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Abc

Old 11-02-2005, 02:44 AM
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Abc

Deceptively simple, very powerful. Try and grasp it:

http://www.smartrecovery.org/library...ash_course.pdf
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Old 11-02-2005, 06:58 AM
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Great tool Mil.

Perhaps the folks here would benefit more from an example of how you personally use the tool? I would provide my own, but this is your thread.

If anyone has any further questions on the ABC or any other item found at SMART recovery, just give a holler.

Enjoy
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Old 11-02-2005, 07:36 AM
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Five,
I couldn't access the link on your post. Not sure where the problem lies but I am having trouble with my computer.
Anyway, to cut to the chase, I became aware of CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) through a post on this site a few months ago. I read up on it and use it now and then when I think I am reacting to issues on autopilot. I question my responses and try to understand the reasoning behind them. It is a useful tool for the occasions when the urge / desire to drink comes along. It is handy to know whether ones reactions are based on rationality or on habit / prejudice.
It seems to work for me and its one of the tools I keep handy.
I think it was Millwall who first brought this to my attention...anyone heard from him?
Regards
Michael
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Old 11-02-2005, 06:06 PM
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I'm sure Millwall is around somewhere....

ABCs- a crash course.

If you get some paper and a pencil to use while you read this, you can learn this technique in 10 minutes.

The "ABC's" are an exercise from REBT, which is a form of cognitive therapy that is simple enough and effective enough to be used by anybody and- it works. You can learn to do this straight out of a book, or off the computer screen. We use it to examine the beliefs we have (or the thinking we are doing) as some of this may be causing us problems. The "ABC's" are an exercise that helps us to stop being victimized by our own thinking.

A common example is the issue of someone else's behavior "making us angry". This is a very common way of expressing something and we hear it often, but in fact it distorts the situation it attempts to describe.

A more accurate description of "someone making me angry" is to say that I feel angry about their behavior. They are not making me anything- they are simply behaving in a way that I am getting angry about. I notice their behavior and then I become angry. The responsibility for the anger is mine, not theirs. This can sound strange at first, but dealing with problematic anger and frustration this way works.

REBT theory says that it is generally irrational and self-defeating to get all worked up about someone else's behavior. The anger is based on a faulty assumption, which is that the other person SHOULD behave in the way I want them to. If you think about it, what the other person SHOULD do is not necessarily what they DO do. This is a very important element of the equation- reality. They do what they do, and then I/you automatically get angry about it, and feel quite upset for a while- possibly very upset. It's like walking around with a big pushbutton on your forehead that says "Push here to aggravate". Is this a useful response to others' behavior? Probably not.

Since they are very likely going to do that (whatever it is) anyway, it seems, then it would make life a great deal easier if I/you didn't get angry about it and lose our peace of mind. This is what REBT can accomplish, in many such situations. The missing part of the puzzle, and the part that is the really crucial part, is what WE THINK about what they do.

For example, if I really believe that they MUST NOT do whatever they are doing, and then they still continue to do it, then the DEMAND that I have inside my head that says; "they MUST NOT do that" will put considerable pressure on me from the inside to do something about it, which I am very often unable to do.

Often, it just isn't possible to control other peoples' behavior. So this will automatically make me feel bad; frustrated, ineffective, angry, desperate, hurt, enraged, and so on because I cannot translate the DEMAND "they MUST NOT do that" into reality. Most external phenomena I simply cannot control. The problem is that I am DEMANDING something that I cannot get. It is better for my peace of mind if I simply PREFER to get what I want than DEMAND it.

How much easier it is if I can become aware of this and make a choice to change the DEMAND "they MUST NOT do that" into a more rational alternative, which actually means something: "I PREFER that they don't do that". Once I downgrade the DEMAND to a simple PREFERENCE, the heat is turned down and I can function again. After all, it's now only a preference!

REBT has a simple exercise to help us make this adjustment, called "the ABCs". It is used to analyze the situation and change our thinking about it so that without trying to change external reality, we can feel better about it. This doesn't mean that we should never try to change external reality- sometimes it is appropriate- it's when it isn't an appropriate or effective response that we can choose to have a different response instead in order to feel better.

To use this ABC exercise for yourself, just pick any situation where someone's behavior is "making you angry" or upset or irritated or frustrated.... and take a look and see what it is you are thinking about it that is DEMAND-ing and irrational. Change it into something more rational- a PREFERENCE. It is irrational to demand that people behave in the way we want them to!

Here is an example using drunken people making a lot of noise late at night as they pass by outside where I live.

A. (Activating situation)
Drunk people outside, making some noise.

B. (Irrational Belief I have about A) They MUSTN'T make any noise.

C. (Consequences of having those beliefs about A)

When noisy drunken people pass in the street outside late at night and wake me up I feel angry. It feels bad. I lie awake feeling angry and upset and don't get back to sleep for a long time.

D. (Dispute the irrational Beliefs in B by turning them into questions and answers)

WHY shouldn't they make any noise- where is that commandment written in stone? Well, it isn't.

E. (Effective new thinking- substitute something rational instead of B)

Drunken people often tend to be noisy, but it's no big deal. It is very common that they make some noise on their way home. I will CHOOSE to not upset myself about this, and I will stop even noticing it because it is not a problem for me. When this happens I will say "Ah, the drunk people who pass in the night" and go back to sleep.


