No will power- Can you quit alone?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: North Benton, OH
Posts: 3
No will power- Can you quit alone?
I have this constant image in my head that I want to get into shape and be healthy (feel confident and good) Sounds great!! but its been an image for years and even when I was sober I dont think I ever really felt that way...
I lose that feeling of getting in shape mentallity about half way through the day and after that I just put it off and everything else also and start to drink. I been to a treatment center before so I know what its all about but even the thought of going to a meeting turns me off. All the talking, laughing, big smiles ILLLLLLLLL!! lol reminds me of Julie Cooper from the OC. What the heck happens from morning were I say Im done with this stuff - and at the end of the day Im ready to get trashed again knowing I shouldnt!!
I lose that feeling of getting in shape mentallity about half way through the day and after that I just put it off and everything else also and start to drink. I been to a treatment center before so I know what its all about but even the thought of going to a meeting turns me off. All the talking, laughing, big smiles ILLLLLLLLL!! lol reminds me of Julie Cooper from the OC. What the heck happens from morning were I say Im done with this stuff - and at the end of the day Im ready to get trashed again knowing I shouldnt!!
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Progression happens.
Alcohol does that to a person.
Sitting around not doing anything does the same to our health.
It take effort to get over the hump. It gets easier every step of the way.
It is taking that first step that catches us.
I am powerless over alcohol. Once that is accepted as the truth it is for most of us... you may get more out of meetings then seeing the happiness that others have who know what a sober life can bring.
Why do you think they are *LOL*? They found the cure... 12 steps worth.
Alcohol does that to a person.
Sitting around not doing anything does the same to our health.
It take effort to get over the hump. It gets easier every step of the way.
It is taking that first step that catches us.
I am powerless over alcohol. Once that is accepted as the truth it is for most of us... you may get more out of meetings then seeing the happiness that others have who know what a sober life can bring.
Why do you think they are *LOL*? They found the cure... 12 steps worth.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Yes....it . is not fair!
How dare people enjoy their new sober lives when you are so miserable?!!
Youw way is not working...why not join the winners over alcohol?
I do hope you find your answers...Blessings...
How dare people enjoy their new sober lives when you are so miserable?!!
Youw way is not working...why not join the winners over alcohol?
I do hope you find your answers...Blessings...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
It's not about will power, it's about surrender. I personally got to the point where I was so miserable I was willing to try anything... even a meeting. 
51 sober weeks later, I am still coming back.
When I was drinking and using I tried and tried and tried some more to quit. I kept failing and thinking I better try harder. Well, trying harder only brought more failure. And on and on....
Maybe it's time to do something different?
hugs,
Phinny
51 sober weeks later, I am still coming back. When I was drinking and using I tried and tried and tried some more to quit. I kept failing and thinking I better try harder. Well, trying harder only brought more failure. And on and on....
Maybe it's time to do something different?
hugs,
Phinny
learning
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Where I need to be
Posts: 310
The good news and the bad news it that it is all up to you!
Self control (aka willpower) does play a large part in breaking habitual unhealthy behavior patters. Recovery methods of all kinds simply act as a lubricant to make staying stopped go more smoothly. But ultimately you are responsible for your own behavior and the consequences that arise from it. GEtting self control does require time and effort.
How to get “SELF-CONTROL"
Over the urges and cravings of a bad habit
Self-control is what you build up, develop, create and learn by controlling your behavior repeatedly. We should regard self-control as a skill. It is not a character trait or a thing you have to have that lets you control your behavior. (or a thing that not having it prevents you from doing so.) If someone says, "I have no self-control over my drinking or drugging, or eating sweets or whatever," it might be asked, "Are you well practiced at resisting your urges or opportunities to use or to overeat the wrong things?" The
answer would likely be, "No." This person is well practiced at giving in to those urges and opportunities to use. (No criticism from me! I did this for years and years.)
Getting control over your urges and opportunities is like getting control over a bicycle or roller skates or anything else. You’re not going to start out as an expert. You will get control of it only by forcing yourself at first to act differently than you feel! (It looks like the bike should fall over.) And it may feel very difficult or strange. But by practicing over and over, you learn to ride the bike! So the reason people correctly "feel" that they don't have self-control is because they haven't been practicing what would give it to them. In this case, the skill is in resisting urges or opportunities to use.
