Am I an "alcoholic"?
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Am I an "alcoholic"?
OK, so I know without a doubt that I have a problem with loving alcohol too much, but alcoholic?
I very much believe now that it is a matter of having formed the neural pathways that, once re-awakened, send me down the well-known path of excessive imbibing, but is this not the same process that allows me to start playing the piano, or speak French after a time of dormancy. I do not call myself a "pianoholic" or a "French-holic".
Don't mistake me here; I am not trying to find a way to drink again, but I don't like the all-inclusive term "alcoholic".
Thoughts please,
Gianna
I very much believe now that it is a matter of having formed the neural pathways that, once re-awakened, send me down the well-known path of excessive imbibing, but is this not the same process that allows me to start playing the piano, or speak French after a time of dormancy. I do not call myself a "pianoholic" or a "French-holic".
Don't mistake me here; I am not trying to find a way to drink again, but I don't like the all-inclusive term "alcoholic".
Thoughts please,
Gianna
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Faraway, CO
Posts: 162
Originally Posted by gianna
OK, so I know without a doubt that I have a problem with loving alcohol too much, but alcoholic?
I very much believe now that it is a matter of having formed the neural pathways that, once re-awakened, send me down the well-known path of excessive imbibing, but is this not the same process that allows me to start playing the piano, or speak French after a time of dormancy. I do not call myself a "pianoholic" or a "French-holic".
I very much believe now that it is a matter of having formed the neural pathways that, once re-awakened, send me down the well-known path of excessive imbibing, but is this not the same process that allows me to start playing the piano, or speak French after a time of dormancy. I do not call myself a "pianoholic" or a "French-holic".
What you describe is the phenomenon of craving. Whether or not you want to wear the label of "alcoholic" is not terribly important, IMO. I know two people in AA meetings who won't use the term. One uses "addicted to alcohol" and the other says "I have a desire to quit drinking." Not that AA is the end all, be all. But it is unique for having disappearing forums.
Welcome to SR.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by gianna
OK, so I know without a doubt that I have a problem with loving alcohol too much, but alcoholic?
I very much believe now that it is a matter of having formed the neural pathways that, once re-awakened, send me down the well-known path of excessive imbibing, but is this not the same process that allows me to start playing the piano, or speak French after a time of dormancy. I do not call myself a "pianoholic" or a "French-holic".
Don't mistake me here; I am not trying to find a way to drink again, but I don't like the all-inclusive term "alcoholic".
I very much believe now that it is a matter of having formed the neural pathways that, once re-awakened, send me down the well-known path of excessive imbibing, but is this not the same process that allows me to start playing the piano, or speak French after a time of dormancy. I do not call myself a "pianoholic" or a "French-holic".
Don't mistake me here; I am not trying to find a way to drink again, but I don't like the all-inclusive term "alcoholic".
And they are also two different actions.
Should I ever ride a motorcycle again, would it mean that my life would somehow become unmanageable? Perhaps, but extrememly doubtful.
Should I drink again, well, the odds are certainly heavily against me retaining the small measure of peace of mind I now enjoy.
I believe that truly, based exclusively on my experience with alcohol, over many years.
Some people say alcoholic, some people say tomato.
There is, and maybe always will be a pejorative ring to the word. There certainly was for me, for a long time. Not so much because I was in denial of my condition, but simply because of stereotypical images and cultural imprints.
There are still days where I will entertain the idea of a drink. Some days, tenaciously. But I seem to have navigated the hump a while back, and such thoughts are now easily overcome. Might be what some call simple self preservation.
Whatever it is, I like the head space.
I don't want to go back.
Dormancy, of that part of me, is a good thing.
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
I don't necessarily like the term alcoholic either, but it fits like a glove. I wear it well...
Alcoholic:
A person who drinks alcoholic substances habitually and to excess or who suffers from alcoholism.
Alcoholism:
A disorder characterized by the excessive consumption of and dependence on alcoholic beverages, leading to physical and psychological harm and impaired social and vocational functioning. Also called alcohol abuse , alcohol dependence .
Any which way I adjust myself in the mirror, it still fits like a glove.
