c'est la vie

I blame my problem on compulsion also. Once I get a thought of drinking in my head it consumes me until I finally have the drink. There have been many times that I nearly drove myself crazy because my bottle was empty (when I was trying to quit or cut down) and I couldn't stand not having a drink. Fortunately (or unfortunately) there is a store within walking distance so when I couldn't stand it any longer, I would just go buy more.

I decided 2 weeks ago that my behavior was way out of line and I told myself and my husband that it was going to stop. Things have been pretty calm here lately and I haven't had that crazy desire for alcohol. There have been a few days when I knew I would have a drink (no more than 2) and I thought about it constantly until I finally got to have it, but even those thought are beginning to loosen. I hope it lasts even when things get stressful at home.

Anyway, Pingo, my belief is that if it's really important to you and you really want to change then you have the power to change. If you can't do it by yourself, then tell someone who will be there to support you. I find being accountable to someone other than myself helpful since I can lie to and deceive myself very easily.

Good luck

Here_no

Pingo, you said a mouthful there. The thing is your mind isn't working right until you quit . When you are sober for awhile you will be amazed at how much clearer your thinking is. You cannot think your way through this now, and once you have some sobriety under your belt you may find that it isn't in your mind anyway but in your heart.