Not liking myself right now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: SF, CA
Posts: 30
Not liking myself right now
I got drunk on friday, saturday and sunday and now I pretty much hate myself for it. Today was supposed to be day 14, but I ****** that up. I feel like crap now, my body doesn't like this weekend's abuse either. I was doing so well being sober and all. I can't believe I do this to myself. Just proves I can't be responsible around alcohol. This truly is a disorder.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Addiction is a nasty viscious cycle...
The hardest part is not pulling yourself out of the muck, it is the staying out of the muck that is most challenging of all.
Sorry you feel like crap physically and spiritually today...
I can promise you from my own experience that it does not get any better.
The hardest part is not pulling yourself out of the muck, it is the staying out of the muck that is most challenging of all.
Sorry you feel like crap physically and spiritually today...
I can promise you from my own experience that it does not get any better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: SF, CA
Posts: 30
I feel dissapointed with myself, ah well, let's try again. Hey at least I'm progress, my first attempt lasted 5 days, my second 12 days. On the bright side, I feel more determined now then ever to quit drinking. I hate the damage it does to me. I'm pissed off at beer right now.
Gobble, Gobble
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: california
Posts: 236
I agree with skinner
Being here means you've not given up hope and that you do want to do this. Think on this though, what can you change that would help you not have weekend binging? What can you put in place of your drinking? I've found that exercising, housework, being with my kids, reading, watching a kick a$$ show on t.v. ANYTHING is better than drinking.
How is your diet? Are you getting enough juices, water, good foods? Are you having sugars? I sometimes will have a hershey's kiss or a piece of licorice (black even!) when I get that urge to go to the store. Last night I exercised.
You'll get there. The road isn't easy but you'll do it. Don't emotionally beat yourself into the ground for your mishaps. Just pick yourself up and get back on track or you'll lose the hope you are holding onto. Take care of yourself .
How is your diet? Are you getting enough juices, water, good foods? Are you having sugars? I sometimes will have a hershey's kiss or a piece of licorice (black even!) when I get that urge to go to the store. Last night I exercised.
You'll get there. The road isn't easy but you'll do it. Don't emotionally beat yourself into the ground for your mishaps. Just pick yourself up and get back on track or you'll lose the hope you are holding onto. Take care of yourself .
Grateful recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Blissfield, MI
Posts: 814
2step,
Thanks for getting drunk so I didn't have to. Use it as a learning experience, move on. Do you go to AA meetings? If not - would definitely help! You don't have to do it alone - no one does. If you do, it's because you choose too. I could be sympathetic; but I'll close with this (old-timers told me this when I had a hard time getting/staying sober): suffer, I had to.
God bless,
Jen
Thanks for getting drunk so I didn't have to. Use it as a learning experience, move on. Do you go to AA meetings? If not - would definitely help! You don't have to do it alone - no one does. If you do, it's because you choose too. I could be sympathetic; but I'll close with this (old-timers told me this when I had a hard time getting/staying sober): suffer, I had to.
God bless,
Jen
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 363
Hey 2Step
Be nice to yourself. I, and many others have slipped many times en route to our goals.
Let this lapse be just that, a lapse. Two steps forward, one step back.
You haven't lost those sober days, they still belong to you. You can do it, the evidence is there.
Get back with your program of choice and keep on.
Keep well
Mongo
Be nice to yourself. I, and many others have slipped many times en route to our goals.
Let this lapse be just that, a lapse. Two steps forward, one step back.
You haven't lost those sober days, they still belong to you. You can do it, the evidence is there.
Get back with your program of choice and keep on.
Keep well
Mongo
Been there and done.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: West Coast North America
Posts: 269
2Step,
You are not alone. I relapsed Saturday, which was my day 15 or 16. It was the longest I had gone without in years. Going back through detox again, which is a heartbreak because I didn't think I would ever do that again. I am not sure why I relapsed to tell you the truth. I think part of it was the band of pain that seemed to be going around my head that didn't seem to go away without vodka. And I think it was probably also a combination of boredom brought on by being out of practice at entertaining myself sober and the discomfort of hearing my internal voice clearer than what I have been used to. I am feeling probably a bit like you are.
This time I think I will both excersize and go to meetings with greater frequency. Anything else I learn along the way I will share.
You are not alone. I relapsed Saturday, which was my day 15 or 16. It was the longest I had gone without in years. Going back through detox again, which is a heartbreak because I didn't think I would ever do that again. I am not sure why I relapsed to tell you the truth. I think part of it was the band of pain that seemed to be going around my head that didn't seem to go away without vodka. And I think it was probably also a combination of boredom brought on by being out of practice at entertaining myself sober and the discomfort of hearing my internal voice clearer than what I have been used to. I am feeling probably a bit like you are.
This time I think I will both excersize and go to meetings with greater frequency. Anything else I learn along the way I will share.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: SF, CA
Posts: 30
Well, I'm gonna try again, no worries. I really enjoyed the 12 days that I was sober and got a lot of stuff done. I got into great shape and my apartment doesn't look like a drunk cage anymore. It's scary and amazing to see the kind of power alcohol can have over us.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 960
2Step, pick yourself up and start again. Don't beat yourself up too much. Many of us have relapsed and started over again. You know that it isn't worth it. Hopefully, next time you are tempted you will play the whole tape through and choose not to pick up.
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