Alcoholic:
A person who drinks alcoholic substances habitually and to excess or who suffers from alcoholism.
Alcoholism:
A disorder characterized by the excessive consumption of and dependence on alcoholic beverages, leading to physical and psychological harm and impaired social and vocational functioning. Also called alcohol abuse , alcohol dependence .
Any which way I adjust myself in the mirror, it still fits like a glove.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
I suppose we could all join the politically correct bandwagon and insist on being referred to as "alcohol challenged" 
Except I wasn't challenged, I was whipped. Which is why I didn't quit, I surrendered.
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Tony
Except I wasn't challenged, I was whipped. Which is why I didn't quit, I surrendered.
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Tony
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Hi Gianna, good to see you.
Good topic, I just got home from a meeting.....yeah I said Hi My Name Is Denise...I'm An Alcoholic...my mouth said the words and it felt hollow in my head, like it wasn't me talking, almost like an outer body experience, weird eh?
I thought while I said it, I don't like that word...I don't want to be that word, denial started floating around, gosh it's just a word, but a blasted HUGE word.
Good topic, I just got home from a meeting.....yeah I said Hi My Name Is Denise...I'm An Alcoholic...my mouth said the words and it felt hollow in my head, like it wasn't me talking, almost like an outer body experience, weird eh?
I thought while I said it, I don't like that word...I don't want to be that word, denial started floating around, gosh it's just a word, but a blasted HUGE word.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Well
I sort of like lush. Or perhaps tosspot..wino..sot...drunk.
Then jailbird... insane..wet brain .....dead.
I care not if others say alcoholic or xyz.
My name is Carol and I am an alcoholic.
Then jailbird... insane..wet brain .....dead.
I care not if others say alcoholic or xyz.
My name is Carol and I am an alcoholic.
Future Philanthropist
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 233
Originally Posted by gianna
but is this not the same process that allows me to start playing the piano, or speak French after a time of dormancy.
Don't mistake me here; I am not trying to find a way to drink again, but I don't like the all-inclusive term "alcoholic".
I actually like the term alcoholic because I know alcoholics who are VPs of companies, directors of technology, run successful homebuilding companies, great Mothers and Fathers.. people I want to be like. Show me someone who's calling themselves an alcoholic and I'll show you someone who's taking steps to improve thier lives by facing it head on.
- Greg
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London
Posts: 448
Hi Gianna
I spent a lot of years convincing myself in AA that I was an 'alcoholic'. Somehow I was bodily different to non-drunks and the term 'alcohollic' applied not to my drinking behaviour, but to my very being, like the colour of hair or the shape of someones eyes.
After I stopped drinking non-drunks would say, 'your were an alcoholic, but now that you've stopped drinking you aren't anymore.' I would of course disagree as I was teaching myself in AA that I was somehow inherently different to other human beings.
For me the problem with the term alcoholic and disease is that they are often misleading and meanings attributed to them that aren't there or applicable to everyone with an alcohol issue.
Even at SR I see people make enquiries about a comparatively mild or inconsistant alcohol problem and they are imediately 'diseased' for life and told they will have to go to AA meetings forever.
I drank and was in AA at an early age because I had extremely unhelpful ways of thinking and severely lacked direction and understanding. Another person may be much different to me.
I go along with your 'neural pathway' view and it is unlikely I would ever have any significant capacity to drink. The minute I was convinced I could drink normally I would want to get drunk, so there's my answer. If I was going to live to be 400 years old, maybe I could mature out of it, but I'm not and I'll spend my life making sure I don't fall foul of various addictive behaviours that make me feel temporarily good or forget.
Although alcohol became a problem in itself and I burnt my bridges, the greater issue in my case is that I went down that road in the first place. Drinking was merely a symptom of problems predating alcohol. I personally believe there are various categories (as in a few types) of people who use alcohol and wind up compulsively addicted.
All the best
I spent a lot of years convincing myself in AA that I was an 'alcoholic'. Somehow I was bodily different to non-drunks and the term 'alcohollic' applied not to my drinking behaviour, but to my very being, like the colour of hair or the shape of someones eyes.
