pheonix

Welcome, Rimmy! Yeah, you are going to be looking for something to sip for while. Just like smokers who quit and must have something else (ie. candy, toothpicks, etc.)to satisfy that oral fixation. You're on the right track and you've found a great place in this forum for support and willing ears. Come back often. Mo

Pernell Johnson

Rimmy, welcome to Soberrecovery. Sorry for your loss and I do hope you are able to continue to cope. I am a confirmed alcoholic who no longer drinks. I have about 30-35 years in a bottle and not a few harrowing experiences. After the party and then the after party whether it is in the house or in the bar, it is not pretty. What starts out as a great time ends with disasterous life changing experience.

Everyone here, especially on this thread are great and their posts and insight are of the first order. It is good to come and read and listen to the positive re-inforcement that you give each other. I am old school and I've been in and out of Soberrecovery since the first word. I could possibly be considered the first word.

After The After Party---and realization sets in. I suggest that to save your life an at all cost with no excuses, go to an AA Meeting. There are literally millions of them and they function on a 24/7 basis. Call the hotline to find one that is convenient and accessible to you without causing any undue stress. If I were a doctor, which I am not. I would prescribe, 90 0n 90 which translate to 90 meetings in 90 days, obtain a sponsor, develop a network of AA based friends, take on a commitment at an appropriate time, get a home group. Read all of the literature, get to know what "One Day At A Time Means"

It is only through the grace of God, Go I.
Have you ever heard of the "Serenity Prayer." If not see if you can get your hands on one.

I am going to close now and once again I'd like to commend everyone for there participation, suggestions and immense inspirational thought on this thread.

Just for Today-------------I am Clean and Sober


Pernell

Rimmy

I just thought I'd catch you all up on how I'm doing, and I wanted to ask your opinion on something.

Yesterday started out with some anxiety, and I couldn't get motivated to do the "work" things I had to do. So I just started playing with my daughter and started to totally relax. After that, I was fine. I had what felt like "habitual" cravings, but nothing big.

Then I had to go to my in-laws for a bar-b-que. I was there from 4 to 9. As soon as I walked in, I was handed an open beer. I went to give it to my wife, but she didn't want it. She said to me,"Aaron. If you want to have a beer, have a beer. Just have one or two and leave it at that. The key is to know when to stop" to which I replied I believe I could do that, but it's sort of not what I'm trying to do... but it's worth a try.... doh!

Well, over the course of 5 hours, I had 2 beers (3/4 of each). I also had seltzer, soda with dinner and coffee after dinner with dessert. I did all this knowing that I wouldn't have any later that night or any today. I guess because I sort of had permission to cheat a little, it didn't make me anxious or feel guilty, and I was able to stop. I came home and didn't crave any. I was up till one and just had a 1 litre seltzer.

Today, I woke up feeling great! The only craving I had was in the evening... I was hungry and when I used to be hungry, I'd fill the gap with beer.. or maybe it was just a long day.. so I found a beer in the fridge and I thought about snatching it, but I remembered it how I felt a few days ago when I did just that... So I put it out of my head as best I could and rather quickly it faded. Had a nice dinner, and now at 9:pm I know I'm good till tomorrow...

So I don't know if I "did something wrong" at the party.. It didn't seem to bother me much... I thought about a 3rd beer for sure, but it wasn't too hard even after 2 to avoid it. I don't know. My goal right now is tomorrow, then the next...etc... I still want to stop because I can't see myself stopping (if that makes sense) I still feel like I like it and I don't want to feel that. I don't know. I guess now that I'm feeling better and after last night, I don't know if I want to stop... if I can control it... I don't know...

I know it so early... this is the first time in my life that I've tried to just plain stop. I've cut back with no intentions of quitting before, but never challenged myself to stop completely. I see the world in a different way now... the wife is happier that I'm getting the little things done... More time with my daughter... I just don't think I could ever let myself lose that again. But it's so soon.

Guess I just need a kick in the ass and some of your thoughts if you have a moment. I feel like you all have saved me already... but I know I'm not well yet.

Aaron

I'll see what you guys think because you guys have helped me so much!

tyler

Personally I feel this is something you have to decide. I would say based on what you've told of us of your drinking habbits that you are playing with fire a bit. Don't let this one positive experience fool you into thinking that you don't have a problem, because if what you have told us about your past drinking is true, it would seem that you do have one. That said, it is really something only you can decide. Perhaps you can have an occasional beer and be OK, but perhaps not too. The question you have to ask yourself is, "What do you want." If you want to be a non-drinker then if someone hands you an open beer just say, "Thanks anyway, I quit drinking." If they ask why, just tell them that you are trying to get in better shape and drinking is just empty calories. If you think you want to be a casual drinker, I guess you can try it, but have your eyes open and be aware of the risks and be aware if it looks like it is leading you back to your old habbits. Or if you want to go back to being a daily, heavy drinker, you can do that too. It is up to you and only you. Take care.

Don S

That's the part I noticed right away. Plan for those situations. Don't accept it. Set it down and abandon it. Decline it overtly, if you like, but if that makes you uncomfortable there is absolutely nothing wrong with just setting it down somewhere.

