guyinNC

I Posted this thread in friends and family, and got some good advice....but I would like your advice too.

It sounds like my wife is not doing well. A friend went by where she is staying and the update is not good. She has not been by to see the kids in over nine days. She has been sick with an respitory infection, losing wieght, down to 102lbs. Says she is not drinking, but who knows for sure. She is facing legal challenges in the next two weeks also. Seems very depressed. The place she is staying is unhealthy. Living with two gay ladies, one of whom is bipolar, alcoholic with a string of arrests. No, my wife is not gay.....they met at AA.

We are separated, she wants to come home......but I just don't know, the affair, the drinking, the lies.

I feel I should take her in to save her life. But that would be enabling?

I have talked to her parents.

If I do not watch out, I will be planning her funeral.

Update: Since then she and her friend have been kicked out of where she was staying, due to drinking. She has disappeared somewhere. She has money from the settlement and a car. I talked to her yesterday, and she promised to call me back and come see the kids. This did not happen.

I know there is little I can do, she has to help herself. I want to leave a card for her where she was staying. I think she will go back there eventually just to pick up personal items.

The outside of the card is the serenty prayer.....I was thinking of including a picture of the kids, and was womdering what I could write on the inside that could give her hope, help her find the light...

Any suggestions?

Five

Wow - this is awful for you mate. I am not really well versed on "enabling" issues. If I were in her position I would certainley need the support I am sure, but then its fairly obvious that the only person who will quit will be her.

I really, really hope you get through this tough situation, and that your wife improves and is able to turn it around.

Good luck pal, stay posting.

Peter

Hey guy, sorry for the late reply.

I think leaving a letter and some photos of the kids where she can find it would be a kind thing to do.

You can still let her know you are willing to encourage her in her attempt to get sober without enabling her.

I don't know if there is much else you could tell her.It seems she already understands what she has to do.

Stay strong and take care of yourself.

brigid

My brother went this way, got kicked out of everywhere, finally in a hostel, when he died he still had a letter I wrote him that was newsy about my kids and he still had the photos I sent him. So these things gave him some peace, there were other letters that I sent him that he had thrown away, they were the ones trying to talk him into quitting, it still makes me cry.

I am praying for your peace;

love brigid

AndrewBeen

It's not enabling to keep showing her a path out of the hell she is in.

Rushing to have her move back with you would of course not be the way out.

Can you help her find a healthier place to live?

guyinNC

No word from my wife. Her friend that she went off with called her significant other last night about 11:00. She was drunk. Asked how her dog was, she called collect. Did not say where she was or if my wife was with her.

I have no idea where she is, I hope she is O.K.

I left the card at where she was staying, hoping if she came back by she would find it. On the outside is the serenity prayer. On the inside I put a picture of our two little girls. I said ," there are so many reasons to live, here are two of the best. You are loved. There is hope."

I hope......that about sums it up. I hope she finds her bottom and trys to climb back into the light. I hope no harm comes to her, no wrecks, no police, no rapes, no murder.

I am terrified for her. I have to let go and live again. I hope.....she will too.

CarolD

Huugs and Prayers for the four of you.