Good to be back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: toledo ohio
Posts: 16
Good to be back
I had myself convinced for a couple weeks that moderation was the answer. That I had a new mentality and only wanted to have one or a few at the most. It was going to be different. I am different. I went out on two occasions and tried to prove that I could have one. Each time I had about 2 or 3, but still wanted number 4 or 5. However since I only had 2 or 3 I tried to tell myself I was cured. I realized with the help of my sponsor today that I was lieing to myself. I was in denial. If I wasn't with my fiance who has been very supportive of me I probably would have gone overboard on those two occasions. I was sober for 5 months before this "relapse", if thats what I should call it, and I know I did not follow the program. I didn't do 90 meetings in 90 days and I dont think I was serious about it. I relearned today that if I dont make this commitment to myself I will loose everything. Today is number one for me, and truely, its good to be back!
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
I too tried the moderation thing.......maybe 1000 times.
I too was always decieved by that mysterious and elusive third drink. I felt if I could just manage to hang on at three drinks I would be ok.....invariably I failed....I always failed.
It took me a long time to understand that it was not the third drink that got me drunk ......or the fourth or the seventeenth..........It was the first......
I too was always decieved by that mysterious and elusive third drink. I felt if I could just manage to hang on at three drinks I would be ok.....invariably I failed....I always failed.
It took me a long time to understand that it was not the third drink that got me drunk ......or the fourth or the seventeenth..........It was the first......
body ~ mind ~ spirit
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Geelong, Australia
Posts: 582
Yep always the first drink gets you drunk. Moderation is just so dam hard, I can remember sitting and thinking all night about whether to crack and have another. At some point I always cracked, whether it was that night or another.
Great to see you post, great decision
love brigid
Great to see you post, great decision
love brigid
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
It's great to see you back! What a wonderful lesson for you! I too have tried it...I never won!!!!
I didn't even ENJOY moderating!!!! It reminded me that there is more to this than just drinking!!!!! So glad that you are back!
Well done.
Cathy31
x
I didn't even ENJOY moderating!!!! It reminded me that there is more to this than just drinking!!!!! So glad that you are back!
Well done.
Cathy31
x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: toledo ohio
Posts: 16
This disease is so crazy! Even last night I was reading Bill's Story in the big book and I was like, hmmm, i was never anything like that maybe I'm not an alcoholic. and I thought about it for a few minutes, and then i was like oh, yup, you are. Why do I struggle so much with having to convince myself of this? I almost lost my fiance over this disease and I still try to denial that I am an alcoholic. Day two. But even though this sounds like a downer post, I am so glad to be sober today and I do love my life, just not that other voice in my head!
body ~ mind ~ spirit
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Geelong, Australia
Posts: 582
It helped me quiet that voice when I openly admitted and told other people that I am an alcoholic. Now, I just know that I am, no second guessing.
Well done on day 2, stick with it!!
love brigid
Well done on day 2, stick with it!!
love brigid
Been there and done.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: West Coast North America
Posts: 269
Originally Posted by Peter
I too tried the moderation thing.......maybe 1000 times.
I too was always decieved by that mysterious and elusive third drink. I felt if I could just manage to hang on at three drinks I would be ok.....invariably I failed....I always failed.
It took me a long time to understand that it was not the third drink that got me drunk ......or the fourth or the seventeenth..........It was the first......
I too was always decieved by that mysterious and elusive third drink. I felt if I could just manage to hang on at three drinks I would be ok.....invariably I failed....I always failed.
It took me a long time to understand that it was not the third drink that got me drunk ......or the fourth or the seventeenth..........It was the first......
Straight shooter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Pontiac, Michigan
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by draven85
I had myself convinced for a couple weeks that moderation was the answer. That I had a new mentality and only wanted to have one or a few at the most. It was going to be different. I am different. I went out on two occasions and tried to prove that I could have one. Each time I had about 2 or 3, but still wanted number 4 or 5. However since I only had 2 or 3 I tried to tell myself I was cured. I realized with the help of my sponsor today that I was lieing to myself. I was in denial. If I wasn't with my fiance who has been very supportive of me I probably would have gone overboard on those two occasions. I was sober for 5 months before this "relapse", if thats what I should call it, and I know I did not follow the program. I didn't do 90 meetings in 90 days and I dont think I was serious about it. I relearned today that if I dont make this commitment to myself I will loose everything. Today is number one for me, and truely, its good to be back!
If you are driven within yourself that is the only factor necessary to maintain sobriety. It is definately a good thing to ensure some type of support to keep things on the straight & narrow path but you must start within. Glad to see you here at SR!! It is a good form of support & has worked well for me!!!! Hope it keeps you on course.
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