checking in; please ignore if you don't know why.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Kingston, NY
Posts: 390
checking in; please ignore if you don't know why.
Hello SR friends.
I want to thank you all for responding to yet another cry for help from me last Friday. Your words of wisdom and concern and love were more appreciated than perhaps any of you will ever know.
I also need to apologize for running to you all for the second time when I am perfectly capable of recognizing an untenable situation when I'm in it. I think I do this out of panic, and perhaps out of a terrible, underlying need to know that I'm an ok person, despite my faults. It's leftover behavior from the detritus of my life, and I am better than that on my good days.
Just to answer Capt's question - no, I have never, ever given my husband reason to think I am cheating. Drinking on the sly, certainly.. but never cheating. Never, ever, ever. He has had bad experiences with women in his past with regard to this issue - and it's his issue, not mine. I feel the need to say that because it cuts very deeply to think he believes I would do a thing like that to him. My father accuses my mother of the same thing, and she is equally as innocent as I am. It goes without saying that I have chosen a man who is very like my father - in ways both good and very bad.
I shouldn't ramble. What I came here to say is that I appreciate your support, and I feel somewhat as though I have abused it; for that, I have to apologize. I am beginning to sound like the girl who cried wolf. I cry foul when things are bad... and then I just go ahead and stay in the situation like some helpless bunny. It's pathetic.
Bottom line - I am making sure that I stay safe. I am fragile, but not broken - and that's more than I could have said about myself even a year ago. I will either insist that my husband find help for his anger issues, or I will give him the divorce that he says he wants. He has backtracked on that idea somewhat since I told him I will give him one; I think he expected me to chase after him like I have so many times.
I feel guilty for airing so much dirty laundry... but by the same token, I brought you all into my life; you deserve to know how things have worked out. I have the addict's lack of impulse control still - I could have refrained from typing my heart out here last week, but I didn't. Live and learn, I suppose.
Thank you once again for listening.
staying sober and feeling sober,
love you guys.
--anne
I want to thank you all for responding to yet another cry for help from me last Friday. Your words of wisdom and concern and love were more appreciated than perhaps any of you will ever know.
I also need to apologize for running to you all for the second time when I am perfectly capable of recognizing an untenable situation when I'm in it. I think I do this out of panic, and perhaps out of a terrible, underlying need to know that I'm an ok person, despite my faults. It's leftover behavior from the detritus of my life, and I am better than that on my good days.
Just to answer Capt's question - no, I have never, ever given my husband reason to think I am cheating. Drinking on the sly, certainly.. but never cheating. Never, ever, ever. He has had bad experiences with women in his past with regard to this issue - and it's his issue, not mine. I feel the need to say that because it cuts very deeply to think he believes I would do a thing like that to him. My father accuses my mother of the same thing, and she is equally as innocent as I am. It goes without saying that I have chosen a man who is very like my father - in ways both good and very bad.
I shouldn't ramble. What I came here to say is that I appreciate your support, and I feel somewhat as though I have abused it; for that, I have to apologize. I am beginning to sound like the girl who cried wolf. I cry foul when things are bad... and then I just go ahead and stay in the situation like some helpless bunny. It's pathetic.
Bottom line - I am making sure that I stay safe. I am fragile, but not broken - and that's more than I could have said about myself even a year ago. I will either insist that my husband find help for his anger issues, or I will give him the divorce that he says he wants. He has backtracked on that idea somewhat since I told him I will give him one; I think he expected me to chase after him like I have so many times.
I feel guilty for airing so much dirty laundry... but by the same token, I brought you all into my life; you deserve to know how things have worked out. I have the addict's lack of impulse control still - I could have refrained from typing my heart out here last week, but I didn't. Live and learn, I suppose.
Thank you once again for listening.
staying sober and feeling sober,
love you guys.
--anne
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Morning Ann, (((((((( ))))))))0 to you .
Although not specifically aware of the nature of your "cry for help", I so recognise myself in your feelings about typing your "stuff" here. When I first came to SR, I had isolated myself for so long, I had nowhere to put my feelings, when , as you, the panic took over, and i needed to vent. I was and am so grateful for my friends here, and they saved my life in my earlier sobriety.
