boothj9544

Hello Everyone,
I hope you are full of Turkey... I know I am. I had a good holiday season. I had to work so we were not able to see my family as they live a ways away but we made it to my wife's family. It was nice to sit down with everyone to a big meal.

Today is Day 13 of sobriety, tommorrow will be two weeks exactly.

Yesterday, at Thanksgiving My Father in Law offered me a beer twice and I told him no thank you, after the second time my wife shot him a weird look... it was kind of awkward. He was just being polite. The first time I told him "not right now, no thanks" the second time I simply told him, "I am just not drinking alcohol right now, I would sure like a pop if you have one." Once that moment passed we were good. I think he kind of understood that I had quit drinking, or did not want alcohol.

Later in the evening everyone had a discussion about the alcoholic drinks they like and they mixed a few up... I really kind of felt out of place. I started to get a slight craving. No one was being mean or treating me different, it just felt different, I felt pressure that I did not like, but it was all generated by me.

My wife just had a glass of wine with Dinner. I told her that she was free to have some drinks if she wanted and I would drive us home, she is not a big drinker though. I told her she did not have to "not drink" for me and that I understood.. she just smiled and rubbed my back and said she was "ok"

I did not have a drop of anything alcoholic... on the way home I kind of smiled to myself because I made it.

Anyway, I just kind of wanted to ask what some of you fellow recovering people on the board say in a social setting when you are offered drinks. In the next few weeks we have some holiday parties to go to and I would like to have some coping mechanisms with me to deal with all the boozing others will be doing. What do you say, I dont really want to say...

"You know, I abused alcohol for the better part of the last 8 years and came to the conclusion for my health, marriage and life I needed to quit drinking for good because of a lack of my ability to control my own personal moderation, I binge drink for a few days in a row and have a rotating cycle of abuse..." although thats why I dont want to drink...

I know we all face these situations all the time.. any ideas, we can discuss em...

Thanks for any input...

Sugah

Father Martin, a Catholic priest who makes a lot of recovery videos about recovery, not about Catholicism, offers this solution when offered a drink in a social setting:

If someone offers you a drink and you want to be sure they don't do it again, just say, "No, but I'll take the money."



Peace & Love,
Sugah

P.S. A "Plan B" and the location of the nearest AA meeting is helpful, too.

CarolD

Hi Joe...
Do as you did for Thanksgiving.

CarolD

Joe....I added a new thread....so check out.

"Party Time?"

boothj9544

Hello Everyone,
Well, the two week sobriety mark has came and passed, nothing to do but shoot for a third, huh? It seemed to go fast and slow at the same time, weird huh?
I am really anxious, kind of on edge right now. I think I am really getting ready to enter my "rough" stage. I just need to remember my promises and my reasons for not drinking. This time is especially rough as I am going to have a lot of free time this week, that is time that was traditionally spent getting drunk in the evenings. I just cant go back drinking, not for me, not for my wife and not for the life I want to live, I just cant have it both ways I know. Just writing helps me remember the sober person I want to be...
Anyway,
Got my Christmas lights all up and the house is looking pretty festive. The wife and I blared Christmas music all day yesterday and decorated away. It was a good time. We then Cuddled up and watched "The Grinch" with Jim Carey... I love watching that movie during Christmas time. Hope you all are doing well. Will write again later.

brigid

I just told people that I wasn't drinking any more. They all thought that was a good idea for me, some people tried to pressure me but that was because they wanted drinking company, they were people like me who had a problem with alcohol, they needed me to drink to justify their drinking. I realised that everyone else saw me drunk and knew better than me that I should not drink, I didn't see me, usually blacked out at a certain time and didn't remember much after that.

I found that this also put an expectation on myself to not drink and that some people wanted to talk to me about it, for their own interest. I got a lot of support which helped enormously. I also felt honest and open, which was really nice after all the deceptions which drinking can create.

Well done on your sobriety! That is great.

love brigid

boothj9544

My wife does not drink hardly ever, except for a special occasion once in awhile, so that is not really a problem.
For some reason last night was a hard night for me, it was one of the hardest nights I have had since I quit drinking. I think tonight is going to be hard as well. I am off of work and dont have anything planned. More over I have completely thrown my back out of wack.... So I cant really be that active.
I keep having those old feelings enter my head. Yesterday especially...
"Its ok you have gone over two weeks without"... ETC.
I know that it is the devil talking, but it is still hard. It is amazing the justifications that you can find for drinking. I know that cravings come and go but I find it so odd that I can go two weeks really solid and then it gets hard.
Anyway, Still doing ok just fighting through some tough days...
Been sober now 17 days...

scoutbabes

Your story drinking is the same as mine...Im in my 4th day. I am having trouble entertaining myself at night but I guess I will find something to substitute drinking with.

