Urge Surfing
learning
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Where I need to be
Posts: 310
Urge Surfing
There are many barriers on our path to create a healthy and rewarding life. With alcohol abuse, drug abuse, overeating and others, the most immediate and often the most daunting is urge management.
There is a technique called “urge surfing” (Lloyd, CBT, ch 67, pg 451). Urge surfing got its name based on the nature of urges being similar to waves in the ocean. An urge hits, grows in intensity and eventually subsides similar to a wave. Additionally, urges only last a certain amount of time. They do go away on their own and do not keep growing until acted upon. However, the way to make them stronger is to give into them. Similar to a storm, if the first wave is not dealt with, subsequent, stronger waves are sure to follow. Consequently, riding out the first urge is the easiest way to cope and subsequent urges are less frequent and less intense.
Important in all of this is some acceptance of the true nature of urges. In no way is this a suggestion that urges are easy. On the contrary, after years of abuse, urges can very well be intensely difficult. Coping with them, however, is a natural and necessary part of the process of recovery. So while urges may be difficult at first, it is important to not awfulize and recognize them for what they are: time limited, not deadly, not able to drive one crazy, relatively predictable, and have no ability to force an individual to act on them.
An important part of urge surfing is to proactively assess situations where you are most likely to experience an urge. Some call this a “trigger list.” My problem behavior was drinking and my “trigger list” contains items such as:
1. After work, at the end of a shift.
2. High stress / annoyance situations such as the hectic atmosphere created by acting as care giver to three small children.
3. Social gatherings
4. Etc.
Make out your own list and identify where urges are most likely to strike. The important steps to take are to identify situations where urges are most likely to arise, determine healthy ways to distract during such situations, or, if necessary, avoid such situations if there is no benefit to being in them.
Another part of urge surfing is to experience the urge by focusing only certain thoughts associated with the urge. While having urges, there are two types of thought processes going on, “hot thoughts and cold thoughts” (Mischel 1996). Hot thoughts focus on the desirable aspect of the urge producing substance. For example “I need this drink because…” is the example of a hot thought. Cold thoughts on the other hand produce no emotional response. Cold thoughts associated with having an urge can be a simple as recognizing the physical response to the urge. “I have butterflies in the stomach, chest pressure, raised heart rate…” are cold thoughts associated with having an urge. Focusing on the cold, rather than the hot, helps lessen the emotional response to the urge. For me making a list of my urge responses, intensity and duration reduced any fear associated with the next urge coming on. This helps emphasize that the urge is relatively predictable and short lived.
The last piece of urge surfing is to examine any of the associated beliefs about the urge process. If you are acting on, or telling yourself to act on urges, what are the thoughts that accompany this? Are you thinking things such as “This is too hard? The urges never go away?” Thoughts like this are very important to examine because they are potential obstacles to your chosen goal. At this point it might prove productive to focus on why you have chosen to abstain, discuss the benefits of abstaining, remind yourself that you have had success coping with urges before, and remember that urges will only get stronger if acted upon.
There is a technique called “urge surfing” (Lloyd, CBT, ch 67, pg 451). Urge surfing got its name based on the nature of urges being similar to waves in the ocean. An urge hits, grows in intensity and eventually subsides similar to a wave. Additionally, urges only last a certain amount of time. They do go away on their own and do not keep growing until acted upon. However, the way to make them stronger is to give into them. Similar to a storm, if the first wave is not dealt with, subsequent, stronger waves are sure to follow. Consequently, riding out the first urge is the easiest way to cope and subsequent urges are less frequent and less intense.
Important in all of this is some acceptance of the true nature of urges. In no way is this a suggestion that urges are easy. On the contrary, after years of abuse, urges can very well be intensely difficult. Coping with them, however, is a natural and necessary part of the process of recovery. So while urges may be difficult at first, it is important to not awfulize and recognize them for what they are: time limited, not deadly, not able to drive one crazy, relatively predictable, and have no ability to force an individual to act on them.
An important part of urge surfing is to proactively assess situations where you are most likely to experience an urge. Some call this a “trigger list.” My problem behavior was drinking and my “trigger list” contains items such as:
1. After work, at the end of a shift.
2. High stress / annoyance situations such as the hectic atmosphere created by acting as care giver to three small children.
3. Social gatherings
4. Etc.
Make out your own list and identify where urges are most likely to strike. The important steps to take are to identify situations where urges are most likely to arise, determine healthy ways to distract during such situations, or, if necessary, avoid such situations if there is no benefit to being in them.
Another part of urge surfing is to experience the urge by focusing only certain thoughts associated with the urge. While having urges, there are two types of thought processes going on, “hot thoughts and cold thoughts” (Mischel 1996). Hot thoughts focus on the desirable aspect of the urge producing substance. For example “I need this drink because…” is the example of a hot thought. Cold thoughts on the other hand produce no emotional response. Cold thoughts associated with having an urge can be a simple as recognizing the physical response to the urge. “I have butterflies in the stomach, chest pressure, raised heart rate…” are cold thoughts associated with having an urge. Focusing on the cold, rather than the hot, helps lessen the emotional response to the urge. For me making a list of my urge responses, intensity and duration reduced any fear associated with the next urge coming on. This helps emphasize that the urge is relatively predictable and short lived.
