I drank!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: somewhere
Posts: 3,384
I drank!!
After almost 40 days, I gave in to the obsession for a drink. I did not drink as much as I usually do, but still I drank! I am so freakin' powerless over this monster. Originally, I thought that I was just an addict and not a true alcoholic but somehow I transfered my addiction.
In the Big Book, it talked about going one year without a drink. I thought to myself, "oh, I can do that and then maybe try a little controlled drinking" but I only lasted about 39 days without a drink. I just have to accept the fact that I can not ever have a drink.
I have lost a lot to alcohol. I totaled a brand new sports car that I worked so hard to get, trust of my family, pieces of my soul, my dignity, my self-respect, my ability to keep my word, and I almost got arrested due to being drunk out in a restaurant laughing and falling all over the place. The cop had to help me get up because I was too drunk too move. I was so humiliated the next day!
The point is, I continued to drink in spite of negative consequences and have failed at my attempts to quit drinking. Although I started out with just a drug problem, I ended up with an alcohol problem also. I am glad that I got 39 days of sobriety.
I will not give up. I have to go take my 24 hour chip with honor. Back on the saddle to try again. I refuse to let my addiction take my soul again.
It is just not worth it. I am full of guilt and shame right now.
Hugs,
Cheryl
In the Big Book, it talked about going one year without a drink. I thought to myself, "oh, I can do that and then maybe try a little controlled drinking" but I only lasted about 39 days without a drink. I just have to accept the fact that I can not ever have a drink.
I have lost a lot to alcohol. I totaled a brand new sports car that I worked so hard to get, trust of my family, pieces of my soul, my dignity, my self-respect, my ability to keep my word, and I almost got arrested due to being drunk out in a restaurant laughing and falling all over the place. The cop had to help me get up because I was too drunk too move. I was so humiliated the next day!
The point is, I continued to drink in spite of negative consequences and have failed at my attempts to quit drinking. Although I started out with just a drug problem, I ended up with an alcohol problem also. I am glad that I got 39 days of sobriety.
I will not give up. I have to go take my 24 hour chip with honor. Back on the saddle to try again. I refuse to let my addiction take my soul again.
It is just not worth it. I am full of guilt and shame right now.
Hugs,
Cheryl
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: somewhere
Posts: 3,384
I threw all of my sobriety away all over a few drinks. At least it didn't end in a huge binge like it did 39 days ago. 
I was doing so well! At least I still remember what kept me sober for those 39 days.
Just in one night, I did the wrong things. I didn't really do anything to stop myself. I was just at a restaurant eating and I saw this guy with a drink and I wanted one so bad. I thought to myself , "oh, one can't hurt" but I always end up wanting more than one drink. I always wanted "one more".
One is too many and a thousand is never enough.
That is so, so true.
I was doing so well! At least I still remember what kept me sober for those 39 days.
Just in one night, I did the wrong things. I didn't really do anything to stop myself. I was just at a restaurant eating and I saw this guy with a drink and I wanted one so bad. I thought to myself , "oh, one can't hurt" but I always end up wanting more than one drink. I always wanted "one more".
One is too many and a thousand is never enough.
That is so, so true.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Cheryl,
I'm glad you made it back so quickly. You still have the 39 days and you know you can do what it takes to get more sober days cause you did it.
I bet you've heard this before but just in case,
Anyway, glad you are back.
One Love, One Heart,
Tony
I'm glad you made it back so quickly. You still have the 39 days and you know you can do what it takes to get more sober days cause you did it.
Originally Posted by hopealwayz
Although I started out with just a drug problem, I ended up with an alcohol problem also.
Thinking of alcohol as different from other drugs has caused a great many addicts to relapse. Before we came to NA, many of us viewed alcohol separately, but we cannot afford to be confused about this. Alcohol is a drug. We are people with the disease of addiction who must abstain from all drugs in order to recover.
-From the N.A. "How it works"
My drug of no choice was definitely alcohol but I certainly did my fair share of other drugs back in the day. Based on my experiences in both N.A. and A.A., I have come to believe that thinking of alcohol as different from other drugs has caused a great many alcoholics to relapse. -From the N.A. "How it works"
Anyway, glad you are back.
