good experience to share about going to a bar last night
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: montreal
Posts: 38
good experience to share about going to a bar last night
so i went with my drinking buddy, usual thursday nights at the bar... i didnt drink. everyone around me was obviously, they offered i said no im driving (which shoulda been my reason for not drinking other times, but anyways) and man i felt good. the thing about being sober when others are drunk is that the things they say you can respond and they can't tell youre really sober, you just process all that's being said. and i told my friend when she was about to do something stupid im like 'im sober i can tell u this is wrong' and i danced, laughed, had fun, i just knew what i was doing and it is great. some guy even came to talk to me and he mentionned how the thought he was an alc. im like yes we all think we might have a prob.. hes like no but alcs drink 24/7 so i cant be one.. and im thinking 'ya thats what i used to think...' it reminded me that not all social drinkeres are healthy, and a lot are borderline abusers.. anyways i came home, slept now im awake and feel great! thank you all for your support
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Gshizzle
I'm glad you didn't drink last night and got some perspective on your buddies. Personally, I couldn't hang around in bars or with people who were drinking for a long time after I became sober. And, for me, even now it's a rare thing. It's just not something I enjoy.
I'm glad you didn't drink last night and got some perspective on your buddies. Personally, I couldn't hang around in bars or with people who were drinking for a long time after I became sober. And, for me, even now it's a rare thing. It's just not something I enjoy.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Hi, Gshizzle,
Good to hear you had a good time sober. A lot of people think that isn't going to be possible. Now you know it can be done, and you know what to do next time: have an answer ready (I'm driving) and have a good time doing other things. It's also pretty interesting watching other people as the alcohol affects them, isn't it? And very nice feeling good in the morning, instead of a fuzzy-mouthed upset-stomached headachy grouch.
Nothing at all wrong with becoming known as a non-drinker. You don't have to justify it or explain it, although as you've noticed some people might find it nice to see another sober person in the group.
Sometimes you may feel as though everybody drinks except you. Well, just so you know, you're not alone: 26% of Canadians don't drink at all.
Thanks for the update,
Good to hear you had a good time sober. A lot of people think that isn't going to be possible. Now you know it can be done, and you know what to do next time: have an answer ready (I'm driving) and have a good time doing other things. It's also pretty interesting watching other people as the alcohol affects them, isn't it? And very nice feeling good in the morning, instead of a fuzzy-mouthed upset-stomached headachy grouch.
Nothing at all wrong with becoming known as a non-drinker. You don't have to justify it or explain it, although as you've noticed some people might find it nice to see another sober person in the group.
Sometimes you may feel as though everybody drinks except you. Well, just so you know, you're not alone: 26% of Canadians don't drink at all.
Thanks for the update,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: montreal
Posts: 38
Originally Posted by Don S
Hi, Gshizzle,
Good to hear you had a good time sober. A lot of people think that isn't going to be possible. Now you know it can be done, and you know what to do next time: have an answer ready (I'm driving) and have a good time doing other things. It's also pretty interesting watching other people as the alcohol affects them, isn't it? And very nice feeling good in the morning, instead of a fuzzy-mouthed upset-stomached headachy grouch.
Nothing at all wrong with becoming known as a non-drinker. You don't have to justify it or explain it, although as you've noticed some people might find it nice to see another sober person in the group.
Sometimes you may feel as though everybody drinks except you. Well, just so you know, you're not alone: 26% of Canadians don't drink at all.
Thanks for the update,
Good to hear you had a good time sober. A lot of people think that isn't going to be possible. Now you know it can be done, and you know what to do next time: have an answer ready (I'm driving) and have a good time doing other things. It's also pretty interesting watching other people as the alcohol affects them, isn't it? And very nice feeling good in the morning, instead of a fuzzy-mouthed upset-stomached headachy grouch.
Nothing at all wrong with becoming known as a non-drinker. You don't have to justify it or explain it, although as you've noticed some people might find it nice to see another sober person in the group.