I am happy to read through your thread.

brigid

yep, its a merry go round, but well worth the effort. good luck tonight, maybe you can do some cooking ... anything to take the focus.

good work staying sober

love brigid

Taiman

Hey congrats on your newly found sobriety. I know I am in the minority but if I may suggest some alternatives to AA. AA has a 94-96% failure rate but don't despair there are some great alternatives. Here is a link to a sticky that lists them.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nfo-76726.html

jmhs002

Taiman
I suggest AA, and I do so because it was helpful for me. Everyone has options available to them. I don't think we want to start posting the "failure rate" of AA - Numbers can be manipulated to say whatever you would like them to say.

JMHS

Taiman

and I posted alternatives. The numbers are AA's own numbers and documented, why do you feel the need to attack my post?

p.s. here comes the AA dogmatism.

But here come the facts:

For many years in the 1970s and 1980s, the AA GSO (Alcoholics Anonymous General Service Organization) conducted triennial surveys where they counted their members and asked questions like how long members had been sober. Around 1990, they published a commentary on the surveys: Comments on A.A.'s Triennial Surveys [no author listed, published by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., New York, no date (probably 1990)]. The document has an A.A. identification number of "5M/12-90/TC". The document was produced for A.A. internal use only. It has a graph on page 12 (Diagram C-1) that shows that newcomers drop out, relapse, leave, or disappear at a staggeringly high rate.8 Averaging the results from the five surveys from 1977 to 1989 yielded these numbers:


81% are gone (19% remain) after 1 month;
90% are gone (10% remain) after 3 months,
93% are gone (7% remain) after 6 months,
and 95% are gone (5% remain) at the end of one year

Peter

Near as I can tell Boothj has been doing pretty good journalling about his experiences staying sober. Unless I missed it I see nowhere where he showed any interest in AA or "great recovery alternatives"

Funny really, but somebody should do a "statistic about the accuracy of statistics"

I wont be putting too much money out of my paycheck on any "statistic"

Anybody with a clipboard and a calculator can run a "statistic"

Don't tell me what the statistics say.

Tell me what YOU feel in your heart.

Gideon

booth, nice series of posts. 29 years old here. Definetly sounds familiar. It is cool that your wife is there for you. I wish I had the last couple years with my girlfriend to do again too, this time sober. But like you said, no time like the present. Good Luck............

Taiman

See the above post those statistics are AA's and represented alcoholics who didn't get sober. Isn't the still suffering alcoholic utmost in your mind?

I noticed he had 14 days of sobriety so he is new. Then a quote by Herbert Spencer came to mind.

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments, and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”

Perhaps the man wants to examine all his recovery options before picking one. I wouldn't want to foster contempt prior to investigation.

What is in my heart is a desire to help the still suffering alcoholic

Peter

Yeah, booth keep up the good work and congrats on the 17 days.

Peter

Yeah I know it's in the AA Big Book.

Taiman

Perhaps you didn't know that Spencer was arguing against fundamentalism and religious dogma in the debate about the origins of man. He was trying to get people to listen to Charles Darwin's ideas.

According to Spencer shooting down ideas, such as alternatives to AA, before exploring them, will keep a man in ever lasting ignorance.

Cathy31

Booth
You are doing SO WELL!!! Your thread (for the most part, lol! )is such a joy to read! Please keep posting...you are doing extremely well and I am really happy for you.
Well done!
CAthy31
x

boothj9544

Hello,
Hope this finds everyone on the board in good spirits. Things are going OK here. Seems like I have been kind of down lately. I dont feel like doing housework, dont feel like going shopping, dont feel like doing much of anything. I just got kind of this helpless, what is the point feeling.
I think it is just my body/mind tricking me and trying to tell me it misses alcohol use. These last few days I have been off work and are normally the time that I endulge like a lush. You guys and gals ever get this way? Ya just feel kind of down and the only thing that you think can get you up is a good buzz? Like everything else you do cant compare in entertainment value etc... What a CROCK huh, I just have to remember all the bad stuff that does with it...
Pretty depressing stuff, sorry.
I guess I just need to come back and reevaluate, why I want to be sober etc. I had a good long talk with my wife this morning. I told her I was having a rough time. We are planning on going out to a movie tonight so I wont just be sitting at home. It will be easier when I go back to work and get on my normal routine again. Then hopefully next time I am off work it will be a little easier. Things are already easier now after reading through all my previous posts, and all your replys
Sober for 19 days, I just have to smile when I write that. I have not gone this long sober for years. This is the 1st of December and by the time it is chistmas I will have been sober 45 days... Not to look to far beyond today but that sounds pretty cool!
I suppose I should get busy, my wife told me to clean up the house. My back is feelingt better so I cant use that excuse right now. I will probably end up watching TV though
Take it easy