You can make an ABC exercise really short;

A. (Activating situation) Drunks walking past outside, making some noise. B. (Irrational Belief I have about A): They SHOULDN'T make any noise
C. (Consequences of having those beliefs about A): I Feel angry, etc
D. (Dispute the irrational Belief/s in B): WHY shouldn't they make any noise?
E. (Effective new thinking) Drunk people do make noise, it's what they're good at- its like a natural talent for them. I will CHOOSE to not upset myself about this.

And you can do this on many situations that bother you and reclaim your peace of mind, just look for the DEMAND and turn it into a PREFERENCE. Here's another one...


A. (Activating situation) I tried to do something and failed
B. (Irrational Belief I have about A): I must always be successful
C. (Consequences of believing B): I feel bad, depressed, etc
D. (Dispute the Irrational Belief in B): where is it written in stone that I must I always be successful?
E. (Effective new thinking to replace B): I would prefer always to be successful but let's be realistic- that isn't very likely, is it- so when I'm not successful I don't need to make myself feel bad.

That's it- that is how to do ABC's. Try this technique with something that is bothering you. Try to keep it as simple as you can while you get used to the ideas involved. Be aware of "should- ing" and "musterbation" (these simply mean the occurrence of problem-causing "should" and "must" DEMANDS in your thinking). Here are some things you might think or believe, in which case these could be your "iB"s:


I MUST NOT feel overwhelmed with responsibilities.
I CAN'T STAND IT when I feel (bored, sad, lonely, whatever) People MUST not take me for granted.
Email lists SHOULD be how I expect them to be Other people SHOULD behave in the way I want I SHOULD be able to have a drink.
I NEED a drink ("NEED" is often interpreted as MUST HAVE- be aware of such invisible
MUSTS).
They MUST see it my way.
I MUST NEVER display weakness.
The sun MUST shine tomorrow.
People who do bad things MUST ALWAYS be punished etc.

Try to find some Activating situations, iB's and Consequences of your own and do this exercise with them. Often is easier to start with the C - the Consequences of the A and B and work back to see what they were. Whenever you feel upset it can be a useful exercise to see if an ABC can be done on the situation and your thinking about it. You never know, you might just feel better. Get into the habit of doing this regularly and you might feel a lot better overall. And do please note; this is a tool not just a theory. Success with this (and other) cognitive techniques is dependent on your writing out your own examples and making it part of the way you think.
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Old 11-02-2005, 07:50 PM
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a good read
but
put it into practice
is a bummer
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Old 11-02-2005, 09:48 PM
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Not really, fraankie. Most people find it helpful to reduce their emotional upsets as part of reducing the triggers to their harmful behaviors. The ABC is a simple tool, not intended as a panacea. Just a way to recognize when you're making yourself crazy and when you're letting your emotions control you.
The purpose of an ABC is to identify and dispute the irrational (unhealthy, dysfunctional...you choose the term you prefer) beliefs that underlie your emotions.
The goal of an ABC is to develop effective new beliefs that lead to greater comfort and peace of mind.
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Old 11-02-2005, 10:03 PM
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It's actually very similiar to the process I go through with awareness, acceptance, and letting go.

I wish I could have mastered this in 10 minutes, but for some of us slower learners, it takes what it takes.

My sponsor has reminded me repeatedly "recovery isn't a race" Theres no finish line to get to.
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Old 11-02-2005, 10:24 PM
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A couple of good points, Gooch.
--It's not unlike what people do in other ways and in other programs. A comment I heard at a recent conference was that 'accepting the reality is the first part of changing.'
--Very few people master the concept in ten minutes. Usually when I've seen it described the presenter suggests trying it on something very simple such as frustration about not having any sharp pencils at work, being stuck in traffic, or your teenager leaving stuff around. Describe the emotion (C: frustrated, angry), describe the activating event in neutral terms (A: dirty laundry on the floor), and then identify the beliefs about that which are making you angry. Disputing them is almost always done by question/answer process.
The effective new beliefs can become something you find applicable to a wide range of situations ('I would prefer that the other drivers be more considerate and attentive, but it isn't worth getting angry about' can become 'It isn't worth getting angry about other peoples' behaviors').
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Old 11-03-2005, 01:53 AM
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My explanation:

A:I am at work, my boss tells me to send a fax off that I forgot to do.

B: My belief is: I am useless at my job, and probably useless in general.

C: Emotion/beahviour related to belief: negative, shaky, black and depressed. Try to reach perfection by doing EVERYTHING exactly PERFECT.

D: challenge the belief: I am always trying to be perfect and this just puts more pressure on me, and makes me feel ill when I fail. Do I have to be perfect all the time? And if I am not am I REALLY a failure?

E: more adaptive belief: it is okay to not be perfect. Perfection is impossible. I will try my best without putting such a high standard on myself.

Work is a big one for me – I am always trying my ABSOLUTE HARDEST ALL THE TIME – and SMART has been, well for a good couple of weeks now, a great help in my actually growing into a more harmonious pattern.

I learnt CBT a slightly different way for OCD – using Socratic questioning which is an adventure in itself. I will up a little piece on that some time.

To the unaware it may seem cold and unfeeling (an era of notions of “blocked emotions” and “feeling our feelings”) but it sure aint cold when a few ABC’s free up my thinking to read poetry, to talk to friends, to enjoy a days fishing. Its reality testing, finding out the truth, and moving on. I use it when I need to, like a few other little CBT tools I have got.

i am also aware, thanks to my 5 sessions with a CBT therapist, of some shocking core beliefs i have. And they are fading away daily. these beliefs have played huge parts in my drinking, relationships, and emotional life for YEARS.
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