Along with other related strategies, at SMART Recovery® we learn how to stall, distract and resist those urges. If sometimes we don’t succeed, we keep trying and resistdiscouragement, like getting back on the bike if we tumbled! Those who do practice resisting urges, after a while report that it becomes easier and easier to continue. They have been exercising and building their self-control and now have begun to show a fair amount of skill. In every day language, thinking that you must first have "self control" before you can acquire a change in your behavior is "putting the cart before the horse."
In one famous study, children were left with a candy bar and told that if they didn't eat it they would get two candy bars. The children who resisted the temptation while alone were secretly observed using verbal self-reminders and distracting activities. Children who didn't resist were later able to do so after being taught new strategies for better selfcontrol. Things like learning that urges are time-limited, and they will crest and subside if we stall and divert the thoughts to something else. We practice doing this in our group meetings to help you be prepared for when you are tempted.
At SMART Recovery® we have a “toolbox” of proven techniques. Learning about what self-control really is, and using it to deal successfully with an undesired habit is an important example of a “tool”. We hope this knowledge gives you new insight about ways and means you can utilize to overcome problems, even very difficult ones like dependence on or misuse of substances.
Over the urges and cravings of a bad habit
Self-control is what you build up, develop, create and learn by controlling your behavior repeatedly. We should regard self-control as a skill. It is not a character trait or a thing you have to have that lets you control your behavior. (or a thing that not having it prevents you from doing so.) If someone says, "I have no self-control over my drinking or drugging, or eating sweets or whatever," it might be asked, "Are you well practiced at resisting your urges or opportunities to use or to overeat the wrong things?" The
answer would likely be, "No." This person is well practiced at giving in to those urges and opportunities to use. (No criticism from me! I did this for years and years.)
Getting control over your urges and opportunities is like getting control over a bicycle or roller skates or anything else. You’re not going to start out as an expert. You will get control of it only by forcing yourself at first to act differently than you feel! (It looks like the bike should fall over.) And it may feel very difficult or strange. But by practicing over and over, you learn to ride the bike! So the reason people correctly "feel" that they don't have self-control is because they haven't been practicing what would give it to them. In this case, the skill is in resisting urges or opportunities to use.
Along with other related strategies, at SMART Recovery® we learn how to stall, distract and resist those urges. If sometimes we don’t succeed, we keep trying and resistdiscouragement, like getting back on the bike if we tumbled! Those who do practice resisting urges, after a while report that it becomes easier and easier to continue. They have been exercising and building their self-control and now have begun to show a fair amount of skill. In every day language, thinking that you must first have "self control" before you can acquire a change in your behavior is "putting the cart before the horse."
In one famous study, children were left with a candy bar and told that if they didn't eat it they would get two candy bars. The children who resisted the temptation while alone were secretly observed using verbal self-reminders and distracting activities. Children who didn't resist were later able to do so after being taught new strategies for better selfcontrol. Things like learning that urges are time-limited, and they will crest and subside if we stall and divert the thoughts to something else. We practice doing this in our group meetings to help you be prepared for when you are tempted.
At SMART Recovery® we have a “toolbox” of proven techniques. Learning about what self-control really is, and using it to deal successfully with an undesired habit is an important example of a “tool”. We hope this knowledge gives you new insight about ways and means you can utilize to overcome problems, even very difficult ones like dependence on or misuse of substances.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: SCS, MI
Posts: 36
Well, you HAVE to quit alone. But from the time you decide to quit you can seek help/support from others to stay sober.
The morning is always easiest for me to know I do not want to drink. that is what gives me the strength to take Antabuse every day. Maybe this is something you should talk about with your doctor. Then regardless of the demons that ebter your head later in the day you know you CANNOT drink.
The morning is always easiest for me to know I do not want to drink. that is what gives me the strength to take Antabuse every day. Maybe this is something you should talk about with your doctor. Then regardless of the demons that ebter your head later in the day you know you CANNOT drink.
Michael
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: London England
Posts: 291
NotWeise,
I exhibited exactly the same behaviour as you describe in your post. I used to berate myself every morning and be drinking by lunchtime. I followed that sad rut for years until I had had enough. I didn't think at first that I could quit on willpower alone and for the first few weeks I was a weekly visitor to a local AA meeting.
