mrs mipsy

Hello again to you all, I haven't been here for a while, well, since April. The 5th Birthday e-mail sent to me was a well timed reminder that I can come here when things are getting heavy and I'm slipping...I feel that at the moment.

I'm feeling physically and emotionally wretched at the moment and have decided today that I am going to see how long I can before the need to pick up a drink becomes too much. I'm gonna ride out the shakes and sweats, the bad temper, the whole deal that comes with it. I want to post on here everday, so bear with me people and to come and read everyone elses encouraging threads.

Just recently I've realised that I've put myself in some dangerous predicaments over the last few weeks, acted outrageously and Christ only knows I've had some weird thoughts when 'semi' sober too. I'm beginning to frighten myself to be honest. I'm also sick of feeling sick. The last few days I've had a tender stomach, something I've never experienced through drinking before, so obviously I'm a bit worried about that also. If anyone has any ideas or advice about that I'd be grateful (obviously I am not keen on visiting the doctors, I'd rather wait and see if it rights itself in the next few days, if not I will pay him a visit). Anyway, thanks for listening, back tomorrow!

Don W

Hi mrs. mipsy, I am so happy that you've decided to come back. We are here for you. No need to ride out storm alone. Try not to beat yourself up. What you did is normal for us alcoholics. Having been inspired by the 5th aniversay e-mail is great story and sign. Follow it. Don W

Amber78

Do post often. Reading your posts helps us as well.

We are here for you!

In memory of miracle

Welcome back!!

wingsfree

Welcome back Mrs. Mipsy
Pretty scarey when that happens, I can relate.

I haven't drank in over 4 months now...it's been years since I've went this long...I know what you mean about the tender stomach, mine was like that most days...today it's finally eased off. I also relate to the Dr. thing I'm not to crazy about seeing mine either...but dancing around with this drinking thing might land you there when you least expect it, and it might be under embarrassing circumstances...ask me I know, so please do what you have to do to get on the safer sober path.

Happy you're back...WE can do this together.
Hugs.....Denise

Dan

Hey, mrs mipsy!
You keep coming back.
That says something about you
It's good to hear from you again.

mrs mipsy

WOW, well, thank you all so much for getting back so quickly, means a lot to me, honestly.
Day 2 of my 'experiment'. I've got out of bed, not feeling so sick so hopefully the stomach has righted itself. I'm feeling quite good actually, I've eaten breakfast, cleaned last nights dishes and am on my 2nd cup of tea. I couldn't wait to log on here, it's still pretty early in the morning for me!! Funny really, the computer desk is one of my 'drinking' areas, that's why its covered in red wine stains that just won't come out. But drinking tea and knowing that I can come here, where we are all in the same boat, or at least have swam in the same ocean, in my case, still trying to reach the shore on the horizon. Today feels good already, like I said, no side effects so far. It's also a Friday...the evening of 'drink' culture at the end of a working week over here, a large amount of the population go out and get ratarsed. I generally watch tv with my own stash...well not tonight, my kettle will not stop! I'm gonna fight the urge if he grabs hold of me, wrestle him to the carpet and strangle the little shite. God, all this optimisim is so not like me...I like it. Keep your fingers crossed for me please, still early days but for today, I am not going to drink. Thanks for reading, please keep in touch, I need you!

wingsfree

((((Mrs.Mipsy))))) I love that...atta girl.

I'll help you take that:AR15firin little shite :firefight little shite:camper: and that, buggar off. There we go, I think I pretty much got it covered.

Sounds like you have a good plan...gotta think positive, make changes, willingness to do whatever it takes to not touch that ONE drink.

Take care Mrs Mipsy, keep the strength girl, YOU can do this, if I can, you bet you can too.

Hugs.....Denise

mrs mipsy

Hi Denise, Your post made me laugh, thanks for the support, with two of us onto him we will definately be guilty of murder! lol. He's already had a little nag at me this afternoon, but he's a pillock, I'm not listening to him, he knows nothing, I know a lot more about me than he does, after all, I've been here longer. Do you fancy a cup of tea?!!
Thanks honey.