I think as you said, they made me feel like an OK person. I would watch my post for replies, and feel so relieved when they arrived
I think it had to do with lonliness, and low self esteem at the time . I am sure you have no need to apologise for reaching out , and I do hope you can find a resolution to your troubles
HUGX
Lee
Although not specifically aware of the nature of your "cry for help", I so recognise myself in your feelings about typing your "stuff" here. When I first came to SR, I had isolated myself for so long, I had nowhere to put my feelings, when , as you, the panic took over, and i needed to vent. I was and am so grateful for my friends here, and they saved my life in my earlier sobriety.
I think as you said, they made me feel like an OK person. I would watch my post for replies, and feel so relieved when they arrived
I think it had to do with lonliness, and low self esteem at the time . I am sure you have no need to apologise for reaching out , and I do hope you can find a resolution to your troubles HUGX
Lee
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there Q,
No need to apologize to me. As an alkie I recognize that "flyaway" emotions are a precursor to drinking. Recognizing those emotions and "purging" them out of my system by sharing with others is the most effective way for me to deal with, and learn from, those emotions. The feedback I get from other people is invaluable in giving me context and comparison, which allows me to learn the conditions that bring up the emotions in the first place. Armed with that information I can take action to _prevent_ the emotions for re-ocurring.
All of that is what allows me to live happy, joyous and free from mind-bending chemicals.
None of that is possible unless I share with others, and listen to others.
Your share last Friday helped _me_ stay sober that night. Your willingness to trust people with your pain served as an example to me of the way that I need to work my program. The holidays are here and we are _all_ feeling a little more fragile than normal. I am honored that you chose to share with us and I think you should be proud of being able to do so.
Feel free to "vent" with me anytime.
Mike :-)
No need to apologize to me. As an alkie I recognize that "flyaway" emotions are a precursor to drinking. Recognizing those emotions and "purging" them out of my system by sharing with others is the most effective way for me to deal with, and learn from, those emotions. The feedback I get from other people is invaluable in giving me context and comparison, which allows me to learn the conditions that bring up the emotions in the first place. Armed with that information I can take action to _prevent_ the emotions for re-ocurring.
All of that is what allows me to live happy, joyous and free from mind-bending chemicals.
None of that is possible unless I share with others, and listen to others.
Your share last Friday helped _me_ stay sober that night. Your willingness to trust people with your pain served as an example to me of the way that I need to work my program. The holidays are here and we are _all_ feeling a little more fragile than normal. I am honored that you chose to share with us and I think you should be proud of being able to do so.
Feel free to "vent" with me anytime.
Mike :-)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 960
((Anne))
You sound like you are feeling stronger. I'm so glad to hear it. Don't ever think twice about posting -- you were feeling hurt and lost and I'm glad you reached out for help and support. There's not much anyone else can do about your situation, but we can a soft place to fall and a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes it is just knowing that we are not in this all alone. I'm glad you're staying sober!!!
Kathy
You sound like you are feeling stronger. I'm so glad to hear it. Don't ever think twice about posting -- you were feeling hurt and lost and I'm glad you reached out for help and support. There's not much anyone else can do about your situation, but we can a soft place to fall and a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes it is just knowing that we are not in this all alone. I'm glad you're staying sober!!!
Kathy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: somewhere
Posts: 3,384
Anne,
Don't apologize for talking about how felt at the time. You feelings are very real and it does help to talk about them. Keeping them bottled up doesn't let the soul find peace. I'm glad that you are here and I hope that everything works out for you. I was just thinking about you today and wondering how you were doing. You are a special, strong person and I hope you know that you can come on here and talk about anything and everything that is important to you. If it is important to you, then it is important to us.
Love,
Cheryl
Don't apologize for talking about how felt at the time. You feelings are very real and it does help to talk about them. Keeping them bottled up doesn't let the soul find peace. I'm glad that you are here and I hope that everything works out for you. I was just thinking about you today and wondering how you were doing. You are a special, strong person and I hope you know that you can come on here and talk about anything and everything that is important to you. If it is important to you, then it is important to us.
Love,
Cheryl
body ~ mind ~ spirit
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Geelong, Australia
Posts: 582
Originally Posted by quercusalba
Bottom line - I am making sure that I stay safe. I am fragile, but not broken - and that's more than I could have said about myself even a year ago. I will either insist that my husband find help for his anger issues, or I will give him the divorce that he says he wants. He has backtracked on that idea somewhat since I told him I will give him one; I think he expected me to chase after him like I have so many times.
