tenK

I have another question.

I've been thinking about tonight's new chat session topic -- guilt. I've been thinking all day that I don't think I have guilt in the way I think other people do. (possibly an incorrect assumption on my part) I assume guilt for people in recovery is for bad things that happened as a result of their drinking.

But, I feel guilt with my successes. Example:

I'm driving down the road today. It's sunny, the middle of the afternoon, and I'm cruising along with my dog, taking her to the park. I work for myself, so have decided to get out while the getting is good, and do my work later. And what happens in this lovely, free, happy moment.. I feel guilty for not being home, pounding away at my work. I am comfortable, materialistically speaking.. and what do I think about that..? well I'm afraid I can lose it at any minute. I'm worried people will show up at my door and tell me there's been some sort of mistake, and take everything.

The crazy thing is, I've worked hard for it all. It's not like a windfall or anything. So why does it feel so fragile?

CAPTAINZING2000

Are you not getting your work out to the people you said you would on time?

CarolD

OK...now I see what you were refering to in the post i just answered.

Why not see a counselor for that feeling of gloom?
You may have been masking it with alcohol and now it can be addressed.

Knowing the problem is the key to a solution.

Anna

Hi Tenk,

I think I'm an expert in guilt and have experienced both kinds of guilt that you talked about. I felt guilty/nervous/anxious whenever things were going well and then, I would carry it a step further, and sabotage myself. I didn't believe that I deserved good things in my life. You work hard, you are doing well in your business and your life. Accept with gratitude the good things that are coming to you. You are worth it! Step out of the dark and don't be afraid of losing what you have. Live in the light!

Love, Anna

michski

I get scared to death when things are going well! I don't even like to discuss it with anyone. I have a great life! I drank, I puked, I drank, I puked, my husband left, I went nuts, I got sober, husband came back, I relapsed, I got a sponsor, I got sober again, I stayed sober, I did the steps, I did my footwork, the promises are coming true for me..... and I have to constantly remind myself that I worked for all these things and they are truly mine. I am finally the person I want to be with a life I feel good about. Man, it still wierds me out to write it down and then read it.... seems like I'm tempting fate, gloating or something like that. I'm not that sure it's guilt I feel, more a like self esteem issue. More like feeling like I don't deserve to be happy... it's another nutty part of my upbringing and I suspect women feel like that more than men.

lulu70

I think I know what you are talking about. At least the first part--I often feel guilty that I am not doing enough. I may work 8.5 hours a day, spend 3-5 hours taking care of my daughter and my house, 2 hours on recovery (meeting), and then go to bed, exhausted, chastising myself for the things I didn't do. I have had to learn how to give myself more credit, but, like all my other new behaviors, it takes practice. For a long time, every time I had a negative thought, I had to consciously force myself to dispute it and remember an accomplishment. I still have to practice, but it has become more natural now. Of course, even as I write this, I am thinking maybe I shouldn't be too comfortable with myself or I might get lazy!!!! Oh well.......we are all sick people learning to be well!!!

Hugs--

tenK

Yes, I am. And I'm also getting my housework done. (that's a digital smack for something you said on another thread.)

I'm really good with deadlines, but when the pace is up to me, I feel bad if I'm not pounding away. I have enough work that I could work all day and night and make more money. I think I stress about it becuase I grew up in a family that always teetered on poverty.




Uh huh, me too! My drinking was my go-to sabotage.


Thanks all for your replies. I think I need to ponder this one a bit more. Listening in on the chat last night really opened a few doors in my brain and I have a lot to consider.

CAPTAINZING2000

The most important thing is your sobriety. You feel you need to take a break and you're responsible in your affairs, by all means.

We have a saying that goes easy does it but, do it..


btw, don't take guilt trips! Take a trip to the mall to a vacation spot but, don't do guilt.

Guilt and shame cause to many needless relapses

michaelj

Tenk, I first read your post about twelve hours ago but didn't have the time to post a reply. I have been to work and back and have been chewing over the matter all day. I don't actually think that what you are feeling is guilt. It is my belief that what you are feeling is insecurity.
If you were like me you depended on alcohol for emotional support and now that that crutch is gone you are left feeling a little vulnerable. You probably used alcohol to mask feelings before and now you are getting those feelings and emotions in 100% technicolor.
I could be talking the biggest old load of tosh, but I reckon that you will slowly but surely adjust to the new reality and in a few weeks you will wonder what the fuss was all about.
I hope I'm right
Michael

QueenShenique

Hey TenK--I've done the guilt thing too--I think part of it is survivor guilt--why am I alive when so many others have died. Why did I get sober the first time I tried and have stayed sober since--and yet others struggle and struggle...When I got out of the halfway house, started a job, got a car --with each victory came great fear that they will somehow be snatched away (I realized with time that my concept of the Higher Power was still of the punishing Mt Olympus type). It has gotten better with time--now I'm told that guilt is an indicator that I have violate my code of ethics in some way--like if I stole something and felt guilty--that's my indicator that my behaviour was wrong for me today.

Millwallj

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy combined with AA helped me shift that kind of stuff. CBT is a god send.