i did it! i drank one beer! wowza
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The land of the free and the home of the brave
Posts: 46
Gshiz,
Good luck with this. Everyone has to travel their own path and you are on yours. You are entitled to your feelings and to post them in an appropriate way, and we are free to comment in an appropriate way.
One thing I would say is that you sound like me approximately 3 years before I finally got sober because I had to. I had reduced my options to the point where there was nowhere to go but up, due to the negative positions I put myself and others in, as well as the mounting, progressive consequences I began to experience due to my drinking. I don't get the sense you are experiencing much in the way of negative consequences yet. If you are an alcoholic you will eventually - it happens every single time with us alcoholics. Let me say that it is my sincere hope that it never happens.
Your initial post reminded me of a saying in the program that I've heard in rehab and around the tables of AA - one is too many and a thousand is not enough. That is how my drinking is for me, but I had to learn that the hard, slow way.
Good luck on your journey, and please remember that when someone uses unkind words or insults me, etc., it is usually about them and not me. They are unsatisfied with something happening in their life and they choose to lash out at me. Those people who lashed out at you need to look at their motives for doing so, IMO, and you need to anlayze yours in terms of your retaliations.
Don't take anything personally, we are all sickies trying to get well and help each other. We are imperfect, including (first and foremost) me. Thank you for helping to keep me sober today.
Kevin
Good luck with this. Everyone has to travel their own path and you are on yours. You are entitled to your feelings and to post them in an appropriate way, and we are free to comment in an appropriate way.
One thing I would say is that you sound like me approximately 3 years before I finally got sober because I had to. I had reduced my options to the point where there was nowhere to go but up, due to the negative positions I put myself and others in, as well as the mounting, progressive consequences I began to experience due to my drinking. I don't get the sense you are experiencing much in the way of negative consequences yet. If you are an alcoholic you will eventually - it happens every single time with us alcoholics. Let me say that it is my sincere hope that it never happens.
Your initial post reminded me of a saying in the program that I've heard in rehab and around the tables of AA - one is too many and a thousand is not enough. That is how my drinking is for me, but I had to learn that the hard, slow way.
Good luck on your journey, and please remember that when someone uses unkind words or insults me, etc., it is usually about them and not me. They are unsatisfied with something happening in their life and they choose to lash out at me. Those people who lashed out at you need to look at their motives for doing so, IMO, and you need to anlayze yours in terms of your retaliations.
Don't take anything personally, we are all sickies trying to get well and help each other. We are imperfect, including (first and foremost) me. Thank you for helping to keep me sober today.
Kevin
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 1,639
time will tell...................
but , i agree
if you feel the need to tell the world
i'm no alcoholic
????????????????????????????????????????//
do you post on the chocolate cookie forum
and announce
"i only had one "
best
fraankie
but , i agree
if you feel the need to tell the world
i'm no alcoholic
????????????????????????????????????????//
do you post on the chocolate cookie forum
and announce
"i only had one "
best
fraankie
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: St Louis, MO
Posts: 189
Yeah...I don't remember even thinking about pondering my drinking or discussing it at all until I had some inkling that I might be in trouble with it.
I am all about recovery, I have found a better life....and I want to keep it that way!!
Blessings
Anne
I am all about recovery, I have found a better life....and I want to keep it that way!!
Blessings
Anne
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
There are many forums here to discuss all types of issues. This board is titled Alcoholism. Anyone is free to post here to discuss that topic be it they are alcoholic or not. When giving opinions about someone elses drinking habits we have to look at ourselves and decide am I helping or hurting? Nudging gently or kicking them in the a$$ to accept my point of view? The later is not what in my opinion offers help. We may not sugarcoat things, we may be blunt but there is a way to do both without criticising and being judgemental of one's choices. I've stuck around here for so long because people were non-judgemental of my choices, they would be honest with me in such a way I was better able to examine my own motives, twisted thinking, and forumlate on my own what direction was best for me. I'd like to think we haven't changed in that respect.
