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My Wife Is Threatening to Leave - What Do I Tell Her?



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My Wife Is Threatening to Leave - What Do I Tell Her?

Old 06-21-2005, 12:44 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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If, as you claim, she is the one who drives you to drink, then surely her leaving is a good thing for you? If she isn't around, then you won't need to drink. And she can have a chance of finding someone who shows that they love her. Everyone will be happy then, right?
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Old 06-21-2005, 04:24 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Just wondering why you are so unable to take responsibility for your actions? Your correct, many do "throw back a few" but don't lose their marrage, disgust their partner, sleep with strippers, and puke and urinate on the floor. Thats the difference between a normal drinker and a alcoholic. You cannot be happy with this outlook. Stop blaming your wife, shes just "fed up". Really put yourself in her shoes, would you put up with the above described behavior from her? Good luck to you, I hope you receive the help you need.
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Old 06-21-2005, 09:35 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Geez, I hardly even know what to say here. Your post is outrageous in so many ways. You need help, pronto. NO ONE is responsible for your actions but YOU. No one. That whole 'blaming the wife' schtick is incredibly pathetic. I would like to say more, but that's probably not fair; you came here - theoretically - for help. You can only get help if you are willing to take it. If AA doesn't fit, try the other programs people have mentioned - I think SMART in particular is good, but Don may be right in recommending Rational Recovery.

I hope you do get help.

--anne
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Old 06-21-2005, 09:47 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Hey minnie!
I really like that. If, in fact -- it is absolutely true that Donny's wife is the CAUSE of his drinking, if she leaves then he'll be cured! Hmmmm.... something to think about.

I think the truth, though, is that won't be the case. First the wife, then the house, then everything else. Seen it happen... I have a brother who is still "out there," and sounds just like Donny. Big, strapping Ironworker in NY. Always at work in the morning, but drunk every day. Hopefully he will find the help he needs. No more wife (wives), kids, house, nothing. But he has his Budweiser....

"Those who do not recover
are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves
to this simple program, usually men and women
who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with
themselves. There are such unfortunates."

Ken
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Old 06-21-2005, 09:51 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Ken, hon, my tongue was firmly in my cheek when I posted that.

I too hope he finds the help he needs. And that his wife does too.
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Old 06-21-2005, 10:05 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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She's at her bottom Donny. When your at yours you'll have more clarity and willingness to see things in a different light. It's good you've cut back, it's good your trying, but trying won't cut it. It's an all or nothing deal with us alkies. No in between. When your ready you'll understand. Let her go, because your not ready.
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Old 06-21-2005, 10:30 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Donny, if you choose to live your life making out with strippers, getting smashed every night, maybe you should leave your wife and do her a favor...If you really loved her, why would you cheat? I really think you are making a lot of excuses so you can keep living your "out of control life"..You don't seem like you really care much about your marriage..You should be single that way the only person you hurt is yourself..You have no respect at all for your wife..
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Old 06-21-2005, 10:56 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Minnie:
Understood, tongue in cheek as well... just a little alkie humor

"If you had my wife, you'd drink too..." How many of us have said this? "If you had my problems, you'd drink too" " I'm so pissed, I need a drink," "I'm so happy, I need a drink,...."

Bottom line for this alcoholic is that I had to drink. Period. It came disguised as many things -- just a habit, just beer, just how I am, whatever. In the end, I'm an alcoholic and I CANNOT DRINK ALCOHOL SAFELY. I can't cut down, I can't switch brands or types, I just cannot drink.

In order to not drink, I have to make changes in my life. One was to go to AA, so that I could learn to live on a spiritual basis. I didn't care if they were "holier than thou" or kooky or whatever -- they had what I wanted -- SOBRIETY. If I was willing to go to any lengths, I could take certain steps to get what they had. And it is working today...

I was half making a joke and half dead serious, and as so many others have posted here, it's not the wife, Donny -- it's you. I cannot change other people, places, things or situations. I can ONLY change me. First step is to stop drinking. Things will get better if you don't drink. Forget about the fact that you're a drinking alcoholic, you're just using that as an excuse to drink more it seems.... been there and done that one myself... If in fact you KNOW that you are alcoholic, that in itself will not change any of your actions. You must want to change, and want a different result (sobriety) in order to be sober. Just going to an AA meeting won't magically change you into a sober person. First, you must want to be sober more than you want to drink or be drunk. Second, you must do the work to get there....

