Well, Im back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: idaho falls, id
Posts: 32
Well, Im back
I came here when i first quit. I made it a few months, then started up again. Drank for several months, hiding it from wife and kids. Wife finally found some empties that I left around and about came unglued. I guess it was time I got myself caught anyway.
So Im on day 3. The day I quit, a couple days ago, I find out that my 17 year old stepson was moving back in with us. Ive had serious problems with him in the past, and now hes right back in the house. My wife picked him up the first night of my sobriety. I got fired from my last job, they smelled alcohol on me. I lied to my wife about that of course. Money is incredibly tight, I dont start my new job for a couple weeks, and Christmas is right around the corner. I had to lie about my work history to get my new job, and I just find out they are doing some very thorough background checks on me through a professional bg check company. I did the best I could in providing documentation, but if they catch me in a lie, Im screwed. My wife had to take a second job to help pay the bills, she works all day and night, and Im feeling like a complete jobless loser. Its sub zero out here so I have all 4 boys home from school this week and they are stuck in the house with waayy too much energy and nothing to do. My wife is very upset with me for lying to her all this time after she went through alot of grief, and money, to get me sober last time. She had been proud of me.
Thats where Im at.
So Im on day 3. The day I quit, a couple days ago, I find out that my 17 year old stepson was moving back in with us. Ive had serious problems with him in the past, and now hes right back in the house. My wife picked him up the first night of my sobriety. I got fired from my last job, they smelled alcohol on me. I lied to my wife about that of course. Money is incredibly tight, I dont start my new job for a couple weeks, and Christmas is right around the corner. I had to lie about my work history to get my new job, and I just find out they are doing some very thorough background checks on me through a professional bg check company. I did the best I could in providing documentation, but if they catch me in a lie, Im screwed. My wife had to take a second job to help pay the bills, she works all day and night, and Im feeling like a complete jobless loser. Its sub zero out here so I have all 4 boys home from school this week and they are stuck in the house with waayy too much energy and nothing to do. My wife is very upset with me for lying to her all this time after she went through alot of grief, and money, to get me sober last time. She had been proud of me.
Thats where Im at.
Life is what you make it!
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: The boonies, Wisconsin
Posts: 43
Hello grkda, glad you found your way back. Congrats on 3 days! Your story sounds like mine. I quit in Sept. 2004, thought I had it all under control, then it seemed like a bunch of bad things all happened at the same time, (my husband and I separated, my grandpa died) I let it all get to me, and I relapsed after 7 months. Drank more than ever for 6 1/2 months, now I'm back with 32 days sobriety. At first it was harder this time....but it gets better every day. I never want to go back to that life. I learned so much from my relapse, in a way I'm glad it happened. I guess my point is, don't give up. No situation will get better by adding alcohol. Do this for you! dakota
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Welcome back.
Sounds like this is an ideal time to go to AA. AA has helped me live a life of honesty and sobriety. Before AA, I lived from one relapse to the next, feeling more and more self-loathing for myself. I could not control my alcoholism and self will was no match for my disease. By going to meetings, getting a sponsor, working the steps and using the tools of AA, I have been able to get and STAY sober. You can, too.
Sounds like this is an ideal time to go to AA. AA has helped me live a life of honesty and sobriety. Before AA, I lived from one relapse to the next, feeling more and more self-loathing for myself. I could not control my alcoholism and self will was no match for my disease. By going to meetings, getting a sponsor, working the steps and using the tools of AA, I have been able to get and STAY sober. You can, too.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 31
I am glad you are glad you got caught. See, you have a diseased mind and you are going to suffer at the hands of alcoholism until you relent to the reality that you cannot drink any more, and that you are NOT really in control.
However, I am happy that you are trying (you are, aren't you?) to get your program back together. You are going to need the support of a sponsor to get through this rough patch, so FIND ONE! It would be a great idea to dig in a work through your first three steps, regardless of whether you've done it before.
Now, here's the hard part. The lies are going to bite you in the azz. Take it from someone whose top five character defects include manipulation/dishonesty. Your wife will figure it out if you get busted on this new job for misrepresentation. Rigorous honesty has done a lot for me, at the very least for my own conscience and soul. I've done a lot of damage to my wife's abiltiy to trust me. I have relapsed at minimum six times in five years of recovery, and my dishonesty around the relapses has hurt her more than the other things (like work issues). Women are like that; they want honesty from their guys. Speak to your sponsor and see what you can do; PRAY about it before attempting to make amends. Ask her forgiveness with a sober, whole heart.