After I stopped drinking non-drunks would say, 'your were an alcoholic, but now that you've stopped drinking you aren't anymore.' I would of course disagree as I was teaching myself in AA that I was somehow inherently different to other human beings.
For me the problem with the term alcoholic and disease is that they are often misleading and meanings attributed to them that aren't there or applicable to everyone with an alcohol issue.
Even at SR I see people make enquiries about a comparatively mild or inconsistant alcohol problem and they are imediately 'diseased' for life and told they will have to go to AA meetings forever.
I drank and was in AA at an early age because I had extremely unhelpful ways of thinking and severely lacked direction and understanding. Another person may be much different to me.
I go along with your 'neural pathway' view and it is unlikely I would ever have any significant capacity to drink. The minute I was convinced I could drink normally I would want to get drunk, so there's my answer. If I was going to live to be 400 years old, maybe I could mature out of it, but I'm not and I'll spend my life making sure I don't fall foul of various addictive behaviours that make me feel temporarily good or forget.
Although alcohol became a problem in itself and I burnt my bridges, the greater issue in my case is that I went down that road in the first place. Drinking was merely a symptom of problems predating alcohol. I personally believe there are various categories (as in a few types) of people who use alcohol and wind up compulsively addicted.
All the best
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London
Posts: 501
For me, when I say I am an alky I mean that I am addicted to booze and it would be seriously damaging to myself to drink.
That is as far as it goes for me - that is how I define the most important aspect of myself. Because it will kill me it takes on high importance.
Some people - maybe rightly so - define the whole of their internal existance as 'alcaholic'. Every thought, feeling, experience is somehow linked to the 'disease'. This to me - at this stage - is very unhelpful.
I dont try and understand what happened to me when I was drinking - what was the 'ism' or 'how sick I was'. For me everything human beings do is "human". I see myself as intensly human - full of flaws, of highlights - dirnk or no drink.
I dont quench the whole of me into a disease model that needs to be cured.
I cant drink alcahol because it will kill me. So that is why I am an alky.
That is as far as it goes for me - that is how I define the most important aspect of myself. Because it will kill me it takes on high importance.
Some people - maybe rightly so - define the whole of their internal existance as 'alcaholic'. Every thought, feeling, experience is somehow linked to the 'disease'. This to me - at this stage - is very unhelpful.
I dont try and understand what happened to me when I was drinking - what was the 'ism' or 'how sick I was'. For me everything human beings do is "human". I see myself as intensly human - full of flaws, of highlights - dirnk or no drink.
I dont quench the whole of me into a disease model that needs to be cured.
I cant drink alcahol because it will kill me. So that is why I am an alky.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Andy,
Great post!
I drank and was in AA at an early age because I had extremely unhelpful ways of thinking and severely lacked direction and understanding.
Although alcohol became a problem in itself and I burnt my bridges, the greater issue in my case is that I went down that road in the first place. Drinking was merely a symptom of problems predating alcohol. I resist, and will continue to resist, the idea that because I am an alcoholic I am somehow marked with a giant scarlet A that will haunt me for the rest of my days. I completely accept the fact that there is no known cure for alcoholism as long as by "cure" we are referring to my being able to use drugs without returning to the insanity that was my so called life before I stopped. What I will not accept is that we are somehow different from the rest of humanity when drugs are not in our systems and the obsession to use does not haunt our every waking hour. I will not accept that, as one poor soul put it at a meeting, "face it, we are the dregs of the earth and that's why we are here."
Take away the alcohol and other drugs and we are no different from the rest of the world. Yes, we are people who had to have something different and thought we had found it in drugs. However, once we decide that we did not find it in drugs, we are left with the same problems, the same needs, and the same desires as every other human.
I continue on in A.A. and N.A. because I have found something through these programs that I never had before and because I do need to remind myself of exactly how bad it was when I used and exactly how bad it would be again should I choose to forget that. Could I find the same fellowship, the sense of belonging to something bigger than myself, and the rewards that have come from thinking of others before thinking of myself outside of the programs? Of course I could. Today I do find these things in other places, but I also choose to continue what has worked for me for the past 32 months and that either has everything or nothing to do with "not drinking".
