They say there are no stupid questions...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3
They say there are no stupid questions...
...but I have a question that may be kind of stupid, someone said that to me at an orientation for a job once, to ask any question that there was no such thing as the wrong, or a stupid question...but guess what I asked a question and she pretty much made me feel about and inch tall in front of a bunch of strangers..
anyway, I do not know too much about AA, but I've been considering it...basically my question is when I first go can I just sort of si in and not participate, can I observe for a little while before i get comfortable? I mean I know I can do whatever I want but I just do not know how things are run...
qickly about me(my drinking habits): Haven't abstained from booze for more than six days in the last three years or so...either a fifth of vodka every two days with beers, or beers (6) or so with a bottle of wine, usually I mix a pint with two bottles of juice toward the end of work so by the time I get home i've had a pint of vodka then drink what ever I have at home or go by something to help me out for the rest of the night, i used to start at 10 or 11 a.m. when i was working second shift, go in drunk and drink the whole time i was there but now i work morning so i dont start until two or three although its been a week or two since i've done that...theres alot more but thats a basic run down...but i'm trying to dicide id AA may be a step in the right direction...???
anyway, I do not know too much about AA, but I've been considering it...basically my question is when I first go can I just sort of si in and not participate, can I observe for a little while before i get comfortable? I mean I know I can do whatever I want but I just do not know how things are run...
qickly about me(my drinking habits): Haven't abstained from booze for more than six days in the last three years or so...either a fifth of vodka every two days with beers, or beers (6) or so with a bottle of wine, usually I mix a pint with two bottles of juice toward the end of work so by the time I get home i've had a pint of vodka then drink what ever I have at home or go by something to help me out for the rest of the night, i used to start at 10 or 11 a.m. when i was working second shift, go in drunk and drink the whole time i was there but now i work morning so i dont start until two or three although its been a week or two since i've done that...theres alot more but thats a basic run down...but i'm trying to dicide id AA may be a step in the right direction...???
Knucklehead
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
Hey, that's messed up about the question thing. Talk about setting someone up to smack them down! Geez!! Anyway, I have always found the folks at AA to be friendly and understanding. They all had a first meeting too. I think it is worth checking out.
At the opening of the meeting they ask if there are any newcomers and if so, to introduce yourself with your first name only. You don't have to answer, but if you do, they will welcome you. Often, someone will start a phone number list going around the room to give you at the end of the meeting. They may also ask if anyone is in their first 30 days of sobriety or if it is anybody's first meeting since the their last drink. Again, you don't have to answer unless you feel comfortable. After that stuff, they have a moment of silence followed by prayer. Then something is read or a topic is introduced and people share one at a time with no crosstalk. At the end of the meeting, everyone stands in a circle holding hands and another prayer is said. Some folks arrive early and hang out after the meeting to socialize or even go out for coffee afterwards. They aren't all exactly like this, and there are different formats (speaker meetings, etc.), but this should give you a little bit of an idea of what you're getting yourself into.
Doorknob
At the opening of the meeting they ask if there are any newcomers and if so, to introduce yourself with your first name only. You don't have to answer, but if you do, they will welcome you. Often, someone will start a phone number list going around the room to give you at the end of the meeting. They may also ask if anyone is in their first 30 days of sobriety or if it is anybody's first meeting since the their last drink. Again, you don't have to answer unless you feel comfortable. After that stuff, they have a moment of silence followed by prayer. Then something is read or a topic is introduced and people share one at a time with no crosstalk. At the end of the meeting, everyone stands in a circle holding hands and another prayer is said. Some folks arrive early and hang out after the meeting to socialize or even go out for coffee afterwards. They aren't all exactly like this, and there are different formats (speaker meetings, etc.), but this should give you a little bit of an idea of what you're getting yourself into.
Doorknob
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
There are no rules at all about talking at meetings. You can go sit and watch all you want. People might come up to you and introduce themselves, as they tend to be a friendly bunch, but you are not required to participate in any way. Check it out and speak when you feel comfortable. You'll find a good group of folks there. Take care.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome
Glad you are here with us...and are willing to explore recovery programs.Dor and Tyler gave you the info...I too encourage you to check out AA.
Heck...you can always get up and leave if you get antsy.
I left my 1st meeting only to return 2 years later in much worse shape fron drinking.
I then knew AA was my answer.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
keyone,
In recovery, there really are no stupid questions. There is only one stupid answer: picking up that first drink.
