experiencing life without alcohol
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 14
experiencing life without alcohol
I haven't posted much on this board but right now I could really use some support. I have been drinking alcoholically (and dabling with drugs) for 2 years now. It's what I do every night; it's my way to ease the crushing boredom of everyday existence. I know it's not right to self-medicate, and to be honest, I know I have a problem. I've *tried* to quit and I've failed--numerous times. I can just hear myself spouting the old cliches before going to buy some booze..."I'm not an alcoholic because of xyz etc." when in reality I know there's a problem.
This last week, I was doing well. Didn't drink or use, because I was "high" on the fact that I met a wonderful girl. Ever have that feeling that you're just on cloud 9 every time you think about some special person? Well, after our date (which went great) I thought she was mine. All of the signals were there. Turns out I was wrong...she's not interested. And it feels like my heart is truly *breaking* from the rejection. And, of course, I want to drink and use now because I know that it will take this pain away (or at least numb it). Arrgghhh how do you all get though situations like this without drinking? It makes me fear for the future, because since i'm relatively young (28)I haven't experienced too many terrible tradgedies (death of a family member, etc.) but I know they're waiting for me in my life. If I feel so low after being rejected by some girl, then how am I going to deal with death etc.? By drinking, and I don't want that.
Sorry for the depressing post...promise I'll try and keep em to a minimum.
This last week, I was doing well. Didn't drink or use, because I was "high" on the fact that I met a wonderful girl. Ever have that feeling that you're just on cloud 9 every time you think about some special person? Well, after our date (which went great) I thought she was mine. All of the signals were there. Turns out I was wrong...she's not interested. And it feels like my heart is truly *breaking* from the rejection. And, of course, I want to drink and use now because I know that it will take this pain away (or at least numb it). Arrgghhh how do you all get though situations like this without drinking? It makes me fear for the future, because since i'm relatively young (28)I haven't experienced too many terrible tradgedies (death of a family member, etc.) but I know they're waiting for me in my life. If I feel so low after being rejected by some girl, then how am I going to deal with death etc.? By drinking, and I don't want that.
Sorry for the depressing post...promise I'll try and keep em to a minimum.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
jusme-
when I quit drinking, I suddenly took away my #1 coping mechanism. All the problems of life remained, and I was suddenly without my main way of dealing with them. I can relate to your post, because when I first quit, I found it very very hard to deal with feelings of rejection, inferiority, jealousy and envy.....without drinking. Heck, I had a hard time getting though a day without thinking about picking up a drink. This was scary, but it wasn't too much to bear for a mere 24 hours. I found that if I focused on 24 hours at a time, and not get caught up in worring about the future....I was alright. Sometimes that battle was a minute by minute, hour by hour one....Keeping in the present helped me.
It's rough, but you can get through it. The hardest thing is feeling like you are alone. SR is really helpful, because it is a place to share with others. I found hope in joining AA. AA has really put me in a better direction.
chip
when I quit drinking, I suddenly took away my #1 coping mechanism. All the problems of life remained, and I was suddenly without my main way of dealing with them. I can relate to your post, because when I first quit, I found it very very hard to deal with feelings of rejection, inferiority, jealousy and envy.....without drinking. Heck, I had a hard time getting though a day without thinking about picking up a drink. This was scary, but it wasn't too much to bear for a mere 24 hours. I found that if I focused on 24 hours at a time, and not get caught up in worring about the future....I was alright. Sometimes that battle was a minute by minute, hour by hour one....Keeping in the present helped me.
It's rough, but you can get through it. The hardest thing is feeling like you are alone. SR is really helpful, because it is a place to share with others. I found hope in joining AA. AA has really put me in a better direction.
chip
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hello....glad to see you reaching out for help. 
Are you doing anything to quit drinking/using?
I knew for years alcohol was my addiction and did nothing.
And then...
I was very shocked to find I could not quit on my own.
AA works great for me!
Hugs
Are you doing anything to quit drinking/using?
I knew for years alcohol was my addiction and did nothing.
And then...
I was very shocked to find I could not quit on my own.
AA works great for me!
Hugs
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Other so called "normal drinkers" may mourn a lost love over a glass of whiskey but as alcoholics we have to learn a different way of coping with our pain.
It is natural when we are feeling good about something to want the feeling to last as long as possible but we all know life does not work that way.
Rejection hurts but it does not mean we have failed as a human being.Far too often I viewed rejection as a sign that I was worthless or "not good enough" which only fueled my desire to run away and hide in alcohol.
The tempting allure of alcohol will only prolong lonliness.
Perhaps you could try going to AA meetings. I have been going for eight years and I have many friends who are always willing to listen when things are not going so great.
If you are hurting this much now how much worse is it going to be when you wake up in the morning all alone with a hangover?
You deserve more than a pretty girl. You deserve a long happy sober life.
It is natural when we are feeling good about something to want the feeling to last as long as possible but we all know life does not work that way.
Rejection hurts but it does not mean we have failed as a human being.Far too often I viewed rejection as a sign that I was worthless or "not good enough" which only fueled my desire to run away and hide in alcohol.
The tempting allure of alcohol will only prolong lonliness.
