historyteach

You know I quit smoking. I am now one week, five days, 14 hours, 6 minutes and 55 seconds smoke free. That's 503 cigarettes not smoked, saving $138.46. Life saved: 1 day, 17 hours, 55 minutes.

And, you know I'm trying to stop drinking cuz I'm afraid I'll smoke if I drink. Always have in the past. Don't want to because I have the beginnings of COPD.

Well, today I had the STRONGEST cravings all day. I mean really bad all day long. And I just realized why. I drank last night. It wasn't so bad last night, cuz I was home and wasn't going out with the crumby weather. But, I sure paid for it today! All day long, I was jonesing for a smoke!!!

Guess I reinforced what I already knew. Drinking leads to smoking. So, why did I drink? Hmmm...I could say stress, and I would be telling the truth for sure. I've been under a great deal of stress for a few months now. I'm out of work on a stress leave actually.

And to be honest, this is the third time I've drank since I told you I didn't want to. And I would be telling the truth again if I said it was stress that lead me to have a few. No, to get drunk. Three times in @ 2 weeks.

I've had to have a few medical tests that have added immensly to the stress I'm already dealing with, too. And honestly, a bit of anger at one of the doctors who kept me waiting all day for the results - after he sent me a letter basically saying there WAS a problem. (It turned out to be something I already knew, which made me even more angry!)

So, why? To deal with emotions that are too strong for me to handle right now. I think that's the real reason why I've drank. So, I surely need a better way to deal with these strong emotions. What do you all do?
Thanks.

Shalom!

Dan

Welcome to the wonderful world of alcoholism, Teach.
Justification is our middle name

Seriously...
Did you go to a meeting yet?
Hanging with sober alcoholics puts a serious crimp in anyone's drinking plans.

Music

Hi Teach,
First off I believe stress in selfinduced. Nobody can put stress on me if I don't allow it. That's just me. If I do feel stressed, I talk to someone about it. I've had plenty of excuses to drink. Why didn't I? Because I've come to believe that drinking won't make anything in my life better. Only add to the existing problems. Plus, I came to AA because drinking wasn't working for me any more. I used to think it was a solution to my problems. Go have a couple and relax but I never could quit with a couple. Today I believe that there's nothing I can't deal with, with the help of AA, my family and friends, and my HP. I guess you could call it faith. Faith in AA and that my HP won't give me so much that I can't work through it. Drinking just isn't the answer.
Glad you're back and hope you can stop and hang in there.

Phinneas

Use the same tools that you have on the Anon side, I think. Go to a meeting, call someone in recovery, meditate and pray, journal, read literature... yes?

The 12 steps are a program for living life. The principles apply to ALL of our affairs. Thank goodness! I can complicate a jelly bean, so I am glad for this simple, simple program.

Good on you for identifying situations and triggers for both your drinking and smoking. I find that the things I do to myself that are destructive or unhealthy are always connected in some way.

Peter

Music's reply pretty much summed up what I do to cope with strong emotions....

historyteach

Hi, music, I am talking to people about it, including my doc, a counselor and my old career counselor as well as the smoke cessation counselor, lol! I won't bother getting into all the stuff of the past few months, but, it's more than I could handle, lets just put it that way. So, I'm working on the stress issues.
But, self inflicted? No, I respectfully disagree. This was all external, trust me there. And there comes a point, for me, anyway, where it becomes overload! That's where I'm at now. When I'm crying every day and every night, there's a problem. I'm trying to take care of the problem.
And I don't believe that stuff about G*D never giving anyone more than they can handle. That's why there are institutions and suicide hotlines, just for those reasons. (No, I'm not suicidal, but, I have been in the past. Don't want to go there again!)
Also, as I live alone, I've no one to talk things out with regularly. You know, like at the end of a hard day at work...So, I come here. It helps, but, I know it's not the same thing.

And I know drinking doesn't solve the problems I'm dealing with. I know it's not the answer. That's why I'm here.

Alcoholism, Dan? I've no physical dependency at all. Never have. Abuse of drink, yep, right now, anyway. I've not gone to any meetings, but, I've not gone to enough naranon/alanon meetings either. I'm not sure, but, (and I AM asking, ok?), are you saying that my understanding of my behavior is a "justification?"

Phinny, I don't have anyone to call yet. I've not been to enought meetings in the city to get numbers. My bad, yes. Now that I'm out of work, I need to get to more. I did host an online meeting today, though, Prayer is part of my daily routine; The Serenity Prayer is my middle name, LOL!

I use SR as my journal. I like the feedback, and I've never been able to just write a journal for myself. I used to save certain posts that led to my personal growth. But, for whatever reason now, I can't. The link doesn't do it anymore. That's really a bummer, as I can't go and find something quickly.

I think I should really get back to the gym and get to some meetings.
Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it.
Shalom!

Anna

Hi Teach,

The only thing that I might add is to do something that will get you outside of yourself. I'm a great advocate of volunteering as a means of giving back and meeting people and making new friends. It's helped me enormously.

historyteach

Good point, Anna!
I did join the chorus at the temple.
I do volunteer work at the temple too. Nothing big, but, it does help, yes.
THanks!
Shalom!