But I totally understand feeling like a pathetic loser without a job. My last relapse almost cost me the best job I have ever had, but I tell you I prayed constantly and really came to God seeking repentence from my insanity. He saved my azz in the end and I am trying to repay that debt of gratitude by working a lot harder to stay sober.
Gotta go now, but HANG IN THERE AND DON'T DRINK!
However, I am happy that you are trying (you are, aren't you?) to get your program back together. You are going to need the support of a sponsor to get through this rough patch, so FIND ONE! It would be a great idea to dig in a work through your first three steps, regardless of whether you've done it before.
Now, here's the hard part. The lies are going to bite you in the azz. Take it from someone whose top five character defects include manipulation/dishonesty. Your wife will figure it out if you get busted on this new job for misrepresentation. Rigorous honesty has done a lot for me, at the very least for my own conscience and soul. I've done a lot of damage to my wife's abiltiy to trust me. I have relapsed at minimum six times in five years of recovery, and my dishonesty around the relapses has hurt her more than the other things (like work issues). Women are like that; they want honesty from their guys. Speak to your sponsor and see what you can do; PRAY about it before attempting to make amends. Ask her forgiveness with a sober, whole heart.
But I totally understand feeling like a pathetic loser without a job. My last relapse almost cost me the best job I have ever had, but I tell you I prayed constantly and really came to God seeking repentence from my insanity. He saved my azz in the end and I am trying to repay that debt of gratitude by working a lot harder to stay sober.
Gotta go now, but HANG IN THERE AND DON'T DRINK!
body ~ mind ~ spirit
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Geelong, Australia
Posts: 582
Originally Posted by ismchanger
Women are like that; they want honesty from their guys. Speak to your sponsor and see what you can do; PRAY about it before attempting to make amends. Ask her forgiveness with a sober, whole heart.
I relapsed after I quit the first time and am going well this time, things have improved in my life, slowly but surely. I read a post from Taiman saying he was 20,000 to 30,000 in debt when he stopped drinking, gradually paid it all back in recovery and become financially stable.
Well done on your sober time!! Enjoy your boys.
love brigid
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Welcome back grkda.
Sobriety has to be the number one priority in my life.
Before Job, son, wife or cocker spaniel. The first thing I had to do was get sober and start getting my life back together.
Sobriety has to be the number one priority in my life.
Before Job, son, wife or cocker spaniel. The first thing I had to do was get sober and start getting my life back together.
Straight shooter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Pontiac, Michigan
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by grkda
I came here when i first quit. I made it a few months, then started up again. Drank for several months, hiding it from wife and kids. Wife finally found some empties that I left around and about came unglued. I guess it was time I got myself caught anyway.
So Im on day 3. The day I quit, a couple days ago, I find out that my 17 year old stepson was moving back in with us. Ive had serious problems with him in the past, and now hes right back in the house. My wife picked him up the first night of my sobriety. I got fired from my last job, they smelled alcohol on me. I lied to my wife about that of course. Money is incredibly tight, I dont start my new job for a couple weeks, and Christmas is right around the corner. I had to lie about my work history to get my new job, and I just find out they are doing some very thorough background checks on me through a professional bg check company. I did the best I could in providing documentation, but if they catch me in a lie, Im screwed. My wife had to take a second job to help pay the bills, she works all day and night, and Im feeling like a complete jobless loser. Its sub zero out here so I have all 4 boys home from school this week and they are stuck in the house with waayy too much energy and nothing to do. My wife is very upset with me for lying to her all this time after she went through alot of grief, and money, to get me sober last time. She had been proud of me.
Thats where Im at.
So Im on day 3. The day I quit, a couple days ago, I find out that my 17 year old stepson was moving back in with us. Ive had serious problems with him in the past, and now hes right back in the house. My wife picked him up the first night of my sobriety. I got fired from my last job, they smelled alcohol on me. I lied to my wife about that of course. Money is incredibly tight, I dont start my new job for a couple weeks, and Christmas is right around the corner. I had to lie about my work history to get my new job, and I just find out they are doing some very thorough background checks on me through a professional bg check company. I did the best I could in providing documentation, but if they catch me in a lie, Im screwed. My wife had to take a second job to help pay the bills, she works all day and night, and Im feeling like a complete jobless loser. Its sub zero out here so I have all 4 boys home from school this week and they are stuck in the house with waayy too much energy and nothing to do. My wife is very upset with me for lying to her all this time after she went through alot of grief, and money, to get me sober last time. She had been proud of me.
Thats where Im at.
If you are driven within yourself that is the only factor necessary to maintain sobriety. It is definately a good thing to ensure some type of support to keep things on the straight & narrow path but you must start within. Glad to see you here at SR!! It is a good form of support & has worked well for me!!!! Hope it keeps you on course.
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