Keep us posted, and PLEASE get some help.

Ken
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Old 06-21-2005, 11:19 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Donny, you say that you love your wife, but in order to love someone else, you have to learn to love yourself first. If you actually think about loving yourself, do you think that you can love yourself if you are puking and pissing all over the rug, getting it on with strippers, and blaming others for your lack of respect? I would suggest to you that you take a step back and look at yourself first before you look at your wifes defects. You may find that there's a lot more you need to work with before you try to fix your wife. Good luck to you and keep coming back.
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Old 06-21-2005, 12:00 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Well guys, I don't know about the others who have read the original post and the replies but I am as sure as I can be that the originator is pulling the wool over our eyes. Driven to drink, off the hard stuff and only drinking beer, sex with strippers, wiffe's refusal, pissing and puking etc etc etc ad nauseam. Now with one or two of these scenarios I might have thought about the problem, with the whole array I am left with the strong impression that we are being subjected to an over-elaborate hoax.
Give me a break and wait for April First next year.
Michael
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Old 06-21-2005, 12:17 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Hey Michael,

Donny posted a couple of months ago. Same scenario...

Doorknob
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Old 06-22-2005, 01:32 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Yep I agree, I think it's a try on by someone who has too much time on their hands.

If by some slim chance the post is the truth then I hope he gets the help he so clearly needs.
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Old 06-22-2005, 06:10 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by FrustratedDonny
There was this one in particular who told me I wasn't ready and he told his story about how he couldn't hold down a job while on the booze. Well, I get trashed almost every night and still get up to go to work at a construction site. I almost dented the guy's cheek, the loser. Donny
Well Donny, let me be the next a-hole in line to tell you you aren't ready. By the way, has your wife packed her bags yet??
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Old 06-22-2005, 07:28 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Yeah, those darn women... getting upset that I bang up the cars driving drunk... whining about cleaning up puke and urine... forcing me to have sex with other women... making me stop drinking my favorite hard drink...

Think about it. Your entire message implies that you are making all the sacrifices, but the only sacrifices you are making are your liver and health, your family, and maybe the lives of some innocent drivers. Your wife is the one who has been making the sacrifices, and I don't blame her for the ultimatum.

Stop taking advice from Kenny from Barton's and the money hungry backroom girls, and start listening to your wife. You say you love your wife.. love involves respect. If you respected her, you would try to understand her side.

Blaming her for sleeping around because she won't have sex with you? WHY won't she have sex with you? Your Drinking? So Who is to blame for you sleeping around? It comes right back to you.

It's going to be tough, but you are going to have to make the decision and choose. I wish you the best and I hope you can stay sober enough to see the big picture and take responsibility for your drinking.

Keep us up to date and good luck,
Aaron
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Old 06-22-2005, 09:03 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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"If by some slim chance the post is the truth then I hope he gets the help he so clearly needs."

I am assuming this was said in jest; however as the soon-to-be-exwife (almost 27yrs) of AH who believes; or tries to get others to believe (and IS able to do that; at least w/ other A family members) it hits a very sore spot with me. Not only is he destroying himself; he is also destroying our two children and me: finacially, now as well as the other heartbreak, etc we have been through the past few years.......... Of course; there is no way to "make" him see that he is throwing away his family for the bottle; it just hurts alot.

God bless you all in your recovery; I know God is not done with us yet, but some days are easier than others; for us all.
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Old 06-22-2005, 09:04 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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ps HE is the one divorcing ME; so he can "have fun"; does't really look all that fun from what I can see...
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Old 06-24-2005, 05:12 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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Once again I have to say that I don't think Donny is a real person AT ALL but just some person messing. Someone as outrageous as this (perfect word, Anne!) can only be a work of fiction. Does anyone else see this clearly??
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Old 06-24-2005, 05:22 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Exactly Cathy31. That's what I meant in saying "In the slim chance this is the truth then I hope he gets the help he needs".

Not sure what Pick-a-name is reading into that.
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Old 06-24-2005, 05:24 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Pathetic, pathetic person doing that. Jeez, the irony is that he probably is an alcoholic...or not...who cares! The Rah-Rah club, please give me a break! Credit to all SR goers nonetheless for still sharing their ESH!
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Old 06-24-2005, 05:37 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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I really hope it's a hoax. It's a pretty asinine one, if you ask me.
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