Soul Catcher

Historyteach, I did that too. Congrats to the both of us. I have been cigerette free for a year and haven't drank in over a year also. I KNOW the two go hand in hand. I would only smoke if I had a drink. So I joined a gym!!! OMG the adrinaline I felt and the air was cleaner and I wasn't tired. I ached but it was a good ache. I didn't have the poison and when something pi$$ed me off I went to the gym and you should see the muscles I am getting!!! My legs rock! It's funny because I think of it as a challenge now....the more ticked I get I find other ways to handle the stress.....I'll eat a disgusting shake that makes me gag......or stuff myself with so much salad it's sick. lol I figure why not swing to the other end of the pendilum??? Leave it to me to find the opposite way to cure drinking and smoking. HA!

historyteach

Hey, soul,
I know what you mean! A few years back, I was going to the gym 5-6 days a week. I'd be there 2-3 hours a day! Man, I LOVED it! And talk about looking HOT! LOL! It's a great stress reliever too. Yea, I think that's what I have to do.
COurse, my doc said that was too much at the gym too!
Nothing I do is right!
I guess I'll get by, though. Better working out than smoking, right?

Shalom!

CAPTAINZING2000

Teach,

I tell you, I could never quit smoking while drinking. I've started up again myself.

Not a lot but, more then I need

historyteach

C'mon and join us on the other forum, Chris. Lots of support on the nicotine forum. We'll be there for ya!

Shalom!

Dan

When I welcomed you to the wonderful world of alcoholism Teach, it was pretty much tongue in cheek, you know, specially since the next paragraph starts with the word seriously.

I'm not saying your understanding of your behavior is justification.
I'm saying your behavior is justification.
It reminds me of something I used to do. Finding a reason to drink was sometimes the first order of business on my agenda when I woke up in the morning. I got real good at justifying a drink over the long run...
It became simpler, for some reason... To the point where I no longer needed to insert a qualifier in my reasoning, such as being tired/sad/angry/depressed/stressed, etc...

"Why do I need a drink today?
Well, it's monday, moron, that's good enough a reason."

Justification takes on many forms, and can be achieved through countless scenarios. I became a great actor over the years, developing ways to have a scenario end up in the excuse to get loaded. Because in order for me to enjoy my intoxication, I had to be able to blame it on something or someone else.
So I learned to manipulate people and events just right, to achieve that.

Does that answer your question?

historyteach

Yes, thank you!
I think I'm hearing you share your experience correctly.
I'll get back later; I have an appointment to get to now. Thanks again!
Shalom!

Music

Teach,
I didn't mean to insinuate that I have control over stress coming at me. That's life. Things happen to me every day that could cause me to experience stress but I do have a choice how I deal with every day life happenings. Of course there are health problems, money problems, relationship problems, etc., that come up in my life. Whether or not these things get under my skin depends on how I handle them. Drinking may be a convenient excuse, but it's not a valid "reason". As far as God goes, can you imagine having to handle all the bad things that have happened to you in the space of a week or so instead of being spread out over your lifetime? Institutons are filled with people who chose to let things get to them. Some people have a mental or physical problem of course, but to a large extent, problems bother me in relation to my threshold of pain. You've mentioned Naraono and Anon so where are the phone numbers of people you've meat that you can call and talk to in times of crises? A lot of people live alone and don't drink to solve their problems.

historyteach

Thanks, Music;

I didn't mean I drank to *solve* my problems. That's utter foolishness. And yes, I *chose* to drink; I don't *have* to drink. Stupid? Probably, in light of my desire to quit smoking and knowing as I do what drinking does to my inhibitions against having a butt.

As far as G*D goes, well, I don't have the idea of a G*D who personally interveins in my behalf. In order to understand what I mean here, I would refer you to the book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold Kushner, (my favorite author). Kushner gives an in debth examination of the Book of Job and its relation to us today. (You may recall that Job was the Biblical character who lost everything - family, home, friends...all - because of a bet between G*D and Satan. The "fates" as the ancients would have put it. ) No, G*D doens't intervein; G*D does mourn with us though. And gives comfort with faith. Please hear me when I say this is *MY* belief; I'm not trying to pursuade anyone else. But, if *I* thought for a moment that G*D COULD and DIDN'T intervein, well, I could not ever have faith or love for that type of mean spirited being. I would dispise that! Again, just *me.*

So, I agree - to a point - that problems get to me as much as I let them -- until I've met and gone over that limit. Again, *me* I'm talking about. And as I stated, I'm working hard on those issues too.

I've recently moved to the city, Music. I moved two weeks prior to the start of school and I'm still unpacking. I've not been to enough meetings, to be honest, as I stated before. Therefore, I really have no one to speak with. Yes, I DO have to get to more meetings, I know. That, too, is on my list to do.

On the other hand, I've done some really beneficial things for myself too, since moving. I've joined the chorus at my temple, and do volunteer work there. I also attend Torah study. These things give me much pleasure. And that's important to me too. They are the only socialization I have right now, until I meet more people.

I've lived in the country bumpkin back roads for the past 20 years, and just moved to the city. That's quite a change, Music, on top of moving my school too, (against my wishes). But, the point is, I'm trying to do good things for *me.* And that's a HUGE change from the me of 6 years ago! So, in spite of much stress in my life right now, and some real difficult issues I'm dealing with, I'm still grateful.
I just really want to keep my eye on the goal of not smoking. COPD is not the way I'd care to die, if I have any choice about it.

Thanks again....
Shalom!

Music

Sounds great Teach! Just know I'm with you and pulling for you. I know you'll do what you need to do, and you'll succeed. Good things happen to good people.

indigo

Teach I am smoking again and I know what a fool I am, I don't drink anymore and I really want to quit smoking again.....I found the first three weeks the worst. I am my own worst enemy I will beat this though. Keep on trucking sis it's sooo worth it.

hugs Annie