here is another person in need of help.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 3
here is another person in need of help.....
.... and that is me... I just don't know what to do , or how do it... I am just thankful that this forum "found" me 
I am a 41 year old woman.
I have started drinking very heavily since moving countries 6 years ago. I started drinking to forget my situation of that particular time... and the drinking increased... day by day.. to what is now generally almost 2 bottles of wine a day...... for the past 5 years. Weekends? it's even worse. perhaps 4 pints of beer and 1 bottle of wine.
My stomach (liver?) feels and looks enlarged, it is painful, and i feel feverish most of the times, unable to concentrate, depressed, weepy... (yet, I am able somehow to still hold on to my job, which in light of how crappy I feel every morning is truly mind-boggling). Notwithstanding how truly sick I feel during the day, at night... I jump back into my old routine. Wine, cigarettes... and while the evening away until it all starts all over again.
Today, I feel particularly ill. I feel feverish, yet i don't have a fever. My stomach feels ready to explode. I feel a metallic taste in my mouth. I want to quit SO BADLY, and I just DON'T KNOW HOW!!!!! I feel so particularly stupid, because everytime I go to the doctor's with the intention of telling her what my problem REALLY is, instead I tell her I have pains in my tummy, that my liver is bothering me "for some reason"..... everything, but that. The shame is just too much. Funny again is the fact that my doctor had me go through this battery of tests for liver function, cholesterol, 24-hour heart monitoring, everything... and everything came back normal. A perfect reason for me not to tell her what's really going on with me, right??? wrong. :o( i feel so desperate right now, I feel SO SCARED of dying and yet I know that tonight, when I get home, I will pour myself another glass....
Bambinella.
I am a 41 year old woman.
I have started drinking very heavily since moving countries 6 years ago. I started drinking to forget my situation of that particular time... and the drinking increased... day by day.. to what is now generally almost 2 bottles of wine a day...... for the past 5 years. Weekends? it's even worse. perhaps 4 pints of beer and 1 bottle of wine.
My stomach (liver?) feels and looks enlarged, it is painful, and i feel feverish most of the times, unable to concentrate, depressed, weepy... (yet, I am able somehow to still hold on to my job, which in light of how crappy I feel every morning is truly mind-boggling). Notwithstanding how truly sick I feel during the day, at night... I jump back into my old routine. Wine, cigarettes... and while the evening away until it all starts all over again.
Today, I feel particularly ill. I feel feverish, yet i don't have a fever. My stomach feels ready to explode. I feel a metallic taste in my mouth. I want to quit SO BADLY, and I just DON'T KNOW HOW!!!!! I feel so particularly stupid, because everytime I go to the doctor's with the intention of telling her what my problem REALLY is, instead I tell her I have pains in my tummy, that my liver is bothering me "for some reason"..... everything, but that. The shame is just too much. Funny again is the fact that my doctor had me go through this battery of tests for liver function, cholesterol, 24-hour heart monitoring, everything... and everything came back normal. A perfect reason for me not to tell her what's really going on with me, right??? wrong. :o( i feel so desperate right now, I feel SO SCARED of dying and yet I know that tonight, when I get home, I will pour myself another glass....
Bambinella.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
(((Bambinella)))
I am not the A in our family, so I will not offer any advice...I sure there will be those along soon who will give you some good information. I just wanted to welcome you, tell you I am glad you are here, and hope this is the start of a better way of living for you...as evidently, the way you have been doing things isn't working any more. Sounds to me like you have made a wonderful first step for improving your life.
I wish you the best......stick around!
I am not the A in our family, so I will not offer any advice...I sure there will be those along soon who will give you some good information. I just wanted to welcome you, tell you I am glad you are here, and hope this is the start of a better way of living for you...as evidently, the way you have been doing things isn't working any more. Sounds to me like you have made a wonderful first step for improving your life.
