and still i rise
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: riverside,ca
Posts: 20
and still i rise
We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.
Maya Angelou
After 3 relaspe i wasn"t sure if i could come back. Self pitty had taken over. I had lost site of my recovery. I found mysef more worried about what the the people that was supporting me would think. It wasn't until i got into recovery that i really found out the meaning of caring for someone. I never really allowed anyone into my heart i was so busy numbing that i never really felt what it was like to have someone love me just the way i am. I am an Alcoholic and addict and my sick mind would tell me that i was not worthy. i could not let anyone know me because i was sick and i didn't want anyone to know because i felt that i was the worse person in the world. I have two months clean now and I pray that i will continue to grow in my recovery. I have the tools i know my triggers, i have a sponsor, my problem is using what i know to stay sober, picking up the phone staying out of slippery places, making no excuses. I feel like i hurt everyone that is a part of my recovery so much when i relasped and it caused me to be dishonest. I was only being dishonest to myself this is my recovery and my focus has to be on me and not what everyone else thinks. I truely believe that i never have to take another drink and i am worried that i will. for me to stay sober i have to go to meetings and talk to my sponsor, I have to see my counselor and keep it honest. most of all i have to pray. there is no other way. but yet i still worry that i will take another drink. cunning baffling and powerful. I keep coming back this time i want to stay!
Maya Angelou
After 3 relaspe i wasn"t sure if i could come back. Self pitty had taken over. I had lost site of my recovery. I found mysef more worried about what the the people that was supporting me would think. It wasn't until i got into recovery that i really found out the meaning of caring for someone. I never really allowed anyone into my heart i was so busy numbing that i never really felt what it was like to have someone love me just the way i am. I am an Alcoholic and addict and my sick mind would tell me that i was not worthy. i could not let anyone know me because i was sick and i didn't want anyone to know because i felt that i was the worse person in the world. I have two months clean now and I pray that i will continue to grow in my recovery. I have the tools i know my triggers, i have a sponsor, my problem is using what i know to stay sober, picking up the phone staying out of slippery places, making no excuses. I feel like i hurt everyone that is a part of my recovery so much when i relasped and it caused me to be dishonest. I was only being dishonest to myself this is my recovery and my focus has to be on me and not what everyone else thinks. I truely believe that i never have to take another drink and i am worried that i will. for me to stay sober i have to go to meetings and talk to my sponsor, I have to see my counselor and keep it honest. most of all i have to pray. there is no other way. but yet i still worry that i will take another drink. cunning baffling and powerful. I keep coming back this time i want to stay!
Miss Behavin'
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: regina,saskatchewan
Posts: 966
(((luckfosho)))
Sounds to me like you are doing all the right things!!
Congrats on your clean time!!
What others think of me is none of my business!!
I do believe that fear of taking a drink is a healthy fear...that fear today keeps me going to meetings.
I guess when i lose that fear, even for a split second, then i'm in trouble!!!
Glad you're here, keep coming back!!!
\\// Wendy
Sounds to me like you are doing all the right things!!
Congrats on your clean time!!
What others think of me is none of my business!!
I do believe that fear of taking a drink is a healthy fear...that fear today keeps me going to meetings.
I guess when i lose that fear, even for a split second, then i'm in trouble!!!
Glad you're here, keep coming back!!!
\\// