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Danger of travelling

Old 10-09-2002, 01:42 AM
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Danger of travelling

I'm an expatriot technician, travelling quite a lot in my work, with free booze on planes, free booze in the executive hotel room rate and no one to control you (or making you control yourself).

I have just return from one of these trips where I was consuming an enormous amount of alcohol, in particular during the week-end.

Now, all this started at the time of my first wife leaving me for someone else. I have since remarried (no kids). I've been trying to analyze what makes me drink: I'm scared. I get this depressive thoughts when I'm alone, without my wife. I'm also scared of what I'm doing. I missed a flight earlier this year because I was intoxicated. I was detained by the airport police and I was late for business meetings a number of times.

I realize that I have to quit, or I will loose everything. I would appreciate feed-back on how you got your habits triggered. When and how it started. How do you deal with other issues, and how do you deal with free alcohol.

Close Call
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Old 10-09-2002, 08:13 AM
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welcome to the forum -

You asked some specific quesitons and I am not sure that I can answer them for you. As an addict blessed to be in recovery, all I can give you is my experience, strenght and hope.

My experience comes from a 12 step program, and that is what I suggest for you. Find meetings in your area and attend as many as you can, meet other people in recovery and take suggestions from them. that is the first step my friend.

As for the free alcohal, well I stay away from places where people are drinking, but it sounds like in your line of work, that may not be possible. Meetings and recovery will also help you learn how to say no, free or not.

Good luck and keep posting we would love to hear more from you.
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Old 10-09-2002, 11:18 AM
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You'll never be able to avoid alcohol so don't even try. It's everywhere and always will be. So that is not the problem. I'm an alcoholic and the problem is primarily centered in my thinking, I think I can handle it now. I think 'well, its just one; one won't hurt.' One drink is to many and a thousand drinks aren't enough. After that first drink my body begins to crave more and more so that I can't stop even if I want to.

Close Call this is the answer to your problem. 'If you don't drink, you won't get drunk.' Here's another, 'It's the first drink that gets you drunk.' So don't take the first one and you'll never get drunk again.

Do you want to control your drinking or stop drinking? It has to be one or the other, not both.

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Old 10-09-2002, 04:45 PM
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Hi Close Call,
I travelled a lot for business in previous jobs, and I know what you mean about free alcohol. If it's not free, it's dang cheap, and readily available - everywhere! Airplanes, hotel room mini-bars, hotel lounges. When I'm strong, and in touch with my higher power, no mini-bar in the world can tempt me. Recently, I went to Hong Kong twice - and not only did they have a mini-bar in the hotel room, but also a full fifth of vodka and whiskey sitting on top of the dresser with a note "Compliments of Hotel Staff." (p.s. - I never touched the stuff - after saying a lot of prayers, and remembering the following

No matter if the alcohol is free, or if I have to pay for it, the results are the same - I drink, I can't stop drinking, I get drunk, I black out, I pass out, and wake up way too early the next morning wondering what I did, how much I drank, and what I have to apologize for. It's just a whole lot easier to NOT drink.

I'm sorry that your wife left you - but you will be able to handle the legalitites of that situation a whole lot better without drinking. And I'm sorry you got detained in the airport for being intoxicated, but at your next airport - don't drink, and you won't get detained. It's pretty simple -- but I know it's a very difficult thing to do.

No matter where in the world you are, there is AA. And if you don't want to try AA, there are other organizations that can help. And if you don't want to try any organization at all, you can find that inner strength by remembering what Ninerfan just wrote -
one drink is too many, a thousand isn't enough.

Good luck to you. Let us know how you're doing.
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Old 10-09-2002, 07:09 PM
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Hi Closecall welcome to the forum.

You mentioned two things that used to "trigger" my using.

Fear and depression.

Believe me,my "triggers" are numerous and sometimes I did not even need one.I would drink because............!

When and how my drinking started was not really important to me when I "hit botom" all I knew is my life was unmanagable and I needed help fast.

I found that help in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Not only did AA help me to deal with my drinking problem.I also found wisdom in AA that taugh me how to deal with some of the other "issues" in my life.

I will always encounter alcohol in my travels through life.

I had to find the willingness to change as I am powerless to change the world.The change in my thinking and my attitude is what is helping me to politely rerfuse alcohol when they offer it to me on the plane.

AA can work for anyone who has a desire to stop drinking.

Peter.
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Old 10-22-2002, 09:26 PM
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I started drinking because I just became too lonely and was tired of adjusting to it. I kept drinking because the alcohol created bad circumstances which I had to keep drinking to block out. That probably sums up my alcoholism, though i am the rambling type who could go on for pages on it if i had to. With an ever clearing head, i don't feel the need, and am comfortable just dealing with the essence of it, which is what i just described.

As for free alcohol, I learned at a wedding this past summer that even if I don't pay for it with money, there is most definitely a major price attached. For me, it was picking a fight with my parents on purpose (something that had never happened before), and making a fool of myself in public.

