Bye bye booze parties
Been there and done.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: West Coast North America
Posts: 269
Bye bye booze parties
I don't know if and when it will go away, but I really don't like being around drinking. It's not so much that it makes me want to drink (I am a solitary drinker and don't equate drinking with social events anymore). I just find it sad and boring being around people who are affected by alcohol. I suppose I see myself in the behavior, or some such explanation, but whatever the reason I really don't want to be around it.
So what about just saying goodbye to parties where there is booze? At least while I feel this way. I don't want to be a hermit, and there are plenty of non-booze social events (especially if one has kids). Is this a cop-out?
My dad has been sober for about 25 years, in AA. He never said for my mom not to serve, and kept going to parties with her, etc. Only now do I realize how much that bothered him, and how relieved he is when there is no booze served.
So why not just stay away from the booze scene? Is that cop-out? What do people think?
So what about just saying goodbye to parties where there is booze? At least while I feel this way. I don't want to be a hermit, and there are plenty of non-booze social events (especially if one has kids). Is this a cop-out?
My dad has been sober for about 25 years, in AA. He never said for my mom not to serve, and kept going to parties with her, etc. Only now do I realize how much that bothered him, and how relieved he is when there is no booze served.
So why not just stay away from the booze scene? Is that cop-out? What do people think?
Still learning; ever grateful
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: VA
Posts: 842
Originally Posted by AndrewBeen
I don't know if and when it will go away, but I really don't like being around drinking. It's not so much that it makes me want to drink (I am a solitary drinker and don't equate drinking with social events anymore). I just find it sad and boring being around people who are affected by alcohol. I suppose I see myself in the behavior, or some such explanation, but whatever the reason I really don't want to be around it.
So what about just saying goodbye to parties where there is booze? At least while I feel this way. I don't want to be a hermit, and there are plenty of non-booze social events (especially if one has kids). Is this a cop-out?
My dad has been sober for about 25 years, in AA. He never said for my mom not to serve, and kept going to parties with her, etc. Only now do I realize how much that bothered him, and how relieved he is when there is no booze served.
So why not just stay away from the booze scene? Is that cop-out? What do people think?
So what about just saying goodbye to parties where there is booze? At least while I feel this way. I don't want to be a hermit, and there are plenty of non-booze social events (especially if one has kids). Is this a cop-out?
My dad has been sober for about 25 years, in AA. He never said for my mom not to serve, and kept going to parties with her, etc. Only now do I realize how much that bothered him, and how relieved he is when there is no booze served.
So why not just stay away from the booze scene? Is that cop-out? What do people think?
Hugs,
DG
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Ft. Collins CO.
Posts: 81
Hi Andrew,
For me personally; I believe you can't totally say goodbye to parties/socials even if there is boozed served. You need to have a social life, and anymore so many socials include booze. Its just the way things go. I also believe that part of the healing/recovery process IS being put in a situation with booze and saying "no" to it. This is going to make you much stronger than just avoiding the situation all together.
I have been to many parties where boozed was served (since realizing I had an alcohol problem) and I have been able to either totally abstain...or actually manage to (believe it or not) only have 2-3 beers. Tonight is going to be the tough one for me though....its the annual Christmas party and man oh man...its going to be tough...
For me personally; I believe you can't totally say goodbye to parties/socials even if there is boozed served. You need to have a social life, and anymore so many socials include booze. Its just the way things go. I also believe that part of the healing/recovery process IS being put in a situation with booze and saying "no" to it. This is going to make you much stronger than just avoiding the situation all together.
I have been to many parties where boozed was served (since realizing I had an alcohol problem) and I have been able to either totally abstain...or actually manage to (believe it or not) only have 2-3 beers. Tonight is going to be the tough one for me though....its the annual Christmas party and man oh man...its going to be tough...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Andrew,
Sobriety comes in stages. Early sobriety is not a time to be putting oneself in slippery places. Did you ever ask your dad how he managed? I stayed away from slippery places for a while. I only sent to sober events where AAs were involved. Later in sobriety, if all goes well, there shouldn't be any reason why a person shouldn't be able to go anywhere he wants to go. Like the Big Book says, "as long as we're in "fit" spiritual condition." That condition may take a while to achieve. There will come a time when there will be no fear related to booze, because we grow in AA to the point that people drinking, and booze in general just isn't a problem. All I have to do is do my best to live the steps and work my program. Trust me. It's not going to happen until it happens.
Sobriety comes in stages. Early sobriety is not a time to be putting oneself in slippery places. Did you ever ask your dad how he managed? I stayed away from slippery places for a while. I only sent to sober events where AAs were involved. Later in sobriety, if all goes well, there shouldn't be any reason why a person shouldn't be able to go anywhere he wants to go. Like the Big Book says, "as long as we're in "fit" spiritual condition." That condition may take a while to achieve. There will come a time when there will be no fear related to booze, because we grow in AA to the point that people drinking, and booze in general just isn't a problem. All I have to do is do my best to live the steps and work my program. Trust me. It's not going to happen until it happens.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 404
I don't think it is a cop out at all. During my first few months of sobriety, I avoided pretty much all situations where alcohol would be served. It is getting a little easier for me now, but it is still not where I want to be most of the time.
JMHS
JMHS
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Lakeside OH.
Posts: 62
There comes apoint in sobriety that BOOZE JUST ISN'T A PROBLEM?When is that?We are alcoholics!If can be avoided we should never put ourselves in a position that we are tempted.There are plenty of activities in AA (dances picnics etc.).Get involved and stay sober.