P.S) I've been viewing the poems/thoughts/sayings/affirmation pages on here...some brilliantly inspiring words on there.

Anna

Hi Mrs Mipsy,

I am so glad you came back. SR is the best place to be for encouragement and support. I can always find something to inspire me when I start reading posts.

Hang in there today and let us know how you are doing.

CarolD

Make this the time you find your answers to your future.. Good luck....

wingsfree

Mrs. Mipsy how you doing?

I'd love a cup of tea thanks. Hope to hear from you soon, let us know what's up don't want to see you wrestling on the carpet with the little shite, carpet burns hurt plus it's not to lady like you know been there done that, not a pretty sight.

That little nagging voice will leave the longer you stay sober, and yep the both of us will likely murder him.....no loss is it?

I know that little voice you speak of it loves to torment us, it's gone with me today I still get strong urges when I'm in a sticky place, I just stop and think things over, I didn't before I'd just give in got so tired of fighting the buggar....today I think about my last hangover and know I can never do another one, it's pretty scary when your mind goes in a bad place to stop your pain...I pretty much have that embedded in my little brain..it's not fun is is Mrs? stick with us and keep learning, you don't have to live in misery another day.

Take care of yourself Mrs. Mipsy......YOU CAN BEAT THIS GIRL

KelKel

Mrs.Mipsy
It is nice to see you back
We try to stick together around here, thick and thin.
This stuff is easier to get through with others who share the affliction.

mrs mipsy

Thanks wingsfree & Kel kel, very much appreciated. Wingsfree, your words are so true, I too am going through the whole ordeal of remembering hangovers, but unfortnately perpetuating them. I had so many good intentions this weekend. I could blame it on my mothers twisted phone call, I could blame it on another woman chasing my man, the reasons I faultered so badly this weekend....but no, it was neither of them...it was my inability to cope with these situations without drinking. I drink, I'm invincible, their words and actions can't hurt me. I know this is crap. I'm immensly pissed off with myself, I promised MYSELF that I wasn't gonna pick up a drink this weekend, had it planned ect, ect, ect. I chose to. I can't blame these circumstances because they would of occurred regardless of whether I drank or not, they just seem easier to deal with whilst drunk. What a crock of crap. Anyway, That's it for this post. Sadly. please post back. I will try again, I came here for a reason.

wingsfree

((((Mrs Mipsy)))) I'm sorry for your troubles, I am happy you came here to talk about it.

I've used every excuse in the book to drink, guess we're all famous for doing that, easier to blame it on others. I'm pass that today, it's about taking care of ourselves bottom line.

So you drank, what you've written could have been me, all the promises I made, I really meant it when I said things, my addiction would tell me other things and nothing but lies.

Pick yourself up, that's what we do don't fret about so many things.

You're aware of so many things, that's a bonus for you, it helps getting help from another source also, it's hard doing it alone I attended some AA meetings it's help me a lot, I'm sort of off and on with meetings still not ruling it out. I've turned everything over to my Higher Power, I know He's there for me, He's there for everyone if you chose to let Him in, I sorta had an encounter with Him this past January, either that or I totally lost my marbles that day. So I'm not doing this alone, I keep close to Him, I feel so much better inside not so alone anymore.

Please take care of yourself, if you want to talk private about anything PM me any time, I'll get back to you as soon as I can. You don't have to live in this misery any more Mrs....it's HELL, and it will get us one way or another if we don't STOP.

Much love......Denise

mrs mipsy

Hi Denise, thanks again for the post. I've just read my last one back...good grief, even though he had me that day, I can see vocally/literarily I was trying to fight him. I feel a bit better about that, but at the same time feel stupid for writing such a sorryful post whilst drunk.

Thanks for the comment regarding me being aware of many things, you're right, it is a bonus, it's taken me many years of self-nialation to discover them the hard way. I guess having this knowledge really adds to the feeling that now I am not just drowing myself with ignorance, but am truely having a full on fight with the devil - he's a strong bastard, makes me tired. I don't know about anyone else, but this constant headbattle, the mental arguments I have with him and myself sometimes makes me think I'm bloody schizophrenic!