Perhaps you could try going to AA meetings. I have been going for eight years and I have many friends who are always willing to listen when things are not going so great.
If you are hurting this much now how much worse is it going to be when you wake up in the morning all alone with a hangover?
You deserve more than a pretty girl. You deserve a long happy sober life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Charlotte,NC
Posts: 167
Sounds all too familiar.
Getting your hopes up about anything and then having your dreams go up in smoke is a drag. At least you are smart enough to realize ahead of time your pattern of behavior when dealing with adversity in the future. Pretty soon the monkey will be on your back if you continue to hit the bottle everytime something goes wrong.
It's possible that you might not be an alcoholic and only someone who is abusing it. Only you can decide that. I would suggest going to an AA open meeting at first and just listen. When you are there, pick up a copy of Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book) and read it. Read the stories in the back and they might just hit home with you.
You asked: "how do you all get though situations like this without drinking?" The answers are as many as reasons why we drank in the first place. Some run to a phone and call their AA sponsor if they get in a fight with a neighbor. Others relax and meditate with their higher power. Myself, I just think about what a low life loser alcoholic I had become when I even entertain the thought of drinking. I look into the rear view mirror of life and ask myself if I want to return to hell.
You'll find your own way of dealing with things without booze. Good Luck.
Getting your hopes up about anything and then having your dreams go up in smoke is a drag. At least you are smart enough to realize ahead of time your pattern of behavior when dealing with adversity in the future. Pretty soon the monkey will be on your back if you continue to hit the bottle everytime something goes wrong.
It's possible that you might not be an alcoholic and only someone who is abusing it. Only you can decide that. I would suggest going to an AA open meeting at first and just listen. When you are there, pick up a copy of Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book) and read it. Read the stories in the back and they might just hit home with you.
You asked: "how do you all get though situations like this without drinking?" The answers are as many as reasons why we drank in the first place. Some run to a phone and call their AA sponsor if they get in a fight with a neighbor. Others relax and meditate with their higher power. Myself, I just think about what a low life loser alcoholic I had become when I even entertain the thought of drinking. I look into the rear view mirror of life and ask myself if I want to return to hell.
You'll find your own way of dealing with things without booze. Good Luck.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 404
Welcome!
I drank everynight for many years - it helped me to really take this thing day by day (I know this is a huge cliche', but it really does work). Don't worry about how not to drink 2 weeks from now or when something bad happens. Just decide that for today, you are not going to drink
Secondly, AA has helped me learn to deal w life and all of the ups and downs sober. Quitting drinking is only the start - living life sober can be the challenge. Stick around!
JMHS
I drank everynight for many years - it helped me to really take this thing day by day (I know this is a huge cliche', but it really does work). Don't worry about how not to drink 2 weeks from now or when something bad happens. Just decide that for today, you are not going to drink
Secondly, AA has helped me learn to deal w life and all of the ups and downs sober. Quitting drinking is only the start - living life sober can be the challenge. Stick around!
JMHS
Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 14
Jusme, don't ever apologize for the way you are feeling. Emotions are a natural part of being human. As an alcoholic, I spent so many years drinking to NOT feel, that as a result, in my 40's, I am having to relearn that very lesson. Instead of drinking the feelings down, I now honour those feelings. I feel everything, hurt, pain, rejection, sadness, but I also feel every part of the joy, hope and serenity that comes with sobriety. I'm older than you (but just for now, because I will never celebrate another birthday past 39..every year I turn 39...) so I have lost family members, (parents, brother, child, pet) and grieved them. I realized that when I didn't honour those feelings by trying to drink them away, they didn't go AWAY. They just sat there, waiting for an opportunity to be let go. I won't tell you that dealing with loss in sobriety is easy, it isn't. But you deserve to feel every part of life, the good, the bad and the ugly. The greatest gift I was given, in choosing to live sober, is that I embrace those feelings, and I let them go. They don't have to be stuffed down to be dealt with later (at the most inopportune times!) in the form of sudden anger, or the "poor me poor me pour me another" victim state. (and oh I was GOOD at that one).
Jusme, the pain will pass. In the meantime, the doors of AA are always open, you are always welcome, and I promise if you reach out, you will be met halfway.
Jusme, the pain will pass. In the meantime, the doors of AA are always open, you are always welcome, and I promise if you reach out, you will be met halfway.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 14
I want to thank everyone who responded to my post, they made me feel much better actually. Trina (and others) what you said about alcohol only delaying sadness and "the blues" really hit home and made me think. It's nice to hear advice from people who *know* alcoholism and what the problem is like. Guess that's why I need to get my butt to AA...I only feel like I can talk to other alcholics if that makes any sense. I've been to a few meetings, and I always feel really good after them. Went to one last night even, and was really uplifted afterward.
Again, thank you everyone for support and encouragement!
Again, thank you everyone for support and encouragement!
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
I chose AA as a way of life to get this hopless drunk sober. At first I thought there was no way that I would ever be able to get through life without booze. And coping with life's problems...forget about doing that without a drink. I was wrong. Thank God I was wrong. AA has taught me to cope and live without alcohol. I don't miss it one bit and life is so much richer sober. I never thought it imaginable, but it is. It really is...
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