Second Meeting in 1.5 years.
 

Hi,

I went to an AA meeting last night. It's my second ever meeting, although the first was about a year and a half ago. I went because I've struggled to put more than a few days sobriety together since ending an 8 month sober streak in September.

I think it was a step meeting but there was also an open floor after. It started with people taking it in turns to read from Step 2. Then a guest speaker had the floor for a while, then the chairperson said a few words then the floor was opened. I think I had mixed feelings about the whole thing. When I first walked in, quite a few people smiled warmly and a couple introduced themselves. A lady gave me a list of all local meetings in the area. I really enjoyed the guest speakers share and also most of the other people who spoke I really enjoyed. I got a bit frustrated near the end because I thought these things only lasted an hour and I had promised someone I would pick them up from somewhere and don't like to be late. It started to go past the hour and I was getting frustrated. I wished this guy who was speaking would just shut up. I didn't want to leave and appear rude but in the end I had to go so I still don't know what time that meeting was scheduled to finish.

I was kind of hoping to see someone a bit like me there, I guess what I'd consider normal. I was also a bit put off as it seemed most of the people who shared were the kind of alcoholics who drank every day and kept nipping off to the toilets for a swig. Now I have done this myself on occasion but my problem is really centred around binging. I can easily go days without a desire to drink but when I do drink I do so to excess, often making myself sick in order to make more room for more. My worst binge was four days straight, from the moment I woke up until the moment I passed out. That was a long time ago, now it's really one day or one night binges but still enough to drive me crazy. Being married definately centres me to a certain extent, without it I may well be a daily drinker. There was a guy there who said he spent his early AA experiences looking for the differences, looking for an excuse to quit trying. Maybe that's what I'm doing.

Anyway, the next meeting I can definately make will be Friday, although I'm hoping to make a Thursday lunchtime session as well. I'm going to give this AA a chance. It was a much better experience that my first meeting which was so early in the morning I struggled to stay awake !

thanks
Lawry.

Sounds positive pal. Stay positive and stay on course.

Just keep gong back! You can always leave a meeting if you have to, but you might just leave before the miracle happens :)

HUGX
lee

Lawry! That's great!

Well, I am glad you are still willing to give AA a chance.

Remember, you do not have to worry about seeming rude if you have to get up and leave. Metings are supposed to start and finish on time but I have seen them run over.

I am sure as you continue to go you will eventually meet someone you identify with most.

Good luck.

I am new to this...

I appretiate your post, your feelings on the AA meetings are the same as mine. I have a binge drinking problem which I cannot seem to work through - I go out twice a week 'till closing and I hate the next day.

I've been to an AA meeting once and found it helpful in understanding my problem. However, I did not find any "peers". My drinking problem has not affected my job or family life. I assume it will though, and I am starting to notice that my body is being destroyed.

I'll be honest, when I got into recovery, I didn't want to be like those people. But I was there for a reason, and the reason wasn't that my life was peaches and cream. Once I started to see the similarites and get past the differences, I discovered that there weren't too many differences after all. Daily drinkers, binge drinkers, low-bottom and high bottom drunks all shared the same problem - the disease of alcoholism that makes life unmanageable.

I kept going back to the same meetings and slowly but surely I made friends, found support, and learned how to use the tools and work the steps. Those people in the rooms of AA that had put days, weeks, months and years of sobriety together were on to something. And I wanted that, too.

Lawry:
Look for the similarities, not the differences...
I used to do the same thing -- I'd get pissed because the meeting wasn't exactly what I wanted.... and therein lies my problem -- when life isn't what I want, I get restless, irritable and discontent. I have to learn to live in a way where I accept what life has to offer, and what people have to offer... AA helps me learn that.

Keep coming back to AA, get a sponsor -- and get to work on the steps...

One day at a time, one meeting at a time...

Ken

AA meetings are vital to my wellbeing. :approve:

Good point Phinny....

I've heard a lot of stories in my short time in the rooms, but never throwing up in order to get more booze in the system. It sounds to me that you might be suffering from some sort of alcoholic bulimia syndrome. That's the first thing that popped into my head when I read this. Binging and throwing up. Only in your case it is with alcohol.

Good luck with AA and hope it gets you on the right track.

Hi Irish Virus,

I guess it might have sounded like that. I guess a better way to have phrased it would be that I drink quite fast and then feel sick (due to the amount of booze taken in a short space of time). Then, instead of taking this as a warning sign to stop, I speed up the whole process by inducing the sickness if that makes sense. I know a couple of people who do the same. I think it's just a symptom of not wanting to stop drinking. I'm not trying to get the booze out of my system like a bulimic eater would with food, far from it, just the oppositie in fact.

Thanks for everyone's support. I think I'm going to be able to make another meeting this lunchtime, which is good because I thought my day was full. I know they say you should do 90 in 90 or 20 in 20 but I don't want to stress myself out just to get to meetings if I'm already busy. Having said that I am going to try and get to as many as possible, especially during days like today when the opportunity arises unexpectedly.

thanks again
Lawry

Went to another meeting today. Had to leave early again, which I didn't like. I found out that this one usually lasts 1.5 hrs. I might have to just arrive a bit late next time, it's better than leaving early I think.

Anyway it was a good experience. I listened and it was all interesting. I always thought it would be a bit dull, listening to people bang on about their problems but it wasn't at all. People were thankful and there was a lot of humour in the room. I found myself drifting off a few times but for the most part I was quite engrossed in what people were saying. Also there seemed to be more a cross section of people in this one. It was all good.

I still couldn't yet imagine opening my mouth though, I prefer to listen right now.

Hi Lawry.
I'm no stranger to the phenomenon of making room for more.
I was a heavy binge drinker. Most mornings after regaining consciousness, the first thing to do was make myself sick. And the easiest way to do that was to swallow three or four onces of vodka.
That would purge my stomach of whatever was left in there from the bare minimum of food I had ingested the previous day, and allow for the next swallow to get past my stomach, and into my bloodstream.
Chronic alcoholic behavior. I knew it, and I didn't care.

Keep going to meetings. There are no requirements to speak.
But listening, as you are doing, may just save you a lot of pain in the future.
Don't give up.

I have known people who would intentionally throw up just so they could drink more.

Hey Lawry I think it is great that you are trying to get sober congrats. AA is great for some but not for everyone. I know alot of people feel at a dead end if they don't like AA but don't despair there are alternatives. There is a sticky here about them:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nfo-76726.html

Best of luck

Lawry
I think what I found the most helpful in the beginning of AA - a binge drinker like you in fact I don't think I've ever drank during the day (loL!! Big achievement!) or two days in a row, but when I did drink - well it was ALWAYS to get drunk/plastered and as another poster said, the next day is horriffic.

Someone wise here said to me - look for the similarities not the differences...and also what's helpful is that those people who are so much more 'desperate' than me...well quite clearly that WILL be me, no doubt about it, alcoholism is progressive, if I dont deal with it NOW. AA is a great way to start dealing with it, of couse there are alternatives, but I am glad that you are giving AA a try. It's worked and continues to work for hundreds of millions of people!!
Good luck
Cathy31
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