Anamcara09

My addictive behaviour has transferred itself to chatrooms. It is becoming a problem and it may eventually harm my sobriety. Has anyone else this problem and, if so, how do you deal with it?



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John

amazonjudy

how long sober?
what else do you do? work? hobbies? spouce?
well we are addicts and addiction is our bag?
so you need to get into some other things meetings fun stuff find a buddy to go to new places with get out winter is comming and well thats a good time to get on a bowling league, get out of the house!! live life and stay sober! its ok really it is ok to be be clean and sober. good luck
:just for today im sober.:

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Amazonjudy

muffinabadmood

I am an alcoholic and was also addicted to chatrooms. I would drink, smoke cigarettes, and chat for hours everyday. I had (and this sounds very strange) very close friends in chat, some of whom I met personally, talked on the phone for hours, communicated by e-mail when I went on trips, etc. My husband only mildly complained. I know he was feeling left out, but let me do as I wished. I was a chataholic for about 18months.... and slowly stopped. How? I lost interest. Today I go into chat rooms once a week or so, and quickly get bored and sign out.

How and why did I lose interest? Not because I was hurting my husband, not because it was costing too much money and time, not because it was preventing me from doing things I needed to do otherwise (like sleep, for one)... I simply got bored with the people I was chatting with! In the beginning meeting all these new people seemed so exciting. There are countless people online! I preferred talking to them to talking to my real-life friends. I guess I lost interest when I finally figured out that people online are just people. There are so many boring, unintelligent, nasty people out there in real life - and those people are online! I got sick of chatting with racist, sexist, or otherwise bigoted people. Let's face it, there are psychos out there too. I gave my phone number to someone once - big, big, big mistake, I WAS DRUNK of course - and he called me everyday. Try explaing THAT to your husband/wife!
In a chat room ANYone can come in. In real life you can choose who you let into your conversation, room, house. I can't tell you a magic formula to quit chatting, I'm sorry. But by writing to this forum you have identified the problem, and that is a start. We as alcoholics have addictive personalities. I was addicted to cigarettes (still am, but haven't smoked for 2months, and counting) and chat. I AM STILL addicted to alcohol. Perhaps the questions you and I (and others out there, of course) should be asking ourselves is "why? what am I numbing myself from? why do I enjoy talking to strangers online so much? what is causing stress in my life? how can I make things better for me, so I don't need to do these destructive things?" I wish I knew the answer to the last question most of all...

Good luck!

darkone

I had a chat addiction for some months myself right when I got my computer. My going into chats was finding that miracle person to make all my troubles go away. I actually did meet someone that I had alot in common with. We talked online and on the phone and I started to have deep feelings for her. She wanted all or nothing after a short time. I wanted to meet her in person before I could be sure of any commitment. She left me. It was one of the most hurtful things that has ever happened. Still hurts. I felt I wasn't worth anything, for us to have such a connection, and she didn't have the patience. She didn't think I was worth it. I'm still hurt.
People are people online as well as off. I've found I have put aside friends in real life for chat buddies too.
I'd say unless you know you will make some good friends and actually meet these online people, don't forget who's right there missing you. Dark

[This message has been edited by darkone (edited November 11, 2001).]

brattygal27

Hi there...I just read this and thought I would post.
I bought my first computer almost 2 yrs ago. I had a lot of fun on it with my husband, he would show me stuff, and we'd play games together. Along the way I found chat. I too became addicted to it. So much so that it ended up causing problems for me. I started having an affair with a man online. I met that man shortly after speaking with him. The planning and hiding and lying involved in it all makes me shake my head in wonder. What was I doing? I ended up not even liking the man I met. I loved my husband, but was looking for something more. I thought that it wasn't really that bad. I thought wrong. I ended up losing my own self worth along the way.
I am now separated from my husband. I am also talking to a man from Holland, I flew to amsterdam shortly after my separation to meet him. He came to canada in the summer for 3 weeks. I do have strong feelings for him. I just wonder if this is all a part of my disease?
I'm confused, and scared and lost, as I have just come back. I'm very confused. I'm beginning to think I've got a relationship addiction as well. I've never been alone. Not all alone anyhow.
I hope this is ok. I have been thinking about this for quite some time now and just letting it out makes me feel better.
I don't chat anymore, unless it's with him. But if he wasn't there, would I be doing it still? I don't know.
I hope this isn't as fuzzy as I think it is. LOL. Oh the joy of coming back!!!
Amanda

seriousstuff

I don't really have a addictive personality...cigs, alcohol, etc. But when it comes to posting on forums it is a problem. It is fun to me to chat with people on a particular subject. There are two forums I go to in particular. It is starting to affect my everyday life. I don't like chatting with people on the phone anymore cuz I'd rather be online..stuff like that.

I know in real life people I know are so much better than being in a forum but that doesn't stop me for craving a forum environment. It totally excites me to post a thought that I think others may find funny or they may learn something.

I know logically I need to just get away from the computer and do other things but I find it difficult.

Peter

Hi seriousstuff,welcome to SR.

I have an "addictive personality".

What that means for me is that I will use "people places and things" to make me feel good about myself.

I have abused drugs and relationships as "escapism" so I would not have to face the grim realities of my life.

When I first stopped using drugs five years ago there was this enormous "hole" left inside of me.

