Kaz74

I feel like I'm in a constant merry-go-round. Quit smoking, drink more. Quit drinking, smoke more. And somewhere in between I probably eat a lot of rubbish too.

I'm at a stage where I've quit pretty much everything, none at the same time, and when I do quit one thing, the other gets worse (cross addiction???). And now it just feels monumental because there are so many things I need to change. I can't stop smoking and have my drinking get worse, or vice versa, argh! So I'll have to quit them all at the same time???

Not asking a specific question, just putting it out there. I don't believe I want to quit either, not really, because if I did, surely I'd have done it by now. What is it? When I self sabotage...... why??? I'd feel so much better not smoking/drinking - I remember this, so why do I carry on making myself feeling crap?

Driving myself nuts and I really am just venting...

Karen

mrs. j

Sometimes I think Freud was right when he talked about how some of us have an oral fixation. Sometimes I wonder if my own addictions are really just the compulsion to have something in my mouth all the time. Because if you think about the root of your addictions, most of them probably revolve around putting something harmful into your mouth. Just an off the wall thought I had, because I have the same problem too. I wish I could give you some good advice but I am struggling too. I have come to the conclusion that a lot of the problem is just plain boredom. If we kept ourselves busier I don't think we would have as much time to sit around and obsess about putting stuff in our mouths. I know it sounds weird, but when I am reaching for a drink and a smoke simultaneously I have to wonder if Freud was right all along.

Anna

Hi Kaz,

Self-sabotage was a big thing for me too. I didn't recognize it for a long time, but came to see that I felt more comfortable failing than I did succeeding. If I stopped drinking for a short time and it crossed my mind that I might make it, anxiety would set it. What would it mean if I succeeded, what would happen? I had no idea. I knew what would happen if I failed, I'd done it many times. I didn't like it of course, but still...the familiar felt better for a long time.

Allow yourself the possibility that you can do this and you'll be ok.

Love, Anna

FriendofBill

Maybe your just trying to do too much, too soon.

Maybe try the stop drinking first, just for one day, and see how that goes.

Rome wasnt built in a day. One step at a time. Baby steps, they are.

michaelj

Karen,
I gave up smoking years and years ago because I got an enormous shock when my dad was ill in hospital. The doctors thought he had lung cancer and the fear I felt made me give up immediately. I simply couldn't put my kids through what I was experiencing.
I gave up drinking because I got an enormous shock from the reality of what I was doing to myself and my family.
I think that with all addictive substances you need a shock, a catalyst, a defining moment, call it what you will, to drive you to abstinence.
Having said all that I would advise you to treat the most serious addiction first and I believe that it has to be drinking. Sure there are serious health risks with smoking but it doesn't come near to alcohol fo screwing everything up. Your mind, your personal and social life, your family and friends, none of these is unaffected by alcohol. Kill that demon first and then when you are secure in your sobriety you can move on to smoking.
Whatever you chose to do I wish you every success
Michael

CarolD

and Hello! I am addicted to More!

Kaz74

Thanks for the responses. I must read up on oral fixation - have read Freud but not on that particular theory - does knowing it help??

I know drinking is the most harmful - doesn't help though. My Dad smoked himself into ill health and when they damaged him so bad there was no hope, he drank himself to death. I've quit smoking for 2 years previously (I restarted when he was dying, go figure!), drinking hasn't been a major problem until recently - not true but is was only recently that I became aware it was a major problem. Do I have to wait for a 'worst moment'? I don't think so, I'm slowly realising that whatever I do it's going to be a biggy - an 'I can never smoke again' moment, and an 'I can never drink again moment' and hopefully simultaneously because somehow one influences the other for the worse.

Not ready to make a commitment on either, it's like I'm creating a gameplan. I'm not setting myself up for failure by being unprepared again! I know, most people say there's never a right time, but the amount of times I've gone in unprepared, i've set myself up for failure. I'm on the right track, I trust my instinct :-)

I agree with the sabotage thing. I remember being non smoking, my ideal weight, drinking not a problem - I felt fantastic! I can't describe the heights of self esteem and personal fulfilment - then I didn't know where to go with all these good feelings. Doh! Boredom is a big one for me. I don't want to have to 'occupy myself' - I mean really, shouldn't life be so fulfilling and so busy all by itself that filling it isn't a problem. And isn't disappointment with life merely a western problem, the feeling that there's got to be more? Eastern philosophy says (not in these words), life sucks, deal with it and we'll prepare you for it - but for us, wouldn't that knowledge growing up prepare us better for life?

Phew, a relief to be able to say all this... Thanks folks for being here :-)
Karen

Gooch

Welcome Karen.

soime of us are inclined to believe that our obsessive/compulsive tendancies come from a need to fill a spiritual void. I dunno about the oral fixation but theres a line in a song that goes "daddy's got a hole in his arm where the money goes"

theres only one way to fill a spirtual void... with immeasurable spirit.

lots of that spirit here.