I Hope, But I Really Wonder????
harleygirl92156
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
I Hope, But I Really Wonder????
ok guys, some of you who are in recovery and some of you who are still active may have found yourself in my husbands shoes or similar shoes, unfailthful when active. Can you truely be faithful when sober or is the unfailtfulness a character defect that stays with you active or in recovery? I want to believe, but having a difficult time. I will add that in the past six weeks he has done everything he can to show his faithfulness, I just don't trust and I believe rightly so. The trust has not been earned back, yet.
I wonder if my husband can ever be happy with just one woman in his life.
He was faithful to me for the first 7 years of our marriage, then he started drinking again after 10 years sober. During his six year relapse he cheated on me at least once and it was a long term thing, sort of, lasted a year but they only slept together three times).
Well now he is sober again and in discussions and confessions I have learned some new information and put some old information together and find that this man has had little or no respect for marriage at anytime in his life EXCEPT for the seven years he was sober and married to me.
In his early 20's he had a child with a woman who was married, this was the result of a long term affair.
In his mid-20's he had a one night stand with his brothers wife while his brothers infant twin daughters slept in their crib in the room. This one night stand resulted in a pregnancy and ultimate abortion. His brother does not know to this day and that was 22 years ago.
He was married before and cheated on her once during the marriage and later they split and he was with several women during their seperation, they got back together, he cheated again and it ended. I might add he was drinking heavily during this marriage.
So I sit and wonder, he is now sober, swears he only wants me and as long as he is sober he will be faithful. If you read my posts, you will find that this statement from him is most likely untrue as he has already been caught working the AA meetings for chicks that are easy and been caught with one.
I do not want to end this marriage, it is my second. I am in Al anon and an aftercare program and he attends AA and aftercare. We are going to counseling, but I still have this nagging doubt that he will never be happy with just one woman, even if he remains faithful, he will never be happy. I don't want to be with a man who isn't happy with me and me alone. I am not ready to move on, but have move out of our marriage bed. I am detaching lovingly, and still maintain a relationship with him but with out intimacy.
I want him to go to counseling alone and figure out why he needs to seduce women. I have not discussed this with him yet as I don't know how to approch the topic without seeming demanding or controling.
Has anyone else had this type of problem with a boyfriend or husband. Did you stay in the relationship, were they faithful, are you happy???? I am not ready to move on just yet, but really have huge doubts.
I know some of you will just come in and say dump him, move on, get the heck out of the relationship. Trust me, I have been told this already. I want to find out some other true life experience with this type of situation and what happened and what was done to make the situation better.
I don't want to spend my life wondering if I have an STD everytime I get an itch down there and I don't want to play detective anymore.
Constructive suggestions or stories of your experience with this type of thing and how you handled it or how it came out are requested here.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
God Bless
I wonder if my husband can ever be happy with just one woman in his life.
He was faithful to me for the first 7 years of our marriage, then he started drinking again after 10 years sober. During his six year relapse he cheated on me at least once and it was a long term thing, sort of, lasted a year but they only slept together three times).
Well now he is sober again and in discussions and confessions I have learned some new information and put some old information together and find that this man has had little or no respect for marriage at anytime in his life EXCEPT for the seven years he was sober and married to me.
In his early 20's he had a child with a woman who was married, this was the result of a long term affair.
In his mid-20's he had a one night stand with his brothers wife while his brothers infant twin daughters slept in their crib in the room. This one night stand resulted in a pregnancy and ultimate abortion. His brother does not know to this day and that was 22 years ago.
He was married before and cheated on her once during the marriage and later they split and he was with several women during their seperation, they got back together, he cheated again and it ended. I might add he was drinking heavily during this marriage.
So I sit and wonder, he is now sober, swears he only wants me and as long as he is sober he will be faithful. If you read my posts, you will find that this statement from him is most likely untrue as he has already been caught working the AA meetings for chicks that are easy and been caught with one.
I do not want to end this marriage, it is my second. I am in Al anon and an aftercare program and he attends AA and aftercare. We are going to counseling, but I still have this nagging doubt that he will never be happy with just one woman, even if he remains faithful, he will never be happy. I don't want to be with a man who isn't happy with me and me alone. I am not ready to move on, but have move out of our marriage bed. I am detaching lovingly, and still maintain a relationship with him but with out intimacy.
I want him to go to counseling alone and figure out why he needs to seduce women. I have not discussed this with him yet as I don't know how to approch the topic without seeming demanding or controling.
Has anyone else had this type of problem with a boyfriend or husband. Did you stay in the relationship, were they faithful, are you happy???? I am not ready to move on just yet, but really have huge doubts.
I know some of you will just come in and say dump him, move on, get the heck out of the relationship. Trust me, I have been told this already. I want to find out some other true life experience with this type of situation and what happened and what was done to make the situation better.
I don't want to spend my life wondering if I have an STD everytime I get an itch down there and I don't want to play detective anymore.
Constructive suggestions or stories of your experience with this type of thing and how you handled it or how it came out are requested here.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
God Bless
Just A Diva With A Purpose
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 297
Hey Harley Girl. You've got some serious thinking and work to do for your own happiness. Bottles were just a symptom as our physical allergy is a very small part of alcoholism. The Big Book of AA says we are not the arbiters of other peoples sexual conduct--so I have no opinion about what your significant other is doing except to say that sex addiction tends to go hand in hand with alcoholism. If he has not addressed it you are the one that has to decide if you can live with it. Al-Anon and other support groups like that would be helpful. And perhaps counseling for you. I used to be a "crumb catcher"--settling for the crumbs of love that people would throw my way--and living with behaviour I wasn't happy with deep down but too afraid to change my address. A line from a Lauren Hill song says: "I gave him my power/I forgot to be Queen. Blessings, Queenshenique
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