3 weeks...
3 weeks...
... and I am going completely mad. It seems so much different this time around. It is so hard to sit back and keep my mouth shut. I have found that I am so much more self righteous than I had originally admitted, and also my tolerance for my own mistakes has lowered a great deal...
Today I have gone out of my way to make the house seem like a home- or perhaps making ME fit into my family. I really don't want to be here today. I really want to just kind of melt away...slip under the rug or out the door. And not to go get drunk, but to just dissappear.
Does this happen to people? Today I feel very alone; or perhaps even worse...lonely. Today I feel like I need people yet dont WANT people.
I have gone through the motions of a good mother and gf today, but the truth is, I really wish I wasn't either- and in saying that I feel guilty. I love all of them. I just dont want to be with them today. I hope someone can make sense of this. I hope someone can tell me they have been where I am because I sure feel like an outcast.
Going to meditate. Maybe that will help.
still sooooo sober.
amymarie
Today I have gone out of my way to make the house seem like a home- or perhaps making ME fit into my family. I really don't want to be here today. I really want to just kind of melt away...slip under the rug or out the door. And not to go get drunk, but to just dissappear.
Does this happen to people? Today I feel very alone; or perhaps even worse...lonely. Today I feel like I need people yet dont WANT people.
I have gone through the motions of a good mother and gf today, but the truth is, I really wish I wasn't either- and in saying that I feel guilty. I love all of them. I just dont want to be with them today. I hope someone can make sense of this. I hope someone can tell me they have been where I am because I sure feel like an outcast.
Going to meditate. Maybe that will help.
still sooooo sober.
amymarie
Amymarie, That is wonderful. The withdrawal will cause many confusing thoughts and behaviors. Remember that depending on the amount and how long your body can hold on to the chemical for awhile. There are parts of your body like the brain that has fatty cells. These cells can hold onto chemicals for up to a year. There are certain points that I experenced different feelings. They were 1 month 90 days, 9 months and the 1 year mark. Just remember that what you mentioned is normal. You'll find most experenced the same. I treated my alcoholism in the 3rd person to help. These ruff points I considered my alcoholism trying to take me back. There will come a point that you'll question if this is worth it. Many times I said," I stopped drinking to feel this bad and confused?" It will pass and you'll get through it. You must go through it. There isn't an easy way or short cut. Don W
Amymarie, ditto here on the self-righteousness. Over the years I have been very judgemental and a bit cruel on a few specific occaisions. Surprisingly these were times that I had not been drinking for a while, and over reacted in a punative way to errors of others. I see now that I was going through withdrawl on these occaisions. Very short fuse, very quick to pass judgement. Still don't know why exactly but I know it was part of the booze leaving me.
Don, what fat soluable chemicals are you alluding to? I know some vitamins (like E) are fat soluable rather than water soluble (like B), but in detox, what are the chemicals that we are flushing over such a long period of time? Thanks.
Don, what fat soluable chemicals are you alluding to? I know some vitamins (like E) are fat soluable rather than water soluble (like B), but in detox, what are the chemicals that we are flushing over such a long period of time? Thanks.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Congratulations on 3 weeks!
Feelings s are not facts Amy.
The fact is all Mom's get tired of caretaking.
I had 3 in 5 years....and was not drinking then
however....I did sometime resent the endless chores.
I finally started taking them to the post nursery om
Monday for a 'personal day'.
Relax....you will balance out soon.
The fact is all Mom's get tired of caretaking.
I had 3 in 5 years....and was not drinking then
however....I did sometime resent the endless chores.
I finally started taking them to the post nursery om
Monday for a 'personal day'.
Relax....you will balance out soon.
Congradulations on your 3 week's. I know exactly what you are saying. Usto happen to me alot.Do you have any means of support? I use AA as my metnod of recovery.It helps me to go to a meeting and find we all share alot of the same feelings and attitudes.Maybe your just having an off day.Be gentle with yourself.
Bless, Trish
Bless, Trish
I can totally relate amymarie. I still have days where I'm unsure of what I want or need emotionally. In fact, I think I'm having one today. Some days are just like that. They are not worth drinking over though. It will pass...
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