smell of booze
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: canada
Posts: 170
smell of booze
I'm starting to wonder how feasible it is to stay with a partner that still is drinking. He's not an alcoholic, but I am, and it's starting to really get on my last nerve when he comes home with beer on his breath. It dosen't always bother me, but tonight.....it's making my blood boil!!!
I don't want to tell him that he can never drink again, that just goes against everything that I believe a relationship should be. I'm just finding it hard to deal with when he does. I don't want to lose this relationship, but at this stage in my recovery, I'm finding that it is making me feel like I could slip.
Tonight, the smell of it on his breath made me crave so bad. Sometimes, it dosen't make me crave and I just think it smells disgusting, but tonight it just made me want some booze. I even caught myself planning to pick up tomorrow, being that it is my day off and I would have the whole day to drink by myself. I'm not going to do it, but that's exactly what the smell of it made me think of. I got that tight feeling in my chest that I would always get when I would be running out of drink. That panicky feeling that I needed more. It's like the compulsion has just been waiting and lurking.
I'm worried.
I don't want to tell him that he can never drink again, that just goes against everything that I believe a relationship should be. I'm just finding it hard to deal with when he does. I don't want to lose this relationship, but at this stage in my recovery, I'm finding that it is making me feel like I could slip.
Tonight, the smell of it on his breath made me crave so bad. Sometimes, it dosen't make me crave and I just think it smells disgusting, but tonight it just made me want some booze. I even caught myself planning to pick up tomorrow, being that it is my day off and I would have the whole day to drink by myself. I'm not going to do it, but that's exactly what the smell of it made me think of. I got that tight feeling in my chest that I would always get when I would be running out of drink. That panicky feeling that I needed more. It's like the compulsion has just been waiting and lurking.
I'm worried.
Been there and done.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: West Coast North America
Posts: 269
I can't deal with folks drinking around me. My wife never drank more than a glass of wine, and gave that up when she got pregnant 6 years ago. We are a booze free house.
When my dad went into recovery years ago, my mom kept booze in the house and drank cocktail or 2 in the PM. Looking back on it now, that was a mistake. It drove them apart somewhat.
Better to be on the same page.
When my dad went into recovery years ago, my mom kept booze in the house and drank cocktail or 2 in the PM. Looking back on it now, that was a mistake. It drove them apart somewhat.
Better to be on the same page.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
well....
I had the same situation. I broke the romance off.
Our goals had changed. And the smell!!! Yuk!
I think it was a relief for Jim too...he missed his party gal.
I also quit working in restaurants/bars.
I took an office position.
I tried to stay with him and my job.....and I failed.
Our goals had changed. And the smell!!! Yuk!
I think it was a relief for Jim too...he missed his party gal.
I also quit working in restaurants/bars.
I took an office position.
I tried to stay with him and my job.....and I failed.
Absolutely nothing was worth my hard won sobriety! 
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by j'ade d'arcy
I don't want to tell him that he can never drink again, > , but at this stage in my recovery, I'm finding that it is making me feel like I could slip.
I'm worried.
Love Vic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by j'ade d'arcy
I got that tight feeling in my chest that I would always get when I would be running out of drink. That panicky feeling that I needed more. It's like the compulsion has just been waiting and lurking.
I get that too. I re-live the mechanisms in my mind sometimes. What saves me from going mad about drinking, most days, is thinking all the way to the moment of panic you describe. When a perfectly good day spent getting loaded would all but be ruined when the bubbles of sadness of the almost empty bottle would start clouding over my glow.
Thanks for the mirror this morning j'ade.
I need never forget how quickly I can start the obsession gears turning in my mind.
Grateful recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Blissfield, MI
Posts: 814
My current husband drank occassionally before we got together. Out of respect for me; knowing that I'm a recovering alcoholic, he does not drink AT ALL. I think that is the greatest love and support a person can show. We have an alcohol free home; no one drinks at our home and everyone knows it. I can't imagine being with someone that didn't love and respect me enough to support and encourage me. I couldn't be anywhere near alcohol when I first got sober; I still don't want to be anywhere near alcohol and now I'm 14+ years sober. Have you talked with him and told him how you feel when he comes home with alcohol on his breath?
Great job identifying that you were setting yourself up...that takes a lot of insight and honesty. Tells me that you definitely want sobriety. Keep up the good work.
God bless,
Jen
Great job identifying that you were setting yourself up...that takes a lot of insight and honesty. Tells me that you definitely want sobriety. Keep up the good work.
God bless,
Jen
Michael
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: London England
Posts: 291
Jade,
Throughout my sobriety I have given a great deal of time and effort into understanding the triggers that bring on the desire for a drink. I think that I have got a good grasp on what does it for me and how I can avoid those situations. I have also done some work using SMART to learn how to live with those triggers that I can not avoid.
