Memories
 

I had a bit of an accident last week and have been off work since. I went to my doctor's surgery today to get some voltarol for the pain and as my wife has the car I wlked there and back. I was walking along and passed an old friend's house where, in drink, I made a complete ass of myself on more than one occasion. My consistently bad behaviour led to the loss of that friendship.
The true horror of my actions flooded in and I felt just so embarrassed and pathetic as I was walking along. This was in strong contrast to my feelings on the matter when I was drinking. At that time I thought it was their loss but now I see that the fault was all mine.
I try to live in the now rather than dissecting all my yesterdays but today it was hard. I suppose in a way a dose of truth and honesty will do me more good than an alcohol fuelled sense of my own self-righteousness.
I know we all have skeletons in our cupboards and I am interested to learn how you deal with yours.
Michael

I do a ninth step and try to make amends by letting the person know that what happened was my fault and I realize that and am sorry it happened. Their reaction to my amend is up to them. IMO you blew a perfect opportunity to make an amend so that you don't have to carry that any more.

Hey michaelj, I have been learning how to deal with the embarassing things that haunt my thoughts from time to time. From time to time actually means often daily. I've done alot of things that I am not proud of. For me, it's sometimes the smallest of things that make my face turn red when I recall them. What I have been doing is reminding myself that I do not do these things when I am sober. I do these things when I am under the control of alcohol. If I allow alcohol into my body, I have no control over the amount that I will consume and that leads to situations that I would never put myself in when sober. I don't know if this is the right way to be dealing with these feelings, but it is working for me.

I am not an active member of AA, so I am not doing any steps with my recovery. My counsellor tells me that living a sober life is a sort of walking amend to those close to me that I have hurt. I know that many in AA would disagree with that and that is fine. It's working for me for the time being.

I forgive myself, and I find comfort in the knowledge that if I stay clean and sober today, I won't be making any more embarrassing moments for myself anymore!

I had a somewhat similar situation. I was a few months sober and was working down the aisle (grocery store) from this guy. All of a sudden, I remembered that I had hit this guy in the face with a car door (on purpose) and laughed about it. I wasn't sure if it was true or if it was something my brain made up. So, I went down the aisle (scared to death) and I asked him if there had been an incident with a car door...

He got a bit angry, said yea, I broke his nose and 2 of his teeth. I made direct amends there on the spot. We were both able to put it in the past and able to have a "normal" relationship.

Jen

This is an interesting thread for me, because I was feeling a bit depressed this evening. I wish I could erase all the stupid things I've done, but I can't. I can, however, stop beating myself up over them.
chip

Step 9 does the deal for me. :)

Very interesting Michealj.

I guess I try by not repeating the same mistakes as yesteryear.

I believe also that people have uncanny abilities to understand...

My only guide is...how would I like it if it happened to me? That is my moral guidance on such matters.

Thamks for all your replies. They have given me food for thought. I think if I see the people again I will try to bring the matter up with a light hearted apology. I don't do deep and meaningful face to face.
Michael