Keep posting, as everyone has said, nice to hear about your problems, they mirror some of mine.
love brigid
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Hey there, Q. I didn't respond to your post on Friday, but I did read it. I guess I just felt like I didn't have anything else to add that other's hadn't already said. Now I just want to encourage you to post whenever you feel the need, no matter what! I think that is what is so beautiful about SR. We can be who we are without fear of rejection. I am glad you are here!!!!
Hugs--
Hugs--
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Anne - we (addicts, alcoholics, codependents, those who love all them....) make changes in our lives ONLY when we are ready. When we are sure that switching drugs, or changing drinks, or trying another rehab, or employing another tactic doesn't work.
Until then - we are 'testing'. We talk about not liking how we are living... whether we are addicted to drugs, to people or to activities. We rationalize why it is ok today... knowing in our minds that is probably WON'T be ok tomorrow.
This is a natural evolution. It is "experiencial" learning.
We who love the addicts and alcoholics in our lives are VERY much like them ourselves. We get when we get it... and we can only go as fast as we can go.
This 'disease' or condition... is waaaaay bigger than just drinking or drugging. It takes many forms, and one of them is our codependence. That is my opinion.
Please keep posting. Sending prayers for comfort and wisdom.....
Until then - we are 'testing'. We talk about not liking how we are living... whether we are addicted to drugs, to people or to activities. We rationalize why it is ok today... knowing in our minds that is probably WON'T be ok tomorrow.
This is a natural evolution. It is "experiencial" learning.
We who love the addicts and alcoholics in our lives are VERY much like them ourselves. We get when we get it... and we can only go as fast as we can go.
This 'disease' or condition... is waaaaay bigger than just drinking or drugging. It takes many forms, and one of them is our codependence. That is my opinion.
Please keep posting. Sending prayers for comfort and wisdom.....
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Anne,
You have absolutely no need to apologize. Of course, you were upset at the time and I think it says a lot about the relationship that 'we' all have here at SR, that you would reach out to us when you felt lost. We are friends and we are here for you.
I think that your decision to insist your husband get help or to go with a divorce is a good one.
I care, I have been thinking about you since your original post, and I am so glad to hear that you are doing alright.
You have absolutely no need to apologize. Of course, you were upset at the time and I think it says a lot about the relationship that 'we' all have here at SR, that you would reach out to us when you felt lost. We are friends and we are here for you.
I think that your decision to insist your husband get help or to go with a divorce is a good one.
I care, I have been thinking about you since your original post, and I am so glad to hear that you are doing alright.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Anne,
if you hadn't mentioned you husband's ex having an affair on him; I'd of wondered if, he might be doing something.
A healthy relationship is based on trust and respect. I can't recall what you've said in the past about how the drinking has affected you marriage.
Assuming you came home late let him get a whiff of you with no alcohol on you it's his problem.
How late were you? This is childish in nature. You're an adult and so is your husband.
Never be concerned with sharing on here and any advice we give is just our opinion.
I for one would not like to be in a marriage where I had to walk around on eggshells if, i was a few minutes late each time I was away from home. I lived in a marriage like that it's not healthy.
The important thing is for you to stay sober about this.
Is you husband supportive of you not drinking? have you been going to any meetings etc. ?
if you hadn't mentioned you husband's ex having an affair on him; I'd of wondered if, he might be doing something.
A healthy relationship is based on trust and respect. I can't recall what you've said in the past about how the drinking has affected you marriage.
Assuming you came home late let him get a whiff of you with no alcohol on you it's his problem.
How late were you? This is childish in nature. You're an adult and so is your husband.
Never be concerned with sharing on here and any advice we give is just our opinion.
I for one would not like to be in a marriage where I had to walk around on eggshells if, i was a few minutes late each time I was away from home. I lived in a marriage like that it's not healthy.
The important thing is for you to stay sober about this.
Is you husband supportive of you not drinking? have you been going to any meetings etc. ?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Anne, glad you are sounding better! Re: "I shouldn't ramble. What I came here to say is that I appreciate your support, and I feel somewhat as though I have abused it; for that, I have to apologize." As others have said, no need to apologize; in my mind that is what is so great about SR-replies and "reads" are totally voluntary!
Hugs,
Gianna
Hugs,
Gianna
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