I wish you the best......stick around!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 1,639
well, the tests may show everything is normal
but
alcohol often masks the real problem
i did that for a long time
drink like a fish
then go to a doctor
and not mention drinking
so
the ball is in your court
2 bottles of wine
4 pints of beer and a bottle of wine
to me, is not especially much
so
if it is causing you so much physical pain
i would say you have a big problem
which won't be funny if it leads to something life threatening
but
this is a start
so
keep coming
best
fraankie
but
alcohol often masks the real problem
i did that for a long time
drink like a fish
then go to a doctor
and not mention drinking
so
the ball is in your court
2 bottles of wine
4 pints of beer and a bottle of wine
to me, is not especially much
so
if it is causing you so much physical pain
i would say you have a big problem
which won't be funny if it leads to something life threatening
but
this is a start
so
keep coming
best
fraankie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: not here
Posts: 10
hey...i know where you're coming from...i too was afraid to say anything to my docs about what was "really" going on for years and years until i finallly couldn't take it anymore unitl here recently and told them...they have all been very helpful in helping me get into the programs that i need to to get better...you really need to talk to them and let them know what's going on...don't be ashamed you need help and it's out there if you want it...
keep coming back and reading here ... the people are great good to have you
keep coming back and reading here ... the people are great good to have you
Michael
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: London England
Posts: 291
Bambinella,
I can really relate to your situation. For too many years I got up just about every morning feeling wretched and promising myself I would stop drinking. By lunchtime I had a few drinks inside me and I simply put off the decision until tomorrow. When I was particularly bad I would always find an excuse for not quitting just yet. There was always a holiday, a birthday, a big occasion to get past first. Well eventually I made the decision and just stopped. I went to AA and found that for the first few weeks of sobriety my attendance at the meetings kept me concentrated on the task and I am very grateful for that.
I would strongly recommend that you go to meetings and get established in sobriety for a few weeks / months. Once you are settled and over the initial trauma of quitting you can begin to assess your long term needs.
You may not have done any permanent damage yet and I hope that you are OK. The problem with addiction to alcohol is that the damage is not limited to the physical. If you can make the decision to quit I can tell you withabsolute certainty that both your physical and emotional health will improve. It all takes time but it is worth every second.
Best wishes
Michael
I can really relate to your situation. For too many years I got up just about every morning feeling wretched and promising myself I would stop drinking. By lunchtime I had a few drinks inside me and I simply put off the decision until tomorrow. When I was particularly bad I would always find an excuse for not quitting just yet. There was always a holiday, a birthday, a big occasion to get past first. Well eventually I made the decision and just stopped. I went to AA and found that for the first few weeks of sobriety my attendance at the meetings kept me concentrated on the task and I am very grateful for that.
I would strongly recommend that you go to meetings and get established in sobriety for a few weeks / months. Once you are settled and over the initial trauma of quitting you can begin to assess your long term needs.
You may not have done any permanent damage yet and I hope that you are OK. The problem with addiction to alcohol is that the damage is not limited to the physical. If you can make the decision to quit I can tell you withabsolute certainty that both your physical and emotional health will improve. It all takes time but it is worth every second.
Best wishes
Michael
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Bambinella, welcome to the forums.
You say you "drink to forget" well I am sure by now you have found out the old cliche is true (drinking never solved anything).
The way you are feeling now is probably the combination of toxins in your body from the alcohol and cigarettes along with the stress of unresolved emotional issues.
You feel sick inside because you know you are killing yourself slowly.
It is unlikely that anything will change unless you stop what you are doing.
My first suggestion to you would be to find your local AA meetings right away, but I get the feeling you would not be comfortable with this.However I hope your visit here will help you to find a solution to your problem.
All the best
You say you "drink to forget" well I am sure by now you have found out the old cliche is true (drinking never solved anything).
The way you are feeling now is probably the combination of toxins in your body from the alcohol and cigarettes along with the stress of unresolved emotional issues.
You feel sick inside because you know you are killing yourself slowly.
It is unlikely that anything will change unless you stop what you are doing.
My first suggestion to you would be to find your local AA meetings right away, but I get the feeling you would not be comfortable with this.However I hope your visit here will help you to find a solution to your problem.
All the best
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hello and Welcome to SR! 
That misery go round came cease. We alcoholics do recover....so can you.
As others syggested....AA and being honest with your doctor is a wise move.
Keep in touch...read our post...ask questions.
We understand and you are not alone.
Blessings....
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