The last piece of urge surfing is to examine any of the associated beliefs about the urge process. If you are acting on, or telling yourself to act on urges, what are the thoughts that accompany this? Are you thinking things such as “This is too hard? The urges never go away?” Thoughts like this are very important to examine because they are potential obstacles to your chosen goal. At this point it might prove productive to focus on why you have chosen to abstain, discuss the benefits of abstaining, remind yourself that you have had success coping with urges before, and remember that urges will only get stronger if acted upon.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Well...
In early sobriety...I timed my irges.
They lasted 5/7 minutes.
I can resist anything for that short time.
The longer I stayed sober... I noticed they lessened in intensity and length.
Stopped completely for me at 2/3 months.
Just sharing my personal ESH....
They lasted 5/7 minutes.
I can resist anything for that short time.
The longer I stayed sober... I noticed they lessened in intensity and length.
Stopped completely for me at 2/3 months.
Just sharing my personal ESH....
learning
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Where I need to be
Posts: 310
Exactly Carol,
For me they rarely lasted longer than 10 mins. as well. With that knowledge, they seem much less of a big deal.
"I can do anything for 10 mins." is also a very helpful thing to tell yourself during them.
Thanks for that
For me they rarely lasted longer than 10 mins. as well. With that knowledge, they seem much less of a big deal.
"I can do anything for 10 mins." is also a very helpful thing to tell yourself during them.
Thanks for that
Naps are good.
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 181
Originally Posted by bartender129
So while urges may be difficult at first, it is important to not awfulize and recognize them for what they are: time limited, not deadly, not able to drive one crazy, relatively predictable, and have no ability to force an individual to act on them...
....remind yourself that you have had success coping with urges before, and remember that urges will only get stronger if acted upon.
....remind yourself that you have had success coping with urges before, and remember that urges will only get stronger if acted upon.
Thank you Bartender for posting this. It's very helpful and practical information. Maybe you could post it in the Newcomer's area. I happened to find this because I started reading your posts after you responded to my "It's Friday! Please send hugs!" post, but I normally still hang out in the Newcomer's area. I'm still pretty new to the forum too, and I could probably spend all day here............sigh......... gotta go get some stuff done around this house though..........the kids expect me to feed them........ gotta wrap Christmas presents etc...........
but I wanted to spend time here at SR this morning so I could remind myself why I quit drinking. I don't know whatever possessed me to quit during the holiday season. In a way I could kick myself for it. I could have held out a few weeks longer and drank through the holidays....... surely my husband and kids could have borne it for another few weeks right? I don't know how I found the strength to even think of quitting at this time of year. But I will try to focus on the words you have posted here to help me get through the rest of this year. If I can just make it to January 1st 2006 then I will have a fresh start in a new year, with four weeks of sobriety under my belt. I could still KICK myself for quitting this time of year. WTH was I thinking?! I quit on December 5. Seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I'm sure that after Christmas is over I will be grateful for giving myself this gift of sobriety, but first I have to actually make it through the holidays, being around so many family members, watching others drink, etc.
As you described in your post, I can see how I have used certain statements in the past to enable my drinking. One of my biggest ones is "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" It's like I reach a point of such stress and frustration that I just give in because I really think that I can't take it anymore....... feel as if I am going to go crazy..........but you are right that if given enough time the urge will pass. I will try to cling to that little ray of hope the next time I start feeling bad.
Thanks again,
Dawn
learning
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Where I need to be
Posts: 310
Hey Dawn,
I am glad you enjoyed the post. If quitting is in your best interest, then the day you decide to doesn’t really matter. It might be helpful to look at the benefits of doing so. Are you getting more done? Will you remember every detail of the holidays?
It was real important for me to remember those truths about urges early on. They can be difficult, but they are never too difficult.
Be patient with yourself and I wish you all the best.
They have issues with posting items to multiple forums here, so if others think this might be helpful in the newcomers area, perhaps the forum leaders could move it there.
Hey BW,
When I heard it described that way I thought the same thing.
I am glad you enjoyed the post. If quitting is in your best interest, then the day you decide to doesn’t really matter. It might be helpful to look at the benefits of doing so. Are you getting more done? Will you remember every detail of the holidays?
It was real important for me to remember those truths about urges early on. They can be difficult, but they are never too difficult.
Be patient with yourself and I wish you all the best.
They have issues with posting items to multiple forums here, so if others think this might be helpful in the newcomers area, perhaps the forum leaders could move it there.
Hey BW,
When I heard it described that way I thought the same thing.
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