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Warm place, America
Posts: 65
Originally Posted by GshizzleA
to missy:
first i really appreciate your kind words and taking the time to really examine my post for what it is.
here is my honest assesment of my condition: for the past 5 years ive been a social drinker (i say social, because never alone and only at bars and clubs, not 'every weekend no matter where i am or with who).
this is why i feel i can control it. im not denying that the disease is powerful and that it can control u. i would not describe myself as an alcoholic. i think i have a strong taste for it and when im at a bar or party i do desire to have a drink. as ive mentionned in my other posts im extremely active sports wise and i am thrilled by the new strength that not being hung over has given me.
i dont think one has to be 'an alcoholic' to come to these boards. i just felt i wanted to cut down, and that this would be a good environment where i could get some feedback.
but as its been discussed on the boards before, labels are tricky, and everyone is different, perhaps someone evaluating my behaviour would say 'yes she is' and some would say 'no shes not.' thats not what this is about.
i have used alc as a scapegoat and a way to mask up who are really am in social situations. i used to it be wittier, more outgoing and less timid. i acknowledge that. it has not let to serious troubles (work, school, friends, family). so i have reached a point in my life where i want to take responsibility for my actions and my feelings. this is something i am determined to do. when i have slips or whether i remain strong, i just want to have people that know what im going through that i can share my experiences with.
thanks,
G
first i really appreciate your kind words and taking the time to really examine my post for what it is.
here is my honest assesment of my condition: for the past 5 years ive been a social drinker (i say social, because never alone and only at bars and clubs, not 'every weekend no matter where i am or with who).
this is why i feel i can control it. im not denying that the disease is powerful and that it can control u. i would not describe myself as an alcoholic. i think i have a strong taste for it and when im at a bar or party i do desire to have a drink. as ive mentionned in my other posts im extremely active sports wise and i am thrilled by the new strength that not being hung over has given me.
i dont think one has to be 'an alcoholic' to come to these boards. i just felt i wanted to cut down, and that this would be a good environment where i could get some feedback.
but as its been discussed on the boards before, labels are tricky, and everyone is different, perhaps someone evaluating my behaviour would say 'yes she is' and some would say 'no shes not.' thats not what this is about.
i have used alc as a scapegoat and a way to mask up who are really am in social situations. i used to it be wittier, more outgoing and less timid. i acknowledge that. it has not let to serious troubles (work, school, friends, family). so i have reached a point in my life where i want to take responsibility for my actions and my feelings. this is something i am determined to do. when i have slips or whether i remain strong, i just want to have people that know what im going through that i can share my experiences with.
thanks,
G
I have the impression this is a board for people who want sobriety, and not, as you put it "i just felt i wanted to cut down, and that this would be a good environment where i could get some feedback."
That's what moderation management is for and there's another board for that. I am hanging on by a thread, and I don't want to be on a board where someone is being supported in their "cutting down." In fact, I feel angry right now.
If this is a place for people who want to cut down and this is supported, I am in the wrong place. I am for abstinence for those who have my problem. I don't need to hear about someone else's success at just having one. It's dangerous for me.
My two cents.
Edit: Nothing personal against you. AA says to go try some controlled drinking. It doesn't say to come back to the meetings talking about your success at controlled drinking. This isn't AA, I realize. I go to AA, however. And it matters not to me what program is used, I just want to focus on sobriety and admit I am just bent out of shape.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
No offense secondchances, but if you feel this way why would you click on such a thread and read it? I'm not saying I necessarily support Grizzeled's (sorry about the sp) choice here, but everyone has to go through this process in their own way.
Just my two cents
Just my two cents
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: out there...
Posts: 2,653
This thread got me thinking maybe I could have a drink. I am on day 21 and my experience shows me where this leads. I don't want to drink.
why would you worry about whether you could have one if you don't want one?
Thats what makes us addicts and alcoholics. we put way more energy into trying to convince ourselves we can control it long after we see we can't.
I have "normal" friends . when they decide to have a drink they have a drink, they decide they don't want one they don't have one. I still can't quite grasp that concept lol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: montreal
Posts: 38
all right heres the deal:
i went to a bar last night and i had a drink (one, only one, sorry.. listen to my story.. i have a point.. not bragging). my bf and my bud were constantly like 'i thought u quit.' (keep in mind, they were drinking like 8-9 beers yet felt they could judge). and i was livid. i told them stuff like 'r u gonna comment every time i drink?' and im so mad right now, its hard to explain, i think ill sit them both down and say ive made a decision to stop drinking but if i want one drink from time to time i dont want to hear anything.
about the moral of my story: these are problems that i will go through trying to be a moderate drinker. and maybe this is not the place for me to express that. if most people here are 100% going for sobriety, then i can understand why talks of just one beer are not what they need. who knows,,some of the reactions of anger i got on this post are similar to the anger i felt towards my friends yesturday. sometimes people say or do things that just hit a nerve. and for me, people who routinely get pissd drunk, questionning my one beer, pisses the !@#@ out of me. so again, im sorry to those i offended and recovering alcoholics have a right to be in an enviornment of their choice.
i went to a bar last night and i had a drink (one, only one, sorry.. listen to my story.. i have a point.. not bragging). my bf and my bud were constantly like 'i thought u quit.' (keep in mind, they were drinking like 8-9 beers yet felt they could judge). and i was livid. i told them stuff like 'r u gonna comment every time i drink?' and im so mad right now, its hard to explain, i think ill sit them both down and say ive made a decision to stop drinking but if i want one drink from time to time i dont want to hear anything.
about the moral of my story: these are problems that i will go through trying to be a moderate drinker. and maybe this is not the place for me to express that. if most people here are 100% going for sobriety, then i can understand why talks of just one beer are not what they need. who knows,,some of the reactions of anger i got on this post are similar to the anger i felt towards my friends yesturday. sometimes people say or do things that just hit a nerve. and for me, people who routinely get pissd drunk, questionning my one beer, pisses the !@#@ out of me. so again, im sorry to those i offended and recovering alcoholics have a right to be in an enviornment of their choice.
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
I am glad that you are posting about your journey. Please continue to share with us. Everyone has their own path to follow,that's what makes the journey so interesting and beautiful. Glad your here.
Bless, Trish
Bless, Trish
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Gshizzle,
It seems you were angry by your boyfriends and friends reaction. Yet doesn't it seem contradictory to say that you've made a decision to stop drinking yet will have one from time to time? Maybe if you told them you were cutting down, not stopping, they wouldn't have commented.
Anna
It seems you were angry by your boyfriends and friends reaction. Yet doesn't it seem contradictory to say that you've made a decision to stop drinking yet will have one from time to time? Maybe if you told them you were cutting down, not stopping, they wouldn't have commented.
Anna
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Originally Posted by Gooch
Therein lies a contradiction..
why would you worry about whether you could have one if you don't want one?
Thats what makes us addicts and alcoholics. we put way more energy into trying to convince ourselves we can control it long after we see we can't.
why would you worry about whether you could have one if you don't want one?
Thats what makes us addicts and alcoholics. we put way more energy into trying to convince ourselves we can control it long after we see we can't.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 410
For those who may be offended by this post, please take into consideratoin that GshizzleA saw herself as a social drinker who did not want to take the plunge into becoming a full blown alcoholic. There's no need to be jealous of her for being able to control her drinking, and I don't think she's rubbing it in. I applaud her for seeing the road she was on and taking that control prior to drinking every day.
Keep up the good work, but always be careful
Keep up the good work, but always be careful
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Chicopee Ma
Posts: 7
Try and do what is right for you and not listen to friends/boyfriends who may be judgemental, even if they arent trying to be. This battle is one you have to fight on your own, for yourself. Just try not to let what people say get under your skin too much and affect the desicions you need to make. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Chicopee Ma
Posts: 7
Oh, and no offence to ANYONE please, but in big black letters at the top of this thread it says, "I had one beer, WOWZA" and if I remember correctly I chose to click on it and read....didnt have to! So, if hearing about someone taking one drink is too much to handle, why read it?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London UK
Posts: 59
This thread seems a little inflammatory at the moment so perhaps it's wisest to leave it alone, but I really do want to say to GshizzleA - I can't understand any criticism of your post at all. It's so important that you feel free to say exactly how you feel on these boards, and the fact you sounded so triumphant in your first post was such an important insight into how you're thinking of things that it's ridiculous to chastise it as 'showing off'. I can completely relate to how it felt when I first thought I could drink moderately like everyone else and 'proved' it with a few experiments like this; I felt amazing too. For me it was just another dangerous step in my path to alcoholism (NB I'm far from recovered although 24 hrs sober at the mo.) but it may not be for you and please keep us all posted on how you do.
Remember too though that much of what you've perceived as criticism is wariness from people who know the disease too well, and who've known probably 100s of people tell stories perhaps not so far from yours that ended in greater pain and trouble. I think the majority of people on this thread do have your best interests at heart; but why you can't honestly suggest that you're thinking of trying moderate drinking is beyond me. After all, you could go to the MM site if you've 100% committed to moderate drinking, but it sounds to me like you're ambiguous and are interested in the opinions of abstinent folk on your drinking choices. And the number of times I've posted here either drunk or hungover is ridiculous - and people were always so understanding, even though I've frequently suggested I wasn't ready to commit to full sobriety...
Let us know how you do! Good luck,
Tommy
Remember too though that much of what you've perceived as criticism is wariness from people who know the disease too well, and who've known probably 100s of people tell stories perhaps not so far from yours that ended in greater pain and trouble. I think the majority of people on this thread do have your best interests at heart; but why you can't honestly suggest that you're thinking of trying moderate drinking is beyond me. After all, you could go to the MM site if you've 100% committed to moderate drinking, but it sounds to me like you're ambiguous and are interested in the opinions of abstinent folk on your drinking choices. And the number of times I've posted here either drunk or hungover is ridiculous - and people were always so understanding, even though I've frequently suggested I wasn't ready to commit to full sobriety...
Let us know how you do! Good luck,
Tommy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: living in recovery
Posts: 75
It doesn't really bother me if someone wants to try controlled drinking. I don't want to give it a try so really reading that post didn't upset me at all. What it did do was make me feel so very grateful that I no longer have any ideas of having control as far as alcohol goes.
When I first went to AA and spoke to people about controlled drinking I was told "If you want to drink that's your business. If you want to stop drinking then that's our business." That made sense to me and still does.
When I first went to AA and spoke to people about controlled drinking I was told "If you want to drink that's your business. If you want to stop drinking then that's our business." That made sense to me and still does.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 30
I know from experience that obsessive drinking is a gradual thing and one never knows when one might get drunk again.
That is the whole point of quitting drinking alcohol; so that one with the mental obsession with alcohol never drinks that poison again.
I agree with the norm alcoholic or problem drinker here that it is a total gamble playing games with yourself and alcohol, which by the way is a killer any way you look at it.
The little buzz you so desire will in time ruin your self esteem about yourself because more than occassionally you will drink more than you intended to. No doubt. But that is only the most minor negative about drinking and I'm sure I don't need to bore you with the facts.
I know for me, that I'm a pretty wild sort of personality type, have had a fairly difficult upbringing and have always been a bit tough and egocentric (sp) for a lady anyways so drinking was a very natural habit for me to take up but now almost 40 and "partying" since I was 17, I can honestly say that I'm ready to stop. I'm too old to be still carrying on like an active boozer.
And I've always drank for the affects NEVER for the taste. I know people who choose to drink N/A beer just for that taste. I don't even finish one n/a beer but I can sure polish off 10 regular brewskis.
That is the whole point of quitting drinking alcohol; so that one with the mental obsession with alcohol never drinks that poison again.
I agree with the norm alcoholic or problem drinker here that it is a total gamble playing games with yourself and alcohol, which by the way is a killer any way you look at it.
The little buzz you so desire will in time ruin your self esteem about yourself because more than occassionally you will drink more than you intended to. No doubt. But that is only the most minor negative about drinking and I'm sure I don't need to bore you with the facts.
I know for me, that I'm a pretty wild sort of personality type, have had a fairly difficult upbringing and have always been a bit tough and egocentric (sp) for a lady anyways so drinking was a very natural habit for me to take up but now almost 40 and "partying" since I was 17, I can honestly say that I'm ready to stop. I'm too old to be still carrying on like an active boozer.
And I've always drank for the affects NEVER for the taste. I know people who choose to drink N/A beer just for that taste. I don't even finish one n/a beer but I can sure polish off 10 regular brewskis.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
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(((((((((((((((((ALL)))))))))))))))))))
What an interesting thread and what interesting thoughts it has brought up in my own head. Mostly, it has been my own little green monster playing games with me. As an alcoholic who has chosen sobriety over certain death, I can truly understand how some folks are having a hard time with someone having taken a drink. Even though I consider myself as totally surrendered to this disease, I see a post like this and think, "Well, hell!. If she can do it, maybe I can too." Luckily, though, I have learned to 'play the tape through to the end,' so to speak, which helps me remember what having just one drink will do to me. I might be able to stop at one. I might even be able to control my drinking for a while, but I have no doubt in my mind that eventually I would be back to being as bad as I was or worse.
