NoMoBeer

winelover:
Go get a copy of the "Big Book" -- called Alcoholics Anonymous. I find myself all over that book... it will help you understand why you feel the way you feel and do the things you do.... Another great book is "Under the Infulence..."

brigid

Easy to find, it is online at: http://www.sobermusicians.com/literature/bigbook.html

It really can't hurt just to read it, if you are reading about moderating, this may answer a few of these questions. If the thought of spirituality is off putting just ignore that stuff and read about the experiences of other drinkers. I can relate to a lot of it even though I wasn't drinking massive quantities daily and going on huge benders. I still find myself in this book.

A bit scary about the founder of the moderation website killing two other people in a car ... moderately awful experience.

I don't mind reading posts that make me rethink stuff, it is good for me to go over all these thoughts again, just reaffirms stuff for me. Sometimes it makes me see things in a different way to before, and that is not a bad thing.

Way to go on your sober time winelover, keep going strong. I found a great deal of relief from giving up the whole, "I can control this" stuff. Made staying sober much easier for me.

love brigid

c'est la vie

I re-read all of your posts on this thread to find something that I remember reading and I can't find it. I have a headache, my eyes are burning, and I'm in a sad/bad mood so I may have overlooked it. What I found several times was a mention to keep posting my progress. I wonder how annoying it is for you to alway keep coming back and patting the back of some person trying to find themselves. You are the cheering squad and we are the people begging for attention. So here I am keeping you posted on my progress. Maybe it will help me by putting it into words.

What I was looking for was a post by someone about naming your feelings when you have them. I've had so many emotions lately and it's beginning to get me down.

First of all I think I'm missing alcohol as if I may never see/drink it again. I guess that emotion would be named "mourning".
Second, I'm afraid of the unknown. How will the parties be when I see them sober? Will my husband become irritated that I never cut loose anymore? I guess this emotion would be called "fear"
I also don't want to feel as if I'm losing control of part of my life. Isn't it the first step that says we must concede that alcohol controls us and not the other way around. I don't know what to call this. Frustration, agrivation, stubborness, ???

So I haven't had anything to drink since Sunday night and I feel good about that although I haven't slept much and I'm grumpy thinking that my life is too messed up. I swear it would be easier to just forget this whole abstainance thing. Btw, I stepped in to the end of an AA meeting. I listened for about 20 minutes and then I had to stand and say the Serenity Prayer while holding hands. I guess I wasn't really invisible like I thought (ha). Then I grabbed a flyer and left (I wish the flyer said more). I'm not sure if I can make it tomorrow or not, but there is a newcomer meeting in the morning. I'll let you know if I make it.

NoMoBeer

We'll cheer you on and pat you on the back as long as you need it! I want to address a couple of points from your post...

I did mourn the loss of my best friend, beer. That is pretty common I think -- it was such a part of my life, and eventually controlled my life...

"Afraid of the unknown." That's why we say One Day at a Time. That's SO important. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. We are also not guaranteed our futures in sobriety -- it's a big unknown. But don't we already know where we are headed if we continue drinking? The big book tells me institutions (jails, nuthouses, detox, etc), insanity or death. I'll take sobriety...

We also deal with fear and all those other lovely feelings through working the 12 steps -- quite a miracle, really.

Proud of you for going to an AA meeting -- "keep coming back!" Newcomers' meeting would be great -- you can ask any questions you might have -- always feel free to PM me if you have questions as well....

One Day at a Time!

Ken

skinner

Yes, we ARE the cheering squad......but it's a reciprocated type thing. Everyone who is "cheering" you on has been cheered on themselves and probably will need to be again, and YOU will find YOURSELF as part of that "squad".

I went to a party December 30th and realized shortly before attending that is was gonna be the first time at a party in 17 years that I wouldn't be drinking. I am kinda known as the "party girl". I usually gravitate to the center of the party and end up making people really laugh. Well, that was always with the aid of alcohol.....so I kinda FREAKED when faced with the reality that I just may NOT really be that much fun!! Well, I was WRONG......I was STILL fun.....actually, I AM still fun.....(and loud, and obnoxious, and lampshade silly). I guess my point is this, just cuz alcohol isn't in me didn't automatically make me a bore. I actually found that "cutting loose" was WAY more fun sober cuz I didn't make an arse of myself (well, not a BIG one anyway) AND I remembered it ALL the next day!!

At the end of all the AA meetings I go to, after we have held hands and what not, we always say "keep coming back". There's a reason for that....the more you go, the more you will get from it. The more you get from it, the more you actually start to LIKE it..........I'm not kiddin.......I actually LIKE my AA meetings now!!