Sometimes you may feel as though everybody drinks except you. Well, just so you know, you're not alone: 26% of Canadians don't drink at all.
Thanks for the update,
xox
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
I have to second NoMoBeer. I was told early on that if you hung around the barber shop too long eventually you'd get a haircut.
I'm not saying never go out. I've been out a couple of times in sobriety but usually with someone in the program or I've prayed beforehand, checked in with my sponsor and/or had at least one person who know what I am and that I can't drink. This helps with accountability. I don't believe in tempting fate. I love to dance and used to love to go to clubs. Today I go to AA dances occassionally or I will go with my SO once in a blue moon to sing kareoke in a bar but I only do that when I feel spiritually fit.
I'm proud of you for staying sober, I just hope you will be careful.
Hugs,
Kellye
I'm not saying never go out. I've been out a couple of times in sobriety but usually with someone in the program or I've prayed beforehand, checked in with my sponsor and/or had at least one person who know what I am and that I can't drink. This helps with accountability. I don't believe in tempting fate. I love to dance and used to love to go to clubs. Today I go to AA dances occassionally or I will go with my SO once in a blue moon to sing kareoke in a bar but I only do that when I feel spiritually fit.
I'm proud of you for staying sober, I just hope you will be careful.
Hugs,
Kellye
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Originally Posted by NoMoBeer
From an AA meeting...
"If you aren't a Lion Tamer, why are you hanging out in the Lion's Cage?"
Please be careful, GShizzle.... just be careful.
"If you aren't a Lion Tamer, why are you hanging out in the Lion's Cage?"
Please be careful, GShizzle.... just be careful.
"So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is
drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there.
That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions,
weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a
person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this
may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made and important qualification.
Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have
I any good social, business, or personal reason for
going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little
vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such
places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily,
you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away,
whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid
spiritual ground before you start and that your motive
in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you
will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can
bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work
with another alcoholic instead!
Why sit with a long face in places where there is
drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a
happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those
there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your
business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who
wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your
friends know they are not to change their habits on your
account."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
Was trying to "quote" your post, Don -- here is an EXTREMELY important piece of your post:
"...But be sure you are on solid
spiritual ground before you start and that your motive
in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you
will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can
bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work
with another alcoholic instead!..."
Of course we will not stay out of bars forever (I choose to go to other places instead), but it is a slippery place when we are first sober....and I know that if I go into a barbershop enough, eventually I'll want a haircut...
It's a slippery place, be careful please...
"...But be sure you are on solid
spiritual ground before you start and that your motive
in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you
will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can
bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work
with another alcoholic instead!..."
Of course we will not stay out of bars forever (I choose to go to other places instead), but it is a slippery place when we are first sober....and I know that if I go into a barbershop enough, eventually I'll want a haircut...
It's a slippery place, be careful please...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Charlotte,NC
Posts: 167
Originally Posted by Don S
Hi, Gshizzle,
It's also pretty interesting watching other people as the alcohol affects them, isn't it?
It's also pretty interesting watching other people as the alcohol affects them, isn't it?
As to the post, it's good you went to the bar and had a good time. But as others have mentioned, be careful. Make damn sure you are on firm spiritual ground before you walk into a saloon. I don't avoid bars either, but know I am on thin ice if I walk into a bar after a bad day. Things don't go our way and the next thing you know it will be fug it! bartender give me a Guinness please.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Originally Posted by Irish Virus
If you don't mind me asking Don, what's so interesting about watching someone get drunk? I'm just curious as to what is interesting about watching people lose their motor skills, start slurring their words, and using bad judgement.
...
...
But please understand that the point some have made here is apt: be cautious in early sobriety.
Don
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 1,639
yeah, i tried that
christmas eve work party
at the bar
jukebox playing
lots of drinking buddies drinking
and
me giving a toast
hoisting a seltzer with the boys
got thru it that night
but
didn't work for me
best
fraankie
christmas eve work party
at the bar
jukebox playing
lots of drinking buddies drinking
and
me giving a toast
hoisting a seltzer with the boys
got thru it that night
but
didn't work for me
best
fraankie
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
I remember the first time I went to the bar and posted it here. I was happy to report I had a great time and at no time was I tempted to drink. One poster replied: Why tempt the devil?
