j'ade d'arcy

my bf's mother drives me crazy!! i used to be able to tolerate her, mainly because i was loaded all the time. now that i have some sobriety, i find that i really cannot stand the woman.

plus she is always going off about how i am not drinking now. for some reason this really bothers her and she comments on it all the time. my bf is a social drinker and has the odd one here and there, but never around me, so when we visit her he dosen't drink. she can't stand this!!

when i got out of rehab last winter, right before christmas, we told her that i would not be drinking anymore. she said this was ridiculous and then the shocker.....opened my x-mas gift and it was a chess board and all the chess peices were shot glasses!!

after that i refused to go see her until i have some solid recovery under my belt. now she complains that i never go to her house or the lake anymore. this is starting to really bother me and i'm worried that it will eventually effect my relationship with my bf. i've explained to my bf that i cannot handle to watch others drinking right now, i'm just not strong enough. he seems to understand, but he still trys to pressure me to have more contact with his mother. i tell him that i cannot, she is toxic to me.

i hope that he will understand my decisions. i know that he likes me better sober and wants me to stay that way. i just wish that she wasn't in my life.

Anna

I don't know what her agenda/game is but I agree it's completely toxic. I do hope your b/f understands and is supportive because, if not, this could become something that you need to make a decision about. For what it's worth, I would not have been able to handle that either early on.

Love, Anna

michaelj

You are in a very difficult situation and I am at a loss as to what to suggest. The starting point has to be your continued sobriety, if a relationship with this woman threatens it then it must be best to keep her at arm's length. You could try writing to her and explaining in clear and straightforward terms what is happening. I find letters very effective because you can get your point across without interruption and sidetracking.
Other people's attitudes to my sobriety never fail to amaze me. A long time friend of mine said to me the other day "don't worry we'll get you drinking again". Just how bizarre is that?
I suppose that it is incredibly hard to see the world from other people's points of view.
Best wishes
Michael

CarolD

Just don't drink...and continue to stay away from her.

I seldom see my daughter in law and she is 4 miles from me. This year we have been together about 7 hours total.

My son minds his own business.
So should your gguy.

j'ade d'arcy

thank you for listening to my trouble. i know in my heart that i will not let her ruin what i have worked so hard to achieve. i just have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact anyone would openly try to sabatoge someone else's life and their hard won sobriety!!

i will continue to distance myself from her, i know in the end that my bf will if not understand, respect my choices. after all this is a man that has stayed with me for seven years throughout alot of chaos and insanity. i know he realizes that this is not just a lifestyle choice for me but rather a fight for my life. he's seen first hand the effects of my drinking on myself and others.

by the way....had a super day today....no cravings or thoughts of using. felt great and loved being sober, for me that's what it's all about!

wozzek

This is fantastic! Just keep up. She can try to sabotage you as much as she wishes - but she stands no chance against you!

AndrewBeen

you have a lot of strength.

accept this: people's priorities are always more important to them than your priorities. your sobriety threatens this person. stay away.