Why do I do this to her?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Spring City, PA
Posts: 1
Why do I do this to her?
Hello,
I am a 36 y/o female and married to a wonderful woman. She does everything for me and appreciate her more than she knows.
We drink probably about once a week or less. I usually know when to stop, but on I'd say now about once a year, I forget to limit myself and drink until I'm not me anymore and I don't know what I'm doing. When this happens, I wake up the next morning feeling like crap and have to ask what I've said or done because I don't remember (blacked-out). Every time this happens, what she tells me that I have said are things that I do not feel at all. It's like I pick and choose to say the things that would hurt her the most. Down to her core. And I don't mean them. She said that I get very beligerent and sometimes actually get physical. I'm not even aware that I've done these things. I feel so lost in this, and hate that I do this to her. I love her with every fiber of my being.
Does anyone know why I would do this to the only person in this world that I wouldn't want to hurt? She's always stayed by my side, no matter what. This time, she said she will be leaving me. I really just want to take everything that I've done back, but I can't.
I know this is behaviour of an alcoholic, even though it rarely happens.
What can I do???
Thank you for reading this post.
I am a 36 y/o female and married to a wonderful woman. She does everything for me and appreciate her more than she knows.
We drink probably about once a week or less. I usually know when to stop, but on I'd say now about once a year, I forget to limit myself and drink until I'm not me anymore and I don't know what I'm doing. When this happens, I wake up the next morning feeling like crap and have to ask what I've said or done because I don't remember (blacked-out). Every time this happens, what she tells me that I have said are things that I do not feel at all. It's like I pick and choose to say the things that would hurt her the most. Down to her core. And I don't mean them. She said that I get very beligerent and sometimes actually get physical. I'm not even aware that I've done these things. I feel so lost in this, and hate that I do this to her. I love her with every fiber of my being.
Does anyone know why I would do this to the only person in this world that I wouldn't want to hurt? She's always stayed by my side, no matter what. This time, she said she will be leaving me. I really just want to take everything that I've done back, but I can't.
I know this is behaviour of an alcoholic, even though it rarely happens.
What can I do???
Thank you for reading this post.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((NSC)))))
Welcome to sober recovery. Maybe some AA meetings would be good. Maybe they could help you sort some stuff out. But, keep reading and posting here too there is lots of valuable info here too....
Welcome to sober recovery. Maybe some AA meetings would be good. Maybe they could help you sort some stuff out. But, keep reading and posting here too there is lots of valuable info here too....
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
I was told it wasn't how much I drank, how often I drank, but what happened to me when I drank. My reaction when alcohol hits my system sets me apart from the "normal" drinker.
Splendra's suggestion is a good one. Peace be with you.... you're not alone.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Splendra's suggestion is a good one. Peace be with you.... you're not alone.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Welcome to the forum.
I too had a serious problem hurting the woman I loved whenever I drank.
I do not fully understand why but I have a few clues.
1) The woman I loved also loved me and was also the only one who cared enough to confront me when I drank too much. Even though her persuasions were usually gentle at first, I however regarded her suggestions to slow down my drinking, as a threat. Her insistence would fuel my aggression and then when she reacted to my anger things would spiral out of control.
An alcoholic in his cups can be an evil creature especially if you ty to come between him and his drink.
2) As an alcoholic I did not have a healthy means of channeling my emotions, especially anger, fear and sadness. Very often bottled up feelings would explode in inappropriate ways whenevr I drank and being my spouse was very often the closest one to me she would end up on the recieving end of my outbursts.
These outbursts were not always anger. Sometimes they were outburst of unexplainable grief and crying but unfortunately it was the fits of rage that were the most frequent and did the most damage.
.
I too had a serious problem hurting the woman I loved whenever I drank.
I do not fully understand why but I have a few clues.
1) The woman I loved also loved me and was also the only one who cared enough to confront me when I drank too much. Even though her persuasions were usually gentle at first, I however regarded her suggestions to slow down my drinking, as a threat. Her insistence would fuel my aggression and then when she reacted to my anger things would spiral out of control.
