What Do You Tell Your Friends?
What Do You Tell Your Friends?
Any advice on what or how to tell your friends when you've stopped drinking, i.e. why? oh come on, just come out for a couple (of beers), etc.
Any tips on distancing yourself from drinking buddies without hurting their feelings?
In other words, tactful excuses for not going to the bar.
Thanks.
Any tips on distancing yourself from drinking buddies without hurting their feelings?
In other words, tactful excuses for not going to the bar.
Thanks.
Replies will come in as people show up.
For me life happened and I ended up distancing because of it.
Married and children worked for me.
For the times people would offer a drink or a beer at a party.
I would say no thank you, I am fine.
Or just tell them straight up... I don't drink any more.
What I found is their own inner battle had them give me excuses with me just saying nothing.
They would reply to the... I don't drink any more... with
"Well I been meaning to cut down myself"
or "Well I don't drink as much as I use to."
I have found that I had more issues with what would be said or thought then what happened when the issue came up.
For me life happened and I ended up distancing because of it.
Married and children worked for me.
For the times people would offer a drink or a beer at a party.
I would say no thank you, I am fine.
Or just tell them straight up... I don't drink any more.
What I found is their own inner battle had them give me excuses with me just saying nothing.
They would reply to the... I don't drink any more... with
"Well I been meaning to cut down myself"
or "Well I don't drink as much as I use to."
I have found that I had more issues with what would be said or thought then what happened when the issue came up.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
What is it Dr. Phil says? We wouldn't worry so much about what other people think of us--if we realized how rarely they do.
But to answer your specific question:
'No thanks, I don't drink anymore.'
'You want to get together? Great! Come on over.'
'Iced tea, please.'
Lots of people don't drink at all, and for lots of reasons--health, diet, religion, preference, or bad prior experiences. Something like 30%+ of Americans drink rarely enough to be considered abstinent. You're not alone; just look around at any social gathering and you may notice others holding ginger ale or iced tea. Those may be the people you'll want to start talking to...
Don
But to answer your specific question:
'No thanks, I don't drink anymore.'
'You want to get together? Great! Come on over.'
'Iced tea, please.'
Lots of people don't drink at all, and for lots of reasons--health, diet, religion, preference, or bad prior experiences. Something like 30%+ of Americans drink rarely enough to be considered abstinent. You're not alone; just look around at any social gathering and you may notice others holding ginger ale or iced tea. Those may be the people you'll want to start talking to...
Don
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 23
For myself I find I have to distance myself from friends like this for a little while. Then when I feel comfortable enough, I just say when they offer it to me that I'm not feeling 100%, or say that I don't feel like drinking tonight. Or you could be honest with them and tell them you have a problem and have decided to quit drinking. If they are truely your friends they won't begrudge you.
sober in KY
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Wonderland
Posts: 64
Originally Posted by Don S
What is it Dr. Phil says? We wouldn't worry so much about what other people think of us--if we realized how rarely they do.
You do NOT EVER have to explain yourself if you do not want to. You can turn down a drink without having to give an explanation. The weird thing... it's much simpler than you'd think with most people. Some people will want you to drink because they are drinking, but if you still don't, eventually those people won't even care. Not that they should, or you should. But seriously... try letting people around you get drunk and just watch. It's almost like being drunk yourself, except you also have this sort of "clarity" that they don't have. It can be fun. Try it.
~ashes
Michael
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: London England
Posts: 291
When I stopped drinking I made the conscious decision to go to pubs and clubs with friends and family because I did not want to exclude myself socially from them.
At first I made excuses for not drinking alcohol such as "I've been advised to cut back" etc etc. Now I just say the simple truth "I don't drink". You may still be offered a drink but people will gradually get the message.
Best wishes
Michael
At first I made excuses for not drinking alcohol such as "I've been advised to cut back" etc etc. Now I just say the simple truth "I don't drink". You may still be offered a drink but people will gradually get the message.
Best wishes
Michael
When the question comes up with casual friends or in social situations with people I don't know, I fall back on some variation of the classic Herman Melville line "I prefer not to."
This question never comes up with the friends I really care about because I have told each of them exactly how bad it was for me, that I went through treatment, and that drinking or using is just not an option for me no matter how small the amount. While this was a bit difficult at first, the results of the total honesty approach have been worth it. If nothing else, I know who my true friends are and several of the friendships have moved to a whole new level.
Since I accept the fact that I am an alcoholic, nothing good can come from pretending I'm not. By being completely honest, I have made all of the people I love part of the solution and part of my recovery. This is no small thing.
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless,
Tony
This question never comes up with the friends I really care about because I have told each of them exactly how bad it was for me, that I went through treatment, and that drinking or using is just not an option for me no matter how small the amount. While this was a bit difficult at first, the results of the total honesty approach have been worth it. If nothing else, I know who my true friends are and several of the friendships have moved to a whole new level.
Since I accept the fact that I am an alcoholic, nothing good can come from pretending I'm not. By being completely honest, I have made all of the people I love part of the solution and part of my recovery. This is no small thing.
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless,
Tony
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Well...
My family were non drinkers..my friends sots.
I told the truth...shame has no place in my sobriety.
