Alcoholic's Compulsion to Drink?
Sadie,
Like you, I am having profound difficulty giving in to the fact that I am an alcoholic... which is bizarre because when I used to party with friends and be drinking rediculus amounts, I remember saying to myself, "Damn, man, your a friggin alcoholic"... now, I don't want to admit it... peculur stuff.
Regarding what you said about how after that second drink, you might feel a little tired.. I think this is where "normal" drinkers go, "whoo, that went right to my head. Time to stop 'cause I gotta drive home". On the other hand, I would go, "wow.. feeling a bit tired... if I slam down two quick, I'll catch a buzz again" because I don't feel two drinks, I feel four.
I guess my answer to the thread topic at least for me is more along the lines of, "I know what it's like, and this is a tease." I guess I'd use the word CONDITIONING? My mind and body, because of my own abuse to it, have been conditioned to handle more than 2 beers, so once drinking even a bit, the moderation point becomes mute because I am a vessel made for 10 or 15 or 20. You wouldn't send a cargo ship out of port with 1/2 the cargo holds empty....
Well, that's my irriversable logic that kicks in...
Keep writing too !!! you silly
Like you, I am having profound difficulty giving in to the fact that I am an alcoholic... which is bizarre because when I used to party with friends and be drinking rediculus amounts, I remember saying to myself, "Damn, man, your a friggin alcoholic"... now, I don't want to admit it... peculur stuff.
Regarding what you said about how after that second drink, you might feel a little tired.. I think this is where "normal" drinkers go, "whoo, that went right to my head. Time to stop 'cause I gotta drive home". On the other hand, I would go, "wow.. feeling a bit tired... if I slam down two quick, I'll catch a buzz again" because I don't feel two drinks, I feel four.
I guess my answer to the thread topic at least for me is more along the lines of, "I know what it's like, and this is a tease." I guess I'd use the word CONDITIONING? My mind and body, because of my own abuse to it, have been conditioned to handle more than 2 beers, so once drinking even a bit, the moderation point becomes mute because I am a vessel made for 10 or 15 or 20. You wouldn't send a cargo ship out of port with 1/2 the cargo holds empty....
Well, that's my irriversable logic that kicks in...
Keep writing too !!! you silly
I don't understand it, but it was like a light switch for me. I went from wanting to have just a drink, maybe two, to forgetting all that and drinking as much as I could. I use to try and handle that by only having a few drinks at a time in the house. I would stop on my way home from work and buy a half-pint. Sometimes it made me mad not having another drink after that was gone, sometimes depressed, but it always left me craving more and very uncomfortable. Then I got so I would go out to the store after the half-pint was gone and get more. That was dangerous, so I stopped buying half-pints and started making sure I had enough in the house. That's when I really got sick. I'm only comfortable if I'm not drinking at all. A few leaves me wanting more, and more leaves me sick and blacked out and stupid. I hate it, wish it wasn't that way, but there it is. I have to learn to accept it and move on with the other things in life. I've surely given alcohol enough of my life.
Alcoholics experience the alcohol differently from non-alcoholics. The non-alcoholic experiences primarily a sedative and disinhibitory effect.
For achoholics like me, the alcohol is processed by the liver more quickly, it turns into something called acetyladehyde, which manages to travel to the brain where it turns into something called THiQ (tetra hydra iso quoline), which as it turns out is much like morphene. This gives alcholics a different and far more addictive experience.
That powerful feeling we have after the first 2 drinks is (I think) the THiQ build-up in our brains. "Normals"don'texperiences this, and are more able to turn off the switch after a couple. I know that I am not able to do that.
For achoholics like me, the alcohol is processed by the liver more quickly, it turns into something called acetyladehyde, which manages to travel to the brain where it turns into something called THiQ (tetra hydra iso quoline), which as it turns out is much like morphene. This gives alcholics a different and far more addictive experience.
That powerful feeling we have after the first 2 drinks is (I think) the THiQ build-up in our brains. "Normals"don'texperiences this, and are more able to turn off the switch after a couple. I know that I am not able to do that.
Obsessive/Compulsive Drinking
I'd just like to add, it has been my experience that one drinks leads to oblivion drinking. I'd also like to add something I came across in A.A.'s Fourth Step;
We thought "conditions" drove us to drink, and when we tried to correct these conditions and found that we couldn't to our satisfaction, our drinking went out of hand and we became alcoholics. It never occurred to us that we needed to change ourselves to meet the conditions, whatever they were.
But in A.A., we slowly learned that something had to be done about our vengeful resentments, self-pity, and unwarranted pride. We had to see that every time we played the big-shot, we turned people against us. We had to see that wen we harbored grudges and planned revenge for such defeats, we were really beating ourselves with the club of anger we had intended to use on others. We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what caused it.
Can you hear me now?
Just for Today---------------I am Sober and Clean
Pernell
We thought "conditions" drove us to drink, and when we tried to correct these conditions and found that we couldn't to our satisfaction, our drinking went out of hand and we became alcoholics. It never occurred to us that we needed to change ourselves to meet the conditions, whatever they were.
But in A.A., we slowly learned that something had to be done about our vengeful resentments, self-pity, and unwarranted pride. We had to see that every time we played the big-shot, we turned people against us. We had to see that wen we harbored grudges and planned revenge for such defeats, we were really beating ourselves with the club of anger we had intended to use on others. We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what caused it.
Can you hear me now?
Just for Today---------------I am Sober and Clean
Pernell
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Originally Posted by Rimmy
Sadie,
Like you, I am having profound difficulty giving in to the fact that I am an alcoholic... which is bizarre because when I used to party with friends and be drinking rediculus amounts, I remember saying to myself, "Damn, man, your a friggin alcoholic"... now, I don't want to admit it... peculur stuff.
Regarding what you said about how after that second drink, you might feel a little tired.. I think this is where "normal" drinkers go, "whoo, that went right to my head. Time to stop 'cause I gotta drive home". On the other hand, I would go, "wow.. feeling a bit tired... if I slam down two quick, I'll catch a buzz again" because I don't feel two drinks, I feel four.
I guess my answer to the thread topic at least for me is more along the lines of, "I know what it's like, and this is a tease." I guess I'd use the word CONDITIONING? My mind and body, because of my own abuse to it, have been conditioned to handle more than 2 beers, so once drinking even a bit, the moderation point becomes mute because I am a vessel made for 10 or 15 or 20. You wouldn't send a cargo ship out of port with 1/2 the cargo holds empty....
Like you, I am having profound difficulty giving in to the fact that I am an alcoholic... which is bizarre because when I used to party with friends and be drinking rediculus amounts, I remember saying to myself, "Damn, man, your a friggin alcoholic"... now, I don't want to admit it... peculur stuff.
Regarding what you said about how after that second drink, you might feel a little tired.. I think this is where "normal" drinkers go, "whoo, that went right to my head. Time to stop 'cause I gotta drive home". On the other hand, I would go, "wow.. feeling a bit tired... if I slam down two quick, I'll catch a buzz again" because I don't feel two drinks, I feel four.
I guess my answer to the thread topic at least for me is more along the lines of, "I know what it's like, and this is a tease." I guess I'd use the word CONDITIONING? My mind and body, because of my own abuse to it, have been conditioned to handle more than 2 beers, so once drinking even a bit, the moderation point becomes mute because I am a vessel made for 10 or 15 or 20. You wouldn't send a cargo ship out of port with 1/2 the cargo holds empty....
I was doing what you said too, and do almost every time I binge: "damn, I'm starting to come down, that's no good, better go get another shot. A whole drink will take too long to work." Now THAT, my friends...is sick thinking.
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