I know EXACTLY how you feel winelover.......I was right where you are about 3 months ago........just keep reading, posting and sharing. We are all ALWAYS here for ya!!

Lynzi

Im on my 4th sober day today after about 4 yrs, I am in the middle of buying my second property on the French Riviera and it is one of the most stressfull times in my life!
I hope I can keep the strength to keep it away from my life once and for all, I want to have a child and it will be my second attempt at ivf treatment so I want to do all I can to give this a chance, at 44 I feel if I do not have a family now I will probabley die a sad, lonely, angry alcoholic...
I have read this whole thread and wish you all the very best and whatever it takes I havent tried AA either went to one with a friend briefly 15 yrs ago in the US but it didnt blend well with my party socialite image at the time now I see what a waste of time my life has been drinkng I have a lot of regrets that I went the alcohol road and I can honestley say it has been a waste I have had a lot of opportunities and havent given them my best shot because of the drinking winelover at least you have kids?...!

c'est la vie

Thanks for your cheers. I had a very comfortable night watching a movie with my h while he enjoyed 2 beers. Afterwards he said he was really impressed with my willpower. I was too and it made me so happy that I wanted to share a litte of what was/is going on inside me. That was a mistake (I think). Things got uncomfortable and now I'm back to feeling sad and frustrated. I'm posting a note in the friends and family hoping to hear from someone on that side. I'm not going to the Newcomer meeting, partly because of my conversation with my h.

Cathy31

Oh, Winelover, I do feel for you! I know when I first started going to AA (best thing I ever did - despite that I was young and successful and thought God, I can't be THAT bad, like, AA bad!!! LOL! Best thing I ever did...anyway!)

About 2 months sober my H and I were talking about buying a place in South of France...and I projected (bad thing!) about 30 years and the first mental picture!! Me drinking wine in South of France - obviously just a glass or two, not falling down drunk! And I said, oh honey, how can we get a place there and I can't even drink!!! And he said, ah, sure you will be cured by then! LOL! Point being amongst others - NON Alcoholic's cannot grasp the disease fully, that's ok. That's why AA works - you have people who KNOW what you are going through. That's why we can cheer you on! ( I mean he had two beers.... ! Why??)

However, WL, I have to also say to you that I have also gone through 'white knuckling it' no kind of program to rely on - in fact every year for the past 2 years before AA I would stop for 3 months, God it was miserable! But I didn't drink..that's all. It was a horrible sad yuck place to be. I would not go there again, I would seriously have been as badly off drinking, cause mentally it was hell!

My simple advice...click on that link provided above, read some of the big book, especially the recovery stories. You will be amazed. I am suggesting that you get involved in a program of recovery like AA or SMART or whatever. ( I only know AA) That would be my suggestion to you. It's worked and it works for millions of us.

PM me any time if you wish.

Cathy31
x

NoMoBeer

Cathy...
Your recovery has been so wonderful to watch over time... we don't always see the growth in ourselves, but I just read your post to WL, and you sound fantastic.... a true example of how AA can work in our lives and how it allows us to grow and flourish in sobriety.... Your story of "projecting" and thinking about not being able to drink wine in France is SO typical of us alcoholics, I can't tell you how many times I've done that.... but isn't it great that we don't HAVE to think that way today?

winelover... one thing I've learned since becoming sober... my willpower vs. alcoholism = alcoholism will beat me every time... For me, I needed to find something outside of myself to remove the obsession to drink. For me, life is only better when I don't drink, it would go to pieces fast if I did... keep at it, it gets better when you don't drink. Keep going to AA meetings... listen and keep an open mind -- look for the similarities, believe me, you'll find them... then get a sponsor and work the steps... I promise... no better yet -- the Big Book promises a better way of life... you can do it.

Ken

c'est la vie

That didn't bother me at all. I felt like I was making the choice to not drink and it empowered me. I don't want anyone, including my h, to feel that they can't drink around me or that they always have to walk on eggshells. That certainly wouldn't help me feel more normal.

That's what I'm hoping for when I go back to the states. I think the social situations here in France will be low key and/or boring so I'll have some time to grow into my new calmer skin. They don't know the old me so they won't miss it.

I couldn't make it to the newcomer AA group and probably will not be able to for a while. Saturday's are just not good. I'll try to go to some of the noon meetings even though they are discussions and topics and speakers and things that seem way too much for me. I also can't imagine someone being like me at these meetings. The people at the meeting I popped into really seemed to fit the AA stereotype. There were no at-home-mom closet drinkers. I'll keep going back.