It's clear that the smell of alcohol on your partner's breath is just such a trigger for you. I suppose you can do two things. First you can avoid the smell by physical distance or by asking your partner to either brush his teeth after a beer or using chewing gum or a breath freshener. Second you could examine your reaction and try to understand exactly why you want to drink when you smell it on his breath. Are you jealous of his ability to drink "normally", does the smell remind you of your drinking days?
Of course, only you can know the reasoning behind your reaction.
Your relationship is clearly important to you and I hope that you are able to resolve this issue without putting it in jeopardy.
Best wishes
Michael
Throughout my sobriety I have given a great deal of time and effort into understanding the triggers that bring on the desire for a drink. I think that I have got a good grasp on what does it for me and how I can avoid those situations. I have also done some work using SMART to learn how to live with those triggers that I can not avoid.
It's clear that the smell of alcohol on your partner's breath is just such a trigger for you. I suppose you can do two things. First you can avoid the smell by physical distance or by asking your partner to either brush his teeth after a beer or using chewing gum or a breath freshener. Second you could examine your reaction and try to understand exactly why you want to drink when you smell it on his breath. Are you jealous of his ability to drink "normally", does the smell remind you of your drinking days?
Of course, only you can know the reasoning behind your reaction.
Your relationship is clearly important to you and I hope that you are able to resolve this issue without putting it in jeopardy.
Best wishes
Michael
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: canada
Posts: 170
Thanks for responding everyone.
I spent a rather uncomfortable night on the futon. I tried to sleep in the bed with him, but it seemed like I was suffocating under the smell of booze. I tried to wake him to go sleep in the living room, but he was out like a light. So there I was, tossing and turning til late. He obviously had more than "just a couple". Not that I am keeping track of how much he drinks, but he sure was rank with it last night.
I did alot of thinking while I was trying to fall asleep. I don't want to leave this relationship, but I suppose we will have to have another discussion about the effect his using SOMETIMES has on me. I guess this is part of the problem, that it dosen't always bother me. And it's hard for me to know when it will bother me. Maybe it builds up over a few times, kinda like the straw that breaks the camels back. I've also been moody and cranky this week so I think my mindset was ready to be triggered.
I also think that you are so right michaelj, in some respect I am jealous that he can still drink. I know in my heart that drinking can no longer be a part of my life, but my addiction is still there, and it dosen't like seeing others enjoy alcohol when I can't have any. Like a selfish alchoholic I suppose!!
In the start of our relationship, we did party alot together, very social, bars and bands etc. But my illness progressed so much during the past two years that I was unable to drink around anyone. I would just go so crazy everytime that it wasn't really about they party anymore. It was about maintaining a certain level of intoxication to keep the withdrawel at bay. I was at some level of intoxication 24 hours a day and very sick. At that point, we rarely drank together. We did practically nothing together except share the bills. We are now trying to rebuild this relationship and are doing well, except for this one thing. I think I need to be more open to him, and maybe bring him in for a meeting with my counsellor. Maybe it's that he sees that I have stayed sober this long and he thinks that it's easier for me now or something. I don't know, I'll have to speak with him tonight.
I'm not using today by the way. I've made my decision and I'm not picking up. The compulsion seemed to pass during the night while I was sleeping.
When he got up this morning and found me in the living room, he asked me if I fell asleep watching tv. I told him that I couldn't stand the smell in the bedroom and he felt bad that he put me through that last night. We will talk when he gets home from work.
I spent a rather uncomfortable night on the futon. I tried to sleep in the bed with him, but it seemed like I was suffocating under the smell of booze. I tried to wake him to go sleep in the living room, but he was out like a light. So there I was, tossing and turning til late. He obviously had more than "just a couple". Not that I am keeping track of how much he drinks, but he sure was rank with it last night.
I did alot of thinking while I was trying to fall asleep. I don't want to leave this relationship, but I suppose we will have to have another discussion about the effect his using SOMETIMES has on me. I guess this is part of the problem, that it dosen't always bother me. And it's hard for me to know when it will bother me. Maybe it builds up over a few times, kinda like the straw that breaks the camels back. I've also been moody and cranky this week so I think my mindset was ready to be triggered.
I also think that you are so right michaelj, in some respect I am jealous that he can still drink. I know in my heart that drinking can no longer be a part of my life, but my addiction is still there, and it dosen't like seeing others enjoy alcohol when I can't have any. Like a selfish alchoholic I suppose!!