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Tony
Great post!
Originally Posted by Andy F
I drank and was in AA at an early age because I had extremely unhelpful ways of thinking and severely lacked direction and understanding.
Although alcohol became a problem in itself and I burnt my bridges, the greater issue in my case is that I went down that road in the first place. Drinking was merely a symptom of problems predating alcohol.
Take away the alcohol and other drugs and we are no different from the rest of the world. Yes, we are people who had to have something different and thought we had found it in drugs. However, once we decide that we did not find it in drugs, we are left with the same problems, the same needs, and the same desires as every other human.
I continue on in A.A. and N.A. because I have found something through these programs that I never had before and because I do need to remind myself of exactly how bad it was when I used and exactly how bad it would be again should I choose to forget that. Could I find the same fellowship, the sense of belonging to something bigger than myself, and the rewards that have come from thinking of others before thinking of myself outside of the programs? Of course I could. Today I do find these things in other places, but I also choose to continue what has worked for me for the past 32 months and that either has everything or nothing to do with "not drinking".
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Tony
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by findingout
Take away the alcohol and other drugs and we are no different from the rest of the world. Yes, we are people who had to have something different and thought we had found it in drugs. However, once we decide that we did not find it in drugs, we are left with the same problems, the same needs, and the same desires as every other human.
Thanks Tony.
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Faraway, CO
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Originally Posted by findingout
I resist, and will continue to resist, the idea that because I am an alcoholic I am somehow marked with a giant scarlet A that will haunt me for the rest of my days.
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London
Posts: 501
Originally Posted by DangerousDan
That there folks, is what's called in illumination.
Thanks Tony.
Thanks Tony.
I certainly dont want to appraise (CBT - Beck 1997) all of my thinking as disordered, diseased, egomanic.
My desires - however excessive - are the desires of the majority. How I behave is my responsiblity and is not something elusive or spooky or in need of a God to mend.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Wow! what an interesting array of responses and insights!
For my part, I am just trying to sort things out in my mind, the better to stay sober. It has helped me a lot to know that when I have one drink it re-awakens old, familiar paths that have ultimately led me noplace good. And to know that short of brain surgery nothing is going to remove that roadmap. That, together with my knowledge of my own personality traits that make it appealing to me to take a "vacation" from life have made a difference in my perception of myself, and iin my understanding of ways of thinking and behaving that I need to change.
Somehow, in years past, walking into a meeting and announcing that I was an "alcoholic", having some coffee and conviviality, listening to a story, let me off the hook for that day. Change is so necessary, and that is what I am hoping for...
I get such wisdom here on SR,
Gianna
For my part, I am just trying to sort things out in my mind, the better to stay sober. It has helped me a lot to know that when I have one drink it re-awakens old, familiar paths that have ultimately led me noplace good. And to know that short of brain surgery nothing is going to remove that roadmap. That, together with my knowledge of my own personality traits that make it appealing to me to take a "vacation" from life have made a difference in my perception of myself, and iin my understanding of ways of thinking and behaving that I need to change.
Somehow, in years past, walking into a meeting and announcing that I was an "alcoholic", having some coffee and conviviality, listening to a story, let me off the hook for that day. Change is so necessary, and that is what I am hoping for...
I get such wisdom here on SR,
Gianna
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
I keep it simple...
Hi Gianna, and welcome from another New Yorker (transplanted in AZ).
I'm Ken, I'm an alcoholic -- here's why:
"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot
quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control
over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic."
-- Chapter 4, Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I've got to keep my program simple. If I looked for ways to justify my "alcoholism," I'd still be drinking.
Either way, call it what you want, but take it a day at a time...
Ken
I'm Ken, I'm an alcoholic -- here's why:
"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot
quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control
over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic."
-- Chapter 4, Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I've got to keep my program simple. If I looked for ways to justify my "alcoholism," I'd still be drinking.
Either way, call it what you want, but take it a day at a time...
Ken
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