In an attempt to fill that hole and also in an attempt to avoid the pressing issues that I had waiting for me at home I discovered I developed unhealthy obsessions with work,computers,shopping and talking on the telephone.

Because of my "addictive personality" I can add just about anything to that list........sex....gambling.......television...... .pornography.........

The television or talking on the telephone may seem pretty harmless enough but when used as "avoidance techniques" it can have a damaging effect on my life and my relationships.

An important keyword in my life today is "balance".

If I can achieve balance I can enjoy things in moderation,take care of my responsibilities and move forward with my life.

Peter.

seriousstuff

I think for me it is a distraction from everyday life. Plus if someone replies to me, and I like what they say, it is like a shot of drug in my arm.

Doesn't everyone though seek people, places, things to feel better about themselves or life in general?

I see what you are saying to have things in balance...sort of like yin and yang.

Oh, and so far I don't feel totally addicted to this message board yet

SadInMidwest

My fiance and I were together non-stop for several months. He said he wanted to be with me and only me. Now, he is online all of the time and doesn't speak to me any longer. He has a history of addiction in his family. I didn't think online chatting was an addiction, but it has obviously hurt our relationship to the point that we probably won't continue on. He doesn't see anything wrong with chatting online all day/all night, and has even skipped out of work so he can be online at home. He also chats online with other women, asks for photos, some pornographic, and generally flirts around, leading these women to believe he would be interested in seeing them. Finally, I got mad and left. I still love him immensely though, and can't envision my life without him. He has never even sent me an email. I guess I don't know if I should approach him again; I'm afraid he's in denial about it and it would just hurt me more.

Chy

This a one of the newest addictions which is growing at an alarming rate. Just like any other addiction one has to be willing to seek out help. Forutunatly, there is help available for this type of addiction. Some of the top threads on this search may be helpful to you.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=internet+addiction

kiab333

I just want to thank everybody for posting and starting a blog about online chatting addiction. I'm also addicted to chatting online. I realized yesterday that I had a problem with chatting online once I began to notice it began to consume my time when I should have been studying (my grades are very poor, I've even had to drop some of my courses). I've also had loss of hours of sleep just because I stay up and chat with someone that I developed a relationship with online. Which I believe, over a long period of time (from when i began 6 months ago til now) has made me lose weight(being occupied with chatting, loss of sleep), feel moody, feel overall tired. I also work in retail, and I can recall when I was very pleasing and more outgoing than now.

I've kind of withdrawn, become a little awkward and shy. Maybe it could be combined factors in my life that have caused me to be the way I am now, but I believe most the reason could be being addicted to online or chatting.

I know the stigmas about online relationships, yet alone just long distance relationships. And I can't help but feel a little guilty and ashamed that I had started one. I deny to my loved ones near me that I don't have a problem with chatting, that I've developed something like this online. I know what reaction they will have, and I know that from what I believe its bad. Don't get me wrong, I'm a single girl! Sometimes I feel like whenever he's not there, I occupy my time with other people and meet w/ new people to chat. Maybe thats why I'm addicted? Well, sometimes we've known eachother for so long its not even that interesting to talk with them/him. But when I go back and see his face again, its like wow all over again. I can't figure out if I need him or not in my life. We've even exchanged pictures and talked on the phone. Met through an online community site.He' s not a phony. Or what I know so far.

I started to notice I would hop on the net to vent out my stress and stuff also. Also whenever I felt not meeting people, I would go to the community site and feel comfortable there. Now there's this new messenger where you can choose clothes to wear and dress up and its in 3d. You can have pets, get different chatting areas, etc. It's all the more a great way to me up in the net. When I told my guy that I was having issues with school, we both tried to see eachother only once per week. And it was hard. Well, it was easy at first, but then I started to really, really become moody and depressed at school and etc. I even still logged online and chatted with other people, but I didn't tell him that because I didn't want him to know I was still online when I should have been studying. I felt that I lost apart of myself. But I never told him that when I met with him online. I didn't want him to know I was doing so bad.

Maybe that's why I became addicted to the internet. I met someone, I met people I felt I could indentify with, and i started to learn how easy it is to disclose there. Also, I met a guy that would listen to me, and understand me because I felt that I could tell him anything, and he wouldn't look down upon me, or judge me. But the problem is that how do I know if this is real? How do I know that if we did ever meet in real life, we are serious, if he is worth going down this hole, that he is what he says he is? Theres always this mistrust and uncertainty about long distance and online relationships. How do I know if I ever see him, it will be the same as online? That we'll connect the same in person? I am in a deep hole in real life. I'm sprialing, and I'm trying to crawl out. I think its best that we not continue our relationship. We keep going on and off about how we feel about the relationship.

I do have pointless, pointless chats online though and I don't know why. I think its compulsive. I do it anyways just because. And I have many other things to do! I need to break this habit. This cycle. I need to function like normal again before I got mixed up in all of this. Whoever is reading this, please Thank You. I would love it if you gave me some advice, a comment, a response. I feel better writing this all out. I feel so much better because I've kept it secret for all these months...

CarolD

Hi and Welcome to SR!

This is the Alcoholism Forum
for those of us interested in not drinking.

I suggest you re post your situaation
Start a new thread here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/anxiety-disorders/

I can see you are having anxiety over this.
Hugs

Good Luck