Richey

I don't know what else to say.
I still feel like ****.

bikewench

lol...

good to see you Richey...!!!

and don't know what to say...?
well.. it'll come in time ... I have no doubt..
so..
how'd it go..??

Richey

Horrendous. I've never felt so sick in my whole life...and I've detoxed from opiates several times.
I puked so much I ruptured blood vessels in my throat and nearly choked to death on it because I kept coughing it up as I was trying to breath in but as i breathed in I choked and gagged more. I had to have ablood transfusions and my throat fixed...which at least i got to be unconscious for a while.
I didn't hallucinate because they kept me so doped up but I had terrible nightmares of trying to cut down my choking family from noose but as i cut from around their necks I addicently plunged inside my mothers throat and killed her and then I was wanted for murder and had to escape by swimming through a sea of blood and then I started drowing.
I still haven't stopped sweating and I can't sleep (it's almosty 4am). But I don't want a drink because I feel too awful.

Phinneas

Remember this, Richey. You never, ever, ever have to go through this again.

--phinny

bikewench

That's right...

be gentle with yourself Richey...
and try not to fight it to much.. cause that just makes it worse...
it's determined to come out... poison of the mind and the body...
if I was there ... I'd make you some soup... ;o)


the dreams... yeah...
unfinished business.. I say...
things in our subconscious.. couched in symbols...
the mind is an amazing thing...

You might want to try hot baths Richey... it'll help relax... and ease the aches and pains...

Anna

Well Richey, You are back and it's really good to see you here. I hope you can get some rest and that you feel better tomorrow.

Love, Anna

Richey

I hope not. I really hope not.

I wish I could sleep through the tail end of this...I have some valium but I don't want to sleep because the nightmares wont go away.

lulu70

((((((((((Richey))))))))))) I hope my posting doesn't make you angry because of the last post I made in regards to you. Just wanted to let you know that I am literally in tears with gratitude that you are sober and alive. You did a very courageous and difficult thing by going to de-tox. I hope you can give yourself credit for that. And others are right..... You don't ever, EVER, have to go through this again.

Prayers for you--

Richey

I don't know what to do with myself. I'm counting down the time in 15 min slots...a few more days an apparently it will stop hurting. A drink would really help right now but I couldn't drink even if I wanted to...anything other than pure water makes my stomach churn and even too much water gives me stabbing stomach pains. My ulcers hurt a lot because I can't eat.

I'm sure the dreams are to do with coughing up that blood. One of my biggest fears ever is suffocation.

I tried a hot bath but I started shaking almost as soon as I got in...and when I got out my legs were all wobbly.

Richey

I hope so...when I wake up I either feel much better than before i went to sleep...or much worse. I hope it's the former :/

Richey

I don't remember you saying anything terrible...but I had to go back and look at the posts I made because I just can't hardly remember them. In fact, the more I try and remember things the more I forget. I can't concentrate or think at all...I spent half an hour looking for a pen earlier (I posses only one pen in my entire house)...then realised I was walking around with it in my hand!

I don't feel couragous...I was jsut so scared I'd die. It was fear that made me recover...not any real strength. I had/have nothing left in except to either give up and recover or give up and die...and I really don't want to die.
I can't really give myself credit for not killing myself; it seems obscene!

Pick-a-name

(((Richey!)))

Thank God you went and got some help...I have been, and will continue to pray for you!

angelgirl

Oh Richey, I have honestly prayed for this to happen for you for a LONG time.. I am so happy for you.. I am real happy you didn't remember alot of the posts, because I was a bit to hard on you in the end, and I had NO business doing that. I was so afraid for you. Still no excuse. But now, am so grateful for you ..
This is the best news I have heard in a while, we love you, and we are all so happy that you detoxed. I hope you jump over to the substance abuse forum and let everyone know. Roadie will also be extremely happy to hear this..
You made it, that's all that matters now..

God Bless you Richey
Love, Becky

angelgirl

By the way, it will get better Richey, it really will.. Just keep telling yourself that,, I had to also count minutes, and continue to tell myself that this to will pass, and keep posting, post your heart out, that also helps, not only to pass time, but to also have support..
Becky

By the way, I didn't apologize in the above post.. But I am now, sorry I said things I didn't belong saying.. Hope you accept.

Chy

((((Richey))))... your very brave, hang in there!

Don S

Thanks for posting, thanks for making that call, and take care.
Don S

tyler

Good to see ya back mate!! Hang in there, don't really know what else to say as I've never had to go through what you are going through. I'm so happy you are on the right track even though I'm sure it is really hard right now!! Take care and keep posting here, we do care about you.

2dayzmuse

I'm glad you made it back Richey. So now you are detoxing and sober. That is the easy part. The hard part is about to begin, staying that way. You and I both know that you will never remain sober unless you work a recovery program. If I were you I'd be looking into the next step. That would be doing whatever it takes to stay sober and not fall into the viscious cycle again. I wish you luck. There is alot of ES&H here. Use it to your advantage. Do you have a plan? Make this your last time. Seek out a program.

Music

That's just exactly the kind of thinking that got you right where you're at.

wordtank

Richey -

Great to see you back. We were all wishing the best for you. I'm was very glad to check out the board tonight and see you had posted, and with such wonderful news for you.

Hang in there!,
-tank