, I’m a little better today. The itching is not as bad. I feel like I’m going to float away from all the water, coffee, and tea I’ve been drinking. Still shaky—I need to switch to decaf. God, no caffeine…I’m running out of vices!

A few months ago, I went for two weeks without a drink, just to see if I could. I had no intention of quitting for good. I just like to test my willpower from time to time. Then I had a bad day, and instead of my usual two or three glasses of wine, I drank the whole bottle, passed out, woke up in the middle of the night feeling like death, and yelled at my kids the next day. The longer I wait between drinking sessions, the less likely I am to drink moderately, if that makes any sense at all. Gotta make up for lost time. So, this is it. I really can’t drink anymore, unless I want to end up the worst mother in the world.

I didn’t even think it was possible to feel depressed and peaceful at the same time, but here I am. Day 4. Thanks for all of your kind words yesterday.

Cathy31

Hang in there, you are doing great! You have some brilliant insights there... Read up the Thread "Quitting What to Expect" if you have not already done so! You're worth it!

c'est la vie

I can absolutely relate right now. I think we're in the same boat. I'll have to go back to see what you posted yesterday. I'm a mother of 3 who's been drinking life away, and I feel like such a loser mother. Today I'm feeling miserable about things in general, but really glad I'm not giving in to alcohol. I keep telling myself that drinking will not accomplish the goals I've set. I want to listen to the kids and actually hear what they say (and remember). Unfortunately, I've yelled a little too much today but the internal struggle not to drink is hurting more today. I can understand your frustration right now and there are so many others that can relate to other aspects of your healing.

I hope you can keep not drinking so that your kids can see you happy and alert. And of course keep posting here. There are so many caring people. It's been a life saver for me for the couple weeks I've been trying not to drink.

Linda C.

HI Oasis.. Your going through a lot of normal stuff right now. Many of us have been right where your at..

If your not alcoholic - this should not be a problem. Just quit..

If you might be alcoholic I know a little more about that.. (smile )

I will share a little about that.
This disease is progressive.. Often times we keep drinking until we reach a point where we simply cannot stop.. Its an addiction. It gets ahold of us good.. Its called cunning, baffling and powerful..

If your alcoholic there are only 3 ways out out of this thing.. Get locked up, get covered up or get sobered up.. I was locked up quite a few times, nearly covered up a couple of times and finally sobered up..
I can only share what worked for me and countless others.. I got to AA meetings.. I got the Big Book (alcoholics anonymous).. I read it from the beginning thru Chapter 1.. At that point I realized I definately fit. I was an alcoholic.. Chapter 2 is titled "There Is A Solution".. I wanted to know the solution - so started reading again..

I became willing to go to any lengths. I started taking the suggestions from those who had what I wanted.. They told me I had to do what they did. Go to meetings, read the book, get a sponsor and start working the steps..

Is it worth it??? I have been sober 25 years and am here to tell you its MORE than worth it. You have no idea what a wonderful life awaits you.. You never have to drink again or feel this way again..

Linda C.

CarolD

For me...I had to not let myself become too..

Hungry or Angry or Lonely or Tired

Any of those were triggers for me to drink again.

HALT

brigid

I sat next to my son and promised him I would not drink ever again. But I did, and that let him down a lot. I sat next to my son and promised him again that I would never drink again, this time I did it for me. It was me who would be missing out on a most perfect gift of love if I kept up drinking, me who when I was older would be saying, "if only I had quit drinking ... ".

I quit for me, the gifts from my children are precious, I am so glad that I haven't missed them. I have to be able to give to recieve and alcohol made me less and less able to give to the people who I love.

I hope you find what I have found, life is precious.

love brigid