4health

In speaking with a recovered alcoholic from AA (sober 15+ years) I told him how I had quit, how I was doing, what I was doing. I have pretty much changed only 1 thing. I don't drink. I do more than I had been before I quit. More stuff with my family, home, community. More active I guess. I got back into exercise. I don't do AA (not to say that it doesn't work for poeple. 2 reasons I don't go is that I didn't care to make my issues anymore public, and 2 I do not think there is AA availble in my town of less than 2000 pop). I use this site predominantly in my recovery. He told me that sobriety isn't an on/off switch. That I'll have problems if I don't go by AA.

Well, so far, it is 40 days. Not a drop of liquor has crossed these lips. I am thrilled with that!! I do have the occational craving. Nothing serious and nothing I can't handle. More like a thought or at times, habit. I am very serious about my sobriety and it is something I want to hold onto with a death grip. So. Do others here think if you don't go AA route that your bound to fail? Is it possible to quit the way I've outlined? Is there an oldtimer on here who can tell me they quit in a similar way and are still successful?

jlo34

4Health:
I have been sober for 14 1/2 years - via AA. I have changed just one thing as well - EVERYTHING. The biggest advantage of AA is that you talk with others, hear and see the newcomers - those that have gone back out..the pain in their faces. Get to know people a lot more intimately than a message board can provide.

Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful. Once you think you have it licked - the disease (progressive and patient) will be right there to try to lure you back into drinking. I STILL have this happen to me. It's somewhat easy to stay sober in the beginning - when your last drunk is so fresh and clear in your mind. Your resolve strong...but when you haven't drank for several years...the memory fades and sounds more and more appealing - until I see a new person walk in or a person who was sober and then went back out and was fortunate enough to make it back to the rooms of AA.

I live in a village. Not sure how many people - I can tell you that there are less than 2,000 though. We have an AA meeting here. Our county has over 60 meetings per week - most of which are within a 20 mile radius from my home. It is possible to make 3-4 meetings EVERY DAY where I live.

Some people don't need AA. Some people can stay sober without it. From those that I have known they eventually become miserable due to NOT CHANGING. AA has the advantage of having the 12 steps to help you change your life. To answer your question, no, I don't know of anyone with long-term non-AA sobriety. But that's just me. Not saying it's not possible...just saying I don't personally know of anyone.

Take care, good luck on your journey,
Jen

Anna

Hi 4health,

I have been sober just over 5 years and I am not an AA person. While I know many people find it's what works for them, it didn't work for me. And, I am not miserable due to 'not changing'.

I have changed a lot. Addiction shook me to my frame and I have questioned every belief about myself that I had and then built a new framework. This has been a slow process but the result is a 'me', a person who didn't exist before my addiction took hold.

There are many excellent books that have helped me a lot. The one that helped me the most is "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav. I just finished reading "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey which is a story of a deeply addicted man's recovery without AA.

Don S

From this I can conclude that he will have problems if he doesn't go by AA. Not that you will. Of course you're not 'bound to fail' if you don't go to AA. AA is successful for some, but a very small percentage, of those who quit drinking.
I suggest Sober for Good by Anne M. Fletcher. Lots of good examples there of folks who have long term sobriety, and how they got there.
I don't agree with your statement that you have changed 'only one' thing! More time with family, home, community, and exercise are all things people do -- i.e., changes they make -- when they successfully quit drinking.
Don S

CarolD

AA is not the only way.

I am sober 16 1/2 years with AA.

I think the key to long sobriety is a personal cpmmection with God.

Can I stay sober without AA? Ceertainly.
But wjy would I want to? :

Blessings....

Mongo

Hi 4Health

Congratulations on your 40 days!

I don't think long term sobriety is unique to any one program or method of recovery. I have talked to many people who have achieved this in every program I've come across. Also, each program has its share of people who relapse.

For myself, I read everything I can find and participate in every forum that appeals to me. Even though I do not participate in AA, I really get a lot of insight from the people at Sober Recovery, and I do lurk here often. My primary program of choice is Smart Recovery and I do work that program consistantly.

I think the key to remaing sober is to have a change of plan of some sort, and stick to this. Let's face it, remaining sober is hard work. Any information I come across gives me one more tool or troubleshooting tip to help me with my goals. This appeals to the technician in me. As they say in AA, take what you need and leave the rest.

There's a wealth of info out there that a person can take and use for their own personal recovery program. I don't think that every system fits all people as we are all different and have different needs and thought patterns.

Good luck to you and keep well!

Mongo

bartender129

Hi there jen,
The 12-steps are not the only framework for personal change. There are countless methodologies and therapies out there that address personal change. And rest assured that those who stay sober without the aid of the 12-steps aren't all miserable and there are plenty of people who practice the 12-steps who are. Perhaps you haven't met someone who is happily sober without the aide of AA because you, admittedly, live in a small village and spend much of your free time at AA meetings?

4health,
BIG congrats on the 40 days. I agree with Don that more has been changing then you give yourself credit for. The best advice I was given about recovery is that when you find something that works hold on to it. If you think it might cease working, find something else that does. Your recovery has very little to do with how other people do it. There are beneficial aspects to every recovery program out there and they will be readily available should you want to try them out. In the mean time keep on doing what is working and making you happy.