I understand this statement. Early in sobriety you take the risk of being tempted and persuaded into drinking. In my drinking days, many times I would tell myself I wasn't going to drink. It didn't take much until I had a drink in my hand. Then another, then another. You get the picture.
Although I feel comfortable around alcohol these days. I understand that I must be on guard at all times. We need to go out and have fun. We are not a glum lot. However we must realize where we stand in our recovery and be cautious of the persuasive pull of alcohol.
Going to a bar with sober eyes is very eye opening indeed.
I understand this statement. Early in sobriety you take the risk of being tempted and persuaded into drinking. In my drinking days, many times I would tell myself I wasn't going to drink. It didn't take much until I had a drink in my hand. Then another, then another. You get the picture.
Although I feel comfortable around alcohol these days. I understand that I must be on guard at all times. We need to go out and have fun. We are not a glum lot. However we must realize where we stand in our recovery and be cautious of the persuasive pull of alcohol.
Going to a bar with sober eyes is very eye opening indeed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: montreal
Posts: 38
yah.. i feel bad i went out and had 2 beers 2nite.. i was at some hole in the wall bar, i went to it cuz my friend wanted 2 flirt with some guy there, and the thought of being stuk in that hell hole sober was a bit too much, so i allowed myself two, now i see what u guys mean by tempting the devil. the day b4 i felt so high and mighty sober, then ur like 'well im allowed 1 or 2' im just so uncomfortable in my skin the thought of sitting there with people looking at me... i'd end up fidgeting and people would be all like wats wrong?? ughh im weak.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
I don't think it's useful to describe yourself as weak. You just haven't worked on the tools for refusing to drink.
First, think about the point that's been made above: that you want to be careful about going into a bar with friends when you're in a mood to drink. Make some other plans when you feel like you'd be tempted.
In SMART Recovery we'd suggest that you look closely at the beliefs you have that led you to have those two drinks, and to ask yourself some questions to dispute those beliefs. The things we say to ourselves are how we persuade ourselves to drink. We can just as readily persuade ourselves NOT to drink.
"I'm allowed one or two." Do you really 'deserve' a drink? How about "I'm allowed to choose to be sober"?
Most heavy drinkers want to believe we can stop at one or two drinks. Sometimes we can, sometimes not. It's a lot simpler just to not drink at all. Then we don't have to negotiate with ourselves all the time.
"People will look at me, think something's wrong; I won't fit in." Who cares what people think? (I know, that's easier to say than actually think). What evidence do you have that people are thinking you're different or odd? Why do you believe that they'll think that's negative? Is there something wrong with being different?
The fear of not fitting in is something I think we all feel in our adolescence and early adult years. Try to think about what does make you comfortable in your skin. A big part of that is just affirming your choices, your talents and skills, and your worth.
The Women For Sobriety has a 13 part 'New Life' Acceptance Program. You repeat and think about these thirteen points each day. And each day you take one of the points and consciously apply it all day. Repetition really works--if it didn't, we wouldn't have a multi-billion dollar advertising industry. So look these over and then think about which one would have been useful to have in your mind at the bar.
And keep posting here....
"NEW LIFE" ACCEPTANCE PROGRAM
1. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life. I accept the responsibility.
2. Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious act must be to remove negativity from my life.
3. Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
4. Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
5. I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
6. Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
7. Love can change the course of my world.
Caring becomes all important.
8. The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
9. The past is gone forever.
No longer will I be victimized by the past, I am a new person.
10. All love given returns.
I will learn to know that others love me.
11. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure all moments of my new life.
12. I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
13. I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
(c) 1976, 1987, 1993
First, think about the point that's been made above: that you want to be careful about going into a bar with friends when you're in a mood to drink. Make some other plans when you feel like you'd be tempted.
