miss communicat

ps. How I deal with social occasions: Simple. Soda water, tea, ginger ale. Decline the invites I have no need for. Leave early.
pps. Am I still struggling with the temptation? No. Not today. It passed at day 30.

fuguestate

I have found that being the designated driver "allows" me to have a reason for not drinking at social or work occasions. I am always the driver who gives everyone else a lift home. They're happy they get a free lift and they leave me with my OJ

c'est la vie

Designated driver - good idea. I'll try that in a couple weeks and see how it flys. It's a different group of people so the night will be an experiment anyway. I usually need alcohol in situations like this one coming up in order to "loosen up" in the company of aquaintences (not friends). Boy am I not looking forward to it, but I have to go. It's the first social event that we've been invited to in a year (for parents of the kids' school). I was nervous about it in the first place since I'm not a good "getting to know you" kind of person. And now without my crutch...I can't think about it now.

fuguestate

When I gave up drinking for two years one of the ways I managed it was through ditching my friends. It makes me a "not nice person" but it was the only way I could move forward instead of going round in circles. They sometimes email me, I know that they are still drinking heavily themselves, so I ignore them.

I also find it very important to be seen as a serious person who can be relied on. Therefore I will not drink in public. Unfortunately I am a pretty anti-social person and hate public situations and can't do small talk. So ideally a drink in my hand would make me not care about the social situation. I don't think about it too much otherwise it might turn it into a "thing" for me. Normally everyone else drinks too much and has a hazy memory the next day. I sometimes find it amusing to be the only sober person watching all these idiots who think that drinking means having fun. I'm usually the only one who can remember the "fun" that they've all had!

miss communicat

Fuguestate, me too. I actually find it wisest, for me, to decline social invitations if they are going to cause anxiety. I dont see the point of putting life energy into relationships I dont enjoy.One of the main reasons for me to get sober in the first place was to have sanity and serenity in my life, as well as to have my energy levels improve. If I am going to angst over whether or not to attend an event, my answer is, "I wish I could, but my schedule won't allow it that night. I will really miss you all..." Or something similar.
Over the recent holidays, at least 5 friends gifted me with awesome red wines. 3 of those I recycled immediately as gifts to others, and 2 of them, I just said, "Oh, you didn't know, I'm not drinking wine these days. I think it may have caused an allergy, because I am feeling so much better now. Thank you anyway for the thought. I hope you can enjoy this with______".

No big drama. Awkward moment passes, and then everybody carries on.

I must Prioritize. First things first and all that. Is this other person's opinion of me not being able to attend a cocktail party more important than my health? On the other hand, I do care that I am building a positive reputation, without erecting false fronts. I can only do that by being authentic and healthy.

Thanks, Winelover, for starting this thread!

wren

I've never heard of that---the part about the time spent thinking about alcohol. Thanks for posting that.

wren

c'est la vie

Well I'm 4 hours into day 2 and I know I'm not going to drink today.

I've posted before that I didn't get drunk for a week or two but I drank each and every day during that time. I thought it seemed like progress at the time going from 12 to 2. Unfortunately the same thing eventually happened as always does - I spent all day thinking about when I would finally get my two drinks of the day. I struggled with wishing for more as usual and even topped off my glass after chugging it hiding behind the fridge door. See it only looks like one glass.

I gave up on the 2 drink thing after about 3 weeks since it was making me crazy always trying to control my urges. I decided that I didn't have a problem like "real alcoholics" and that I just enjoyed drinking, so I went about my business of drinking whatever whenever. Until yesterday.

I've tried so many times to cut back but the obsession keeps getting to me. I completely agree with the post from Dan about the thinking being an indicator. I've read in a lot of places on this site that addiction is form of obsession.

I haven't gone 2 days without a drink in over a year and before that I think making it 3 days was my limit. I have a different attitude so hopefully that changes the result of my trying this time. I also have you guys, and that's a comforting thought.

equus

I don't know if this helps or not but my hubby thinks he's lousey at social stuff - only he isn't! At first if he wasn't drinking he wouldn't say a word - but even then he got away with nods and smiles. With a drink he had the confidence and his skills showed, people like him, he likes people and it shows. He always has charmed the pants off me so I knew the skills were there sober.