In the start of our relationship, we did party alot together, very social, bars and bands etc. But my illness progressed so much during the past two years that I was unable to drink around anyone. I would just go so crazy everytime that it wasn't really about they party anymore. It was about maintaining a certain level of intoxication to keep the withdrawel at bay. I was at some level of intoxication 24 hours a day and very sick. At that point, we rarely drank together. We did practically nothing together except share the bills. We are now trying to rebuild this relationship and are doing well, except for this one thing. I think I need to be more open to him, and maybe bring him in for a meeting with my counsellor. Maybe it's that he sees that I have stayed sober this long and he thinks that it's easier for me now or something. I don't know, I'll have to speak with him tonight.
I'm not using today by the way. I've made my decision and I'm not picking up. The compulsion seemed to pass during the night while I was sleeping.
When he got up this morning and found me in the living room, he asked me if I fell asleep watching tv. I told him that I couldn't stand the smell in the bedroom and he felt bad that he put me through that last night. We will talk when he gets home from work.
Been there and done.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: West Coast North America
Posts: 269
Here is something related, somewhat interesting and a little sad. Anyhow it's booze breath related, and a bit Proustian.
Smell memories are very powerful and long lasting. In the last few years a smell memory came back to me that I believe is the first thing I can remember, I am sure when I was age 2 or so.
It's a memory of booze breath. Not beer or wine, but alcohol, like someone might have a few hours after having a few gin and tonics. That sort of sweet background alcohol smell. Mixed with pipe smoke.
My dad has been successfully in recovery since 1980. He was a pretty secret drinker and I didnt really know the extent of his problem. I did found out later that he had also a bad time with drink when I was small. The conventional wisdom then was that beer and wine was still OK -- which was obviously false.
Anyhow the memory I have is I think during that earlier period when he was drinking gin and tonics in the early 60s with mom and friends. He smoked a pipe then. I am sure the memory is when he held me.
And the really f'd up thing is the connotations of that smell are positive. Feel safe; Dad is here.
Smell memories are very powerful and long lasting. In the last few years a smell memory came back to me that I believe is the first thing I can remember, I am sure when I was age 2 or so.
It's a memory of booze breath. Not beer or wine, but alcohol, like someone might have a few hours after having a few gin and tonics. That sort of sweet background alcohol smell. Mixed with pipe smoke.
My dad has been successfully in recovery since 1980. He was a pretty secret drinker and I didnt really know the extent of his problem. I did found out later that he had also a bad time with drink when I was small. The conventional wisdom then was that beer and wine was still OK -- which was obviously false.
Anyhow the memory I have is I think during that earlier period when he was drinking gin and tonics in the early 60s with mom and friends. He smoked a pipe then. I am sure the memory is when he held me.
And the really f'd up thing is the connotations of that smell are positive. Feel safe; Dad is here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by AndrewBeen
Anyhow the memory I have is I think during that earlier period when he was drinking gin and tonics in the early 60s with mom and friends. He smoked a pipe then. I am sure the memory is when he held me.
And the really f'd up thing is the connotations of that smell are positive. Feel safe; Dad is here.
Strange you would say this..........whenever I smell Bourbon, I had the same feeling then I remembered my G'pa who died when I was about 7 or 8....I don't know for sure that that was "his" DOC....but I can almost guarantee it. I think of being a little girl and being with him when I smell it; it makes me feel happy and "well".
On another note, I also had the "flip-side" of this feeling, also related to smells and drinking/alcohol, etc.
I found a pillow case caught in the bottom of the clothes hamper this morning. When I went to pick it up, it gave me a "flashback".....must have been used by my A/H before he moved out. Had that heavy, oily, sweated-thru feeling and smelled like old sweat and alcohol...UGH. It made me so sad.................
Been there and done.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: West Coast North America
Posts: 269
Originally Posted by Pick-a-name
Strange you would say this..........whenever I smell Bourbon, I had the same feeling then I remembered my G'pa who died when I was about 7 or 8....I don't know for sure that that was "his" DOC....but I can almost guarantee it. I think of being a little girl and being with him when I smell it; it makes me feel happy and "well".
On another note, I also had the "flip-side" of this feeling, also related to smells and drinking/alcohol, etc.
I found a pillow case caught in the bottom of the clothes hamper this morning. When I went to pick it up, it gave me a "flashback".....must have been used by my A/H before he moved out. Had that heavy, oily, sweated-thru feeling and smelled like old sweat and alcohol...UGH. It made me so sad.................
On another note, I also had the "flip-side" of this feeling, also related to smells and drinking/alcohol, etc.
I found a pillow case caught in the bottom of the clothes hamper this morning. When I went to pick it up, it gave me a "flashback".....must have been used by my A/H before he moved out. Had that heavy, oily, sweated-thru feeling and smelled like old sweat and alcohol...UGH. It made me so sad.................
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by AndrewBeen
You might need to call the EPA on this one, as I think that pillow case is classified as toxic waste!
HAHA.....Very true! Thanks for the chuckle; took the sting out of that moment!
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