Being a cheapskate at heart, I find it hard to turn down free stuff, especially that which normally costs a pretty penny such as booze. However, at this point and with all I've learned about myself and my alcoholism, from now on booze will the be the one freebie i ignore.

By the way, i only have two months sobriety so the future is unpredictable but i do kind of hope i never reach the level of success where free quality booze is everywhere. because despite what i just said, i imagine it is hell to resist.
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Old 11-20-2002, 10:35 PM
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Expatriot Meetings in Southeast asia

Hello,

I am a woman who is in recovery and have traveled a bit, but most of it was not in my sober years. I am interested in teaching English in Southeast asia, paticularly Vietnam. Yet, I am having a really hard time trying to locate meetings there. I will be studying for the TEFL in Phuket, Thailand. So if anyone has numbers of intergroups, locations etc. please let me know. I am really concerned about this. I will start meetings if I must, but I have been to the official AA website, and they do say that there are meetings in this part of the world, but it does not say where, our how to get in touch with them.

Help!!!!!!!!!

Please email me at [email protected] if anyone has any info.

Regards,
Bethany M
 
Old 11-21-2002, 04:45 AM
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Beth,


Welcome! Here is the web site you were looking for.
I think. www.aathailand.org. Hope this helps.

Blessings,

Vinnie
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Old 11-23-2002, 04:34 AM
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Re: Danger of travelling

Originally posted by Close Call
I'm an expatriot technician, travelling quite a lot in my work, with free booze on planes, free booze in the executive hotel room rate and no one to control you (or making you control yourself).

I have just return from one of these trips where I was consuming an enormous amount of alcohol, in particular during the week-end.

Now, all this started at the time of my first wife leaving me for someone else. I have since remarried (no kids). I've been trying to analyze what makes me drink: I'm scared. I get this depressive thoughts when I'm alone, without my wife. I'm also scared of what I'm doing. I missed a flight earlier this year because I was intoxicated. I was detained by the airport police and I was late for business meetings a number of times.

I realize that I have to quit, or I will loose everything. I would appreciate feed-back on how you got your habits triggered. When and how it started. How do you deal with other issues, and how do you deal with free alcohol.

Close Call
Hi Close Call,

For myself, I know today that there was a fine line that I crossed, from drinking heavy, into alcoholism and once crossed there was no going back.

The obsessive thoughts became a daily occurence. I would wake up feeling guilty as hell because of what I had done the night before, and the remorse that I felt would be terrible. I would make a promise to myself and eventually to everyone else that I wouldn't drink that day. The obsessive thoughts of drinking would begin. I would start feeling anxious, irritable and discontent until I could once again drink. I wasn't able to predict on any given occasion what would happen to me once I picked up that first drink. The alcohol was calling all the shots in my life. Where I would go, who I would be with, what time I would be where, or even if I would be where I was suppose to be.

When I began trying to control my drinking, I had lost all control over alcohol. I learned that social drinkers never ever think about controlling their drinking... they either have a drink or they don't. This wasn't the case with me, once I put any alcohol into my system what so ever..... I wanted MORE. I had lost the power of choice when it came to alcohol.

Alcoholism is an illness, its a disease that centers in the mind. The obsession (a thought that overcomes all other thoughts).... coupled with a physical compulsion once I put that first drink into my body. The effect was that I wanted MORE.

The consequences that I began to pay in my life, I know today as a spiritual loss of values. I would "think" in my head, "well if I ever get as bad as so and so, then I will quit drinking"
But what I would actually do is something quite different. When I began to get as bad as so and so's drinking, I would just move my values a bit. At the end of my own drinking I didn't know who I was anymore, because I had moved my own values so often so that I was able to continue to drink... I didn't even recognize myself at the end of my drinking. I had constant thoughts of drinking, and I had no idea that I had loss the ability to choose whether I drank or not. Whether I drank or not wasn't the question anymore.... the question became.... when can I get my booze, how can I get my booze. I began coming up with any excuse I could so that I could drink the way I wanted to.

I had no idea that I was in what they call "denial." I knew that I was paying the consequences, life changing, life altering, and dangerous consequences in my own life for drinking and getting drunk..... and I continued to drink and get drunk anyways. I would wake up with the thoughts of "not drinking today" full of guilt, and remorse and begin drinking and get drunk anyhow.... even when I honestly didn't want to drink... there I was drinking and drunk.

I had a million and one excuses for drinking and getting drunk, but I had only one valid reason.... and that reason is because I am an alcoholic.

I would suggest calling Alcoholics Anonymous, and finding out where the nearest AA meeting is to you, then go. Don't drink, go to the AA meeting, Sit and listen, identify and do not compare, let someone at the AA meeting know that you are new, and take the suggestions. Get some phone numbers, and call these people, they can help you Close Call. And then just keep coming.

