Bequietanddrive

Im 18 years old,my names zach, and ive been depressed for several years and also have anxiety. I dropped out of high school because of it, i drank alot in school and did drugs.So i got my ged and looked for a job.ive been seeing my psychiatrist for 3 years and have been on prozac and lorazepam for about just as long. I got a job at spencers and worked there for 2 months but i had a breakdown and was crying at work. so i quit and try to get better. I smoke vigs everyday to calm down.Ive been drinking alot since than almost 7 months. and ive been drinking my moms wine pretty much whenever i can take some from her getting her so angry she just buys me beer. I just lost a job i had for a week at a coffee place. Ive been drinking everyday for 4 weeks whether it be beer or wine. this is the baddest its ever been. I honestly dont know what to do, im so depressed so i just drink. I want it to stop because im in physical pain because of it and throwing up etc. I just need your help or as much advice from you guys. Ive been having breakdowns getting mad,punching walls, throwing things. And i think about dying everyday.Please just someone help me out

best

Welcome to SR

I would say look for AA meetings for starters.
If my D was a D- I would have needed the GED. Or if the school had pressed the issue of amount of days lost... I would have needed the GED.

I have been at the same job for 7 years and I am getting A's in the college course I am taking. If I can do it, you can as well.
Don't let yesterday rule your tomorrow.

Not drinking will help you find the balance I have found. AA meetings can help with support and info.
You can do it.

Andy F

As well as sharing here make sure you tell all this to your psychiatrist. Alcohol does not relieve depression otherwise you wouldn't be trying to stop. Give yourself a break and stop judging yourself harshly. Stop holding onto expectations of yourself. Time to be a human being. Noone is born with the knowledge of what they should be thinking and doing. It's learnt and can get muddled. Take a step back and give yourself permission to be a 'human' human being. One that is a little vulnerable right now. Give yourself permission to be who you are, not who you think you should be. Keep posting and talking.

You might also take a look at smartrecovery.org

KarenOskie

Hi Zach,
I really feel for you. Did you know that drinking makes it so your anti-depressants don't work? Dangerous mix, too. Have you considered getting out of your mom's house and into a recovery group home? They are listed online somewhere, I think if you use Google and look up recovery you'll eventually find one, but do be careful what you choose, some of them aren't very good. I think some of them are excellent, though. Maybe your Dr. can help you find one. Does he know about your drinking? Do you think he is really trying to help?
I have a son who was in a similar situation but it was mostly drugs rather than alcohol. When he moved away from his using friends and into a healthy environment, he just blossomed. Started college at the age of 23 after having almost no education since he'd blown it all away on drugs. He couldn't take anti-depressants because he threatened to take the whole bottle and kill himself, so I was afraid to let him have them and he wouldn't take them one at a time from me. Now he is on the honors list at school and doing great, working when he could never keep a job before, staying clean. What I'm saying is that what you've had so far is not what you will always have, if you change the way you're living and the things you're doing. You have so much hope, reach out and grab it. Calling AA central office in your area and talking to them is a good start, too.
Big hugs,
Karen

CarolD

see you Zach...Welcome!

18 is a fine time to be looking for a new positive life.
I was not as wise as you so my life ran downhill for decades.

This can be a huge turning point for you. Congratulations!

Chy

Zach we're glad your here. Please be honest with your psychitrist and keep going to therapy. Look around here for a recovery option you think is doable. We'll be here for you.

wantneeda

Welcome Zach!!!
nothing changed for me till i put the drink down..got my body to a meeting, then my mind followed.
hope you stick around Zach, some good advice above...be honest with your doctors.
\\// Wendy

Karl

Hi Zach
I punch walls too.
Whatever it takes to get some of that emotion out. When things get bad I thrash guitar, write down my feelings and then destroy them, listen to some particular music, or read a SF novel to distract myself. If you can move around, jogging might help, or dancing or martial arts. When depression threatens, I try to use it's tendency to highten dark emotions as a way of connecting with creativity. You sound desperate, B... and I know something about losing hope. Don't let it beat you. Find something that connects you with the world again and hold onto it.

Karl

Millwallj

I too have suffered major depression and a severe, chronic anxiety disorder. I am also a alcaholic who drunk for many, many reasons and one was certainly to try and lift my anxiety and depression.

What I did was put one step infront of the other and tried to get myself out of the hole I was in. Baby steps. I had to realise that on my own I wasnt much good, so other help would be needed: I done two simple things: went to a meeting of AA and I went to my doc who sent me to a shrink.

2 years has passed and I am a different person. I have peace of mind today, lots of friends, doing well in my job, and have got rid of the pain and torment that was always with me through my life. It is gone. It still comes back! But it is 100000000000000000 x better than what it was.

Keep your head up lad, all that you are going through someone has gone before and there are many others out there going through the same thing.

AndrewBeen

You are lucky Zach: you are doing something about this at 18. Boy I wish I had! You have some great years ahead.

My depression meds made me crave alchohol. So do any pain meds, ups, downs, you name it. I can't get sober with any of it. I learned the hardway.

Does your psychiatrist know everything you told us? Has s/he discussed inpatient detox? You have a lot of chemicals running through your system and you probably need to get off most of them to get clean. However, you probably need to do that in a controlled environement (hospital/detox) where your body and mood and be monitored, and make the process as comfortable as possible. I think you may need more than talk therapy -- your body is involved in the addiction too.

I know you want to do it, Zach, so go for it! Get drug free and clear thinking while you are still young.

Peace,
Andrew

Bequietanddrive

Every one of you are so great i cant even put it in words. Ok so this is my first day with no alcohol in my body and holy **** i feel like im gonna die. How do i get through the withdrawl, my body is in so much pain and im top of it i just dont even wanna live. My psychiatrist knows about my drinking but its weird cause hes not doing anything he tells me to stop, i dont even know if he has the right to say anything or put me in a program. I wanna stop so bad but the pain of just getting by everyday with no one, leads me to drink. I cant take it all. I dont know if AA would help. I may have to get into a hospital but i feeel embarassed because how can i compare to everyone being older and really have drinking problems for years and years. Seriously you all are the only way can get through this, your all so awesome. This withdrawl is killing me..

Bequietanddrive

Karl, yea music is my life i listen to something everyday and i play guitar. I did write long a couple years ago but i felt like i could never get everythng out and it all sounded stupid. I dont read cause i dont have the patience. BUt when i did jog and stuff it took my mind off everything. I think i definetly need to do that now.But my motivation is seriously lacking...I dont know what to do...

tyler

Depending on how much and how long you have been drinking, withdrawal from alcohol can be very dangerous. If you feel you need to, do not hesitate to go to the hospital. Most people don't know that you can not die from withdrawal from herion (though you often wish you would) but you can from alcohol. Take this very seriously. If you are going to do it alone, keep plenty of fluids in you, even if they keep comming up. You may want to look around elsewhere on the site for more advice or post a new thread. Please take care though.

Bequietanddrive

Im not really sureif im actually withdrawing i probably am if i feel like **** and my body feels different. Ive been drinking lots of water like i always do... i dont know

wantneeda

I really want to stress that if you feel really bad to get toa doctor...like it was mentioned above withdrawal can be worse than you think. You're not alone. You mentioned not knowing if AA will work...you'll never know unless you give it a try. I do know for me it has saved my life and many around me that i see. I really do understand that you don't anyone to know, but by telling someone face to face might make all the difference in the world. Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing ok??
\\//Wendy

KarenOskie

Hi Zach! I'm so glad you wrote back, I was worried about you! Where I live, there are lots and lots of people your age and younger even in AA. They tend to hang out together and are a fun bunch. I hope it's like that where you are, too. You can contact the AA central office where you are and find out about meetings. Being older is NOT a prerequisite for AA or for going to the hospital or for getting whatever kind of help you need. There is a lot of help out there for you! I'm praying for you,
Karen

3legacy

Zach:
How are you doing Today?

I know another young man named Zach. He was just released from our local Jail. Grateful to meet him this past Thursday morning and take him to breakfast after his early morning release. Before he headed South to the Harbor, he wanted to get together with me. I had met him in the same facility when he was incarcerated there a couple years back. Then, he was just 18. Things did not get any better out there for him the past couple years. I enjoyed his prescence while taking a meeting into jail for him and 8 others this past week. He seemed convinced that his way was not working and had already tapped into A.A. in the Harbor. He was cleaning up some wreckage from his past. Left him with my number once again following breakfast. Guess who called early this morning sober and filled with joy after making amends to his Mom?

(((((((((Both Zach's))))))))))) There is HOPE!

Brett