'I am going to AA and intend to stay sober'
I did try to hang out in bars and drink Coke. Made me antsy and soon I would order a drink.
Most of my bar friends are dead from untreated alcoholism since I began AA in 1984. What a waste.
I told the truth...shame has no place in my sobriety.
'I am going to AA and intend to stay sober'
I did try to hang out in bars and drink Coke. Made me antsy and soon I would order a drink.
Most of my bar friends are dead from untreated alcoholism since I began AA in 1984. What a waste.
Faith chases fear away
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Germany
Posts: 6
I´m an alcoholic cocaine addict & a bartender/clubowner, so I´m quite often confronted with that question....
If invited for a shot, I just say I´ll have cherry juice (astonishing enough, this works & people still like me joining "Cheers" rounds). If invited for a drink, I just say what I want, that is usually tonic, orange juice, etc. Normal alcohol drinkers usually tend to drink unalcoholic drinks in between alcoholic drinks, so I really need to explain nothing if I do not want to.
If invited for a line, I just say I do not do or I do not have to do that anymore (That depends on who is asking)... But those questions reduced to being asked very seldom by now.
Some of my closest folk at work know about me. They know I am a cocaine addict & therefore stopped drinking in consequence, too. As those people mostly are active addicts in denial, well you can imagine that they are NOT comfortable with my not drinking/not using - I stoppped talking about my addiction nearly completely & only try to show by how I am & how I act that there is another way.
When people insist "Well, you can have one!!!!" I tell them that I do not drink anymore. And to my surprise a lot of them just say that is great & don´t question it. A couple have this "I try to cut down, too" attitudes, but that is about them & if my message makes them think about their own drinking patterns - well, that´s not bad, either....
If invited for a shot, I just say I´ll have cherry juice (astonishing enough, this works & people still like me joining "Cheers" rounds). If invited for a drink, I just say what I want, that is usually tonic, orange juice, etc. Normal alcohol drinkers usually tend to drink unalcoholic drinks in between alcoholic drinks, so I really need to explain nothing if I do not want to.
If invited for a line, I just say I do not do or I do not have to do that anymore (That depends on who is asking)... But those questions reduced to being asked very seldom by now.
Some of my closest folk at work know about me. They know I am a cocaine addict & therefore stopped drinking in consequence, too. As those people mostly are active addicts in denial, well you can imagine that they are NOT comfortable with my not drinking/not using - I stoppped talking about my addiction nearly completely & only try to show by how I am & how I act that there is another way.
When people insist "Well, you can have one!!!!" I tell them that I do not drink anymore. And to my surprise a lot of them just say that is great & don´t question it. A couple have this "I try to cut down, too" attitudes, but that is about them & if my message makes them think about their own drinking patterns - well, that´s not bad, either....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: living in recovery
Posts: 75
I didn't got to bars or clubs for a long, long time. Now I have no interest in bars and clubs. Neither do I hang around with boozy groups of people. I find them boring company. The more they drink the sillier they get.
If someone asks me to have a drink I say sure, I'll have orange juice thanks or mineral water. Most people who go out for a night on the booze are more interested in getting their drinking done to be bother about what you're drinking.
I don't tell people I am an alcoholic, I just tell them I don't drink. People usually accept that without asking why.
If someone asks me to have a drink I say sure, I'll have orange juice thanks or mineral water. Most people who go out for a night on the booze are more interested in getting their drinking done to be bother about what you're drinking.
I don't tell people I am an alcoholic, I just tell them I don't drink. People usually accept that without asking why.
Anyone who is close enough for me to call "friend" already knows why I'm not drinking anymore. I don't feel like I owe anyone else an explanation, especially since they probably don't care anyway.
I guess these days I'd rather hang around my AA friends.
I guess these days I'd rather hang around my AA friends.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by charlieinthebox
Any advice on what or how to tell your friends when you've stopped drinking, i.e. why? oh come on, just come out for a couple (of beers), etc.
Any tips on distancing yourself from drinking buddies without hurting their feelings?
In other words, tactful excuses for not going to the bar.
Thanks.
Any tips on distancing yourself from drinking buddies without hurting their feelings?
In other words, tactful excuses for not going to the bar.
Thanks.
Tell them the truth. "I quit drinking!" None of their business why! You won't have an problem weeding out your friends. They'll be the ones that support you, not the ones that continue to coax you have "just one more."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 71
I guess I'm taking the sissy way out. I really don't want most people to know why I'm not drinking anymore. I choose to tell them my liver is taking a turn for the worst again. (which is true, but not why I'm not drinking)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by Jason R
I guess I'm taking the sissy way out. I really don't want most people to know why I'm not drinking anymore. I choose to tell them my liver is taking a turn for the worst again. (which is true, but not why I'm not drinking)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by Jason R
It's not the sympathy I want. Not getting it anyway.
I don't want people to know I am an alcoholic. (Anything wrong witht that?)
I don't want people to know I am an alcoholic. (Anything wrong witht that?)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Do you smoke? Would you be embarrassed to turn down a cigarette from a friend who knew you used to smoke? I doubt it! Same thing in my eyes, but then I am not an A; so I have turn BOTH down. Anyone who cares; has their own issues.....don't worry about them. stay your course!
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