In SMART Recovery we'd suggest that you look closely at the beliefs you have that led you to have those two drinks, and to ask yourself some questions to dispute those beliefs. The things we say to ourselves are how we persuade ourselves to drink. We can just as readily persuade ourselves NOT to drink.
"I'm allowed one or two." Do you really 'deserve' a drink? How about "I'm allowed to choose to be sober"?
Most heavy drinkers want to believe we can stop at one or two drinks. Sometimes we can, sometimes not. It's a lot simpler just to not drink at all. Then we don't have to negotiate with ourselves all the time.
"People will look at me, think something's wrong; I won't fit in." Who cares what people think? (I know, that's easier to say than actually think). What evidence do you have that people are thinking you're different or odd? Why do you believe that they'll think that's negative? Is there something wrong with being different?
The fear of not fitting in is something I think we all feel in our adolescence and early adult years. Try to think about what does make you comfortable in your skin. A big part of that is just affirming your choices, your talents and skills, and your worth.
The Women For Sobriety has a 13 part 'New Life' Acceptance Program. You repeat and think about these thirteen points each day. And each day you take one of the points and consciously apply it all day. Repetition really works--if it didn't, we wouldn't have a multi-billion dollar advertising industry. So look these over and then think about which one would have been useful to have in your mind at the bar.
And keep posting here....
"NEW LIFE" ACCEPTANCE PROGRAM
1. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life. I accept the responsibility.
2. Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious act must be to remove negativity from my life.
3. Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
4. Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
5. I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
6. Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
7. Love can change the course of my world.
Caring becomes all important.
8. The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
9. The past is gone forever.
No longer will I be victimized by the past, I am a new person.
10. All love given returns.
I will learn to know that others love me.
11. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure all moments of my new life.
12. I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
13. I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
(c) 1976, 1987, 1993
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Hey Gshizzle,
Wow. Thanks for coming back and telling us about the "NOT SO good experience". Doing it took a certain amount of courage and strength of a different kind. You just helped everyone here.
You believed you had a handle on the not drinking thing but you didn't. Now you know.
One Love, One Heart,
Tony
Wow. Thanks for coming back and telling us about the "NOT SO good experience". Doing it took a certain amount of courage and strength of a different kind. You just helped everyone here.
yah.. i feel bad i went out and had 2 beers 2nite.. i was at some hole in the wall bar, i went to it cuz my friend wanted 2 flirt with some guy there, and the thought of being stuk in that hell hole sober was a bit too much
One Love, One Heart,
Tony
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: here
Posts: 18
Hi G! One of my first sponsors told me if you go to a barber shop everyday you are going to get a haircut. I was so pi$$ed when she told me that because I just missed the "atmoshpere" hahaha. But put me in those situations and I am miserable, so what atmoshphere am I really missing? Hang in there an continue to get honest with yourself and continue to share where you are at, it not only helps you it helps all of us too. The hardest part about getting honest for me is being held accountable once I am finally honest. Good Luck to you and hang in there. Do you have any recovery friends in your area that you talk to because I find that helps so much, I know that I could not have gotten sober by myself.
Hang in there,
Lauren
Hang in there,
Lauren
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: montreal
Posts: 38
yah thats true.. i need to be honest with myself
and like one of the previous replies said,, about only going if you have a clear reason to, if its beneficial for your well being, and if you have a clear state of mind. i mean i guess i did know, in the back of my mind 'ur going to some dead bar (where theres hardly options for sober people such as dancing or mingling), theres about 6 people in total the whole place, all arrows point to booze, so i was like aww shux i guess i better drink. it really is about training. i mean if you do not drink, there is really no need to sit in some little room with bad music. since people drink, they rely less on 'real entertainment' i suppose, cuz the booze provides 'the fun.' i just have to start planning my nites better, i usually leave it to last minute, and whoever 'wants to go party', that is definitely destructive to my sobriety.