Music

Sobriety comes in stages. I guess it depends on what sobriety means to you. If you're willing to settle for just "not drinking" I guess that can be achieved by coming here to SR and ignoring the rest of the process. I hear people talk about taking the "geographical cure." What this means is they think that if they take the body from one place to another, their situation will change for the better. What they forget is that wherever they decide to go, they take that same body with them. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I don't suppose a person has to take the body anywhere to do the "geographical cure." I can attempt the cure by the way of distraction in an attempt to stop my mind from thinking about drinking. What happens though when those distractions are no longer there? If I don't achieve that "psychic change" in the way I think about myself in relatioin to alcohol, when the distractions are gone, my mind goes back to whatever is most convenient in order to deal with being "nervous, irritable, and discontent." Real sobriety is not just "not drinking." It's contentment with who I am. I'm not talking about the person I allow people to see, but who I really am. Who I know as me. If I don't achieve a measure of peace and contentment within myself by making necessary changes in me, making amends where necessary to clear up my past with others whom I've harmed by my alcoholic behavior, and realize that I need spiritual help from a source greater than myself, I'm doomed to repeat the same behavior, because all I've done is bury that behavior with a bunch of fluffy things that feel good.
I've known a couple people who have been able to "not drink" on their own but they've been miserable in every other area of their lives, because they've never dumped all the garbage and cleaned themselves up on the inside. If that's what you're willing to settle for, that's your choice. Just remember. Taking that next drink is also a choice and I don't know about you but if I'm ever faced with having to make that decision, I want the deck stacked in my favor as much as possible.

4health

I really appreciate all your wonderful answers! It is interesting how unique your answers are. I guess my recovery is just as unique.

Since I've made this choice to stay sober I noticed one big change. Well, the biggest change after those first days of tears I noticed I am HAPPY!! I was diagnosed with PostPartum Depression and had even been taking medication for it. I stopped the medication over a year ago and thought I was still depressed. I self medicated with my binge drinking until I quit. Well, Since then I haven't been depressed at all! I am happy! That is the most significant change in me I guess. The way I feel inside.

I'll make it. I know I will. Mostly I think it is because that is what I WANT. I like the feeling of waking up happy and feeling good. I like that body is getting healthier every day. I like the reprecusions of my sobriety. My husband, even with his one day slip, has had a total of 18 days sobriety himself.

I feel like I look younger... weird I know but I think that goes along with the happiness.

I guess I felt a little discouraged. The thought that I could fail because I am 'not doing it right' discouraged me but I realize everyone has to do it in a way that suits them. We're all unique and the way we quit will be unique as well. Even if you do go with AA, it is a take what you want, leave what you don't method... which means each person quitting with AA is going a unique route for themselves also.

Thank you all once again for your great replys! I am happy!! I am strong and I am healthier than I have been in 14 years (if you count my smoking before I started drinking!). I'll continue my personal road to recovery.

jlo34

[QUOTE=bartender129]Hi there jen,
The 12-steps are not the only framework for personal change. There are countless methodologies and therapies out there that address personal change. And rest assured that those who stay sober without the aid of the 12-steps aren't all miserable and there are plenty of people who practice the 12-steps who are. Perhaps you haven't met someone who is happily sober without the aide of AA because you, admittedly, live in a small village and spend much of your free time at AA meetings?

Bartender,
I NEVER said that AA was the only way for personal change. I also DID NOT say that people who were sober WITHOUT AA were miserable. I said the people that I KNEW were - because, as Music was saying, they quit drinking, haven't figured out why they drank, haven't dumped their garbage - they JUST QUITE DRINKING. I do live in a small village, but I DO NOT spend much of my free time at AA meetings. I have learned to live happily without being immersed into avoidance of what's going on with me. I have known many people happy in their sobriety; I have also known people who choose not to work the 12-steps and are miserable.

Before you start "judging me" by my words; why don't you read what I actually wrote?

j'ade d'arcy

Hi 4Health!!

I too have forged my own way in recovery. I went to AA for the first few months and I credit that attendance with my initial sobriety. Although I do not go to AA any longer, I still encourage anyone starting out to do so. It works for many many people, but I do not think that it is the only way to achieve our goals in sobriety.

I do however still see an addictions counsellor and I find that having some kind of outside support works well for me.

I agree with you that sobriety is a personal journey for each individual, I don't think there is one set in stone recovery plan for everyone. What works for you works for you.

I always leave the door open to AA, it is there if I choose to return.

Please don't think that you are destined to relapse if you don't attend AA, it sounds like you are really working your own program of recovery and if it is working, keep it up. You can always go back to AA if you feel that you need to.

Congrats to you on 40 days!! That is terrific!!

Dan

Music's gonna get his rope out.
I just know it

Bingo

Music

Nope!! The rope is coiled and hanging in where it belongs....LOL. No pissing contest here at least on my end. The proof is in the puddin'. If it works, it works!!
What....you aren't "Dangerous" any more Dan?? What's up with that??

bartender129

LOL

Phinneas

I think he's past the Dangerous stage. Now in the "fuzzy teddy bear stage." (But to shy to post that as his user name.)

-phinny

Dan

Hung up my gunbelt.
Barrels empty
Now back to 4Health.

Peter

There are many roads to recovery.

What works for one may not work for others.

Unfortunately there are some who believe their own particular brand of recovery is the only kind but the truth is that even Bill Wilson ( AA's co-founder) never made the claim that AA alone had the answer to the alcoholism problem.

Whatever flavour of recovery you choose be committed to it. If it kept you sober forty days it could probably do it for forty years.

Good luck to you.