There is a solution Close Call, and things do get better one day at a time.... call Alcoholics Anonymous, its in your phone book.

Yours in Recovery,
Patsy

Last edited by Patsyd1; 11-23-2002 at 04:42 AM.
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Old 11-23-2002, 06:02 AM
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dear patsy, while browsing new posts i happened on this thread. i am so glad close call started this post, and all of u replied. patsy, ur post really gave me insight into my husbands illness and the impact on him and the patterns established. by reading ur post it touched my heart and removed some of my bitterness towards past events. i needed to let go of those thoughts and judgements to progress in my recovery. my husband isn't verbally adept and so full of pain that i'm sure he couldn't tell anyone what and how his drinking reached this level. he does continue to reject aa, but even though he does, i can try to leave his recovery alone, and respect his path. urwords were comfort to me on a morning that i didn't even know that i nneeded to hear those words. u are all my hp working to help me. thanks so much, and close call thank u for starting the thread!!hugs from sugar
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Old 11-23-2002, 10:13 AM
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Hi ((((((((Sugar)))))))))))))

One of things that I know today, thank God for AA.... is that when the pain of no change, becomes greater then the pain of change.... I will change. And not one second earlier.

I know that I had alot of people who were on my back, telling me to my face that I had a drinking problem, yelling at me to do something about my drinking. I had many many people "TELLING" me that I was a drunk. It wasn't until I heard someone sharing about their own alcoholism at an AA meeting that I could hear, that I could listen. These wonderful people in the halls of AA were not on my case about my drinking or about what my drinking was doing in my own life and the lives of others. These wonderful AA people shared with me about themselves, their own alcoholism, their own experience, strength and hope.

Sugar.... you continue with your own recovery, you are doing wonderful Allow your husband to take responsibility for his own disease, his own thinking, his own actions, his own behavior.

It wasn't until everyone got off my back about my drinking... THEN I had no one to blame, and no one to use as an excuse for my drinking. It was then that I had only myself to look at .... that was when the pain of no change, became greater than the pain of change.... and I changed.

Sugar... you just keep taking care of yourself and your own recovery.....and allow him to take care of his drinking, and/or recovery.

I remember wanting everyone and everything to take responsibility for me, my drinking, my consequences as a result of my drinking. I wanted them to feel guilty.

It wasn't until they all got out of the way and allowed me to own what was mine....the guilt, remorse and shame that I was feeling, and trying to get them to own.... just didn't work anymore. I had to take a good look at "PATSY".... and I didn't like it.... but it was then that I hit bottom and did something about it.

God Bless you ((((((Sugar)))))))))
You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you sure can't control it.

Love to you Sugar, and just keep taking care of you and your own recovery
Patsy
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Old 11-23-2002, 11:19 AM
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dear patsy
thank u so much for ur thoughtful reply! this week i've been kind of lost in my recoveryi've been returning to some old attitudes, perhaps because the holidays are iminent, and there are 4 people using pot in my house, and u know what, i just haven't been able to hear god's answers or suggestions! i have lost my faith abit and i need to get through that block, if i'm going to function as the mom on thanksgiving. i too needed to change and the need to do so became so pressing before i let go of alot of things that i don't own. old habits die hard and my connection to all of u in the forum has been a constant reminder and nudging of my hp.all of my behaviors and attitudes need to be challenged. i have stuck to alanon and naranon and general recovery and ptsd, and recently i've given thought to perhaps exploring the posts of addicts and alcoholics, not for my husband but because i need to hear about the 12 steps from someone who has worked them in addiction, i need to let go of bitterness and resentment to open myself to a better existence, and the best way to do that is listen, learn, hear and change to let go of the past and be healthier in the future. i do believe all of my life can be improved by the 12 steps, it's just been a personal battle in me to change! i do understand that noone will even consider recovery till they have exhausted all the other options. ican so feel ur faith and joy in the life u've discovered and it is truly a rainbow of hope like ur signature on ur posts. thanks again to u for taking the time to post.
hugs from sugar,
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Old 11-25-2002, 06:16 PM
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Close Call,

I've been wanting to reply to your message for awhile...but, having just put together a week without a drink all I can tell you is..... you're not alone. I had put together a year without drinking and then relasped while on a business trip. I took my show on the road!

I'm just tired of it, worn out and frighten of what will happen if I didn't stop. I can't even use Free booze as a reason I drank.........I'd pay any amount of money for a drink.

Now I'm going to need to make some plans before I travel, which is apart of my job.

Ideas:
Check this board out for support while away. Check for meetings to attend while away. Go to the fitness center instead of the bar if I am bored and lonely. Bring phone numbers for support if I need extra help. Read, bring books on recovery.

I know for myself that I need to plan things out, so that I'm not caught off my guard. That's when it will get me.

I wish you the best and be safe.
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