An alcoholic in his cups can be an evil creature especially if you ty to come between him and his drink.
2) As an alcoholic I did not have a healthy means of channeling my emotions, especially anger, fear and sadness. Very often bottled up feelings would explode in inappropriate ways whenevr I drank and being my spouse was very often the closest one to me she would end up on the recieving end of my outbursts.
These outbursts were not always anger. Sometimes they were outburst of unexplainable grief and crying but unfortunately it was the fits of rage that were the most frequent and did the most damage.
.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I'm sorry that you are losing the person you love. That happened to me too when I was drinking. I couldn't understand either because it just doesn't make any sense. But, the fact is, we hurt people. Recognizing the problem and wanting to fix it are big steps. Take a look around, you'll find lots of support and information.
I can do this!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Pretty lost right now
Posts: 45
I always wondered if I was an alcoholic because I could go months, even a year without drinking. I never craved it or anything like that. However when I did drink, I would black out, behave totally out of character, and basicaly just be a rotten bitch to everyone I came in contact with.
At an AA meeting once, I heard something that convinced me I was in fact an alcoholic. Someone shared that they had heard another member share that he only drank 3 times in the previous year. This person heard this and said to themselves..Well no way is he an alcoholic if he only drank 3 times in an entire year. Then the person sharing continued and shared what happened during each of those three times.
So I learned at the meeting after many similiar shares that eveneing, that it doesn't matter how often you drink, what matters is how the drinking affects you. That's what determines if you are alcoholic or not. I honestly believe I have a physical allergy to alcohol, as well as drugs. It's the only explanation that makes sense.
So if this makes sense to you and you relate, than perhaps checking out a few AA meetings to further see how you relate may be very helpful. Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic or not.
At an AA meeting once, I heard something that convinced me I was in fact an alcoholic. Someone shared that they had heard another member share that he only drank 3 times in the previous year. This person heard this and said to themselves..Well no way is he an alcoholic if he only drank 3 times in an entire year. Then the person sharing continued and shared what happened during each of those three times.
So I learned at the meeting after many similiar shares that eveneing, that it doesn't matter how often you drink, what matters is how the drinking affects you. That's what determines if you are alcoholic or not. I honestly believe I have a physical allergy to alcohol, as well as drugs. It's the only explanation that makes sense.
So if this makes sense to you and you relate, than perhaps checking out a few AA meetings to further see how you relate may be very helpful. Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic or not.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome..
when I was drinking...I lashed out at whoever was there
i.e a stranger..the bar tender my lover.,,the paper boy.
In sobriety..my destructive rages stopped.
Glad to see a new member,,,
when I was drinking...I lashed out at whoever was there
i.e a stranger..the bar tender my lover.,,the paper boy.
In sobriety..my destructive rages stopped.
Glad to see a new member,,,
Growing, Learning, Living
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Vacationing on earth
Posts: 836
I feel that we tend to "explode" on the ones we love the most because we have a sense of security with them & feel that they understand us & will never leave us, therefore, we take them for granted. At least that is the way it is with me.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Originally Posted by sugarssweetpea
I feel that we tend to "explode" on the ones we love the most because we have a sense of security with them & feel that they understand us & will never leave us, therefore, we take them for granted. At least that is the way it is with me.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Originally Posted by sugarssweetpea
I feel that we tend to "explode" on the ones we love the most because we have a sense of security with them & feel that they understand us & will never leave us, therefore, we take them for granted. At least that is the way it is with me.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: toledo ohio
Posts: 16
i agree with the other posts. I did not drink every night by any means, i did not drink more than a few times a month. i didnt have black outs every time i drank either. however because of these few black outs i decided that my life had become unmanagable. if i were you i would get help now. i didnt, i waited until i cheated on the one that i love. its was in a black out stage but it doesnt take it away.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
I think when we (alcoholics) drink into blackout stage we suffer from extreme feelings of self hatred and therefore we attack anyone who loves us because we actually think they're stupid for loving us! It's a self esteem issue... we all have problems with our self esteem.
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