I have tried AA before, unfortunately I really didn't like the format, it wasn't for me, although I know it is absolutely brilliant for a majority of people. Having gone down the paths before...detox, pyschiactric addmittance, accupuncture, medication, I know I'm going to have to do this alone (with the obvious inclusion of coming here). I know what I have to do and I have a wonderful support network of people around me who have stood by me in the past, but I'm sure they are privately tiring of hearing me say I'm not going to drink anymore - I know I'm tired of hearing myself say it for sure! I don't want to raise their hopes incase I fall and I'm doing that a lot lately. I've been a blatant alcoholic for years now and have never had a problem addmitting it, but I'm keeping my 'trying' or 'thinking & attempting' to get sober to myself, I've disappointed them and myself enough. I realise I'm doing that already by drinking, but promises broken on top of that will just add insult to injury.

I don't know if anyone else has 'privately' beaten this disease, it would be interesting to hear feedback on that, Is it possible? I'm hoping so. Thanks for reading & being here.
Much Respect.

mrs mipsy

PS: Denise, I love your Anthony Robbins quote...pretty much sums up the above post of mine. Thanks

wingsfree

Hi Mrs. Mipsy......yeah I'm very familiar with typing drunken messages, felt like a total idiot after, I did find out about a lot of things I've never dealt with all my life so guess there is a good side to it, ain't it fun having a drinking problem? it turns us into people WE are not, anyway don't fret about that. Funny you call it a him, I do too for all we know it's a she, lol, the little buggar. Knowledge is the key to saving ourselves Mrs, the more WE cram into our brains the better. Oh I'd bet everyone knows about the head battle with this, we all pretty much have the same things in common when we're trying desperatly to stop. Today I'm free of the head battles, YOU can also be free of it just be patient it will soon come to you too. I had pretty much convinced myself I'd never be free of it, because of all the years I've drank, my age, looks like those are excuses too...boy are we good with the excuse thing, the blame thing, until we face up to the fact it's about US, it's about US taking care of ourselves period. I know about the tired you talk of, it will leave once you get some good sober time in, so many bad things will leave, if you could feel like I am right now for a minute you'd understand.

Know what I'm not fighting anymore, so much has changed with me since I've gotten sober for a few months, I also realize not to get to sure with this, I've done it enough years to know how it works, looks like you've been at it a number of years also...it's an awful self destructive path isn't it? Nope we can NEVER get to sure of ourselves.

AA has helped put me on the right path, but I'm not commited to it I have my reasons I do know it's a good program for a lot of people. I hope you soon find what works for you. Have you tried SMART, I have and I like what it has to offer. I've been so isolated and not good in a large crowd of people never have been.

Gosh so much of what you've said here could have been me typing it....oh yeah the promises, sad part is when we tell some we are done drinking for good at the time we really mean it, only to drink again the next night...I've been told I'm a liar then I had to defend myself saying NO I'm not I really meant it when I said I'd stop.

I'm not so sure if keeping everything to yourself is a good idea, maybe try explaining to those close to you how this drinking thing works, that's what I did it might help open up their eyes to a lot of it, some people seem to think we can just stop....you want to stop drinking well just stop, I've heard that one a few times.

Today I'm pretty much doing it alone, not so sure it's a good thing or not, I live with a drinker so the temptation is there all the time. My last hangover is what's keeping me sober today plus my HP. My last hangover was...well you know if it wasn't for my kids I would not be sitting here right now, that morning I couldn't face another hangover another day of being so sick every way....something told me I had two kids....and I truly believe it was my HP, nothing else explains that morning. I'm not being dramatic either that's how it was and maybe me talking about this might help somone else. I also have another thing that helps me, that morning I wrote out a contract so sick and shakey handed, saying I'd do whatever it takes not to ever drink again, my two kids signed it some people from AA even my little dogs paw mark, and you know what it's helped me more then anything, I run my fingers over those names get strength from them, this contract sits where I can see it every day.

Please get some form of help, we put ourselves in dangers way everytime we drink, blackouts are bad, I got hurt real bad because of a black out and it still didn't stop me.

