eire

Hello,
I'm writing this after having a few drinks (I was sober for 5 days previous). I'm asking myself what I want to ask you all. I just need to say something.

Last week I drank for three days in a row (I work from home so I told myself I could get away with it..). At the end of that session I said to myself I wouldn’t drink again, and although I said this many times before I thought this was the time.

I joined this site over a year ago and since then I’ve struggled - drinking, hangover, "never gonna drink again", and drinking...

I realise now that alcohol has robbed me of any chance of growing as a person, but today I still had the thought that I might drink...Why do I want to do this to myself?

I did Drink! I feel that I’m two people: No drink/Drink
I'm starting to appreciate the power of this disease - mind against mind - how can I win?

Reading over my post I realise that it's not very clear but I'm hoping that you can read between then lines and get an idea where I’m coming from. I didn't want to go to AA but I think I'm ready to get some sort of psychological help for this.

sorry about the ramble - just some thoughts going through my head at the moment.

Thanks.

Justme57

Morning eire

Oh! How well I remember the "battle"

I used to wake up thinking " wont drink today" by 9 am I was at the fridge ! and drinking to blackout.The more I did it , the more I hated myself.

I used to come home from work via the bottle shop, even tho I had said to myself, " I wont drink tonite" I can remember the feeling of surrender when I popped that first can! sigh! and so it went.

I have now been free from that battle for quite a while , and what a relief it is , believe me! My wholelife was consumed by alcahol.

How to get it
When to get it
Was there enough
Could I make it thru the hairdresser, shopping, anything , until I could drink

And the self hate was the worst

HUGX
Lee

brigid

That was so me, the never ending battle. I think of the alcoholic thoughts as being started by the chemical reactions in my body and the way my body has come to accept the destruction and look forward to it. The other thoughts are harder to listen to but they are twigged by my healthy self, the one that realises the other thoughts are hurting me. Recognising the thinking that alcohol induces was one of the best things that I found helped me to quit.

keep coming, it is a journey well worth travelling.

love brigid

YankInHolland

Eire, you're situation sounds familiar. Quitting for 5 days should tell you a lot about yourself. If you can quit for 5 days, you CAN quit longer.

While I don't know a lot about you or your life, I can say with 100% certainty that filling the void left by giving up alcohol is a requirement. If you don't give yourself postive things to focus on after quitting, all you'll think about is how much you miss drinking.

Maybe it's time to rekindle on old passion for painting or music, or get back into shape. Maybe take up something new - something you've always wanted to do. Maybe it's time for a complete life makeover. One commonality that many of us seem to have is that we sat out our ever-expanding arses and drank ourselves silly while the wonder and beauty of the life passed by unnoticed. Now is the time to see what you've been missing.

I certainly did. And it's MUCH better sober.

Yank

Chy

My story is pretty much the same, so I KNOW what your feeling. A few sober days and all fixed it seems until the cycle continues. You made it through 5 days and you can start again. We'll be here to help.

eire

"I have now been free from that battle for quite a while , and what a relief it is , believe me! My wholelife was consumed by alcahol."

Deep down

jmhs002

Been there, done that. I would hope you can get some local, face to face support. AA helped me A LOT- but there are other options too. Good luck, stick around. If I can quit, you can too.
JMHS

CarolD

I suggest you read the top sticky here

"Quitting what to expect"

Some of the info will apply to your situation amd some will not.

You too cam quit drinking...many of us have.

eire

Thanks everyone for your advice. Talk to you..

Little Missy

Glad you are seeking help!! Find a recovery program that is right for you. I also know how it feels to say I'm not going to drink, only to end up drunk!!

Recognizing you have a problem is a big thing!! Keep reaching out for help and don't drink, no matter what!!

Hugs,
Missy

Peter

It took me 16 years to realize that in a face off with alcohol, I would always come out the loser.

The only way I could win was to surrender.

We tend to think of surrender as an act of weakness and failure but where it applies to alcohol it has absolutely nothing to do with either.....in fact the paradox is that it is through my surrendering to the fact that alcohol had me beaten that I received empowerment to change my life.

Stop driving with the handbrakes on.
Stop trying to swim upstream.
Stop trying to tie titties in a knot.
Stop trying to get a wild cat into a ziplock bag.
Stop trying to drink alcohol and stay sober

eire

To be honest I don't want to change - but I want to change!

Peter. I'm at the point where I know I can't help myself. So I will get help.

Thanks

Mike

Dan

I lived between the lines most of my adult life.
Never more so than the last ten years as a chronic alcoholic.
So I do get where you're coming from, eire.
And I wish for you what happened to me, albeit in increments...
Acceptance that my once enjoyable relationship with alcohol is doomed forever.