It's funny how things change slowly, making it hard to notice but now after not regularly drinking since August and not at all in the last 9 weeks he's not silent anymore. For the first time ever our friends get to see the 'him' I fell in love with, his whacky humour, natural clowning and interest in everything they say.

His perception of his own social skills was wrong. I always thought it was wrong and now I know it is.

I don't think any of us have perfect self perception and sometimes it's our perception of self rather than real lack of skill that's the problem.

cleaninghouse

Winelover

I know your struggling and how hard you are trying not to drink! You are a TERRIFIC person and I KNOW you can be successful. I have a couple of gifts for you;

First, an AmericanAngel to protect and guide you;



Second;

How about hosting your own, nonalcoholic tea party!!

cleaninghouse

Last, but not least;



A BIG ole box of my all time favorites, CHOCOLATE COVERED CHERRIES!!

Etimee

I did this so many times!

Now I find myself trying to sneak a 2nd piece of cake when no one is looking...I realize where it came from...like that sneaking of the drink, I laugh at myself and close the cake box.

c'est la vie

I can't believe how incredibly weak I have the potential to be. My laptop computer seems to have been siezed by some disaterous virus and now it just has the message "All physical memory has been dumped" AACK!!! What does that mean. My first instict was stupidly (or chemically, I'm not sure) to think about fixing a drink and forgetting about it. I'm not happy about the situation and there is nothing I can do currently and maybe not ever to solve it, but I'm running a virus scan on this computer so I don't lose it too. And I didn't have a drink as much as I really want one.

requiredfield

I, too, wanna be a moderation drinker... But then I realize, for me, my desire to be able to drink at all, is the epitome of my alcholism. If that makes any sense.

fuguestate

I like your signature requiredfield!

Etimee

Way to Go Winelover!

c'est la vie

I had a shouting match with the kids shortly aftey got home and guess what my first thought was? Quick! grab a drink and calm down! I sat on the floor and cried but didn't have a drink. I read somewhere (probably here at SR) about passing the time during the "urge". I can't remember what it said, but I guess crying worked then. It didn't even last too long. I hope I can find some more interesting ways of coping during those times. Of course this crazed feeling makes me think my hope of moderating is less likely. I guess I'll just have to wait and see if I can break the cycle of thinking "bad thing happens - drink, celebration - drink, watching TV - drink, working on the computer - drink".

I'm almost through my day. Yeah!

c'est la vie

Hey, I wanted to tell you people on this side of the world that a new thread has started so we can chat during our daytime (in the wee hours of US time). It's in the chat section called "our world" (I think). Hopefully I "see" you there soon.

c'est la vie

I guess the thread is just too new for me to remember correctly. It's in the Newcomers to Recovery section and it's called Hands Across Time Zones. Raerob started it this afternoon, well morning or whatever.

Sugasnaps

I love how you overcame your desire to go have a drink after your bout of child related stress... SUCH a hard thing to cope without our crutch. You did great. I hope you feel good about that.

Congratulations!

Suga

fuguestate

One thing to remember winelover is that when you have the urge NOT to try and avoid the feelings that you are having. When we get down to it drinking is emotional avoidance. We need to learn to sit with the feelings that we have. If we try and avoid them and do distracting things then we'll never get past the feelings that we have that make us want to drink. We then get stuck in a vicious circle of avoidance and distraction with the thoughts and urges coming back even stronger. If you have the urge you need to acknowledge the feelings and say to yourself "I feel like I want a drink. So what, what am I going to do now". It's important that we continue to do all the things that we want to despite the urge. It's like if you have a cold and need to complete a deadline at work: you go to work despite feeling unwell. Or like if you have to do a presentation and you feel anxious: you do the presentation despite feeling anxious. In this case you have to deal with your kids getting home despite the need to drink. And you were successful: you dealt with them despite the urge. The more you do it the easier it will get

I hope that helps in some small way.