its funny if you think about it, i care about people judging me for sitting and not acting all drunk, when the guys with us were acting like tripping idiots and i thought that was 'normal' cuz 'were in a bar.' im just conditioned to think this way..
after my 2 drinx my friend was like 'have one more and u can go home later.' that sentence made me realise i was really on slippery slope, i looked around and was like 'ya i have to go now.'
and yea, i want to be honest with you guys about when i slip and when i dont, this isnt a contest of 'whos an addict and who's not' i know we are all relatively on the same page (or in the same book) so i appreciate all the honest feedback
thanks again,
G
and like one of the previous replies said,, about only going if you have a clear reason to, if its beneficial for your well being, and if you have a clear state of mind. i mean i guess i did know, in the back of my mind 'ur going to some dead bar (where theres hardly options for sober people such as dancing or mingling), theres about 6 people in total the whole place, all arrows point to booze, so i was like aww shux i guess i better drink. it really is about training. i mean if you do not drink, there is really no need to sit in some little room with bad music. since people drink, they rely less on 'real entertainment' i suppose, cuz the booze provides 'the fun.' i just have to start planning my nites better, i usually leave it to last minute, and whoever 'wants to go party', that is definitely destructive to my sobriety.
its funny if you think about it, i care about people judging me for sitting and not acting all drunk, when the guys with us were acting like tripping idiots and i thought that was 'normal' cuz 'were in a bar.' im just conditioned to think this way..
after my 2 drinx my friend was like 'have one more and u can go home later.' that sentence made me realise i was really on slippery slope, i looked around and was like 'ya i have to go now.'
and yea, i want to be honest with you guys about when i slip and when i dont, this isnt a contest of 'whos an addict and who's not' i know we are all relatively on the same page (or in the same book) so i appreciate all the honest feedback
thanks again,
G
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Thanks for the honesty. You must remain honest to yourself for you are the one that really matters. Bars are bars. They serve one purpose and when sober all the ugly warts come out of the woodwork. It's like hanging out at the laundry mat when you don't have to do laundry. Why? Sooner or later someone is going to ask you if you have change for a dollar and you'll go home smelling of Tide. I think the best would be if you have a social event to attend do so with a sober friend.
Now you know how tempting it can be. Thank goodness nothing bad happened. Live and learn and prepare to do things differently next time around. Christmas and New Years are coming soon. Concentrate on how you are going to handle those situations. Remember you are new in recovery and are only human. Find a program and work it. I think you will find it much easier if you arm yourself with recovery tools. Search out some new recovery friends. These suggestions are just a start. There is so much more you can do to fight this disease. I'm wishing you the best of luck and have a wonderful sober holiday season.
Now you know how tempting it can be. Thank goodness nothing bad happened. Live and learn and prepare to do things differently next time around. Christmas and New Years are coming soon. Concentrate on how you are going to handle those situations. Remember you are new in recovery and are only human. Find a program and work it. I think you will find it much easier if you arm yourself with recovery tools. Search out some new recovery friends. These suggestions are just a start. There is so much more you can do to fight this disease. I'm wishing you the best of luck and have a wonderful sober holiday season.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
"Hanging out in the Lions den......."
and "......Having a good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place...?" Have two entirely different meanings.
The first implies a sense of complacency which can be dangerous for alcoholics while the second acknowledges that we do not exist in a vacuum and sometimes may have a responsibility to attend a certain function.
I personally do not go into bars and I don't particularly like watching people get high. I have all the information I need on how to do that.
Nomobeer's suggestion to be careful is a valid one. especially to someone early in recovery.
and "......Having a good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place...?" Have two entirely different meanings.
The first implies a sense of complacency which can be dangerous for alcoholics while the second acknowledges that we do not exist in a vacuum and sometimes may have a responsibility to attend a certain function.
I personally do not go into bars and I don't particularly like watching people get high. I have all the information I need on how to do that.
Nomobeer's suggestion to be careful is a valid one. especially to someone early in recovery.
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