Doorknob is right and what is more, they all remember their first meeting. Meetings will vary from place to place and according to the type of meeting, but you will always find people who know exactly what you are going through because they have actually been there. You will meet people who come on strong, don't let them scare you away - they are only trying to help. You will encounter people who appear to be indifferent because they don't immediately introduce themselves, don't let them scare you away - not everyone in A.A. (or N.A.) is a social butterfly.
You will meet people who truly have found a relationship with their higher power and want to share that happiness, don't let them scare you away - this is not a requirement and not everyone gets this to the same degree. You will meet people who are too willing to tell you that unless you work the program the way they do, you are destined for a life of "white knuckling it" at best. Don't let them scare you away - they are only sharing their experience. You will meet people who don't appear to be working the program at all. Don't let them scare you away - not everyone wears their involvement with the program on their shirtsleave.
The thing is, everyone attending an A.A. (or N.A.) meeting is different yet we are all the same because to some degree we all "had to have something different and thought we had found it in drugs."
If you attend your first few meetings looking for reasons why A.A. (or N.A.) is not for you, you will find them. Try to resist the urge to look for what you expect to find. If you look for people who are farther down the path of addiction so you can say "I'm not that bad", you will find them. Try to resist the urge to compare yourself with others and instead compare yourself with how you are and how you want to be.
Above all else, remember that the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop using.
One Love, One Heart,
Tony
In recovery, there really are no stupid questions. There is only one stupid answer: picking up that first drink.
Originally Posted by doorknob
I have always found the folks at AA to be friendly and understanding. They all had a first meeting too.
You will meet people who truly have found a relationship with their higher power and want to share that happiness, don't let them scare you away - this is not a requirement and not everyone gets this to the same degree. You will meet people who are too willing to tell you that unless you work the program the way they do, you are destined for a life of "white knuckling it" at best. Don't let them scare you away - they are only sharing their experience. You will meet people who don't appear to be working the program at all. Don't let them scare you away - not everyone wears their involvement with the program on their shirtsleave.
The thing is, everyone attending an A.A. (or N.A.) meeting is different yet we are all the same because to some degree we all "had to have something different and thought we had found it in drugs."
If you attend your first few meetings looking for reasons why A.A. (or N.A.) is not for you, you will find them. Try to resist the urge to look for what you expect to find. If you look for people who are farther down the path of addiction so you can say "I'm not that bad", you will find them. Try to resist the urge to compare yourself with others and instead compare yourself with how you are and how you want to be.
"People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
"Amelia" - Joni Mitchell
Get yourself a copy of the big book of A.A or the blue book of N.A. and read it. If you are not really an alcoholic, reading the book will not turn you into one. However, if you are an alcoholic, the book may provide you with the answers you are looking for.They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
"Amelia" - Joni Mitchell
Above all else, remember that the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop using.
One Love, One Heart,
Tony
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London
Posts: 501
AA is very good for a lot, a lot of people. For some its not. But go there with a desire to change and you will.
The most important thing I ever done was throw the towel in on a period of my life. I thought "the way I am living - man, its just a waste of time".
Look also, for where you are lying to yourself. Do you ever say things like: ohhhh its not that bad...or: everyone does it....I'll sort it out etc...when deep down you know something, something, is wrong?
Well, follow that feeling and everything that is wrong will soon become right.
AA is a good as place to start as anywhere to want to change.
The most important thing I ever done was throw the towel in on a period of my life. I thought "the way I am living - man, its just a waste of time".
Look also, for where you are lying to yourself. Do you ever say things like: ohhhh its not that bad...or: everyone does it....I'll sort it out etc...when deep down you know something, something, is wrong?
Well, follow that feeling and everything that is wrong will soon become right.
AA is a good as place to start as anywhere to want to change.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London
Posts: 501
And to emphasise: you dont have to do anything. even with 1000000 years sober, you can still just sit there saying nothing, inspecting. no one will say anything. it is an exceptionally warm place for those who have been out in the cold for so long.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 689
Hello Kev, Doorknob and others here explained the meetings pretty well. I would also say you can look for open speaker meetings to get started. I found those meetings especially helpfull wen I was getting started with AA. Everyone just sits and listens to someone sharing their story on what is was like for them, and how they progressed through recovery.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
I'm sorry you had a bad experience in being honest...that stinks! But here you can ask away as I'm sure it's been asked countless times. When I was first considering recovery I had a ton of questions I wanted answers for. SR gave me a venue to seek them out, I hope you will feel welcome in doing the same.
As for going to a meeting, here is a link I think you'll find useful.
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/meetings/a/aa040208a.htm
As for going to a meeting, here is a link I think you'll find useful.
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/meetings/a/aa040208a.htm
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