After those few weeks I decided to go it alone and have done so successfully. I am grateful for the start AA gave me and I am equally grateful for the continuing support I derive from my family and from the contributors to this site. Strictly speaking I am not alone but I believe that I became sober and continue in that condition as a result of willpower. I would not advise any particular path to sobriety because we all have individual needs and unique histories. I believe it is far better to try different approaches and settle on the one that you find suits you best. Try AA, it works wonders for so many, try RR and SMART and any other method you want. Pick the one that suits you best and let me be the first to wish you every success.
Michael
I exhibited exactly the same behaviour as you describe in your post. I used to berate myself every morning and be drinking by lunchtime. I followed that sad rut for years until I had had enough. I didn't think at first that I could quit on willpower alone and for the first few weeks I was a weekly visitor to a local AA meeting.
After those few weeks I decided to go it alone and have done so successfully. I am grateful for the start AA gave me and I am equally grateful for the continuing support I derive from my family and from the contributors to this site. Strictly speaking I am not alone but I believe that I became sober and continue in that condition as a result of willpower. I would not advise any particular path to sobriety because we all have individual needs and unique histories. I believe it is far better to try different approaches and settle on the one that you find suits you best. Try AA, it works wonders for so many, try RR and SMART and any other method you want. Pick the one that suits you best and let me be the first to wish you every success.
Michael
quietmindrecovery.org
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 33
You mention the phenomena of "What the heck happens from morning were I say Im done with this stuff - and at the end of the day Im ready to get trashed again knowing I shouldnt". This is very common, and it is the crux of the problem for many of us. We seem to be a different person when we feel that we are done, than the person who decides to take another drink (or whatever) a short time later. The reality is that in fact we ARE a different person. We have to find a way of maintaining some continuity with our healthy thoughts, while observing our unhealthy thoughts without reacting to them. You might want to check out my website for some ideas on that subject.
I believe you CAN and WILL succeed! I wish you the very best.
I believe you CAN and WILL succeed! I wish you the very best.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
When I was out there drinking, alcohol ALWAYS won out over athletic training. Sure, I'd make deals with myself -- if I buy a new bike, I'll quit drinking.... I'll do a triathlon in 3 months... have to quit drinking first... but inevitably at the end of the day, I just said screw it and picked up my daily beer.
It wasn't until I hit bottom (meaning I decided to quit digging!), and got to work in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, that I started making some progress... progress, not perfection...
First things first -- you have to want sobriety more than anything, then get to work to be sober one day at a time. Then you can get busy on the physical stuff...
PM me anytime...
Ken
(Resident Alcoholic Triathlete)
It wasn't until I hit bottom (meaning I decided to quit digging!), and got to work in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, that I started making some progress... progress, not perfection...
First things first -- you have to want sobriety more than anything, then get to work to be sober one day at a time. Then you can get busy on the physical stuff...
PM me anytime...
Ken
(Resident Alcoholic Triathlete)
Coming out of my shell
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: State of Denial
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by phoenixn
You mention the phenomena of "What the heck happens from morning were I say Im done with this stuff - and at the end of the day Im ready to get trashed again knowing I shouldnt". This is very common, and it is the crux of the problem for many of us. We seem to be a different person when we feel that we are done, than the person who decides to take another drink (or whatever) a short time later. The reality is that in fact we ARE a different person. We have to find a way of maintaining some continuity with our healthy thoughts, while observing our unhealthy thoughts without reacting to them. You might want to check out my website for some ideas on that subject.
I believe you CAN and WILL succeed! I wish you the very best.
I believe you CAN and WILL succeed! I wish you the very best.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Originally Posted by Turtle
I just joined today, and until right NOW I didn't know anyone else thought this way. I had no idea I'm not alone. Thank God.
(Cool name, cool avatar.)
Hugs,
Phinny
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Charleston S.C.