Purrdy

Denial is the biggest killer.
I cannot take ONE drink I never have been able to! Once I take alcohol into my sytem it sets off an insane urge to go on drinking into oblivion. I am a self diagnosed Alcoholic, and very proud of it too. I have been sober for nearly five years now and do not want my drinking days to return, neither does my loving family.
It is NOT a cop out why should it be?
Being true to yourself is liberating.
Its not all roses, you have to work through these problems and feelings.Yes we would all like to sit and have a glass of wine now and then but for me it led to more pain, misery and despair than you could possibly imagine. Alcoholism is a very REAL disease and an insiduous one at that. It will rob you of everything you ever had and leave you feeling numb, confused,guilty, fragile, useless,this disease KILLS. If y ou think again about they way in which alcohol affects you, it may be wise to seek help from others who truly understand what is happening to you. If you are an alcoholic would it be so bad? would it be any worse thatn what you are experiencing now? Only time will tell
My love and best wishes go to you and your family
Purrdyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

2dayzmuse

I think it is pretty safe to say that most of us felt as if we didn't belong in AA meetings, didn't fit the sterotype. We all felt at is we were different, unique.

Don't fool yourself. The rooms are filled with stay - at - home - mom - closet drinkers. That is very common for woman. I know, I used to be one. If you want to get sober you will have to make time for meetings. I can often think of reasons why not to go. Then I go anyway and it ends up to be a wonderful meeting, ending up hearing something I needed to hear. Keep going back...you will find out that there are many woman just like you there. We aren't as unique as we'd like to think we are.

Cathy31

Winelover, you misunderstand. I was making a joke...ie why would he ONLY have 2 beers, see? As an alcoholic if I had to have just two drinks I would rather not have bothered!

Hope things work out for you.

Cathy31
x

c'est la vie

I get it now! I totally get it, I have the same thoughts. If I'm not getting a good buzz on why bother with the calories!! (I've already lost 3 pounds, yipee) I'll never understand my husbands willpower and he'll never understand my lack of it. I'm so glad you clarified that you didn't expect him to abstain too.

Dan

If there is such a thing as a stereotype in AA, it could very well be that all have some degree of unmanageability in their lives brought on by behaviors resulting from drinking alcohol. The outward, visible circumstances of each individual are of no importance, really.

brigid

I don't expect anyone else to abstain, and when I did stop drinking there were a lot of times I was around alcohol and people drinking. Most drank responsibly, some drank like me. My husband has always been able to stop at a few so his drinking has not really bothered me. Sometimes though he drinks too much and that (I must admit) does bother me.

But I was like you, I didn't want to "cramp other people's style" or impose a sentence on them or make them feel uncomfortable around me. I must admit, these days I don't give a toss, their drinking is their problem, mine is mine. If I don't feel comfortable around drinking now I just leave them to it, there are other things in life.

love brigid

Taiman

[QUOTE=brigid]
A bit scary about the founder of the moderation website killing two other people in a car ... moderately awful experience.
[QUOTE]

Just for information purposes, she got drunk and killed two people in a car after she came back to AA.

I have known people who have successfully moderated their drinking*, however if you are unable to moderate your drinking you will have to face up to the fact you are an alcoholic and need to quit.

* The people I know who were problems drinkers who have successfully moderated their drinking are in the vast minority.

NoMoBeer

You're kidding, right? Gee, it must be because she went back to AA. It couldn't have been that alcoholics cannot drink moderately....

Cathy31

Taiman
Please! Try and add some value. My information is that she - to the end of her days - dispuated AA...either way *you idiot*

She killed people trying to moderate her drinking
She stood for moderation management BIG TIME
She killed people doing so

IT DOES NOT WORK

The GAS (irish) thing that you are saying is the same...moderation doesn't work...it kills why try and pretend otherwise...."EVEN" in the name of downing AA!! Whoo-hoo!

It's actually so dangerous!

Grow up Please!

brigid

I just don't know about this whole moderation stuff, I tried and tried for a long time. BUT there is a post here somewhere that says if a person quits for long enough and works through issues and grows up a bit, then they may be able to return to moderate drinking. Someone actually says they had success, but they also say that they feel that alcoholism is lurking in the background and that they could go back out.

I just bring it up because I have a brother who did quit drinking about the same time I did but started again after 4-5 years of not drinking. Now, I don't talk to him about drinking anymore, in fact we have grown apart somewhat but when I do see him he does drink responsibly. Still I know how he used to drink and I can't see the drinking not being a problem for him somehow. If not now then in the future when he does not value all that he has now as much.

I personally am not going to ever try - can't gamble with the happiness I have found and I have learnt how to not drink happily. I really couldn't even contemplate going back to that hell hole.

But if you do know of people who have successfully moderated that would be interesting to hear about. Particularly as I worry about my brother - not as much as I used to but still. So Taiman if you do know anyone who you think has moderated successfully I would like to hear about it.

love brigid