She's right, but that isn't your goal from what I've read here. Most of us have found that abstinence is simpler, more attainable, and more foolproof than drinking moderately. Even though you demonstrated that you are, at times, able to do so, in my opinion continuing to drink at moderate levels keeps the desire for alcohol stronger in the mind. It keeps it more immediate. When you quit those behavioral pathways tend to fade and it becomes easier to stay quit.

Many people who quit find that it strengthens their resolve to announce their choice for abstinence publicly, at least to some people. Friends and family can be very helpful, although some can be a pain about it. So use your discretion. But when you've told people you're quitting, you tend to get offered drinks less often. You don't have to explain why; 30 - 40% of Americans don't drink at all, for many excellent reasons -- diet, self-improvement, religion, preference, or a simple recognition that they were drinking too much and that it's easier just to quit.

So while you don't have to explain yourself, that might work:
"I was drinking too much, and I thought it was easier to just quit."

People who achieve longterm sobriety plan for drinking situations. They practice what they're going to say, they enlist allies, they make plans to leave if necessary, they have a confident reply about their reasons for not drinking. It may take some practice, because at first we're not confident about our decision. But we can sound confident, and that's half the battle!

Don S

findingout

Aaron,

If you don't want to quit entirely and you can continue to limit your drinking to an amount that does not impact the rest of your life, congratulations. Except: four days ago it seemed very much like you did want to stop drinking entirely and you described some events from your life that made a good case for doing so. What changed in four days? Four days ago, you wrote

If you don't want to stop, you won't but my question, I guess, is "who is controlling who?"

Tony

Rimmy

Thanks,

I did not have one drink yesterday and was pretty much ok. Not planning on having any today or tomorrow or the day after that... I don't want to have any until I can go an entire day without even entertaining the thought. My wife drinks a few beers at night still, and there's usually some cold ones somewhere in the house at any given time. It's temptation island here and I am actually holding on.

But yea, I would like to stop. Down the road, if I can look back on my life with clearer perception than even now, I probably won't even want to drink at all anyway. It's just that I don't want to let go completely.

It was true what I wrote, so it probably would be playing with fire. My wife is so happy that I'm not cat-napping in the middle of the day and getting more done. She may drink in front of me, or tell me that moderation should be ok, but she's also very supportive of me and that has helped a lot.

For now, I am just not going to drink. Thanks for the advice regarding how to handle social situations. If I can not drink at home, and not drink anything at a social event, then I can really be proud. You should see how my stomach has shrunk just from not being bloated.

Well, if I get any more urges or need some support, I will certainly be here for support. If you don't hear from me, it means I'm ok. And Ill be responding to others in the hopes of providing them with the support you all have given me. I know I'm not cured, but I am better for coming here.

Thanks sooo much!!!

Pernell Johnson

Rimmy read "Addictive Personality" in the Best of Soberrecovery

Pernell

Don S

I'm curious: your wife drinks a few beers every night?
You might want to review the guidelines for moderate drinking. This is from the Moderation Management web site:

Do not drink every day. MM suggests that you abstain from drinking alcohol at least 3 or 4 days per week.

Women who drink more than 3 drinks on any day, and more than 9 drinks per week, may be drinking at harmful levels.

Men who drink more than 4 drinks on any day, and more than 14 drinks per week, may be drinking at harmful levels.


I'm not suggesting that you pressure her on this, but she may be drinking more than is healthy for her.
And health and diet are excellent reasons for abstinence.
Don S

Rimmy

I appreciate that Don S. I am not going to start "preaching" to her just yet.. by that, I mean sound like "I've changed, now you have to too". But I believe that once I am more confident in my own new found happiness and soberness, I can start steering her towards cutting back. I have not exactly led by example... she's been the moderate one for a long time.

But those thoughts will be in my mind. She does not drink excessively... in fact I havn't seen her drunk in a long time. But I get what you are saying.

Regards,
Aaron.

sunshinebluesky

for some reasons my mouse is not cooperating with the hightlight for the copy/paste thing...but i wanted to comment on what you said about the people making fun of the alcoholics going into a meeting. IT DISGUSTS ME!!!!

i will never forget the time about five,six years ago when my son was in a rehab/mental facility,and my heart was breaking. i went out with a friend to try and forget for awhile. we ended up at some hotel room party with young kids...who were smoking weed. im sitting there, not partaking (not because i never have, just because i didnt feel like it) and i hear some girl laughing and saying "yeah, rehab is for geeks"..........................wonder what ever happened to her????????????????????

Don S

In case she hasn't noticed, the geeks are now the billionaires...
Don S

findingout

Hey I'm geek and an alcoholic and I've been in rehab, where are my billions?

Rimmy

Sorry to hear about that experience, but it's so strange how the people who are doing the right thing are made to feel like they are doing the wrong thing by the people who are doing the wrong thing who hopefully wont end of having to ever do the right thing that you are doing, but if they do have to do the right thing, they'll look back on when they were doing the wrong thing and making fun of those doing the right thing and maybe it will all come full circle for them.


he he... felt like running away with that.

I hope all is well with you guys... I'm doin' fine here
Another day I say thanks

Aaron

OH Yeah... I just wanted to add... Last night, I was on the computer and my wife walked up behind me, rubbed my shoulder's and told me how proud she was of me. Also last night, my 4 year old daughter says to me, "Daddy, how come you don't drink your beer anymore?"... How could I go back to being a drunk now... I can't and I won't.