free_2_bme

I quit 2yrs ago after binge drinking for most of my adult life, a good 20 years. I met my hubby in a bar ( go figure!) I was sober that night and really didn't want anything to do with him when he aproched me, until he baught me a drink! We've been together ever since. We had a child a year after we met , and I stayed sober throughout the pregnacy, but not him. I eventualy got back into my old drinking habbits (not realizing till now what damage I was doing to my child, and myself). Well after 10yrs. of hell and many failed attempt to quit, it came down to lose my child or the booze! That was a no brainer for me but he still drinks! Now I'm in a different kind of hell. He's cut down his drinking (probalble because he lost me as a drinking partner), but it's like walking on eggshells when he does drink. I know I can't make him stop and I'm glad I'm able to be there for him when he desides to stop but I just don't understand why he couldn't stop for the sake of our child like I did. I found this site more in hopes that I could have him take a look at it to see he's not the only guy with a drinking problem and maybe able to relate to someone. I can't see him going to AA, I never did (not that there's anything wrong with it, it saved my father) but maybe this might help. Once he accepts his problem and can start dealing with it he might look to other means for help AA etc.. But till then I am glad I found the site for me. After 2yrs. of doing this myself I could use a little addvice and a place to vent and relate to others and maybe even beable to help someone ealse. Thanks!

Chy

Welcome!

Well you know better then anyone you had to be ready and willing. It's the same for him. No amount of literature, information, support or expressions of begging would do it for me until I was ready, willing, accepting that I had to do something. Same for him. Yet, I know you know this your probably just hoping and seeing if there is a way he'll get to where you are. Who knows maybe he'll read something, relate to someone to get him closer but you have to know by now it could be a long wait and no one quits until they want it bad enough. Please visit our Friends and Family forum as well! I bet ya you'd fit in real well there to!

Soul Catcher

I went through the same thing except I had more children. Mine are 5,4,4. I quit for two years while I was carrying my babies but after I quit b/f I continued to go out on weekends and drink. I'm not sure what got into me but I quit drinking and smoking about a year ago. Of course he drinks still. NOTHING will make them stop. I have pondered everything under the son to why he won't quit. Wasn't I good enough, aren't are kids good enough, why is it so bad for him at home that he can't be sober. I have exhausted everything, my time, our money, going to rehabs (him) fasley he went for show, he lied, stole, cheated, lost jobs, even had a child with someone else right before we were married. I stuck it out. and NOTHING has made him see that this is all out of the "norm". The only thing I could do is to move on without him. I'm sorry to tell you that but that's all you can do. Live like he's not around. You can not help him and there is nothing wrong with you and your child. Just pray for him and leave it is God's hands. Good luck

free_2_bme

Thank-you guys for sharing with me and for your advice, I know I have to learn to let go of his problems and focus on myself and my child, but his actions afect us too and it makes it hard. He's a great guy sober and leaving him would not solve any of his problems just make them worse I think. I don't know anymore! I guess I've got to get my butt to an alano meeting. I try to live life day to day for my sobriaty and every day I pray and wait to see if he comes home sober, and if he does it's a good day!

jlo34

Welcome Free,
You can want him sober until the cows come home. But until HE wants it for himself, it's not going to happen. You have to live your own life and do what is best for you and your child. I'm not saying to take any drastic steps, ie, divorce, separation or anything like that. I'm saying you need to live your life to its fullest potential; try to stop worrying about him and concentrate all that extra energy on your child. Not saying it's an easy thing to do. In the meantime, hit some AA and Al-Anon meetings. Talk about support, you will have such a huge support system. Pray about the situation. He will see you continuing to change and he'll either decide that he wants to get better or he doesn't want to. You may be the only Big Book he ever reads.

Good luck and God bless,
Jen