Posts: 1,461
This behavior is one of the symptoms of alcoholism. However, I've found that removing the alcohol doesn't always remove this behavior. You have to try a little each day to change patterens. Right now I'm involved with trying to lose weight and get in shape. Like you, I'd make all these plans to set time aside. Then use the time before it to thinkl up excuses. On the Mental Health Board I've mentioned my new plan. You might want to consider it. I'm trying to incorporate my excercise at the start during my routine. Example, I work on 3rd floor I take stairs now. I take the bus, I walk a few extra stops. I walk my dog I'm taking the up hill route. Each time you do one of these simple tasks your are changing patterns. Also, each time you do these things you give yourself confidence because you've accomplished something. Each time you do these say, Good job Notweise. Self encouragement has just as much power as outside encouragement, maybe more. Wolf, and I have a thread on PTSD board. We are going to encourage each other. Join us if you'd like. Don W
quietmindrecovery.org
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by Turtle
I just joined today, and until right NOW I didn't know anyone else thought this way. I had no idea I'm not alone. Thank God.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: la la land
Posts: 196
I am pretty sure I was a benge drinker because I would go out every Friday and drink until I came home and threw up. I gained 20 lbs just from alcohol. (maybe more) I got tired of feeling like crap in the morning. I hated smelling old Southern Comfort on me even after a shower. Just thinking about it makes my stomach and throat gag. I'm not sure what happend but I woke up. I took myself to the gym and signed a year contract and MADE myself go....drinking stopped and so did cigerette smoking which I did when I drank. I have lost 15 lbs and feel so much better. I didn't need a "bottom" I guess or maybe my bottom was just growing up and knowing there was something better. I started going to church on Sunday's and filling myself with positive thoughts. I even did something I NEVER thought I would do and that's turn on a christian radio station and now that I know the songs I love it. I used to sing with bands and hang out in the bars and flirt with the guys and just be the cool chick. I've been there done that. It seems like there is so much more time in the day and the sun shines brighter and the air actually fills my lungs. I will NEVER go back to drinking and feeling poisoned, which is exactly what it does to your body. Good luck to you and I hope you just get tired of it and have the chance to taste the real world.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Focus
Posts: 687
Originally Posted by NotWeise
I know what its all about but even the thought of going to a meeting turns me off. All the talking, laughing, big smiles ILLLLLLLLL!! lol reminds me of Julie Cooper from the OC. What the heck happens from morning were I say Im done with this stuff - and at the end of the day Im ready to get trashed again knowing I shouldnt!!
I was sober for 5 years, I was healthy, I worked out, I DRANK AGAIN!
I realize I was not very happy those five years because as people here have told me, I was not drinking but I wasn't sober.
After two more years down the drain Im back at the start. Yesterday I went to a meeting. It didnt hurt, I liked it. I dont think the meetings have changed its just I know I have to change or go back to hangovers and worse. I have not been sober long but I have derermination and every hope I can stay sober this time.
Glad your here! I hope you find a way that works for you.
SR has helped me tremendously these last few weeks.
Take Care
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
I never had a problem quiting. Hell, I quit dozens of times. My problem was I couldn't stay quit.
Secondly, quit what?? Drinking? That's just the first step. Even if I never drink again, what do I do about all the crap in my head and my gut. If I have to be miserable not drinking, guess what. Won't be long until I'm drinking again to escape the insanity, just like before.
Secondly, quit what?? Drinking? That's just the first step. Even if I never drink again, what do I do about all the crap in my head and my gut. If I have to be miserable not drinking, guess what. Won't be long until I'm drinking again to escape the insanity, just like before.
learning
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Where I need to be
Posts: 310
Originally Posted by Music
Even if I never drink again, what do I do about all the crap in my head and my gut.
Well you could dispute the irrationalities of all the “crap in your head” and come up with healthy alternatives that ease the “crap in your gut.”
But you still need the self control to stop to work on those things.
catch-22
Join Date: May 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 135
I am the same. I'm ok in the morning, when I swear that I'll never touch the stuff again, but then, come 5 pm, when I finish work (I work from home) I'm at it again, drinking and smoking in the kitchen while I cook food for the children and family. By 10 pm, I've smoked 30 fags and drunk one and half bottles of wine (sometimes two). Every day. I'm sick of it. I want to change, but it's just habit. That's what I do in the evening. It's not just addiction, it's a forma mentis. The only solution is indeed to break the pattern, for myself, my family and my children. I wish you luck and keep trying.
Catch-22
Catch-22
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