quercusalba

Hello, all.

I have been combing through the archives and I have gleaned much wonderful, heartfelt advice and information, some of which partly answers my question... so my question is probably going to be somewhat redundant, but I need help, so I'm going to ask anyway. I'm so *tired*.

What do you do *in that moment* when something "clicks" in your head and you make that decision to drink? That moment when sobriety loses - at least in your head, if not in actuality - by the 0.1% it takes to tip you into the decision to drink? The answer, of course, is "do anything BUT pick up that drink," "get to a meeting," etc., but I want concrete examples of what YOU do. Besides getting to a meeting; sometimes that just isn't a possibility. I've heard the mantra "nothing changes if nothing changes," and that seems to apply to my particular situation.... I need to make some changes that I've been too afraid to make... but, those things aside, what do you do? In that moment?

Thank you in advance.
--anne

lulu70

Hey Q. Good question. What do I do? Well, I know it is not what you want to hear, but the first thing is not allow myself to pick up that drink. I also have to say that it is rare that I actually get to that point. Why? Because I do what has been suggested. I pick up the phone, I pray, make a gratitude list, post here, anything I can do to tell on myself and take some of the power away from the thought. Thing is, and I know you know this, we have usually been thinking about drinking for a long time before that decision to actually drink comes on. We need to do something before that decision comes.

I hope this helped. Others will probably have even better advice.

Peter

My disease lives primarily in my head. It knows my name and it speaks to me in my own voice and it lies......it always lies........

I can give you no "concrete example" of abstainance without first suggesting the "intangible" thing which directs our every action.......our thoughts.......

Before you pick up that first drink you first have to entertain the thought of having one so obviously changing your thoughts will ultimately change your moods and your actions.........

Learn to recognize your thinking and your moods and learn to process your feelings.

Why am I feeling this way today?

What has occured to trigger this mood ?

What is my motive for doing what I am doing or planning to do ?

Recovery for me is based on interrupting my dysfunctional ways of thinking and substituting them with more constructive thinking.The thought of a drink can become an afternoon at the library.Feelings of sadness can become a sense of gratitude.My motive for anger can become an initiative to do some housecleaning.

It was my thinking that got me in trouble and it is my thinking that will get me out of it.

Just as you can obtain the the thought of having a drink you can obtain the thought of not having one.

quercusalba

Thanks, guys. I'm just having a really hard time right now... but I can take this as a challenge rather than as "a hard time." You're both right on in your words. I needed to hear them, even if I already knew them. Sometimes you have to get things externally when the internal parts aren't working... thank you so much.

still keeping on keeping on...
--anne

Music

I had a real hard time like you've described when I was about six months sober. I prayed!! For the first time in my life I prayed and I guess I meant it 'cause I've never had to make that decision since. Having said that, I'd suggest you go to some AA meetings and get some names and numbers you can call when times like this come up. You never know when they'll happen and like's been said so many times: "My head is like a bad neighborhood. It's a bad place to get caught by myself."

quercusalba

Thanks, Music... so true! My own head is the very worst place for me to be alone.

Thank you all for your thoughts and input.

all the best,
anne

CarolD

Hi Anne ... Prayer

LucyUK

Like Peter said, I tend to ask myself why I am feeling this way, what has put me in that particular mood. For me, a trigger is the kids' "witching hour" when I'm wishing they'd hurry up & get to bed (they're only 1 & 2, I have to help them LOL!) and they are cranky, manic, loud etc. and I recognise that all I really want is bedtime aka peace & quiet.

I've only really really come close to taking a drink once, and I did what the Living Sober book recommends. Said to myself I would not take a drink for an hour (after all, what's an hour, right?!) and then review the situation. Hour by hour I didn't take that drink and by three hours later, the desire had passed. And, I was extremely grateful I hadn't taken the drink.

Good luck and keep us posted with what works for you

KarenOskie

This is a great thread, thanks for starting it! I'm trying to do the things to keep from getting to the place where I'll have a desire to drink. I know a big trigger for me is emotions, especially feeling frustrated, like when I have too much to do, or lose my keys, or start feeling everything pile up on me. Or if I make a mistake that is haunting my mind (guilt). So I'm trying to keep things pretty simple, I have a few important things I try to make sure I take care of each day but am careful not to overdo it and if I don't get them done I don't allow myself to beat myself up over it, I just put it on the list for tomorrow. I try to right the mistakes as soon as I can, or else just put them down to experience and forgive myself and move on. I go to a meeting almost every day, talk to another recovering alcoholic every day, have started working step one but am not going to let myself freak over that too much either. Lots of guilt associated with it for me, so I vent to my sponsor or God or another AA, and remember to be real soft on me. I'm a sick girl, I need to go easy on me right now. The best thing, like Carol said, is prayer. Two weeks ago I never prayed, just didn't believe in it. It works! I try to keep my mind in recovery. Today is day 16 for me, and I can't remember the last time I really wanted to drink, but if I suddenly did I would get on the phone immediately and I'd be praying while I dialed.

2tough2die

I get busy. Once it was so close (open bottle in hand, someone handed it to me, and by reflex I grabbed it) I just dumped out a box of Wheat Thins that were on the table, cause it was the first thing I saw. I had to put down the beer to pick them up, and wound up counting them, then dumping the beer cause the urge passed.

When I was a young and impressionable my Grammy said to make the sign of the cross whenever tempted by sin. Although I am not a religious person today, I do still do this and it still works. I mean, I'd still be disobeying Grammy (who's still alive) and I can't do that or I'd get a ruler across the knuckles

- Greg

Chy

I played the tape all the way throught and prayed. I do a quick 123 everyday, and I've been blessed to not have that compulsion to drink. I sometimes romantise the notion but it's not really a craving, after all I'm alcoholic. I know that I'd be back to my old ways fast. I talk with my sponsor at minimum once a week and keep going to my meetings.

NoMoBeer

Interesting topic, for sure.

For me, I think the slip/relapse thing happens weeks before the actual event. I believe it's a spiritual disconnect, and the moment we drink is the manifestation of that disconnect.

I believe if I work my program daily, I have a good shot at not picking up a drink, but there's no guarantee. I have a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.

For me, when I did actually slip in the past, I had stopped going to meetings regularly, stopped calling my sponsor, stopped praying and I think most important -- started to listen to the alcoholic member of my "committee" whispering to me. Now, don't get me wrong --he's always up there, waiting... but I think if I keep my program strong, I can shut him up...

So, in a nutshell -- I think the "click" in your head is preceded by a longer, more subtle string of events...

Just my take...

Ken

quercusalba

I cannot thank you all enough for your replies. Every word is like a piece to the puzzle that I'm trying to work out... every word is important.

Ken, I think you are totally correct when you speak of the 'spiritual disconnect.' That makes so much sense to me.

Prayer... getting busy... going slow... taking the time to ask the right questions of myself (posited by Peter)... taking good care of myself... asking for and accepting help... working the program that works for me... and so on and so forth. Such good advice, and so very worth internalizing.

I am feeling much, much better today. The clouds have lifted for the time being, and the words I've gotten here have helped. They also add to my mental arsenal for the next low period that comes along.

Thank you all.
--anne

NoMoBeer

Q-
If you're having a tough time, the Serenity Prayer works wonders for me.

I've called my sponsor in knots, and he always tells me to go outside, look at the sky and recite the Serenity Prayer. It helps me get outside of myself and connect with God....

Ken