Millwallj

I dont know how to do it! Which is handy actually, means that I wont do it!!!!

But I get on my soap box about something, shout a bit, shout YEAH! and then I...

...go home, eat horribly, feel terrible, look at myself in the mirror and think that me and everyone else is horrible, sweat a bit, want to punch myself, and just generally feel ruined.

I thought arguments were what proud people done about things - thoroughly convinced of their beliefs.

I almost stutter with self doubt sometimes.

I dont know how to argue in recovery. I think I have developed a concious since I put down the drink.

I can no longer argue about it (you know what) becuase to be honest I dont know who is right and who is wrong.

So its best then, for me to roll around in my ignorant bliss and not believe that there is an answer.

Anyone else find getting on ones soap box impossible or very difficult in recovery?

Pick-a-name

I pray to God my husband finds his way to recovery, but that very area is one of the changes that has been most harmful to our marriage and family. I believe that attitude is what has him divorcing me........any difference of opinion,questioning, is a direct assult on his ego it seems......and some of the ideas he comes up with are quite remarkable...that is the nicest way to put it. (Insane would be another word that comes to mind!) These good people can tell you more, but sounds like progress to these alanon's ears.gray areas are a good thing sometimes!

fraankie

im remember years ago,
i told a girl
someone was trying to hit on her
and
she said she was only fraternalizing
like, what the heck did that mean
but
she explained that she was in a fraternity in college
and
she was just being sociable so she didn't feel hit on
and it's the same with arguments
it's your perception
the old "there are two sides to every story...."
so
as long as you present the facts in a positive manner
and allow time to others for feedback or their opinion
don't raise your voice
are not hostile, etc
it's not an argument

it's like being aggressive
"asserting yourself in a positive maaner"
as in funk and wagnall's

and no matter what the issue
when you leave
leave it there
there is no reason to go home
and

"feel miserable, eat horribly, etc.."

Millwallj

nice one frankie that makes sense.

Chy

I don't like to argue. It's pointless, hurtful and no one comes out ahead. But sharing and asking questions to get to the answers your searching for is a different story. Negativity is harmful both mentally and physically. Rather then argue a point I seek the opinions of others with the understanding I'll remain open minded to listen. I used to feel I didn't need input from others. But now I find the suggestions and opinions of others invaluable and it gives me different perspectives of coming to my own acceptance of what molds my own belief and value system.

Luckyv2

WOW Chy that is deep I have been asking questions but I don't have any answers and I think that what you said about other peoples opinion was what I needed to hear today

Millwallj

your right chy.

know what mate - I am just starting to find out how I work. Like what i believe, what i dont believe, what i like, what i dont like, etc.

its a learning thing.

Dan

I know, buddy. And I'm learning watching you do it

2dayzmuse

I can relate. We grow and our perspectives change along with our recovery. I appreciate a different perspective on things. I do learn from it. There has been things that I have grasped from reading some heavy debates on the forums. They can be useful if you don't let anger fuel the fire.

2tough2die

That's because none of us are 'right' and none of us are 'wrong'.

We're just different.

findingout

That is what happens in recovery

Sometimes I like to think of recovery as one of those rock polishers some of us had as kids. We get dumped in together, all rough and sharp, and then we just bounce off each other, colliding over this or that, and when the process works, we all get polished.

One Love, One Heart,
Tony

2dayzmuse

Great analogy Tony. I love it.
I'm the greenish one on the bottom right

Little Missy

I use to love to argue!! Just to prove I'm right and you're wrong. It didn't matter if I knew what I was talking about or not. It was about the bottom line. Which was feeding my ego.

So in recovery, I don't like to argue. It no longer serves a purpose for me. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I can take it or leave it. I no longer have to be right all the time. Very humbling, and humility is just what I need!!

Cap3

How is my serenity?What areas do i need to work on?Can i accept folks for who they are,and let them be who they are?Can i really accept different strokes for the many different folks?Am i the type that needs everyone to agree with me all the time?If so,im not living life on lifes terms.And am only hurting myself.Its nice,that,folks pat my back,and agree with me,.However its the others,God bless them, that ,help me to,find where i need more growth,.Where im not accepting,tolerant,,etc,,etc,of others.Those are the good folks,that get me to read,apply program big time in my life....Tis all good.,although i may not think so in da moment....smile...