One Love, One Heart,
Tony
a hole new life
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: London UK
Posts: 90
Cheryl, in my opinion you are doing great, you too are an inspiration. I Know you are not going to give up, we just have to be aware ALL THE TIME we are awake.
Its good to have you back on the Bus
Dave
Its good to have you back on the Bus
Dave
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Tie a knot and hang on Cheryl. It can be a hell of a ride. Your life will change in ways you never imagined. And, it's even fun. After you pick up your chip, if you ever feel like drinking again just put the chip on your forehead and try to break it with a hammer. The feeling will pass.... 
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Till you get some more time in, make sure you got someone with you where there's alcohol.
How well are you working a program in AA? or are you?
It's good to hear you say, you're going back in and getting a 24 hour chip.
The importatnt thing is did you learn from this? What are going to do to stop it from happening again?
The disase never leaves us, it lies dormant in us for ever.
Love your determination to keep trying, don't ever quit that attitude. You can stop drinking, you know you can.
How well are you working a program in AA? or are you?
It's good to hear you say, you're going back in and getting a 24 hour chip.
The importatnt thing is did you learn from this? What are going to do to stop it from happening again?
The disase never leaves us, it lies dormant in us for ever.
Love your determination to keep trying, don't ever quit that attitude. You can stop drinking, you know you can.
Grateful recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Blissfield, MI
Posts: 814
Cheryl,
Sounds like you're on a good road now. I had to "thoroughly" convince myself that I was/am and alcoholic. Now that you are convinced, remember it and don't drink. Keep your 24 hour token in your pocket, then when you are "tempted" you can rub on the coin and remember what you are remembering RIGHT NOW!!!
Good job, keep it up.
Jen
Sounds like you're on a good road now. I had to "thoroughly" convince myself that I was/am and alcoholic. Now that you are convinced, remember it and don't drink. Keep your 24 hour token in your pocket, then when you are "tempted" you can rub on the coin and remember what you are remembering RIGHT NOW!!!
Good job, keep it up.
Jen
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
I dont think you lost your sobriety,,,I think youve gained some insight.
You slipped in the ice...but youve gotten up, dusted yourself off, and are walking the line again...now THATS recovery!
You slipped in the ice...but youve gotten up, dusted yourself off, and are walking the line again...now THATS recovery!
alconaut
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Motor City
Posts: 729
(((Cheryl)))
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know you must be taking it really hard, but all is not lost! This is an important learning experience.
I wanted a drink yesterday, and now I'm questioning everything I'm doing (or not doing). I think when I tried to quit smoking and gave into the *just one* thought, it made me wonder where I stand with refraining from alcohol. No, it's never *just one*.
It takes a lot of inside work.... more than I thought, maybe more than you thought. There's so much to learn.
Well, today is a new day, and you're not drinking. Remember exactly what triggered you, and work on it. Allow yourself to get mad at alcohol. Go back to AA, and maybe try some other strategies.
(((Hugs))) to you.
I wanted a drink yesterday, and now I'm questioning everything I'm doing (or not doing). I think when I tried to quit smoking and gave into the *just one* thought, it made me wonder where I stand with refraining from alcohol. No, it's never *just one*.
It takes a lot of inside work.... more than I thought, maybe more than you thought. There's so much to learn.
Well, today is a new day, and you're not drinking. Remember exactly what triggered you, and work on it. Allow yourself to get mad at alcohol. Go back to AA, and maybe try some other strategies.
(((Hugs))) to you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 404
Hi Cheryl
It helps me not to look too far ahead as in " I can never have a drink again etc..." That seems too hard for me to accept. So, I literally work my program for today only I decide that I will not drink for today. I will deal with tomorrow when it comes. I hope you try again - you can do this!
JMHS
It helps me not to look too far ahead as in " I can never have a drink again etc..." That seems too hard for me to accept. So, I literally work my program for today only I decide that I will not drink for today. I will deal with tomorrow when it comes. I hope you try again - you can do this!
JMHS
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Originally Posted by hopealwayz
I threw all of my sobriety away all over a few drinks.
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