Anyway I hope what I've written here might help you some, please be patient you'll get it, you're here reaching out for help that's a good thing, keep reaching out keep posting. We're all in different stages with this some get it faster then others, one thing you have to do is always thing POSITIVE, don't ever get that notion in your head that you can't do it...because YOU CAN, that's the beast talking to you, keep knocking it off your shoulder the more you knock it off the stronger you'll get, that's a promise.

Hope to hear from you again Mrs. please take care of yourself.
We got or work cut out don't we, lots to learn, always lots to learn.

Holy cow that was a long winded post, lol, sorry sometimes I tend to ramble on......I do hope it helps you, either that or it will make you so dizzy haha.

Yep I love that quote from Anthony Robbins too, I have one of his books which I found to be a good read Awaken The Giant Within.

mrs mipsy

Hi again Denise, thank you So much for reply, you truely are inspirational and I thank you for being here these last few days. So admire you also for living with someone who still drinks...I don't think I'd have the courage to face that.

Your contract sounds wicked, such a good idea. I have 2 kids as well so I can completely absorb that idea. You're right, I always think of my demon as a 'he'. I guess that is to do with never really having great relationships with men ever...but I didn't name him that conciously, it just happened.

I have gone down the route you suggested, about talking to people around me where my drinking is concerned, in fact, I can talk for England and have explained to everyone and anyone who will listen - this is another factor in the 'keeping it private' idea. Christ, I bore myself with the ins and outs of it all. I do and have done for years, dream about the day I can turn around and with hand on heart say...I have been sober for ...so many days. The longest I've gone in 8 years is 13 days. Personally, I feel I have to surpass that, as a personal goal. I read something really interesting on here today. It said recovery is a journey, not an event'. It really struck a cord, the alcoholic inside me is waiting for the event to happen (probably so it can be prepared to start a fight at 'the event') although the woman inside me is
craving true recovery. Well, your post wasn't a waffle, it was again good advice and like I said earlier, I'm thankful. I can't promise that I can come here sober everytime, not for the moment anyway, but I can say that when I've got you guys here, I'm learning and feeling a lot better about embarking upon this 'Journey' when it eventually begins.
Respect to you.

wingsfree

Hey Mrs. Mipsy....now there's a thought why I've called my demon a HE also.

I started binge drinking at 18 before that age just a couple drinks here and there. Been binging ever since 31 years, I did have the good sense not to drink while I was pregnant did take a gamble drinking till I found out I was pregnant then worried over that thinking maybe I harmed my babies, someone was watching over them they are both healthy young adults, oh wait maybe not so healthy, guess what? they both drink now imagine that..ohhhhh the guilt of a mother and I'm hoping with all my heart me finally getting my sorry butt sober might show them there's a better way to live before this beast decides to sink it's claws deep into them.....I've seen what a child ends up like while it's mother drank through her pregnancy, real sad. And here I go rambling again.

Yep it is a journey and it can be a blessed one if you let it be, or it can be HELL, for the longest time I chose the HELL route.

I know you're not ready to stop from your post but that's ok you're here so that speaks volumns, you don't have to promise anyone anything here, when it's your turn to STOP you will and I pray it's really soon. I can tell you the longer you continue it will get worse the hangovers will get worse your thinking will get so twisted, the mental part is the worse it can put you in the darkest hole ever and some days the beast loves to egg you on telling you you'll never be FREE he seems to think he owns you.....HE DOESN'T....why let him hurt you a day longer, that's all he wants and doing to you....I don't want any part of that anymore, I know you don't either.

Today I'm sitting up on a ledge looking around at all the beauty surrounding me, my hands under my knees my legs hanging over moving back and forth...so serene-peaceful...I can see you from up here, I can see me in you and I know you don't need to be down there, I'm extending my hand out to you, come on girl grab hold and jump up here with me, WE both know you don't want to be there anymore, WE both know the pain and hurt there is being down there....it's not so bad up here at all and in time we'll move up to another ledge the stronger we get.

Please listen to people's words....I was listening but part of me wasn't, my drunken hurt brain couldn't fully absorb simple things....today I can focus a little more. Please join me I PROMISE you...you'll love it up here.

Hugs......Denise