I am in no way saying that this will be the case for you, GshizzleA. However, it was important for me and my recovery to honestly say how your post made me feel. That is also not meant as a criticism. I know I will be confronted with the same sorts of issues throughout my recovery, so it is good for me to think about it. Who knows? Someday I may even encounter someone who says, "Just have one, Laura. It won't hurt." A post such as yours helps me to sort through how I can and will handle it!
Best wishes to you and all of us who have been beaten by alcohol!--
Hugs--
What an interesting thread and what interesting thoughts it has brought up in my own head. Mostly, it has been my own little green monster playing games with me. As an alcoholic who has chosen sobriety over certain death, I can truly understand how some folks are having a hard time with someone having taken a drink. Even though I consider myself as totally surrendered to this disease, I see a post like this and think, "Well, hell!. If she can do it, maybe I can too." Luckily, though, I have learned to 'play the tape through to the end,' so to speak, which helps me remember what having just one drink will do to me. I might be able to stop at one. I might even be able to control my drinking for a while, but I have no doubt in my mind that eventually I would be back to being as bad as I was or worse.
I am in no way saying that this will be the case for you, GshizzleA. However, it was important for me and my recovery to honestly say how your post made me feel. That is also not meant as a criticism. I know I will be confronted with the same sorts of issues throughout my recovery, so it is good for me to think about it. Who knows? Someday I may even encounter someone who says, "Just have one, Laura. It won't hurt." A post such as yours helps me to sort through how I can and will handle it!
Best wishes to you and all of us who have been beaten by alcohol!--
Hugs--
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: montreal
Posts: 38
hey this is a reply to the last 4-5 people.
i really appreciate the kind words about my post and saying that i should be able to feel free to express what im going through. i really appreciate it and i thank you.
ya i cant believe how this post has turned out, that day after having that one beer feels like a while ago. i havent 'gotten drunk' since but i have had a beer , 2 at most. as i mentionned in my last reply, there was some problems with that and my bf, how he commented on me drinking again and i got mad. well i told him how i feel and i dont see it happening again (him making a comment). anyway lately when i have one beer, i still feel bad the next day as in physically headachee! i think thats the main reason ill have to stop again. i think my body was so not used to it that even one shocked it. i feel like those skinny lil petite women who have one glass of wine and get drunk and lightheaded. (which im not lol). anyways, i have strength in my choice to occasionally have a drink and im good for now.
my only problem with some of my replies were how they were phrased. theres a way to say 'i dont think your moderation drinking is a good idea, ive seen it go wrong' instead of 'good luck with that! it will never work and u will fail!' u know what i mean? im all for opinions and disagreements, but especially with such a sensitive topic as alc abuse, theres a way to say things. that was my only beef. and the times i got mad at people, i dont regret those either, or think i was being rude. thats how i felt at that time and thats how i responded. i think im always respectful to others when they are respectful to me.
thank u again for those who have supported me and my decision to express myself!
talk to u soon,
G
i really appreciate the kind words about my post and saying that i should be able to feel free to express what im going through. i really appreciate it and i thank you.
ya i cant believe how this post has turned out, that day after having that one beer feels like a while ago. i havent 'gotten drunk' since but i have had a beer , 2 at most. as i mentionned in my last reply, there was some problems with that and my bf, how he commented on me drinking again and i got mad. well i told him how i feel and i dont see it happening again (him making a comment). anyway lately when i have one beer, i still feel bad the next day as in physically headachee! i think thats the main reason ill have to stop again. i think my body was so not used to it that even one shocked it. i feel like those skinny lil petite women who have one glass of wine and get drunk and lightheaded. (which im not lol). anyways, i have strength in my choice to occasionally have a drink and im good for now.
my only problem with some of my replies were how they were phrased. theres a way to say 'i dont think your moderation drinking is a good idea, ive seen it go wrong' instead of 'good luck with that! it will never work and u will fail!' u know what i mean? im all for opinions and disagreements, but especially with such a sensitive topic as alc abuse, theres a way to say things. that was my only beef. and the times i got mad at people, i dont regret those either, or think i was being rude. thats how i felt at that time and thats how i responded. i think im always respectful to others when they are respectful to me.
thank u again for those who have supported me and my decision to express myself!
talk to u soon,
G
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