Bob
Bob
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 62
AndrewBeen,
Do what makes you comfortable. It's about you right now, not the scene. And no you are not copping out. I am having a hard time breaking away from my social scenes as well. Seems like every morning at work this week someone has come in hungover with a story about the night before. I think , "wow, I used to think that was normal, that was just another part of the day." On my way home tonite I passed by the local hangouts. People were running in and out of bars. It seemed kinda funny. I wondered if I would ever hang out in a bar and not drink. Why bother, right? I think we will all find different ways to socialize soon, without alcohol. Ways of being comfortable and open with people without booze in between us. Sobriety to me is taking on this feeling of finally being myself. But until I feel strong enough to take on all the realities of a non-sober society, I'll probably play the hermit. And that's ok with me. Sorry for the long post you just inspired it. Keep on keeping on...
Do what makes you comfortable. It's about you right now, not the scene. And no you are not copping out. I am having a hard time breaking away from my social scenes as well. Seems like every morning at work this week someone has come in hungover with a story about the night before. I think , "wow, I used to think that was normal, that was just another part of the day." On my way home tonite I passed by the local hangouts. People were running in and out of bars. It seemed kinda funny. I wondered if I would ever hang out in a bar and not drink. Why bother, right? I think we will all find different ways to socialize soon, without alcohol. Ways of being comfortable and open with people without booze in between us. Sobriety to me is taking on this feeling of finally being myself. But until I feel strong enough to take on all the realities of a non-sober society, I'll probably play the hermit. And that's ok with me. Sorry for the long post you just inspired it. Keep on keeping on...
Choosing Life
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: London
Posts: 889
Hi Andrew
I avoid situations where drinking is the main event. I go to social occasions all the time where people are drinking and enjoy them, but just standing around in a bar/house/club while others are doing nothing but getting high is not on the agenda any more. I may attend for half an hour, then I'm gone.
As has been said above, it gets easier in time to make the right decision which is good for YOU. In my early days I felt almost compelled to attend boozing functions and felt I was letting myself down and others if I did not attend. In a short while I realised that looking after me was number one priority and "people pleasing" was one part of my personality I had to work on. Keep working on today bud, looking after yourself and your sobriety is the best thing we can do and is not a cop out at all.
much love
JC
I avoid situations where drinking is the main event. I go to social occasions all the time where people are drinking and enjoy them, but just standing around in a bar/house/club while others are doing nothing but getting high is not on the agenda any more. I may attend for half an hour, then I'm gone.
As has been said above, it gets easier in time to make the right decision which is good for YOU. In my early days I felt almost compelled to attend boozing functions and felt I was letting myself down and others if I did not attend. In a short while I realised that looking after me was number one priority and "people pleasing" was one part of my personality I had to work on. Keep working on today bud, looking after yourself and your sobriety is the best thing we can do and is not a cop out at all.
much love
JC
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
After eight years sober, being around alcohol does not bother me.
Just last night I went to a office Christmas party on the waterfront and we had a good time. Not everybody at a party are drunks.
If after some time sober we are still uncomfortable being around alcohol, then it means there is something wrong in our programme.
However I completely understand if for now you feel better avoiding parties if you feel it is necessary to maintain your sobriety. You are not being a cop out.
We are constantly growing and changing in recovery so in time you may start to feel differently about a lot of things.
Just continue to do what you feel is best for you right now.
Just last night I went to a office Christmas party on the waterfront and we had a good time. Not everybody at a party are drunks.
If after some time sober we are still uncomfortable being around alcohol, then it means there is something wrong in our programme.
However I completely understand if for now you feel better avoiding parties if you feel it is necessary to maintain your sobriety. You are not being a cop out.
We are constantly growing and changing in recovery so in time you may start to feel differently about a lot of things.
Just continue to do what you feel is best for you right now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Andrew,
I don't think it's a cop out at all. Do what you need to do to stay sober, including avoiding drinking situations where you may feel uncomfortable. Eventually, when you have several years of sobriety, these things mignt not bother you as much. IMHO, in "early" sobriety, we should tune into our emotional needs. It feels really crappy to "fake it", and being around drinking causes emotional strain for me. If I had a dollar for everytime I've had to pretend I'm having a good time....with a bunch of people who are drinking, I'd be rich. I wish I could avoid more of these situations. I say, if it's at all avoidable...skip it. You are trying to fight a disease. That's a good enough reason to stay away. Your recovery is top priority, and honesty is key. "Faking it" at these partys isn't very much fun, and IMHO not helpful for recovery. Personaly, I hate attending events where people are drinking at this point in my sober career.
chip
I don't think it's a cop out at all. Do what you need to do to stay sober, including avoiding drinking situations where you may feel uncomfortable. Eventually, when you have several years of sobriety, these things mignt not bother you as much. IMHO, in "early" sobriety, we should tune into our emotional needs. It feels really crappy to "fake it", and being around drinking causes emotional strain for me. If I had a dollar for everytime I've had to pretend I'm having a good time....with a bunch of people who are drinking, I'd be rich. I wish I could avoid more of these situations. I say, if it's at all avoidable...skip it. You are trying to fight a disease. That's a good enough reason to stay away. Your recovery is top priority, and honesty is key. "Faking it" at these partys isn't very much fun, and IMHO not helpful for recovery. Personaly, I hate attending events where people are drinking at this point in my sober career.
chip
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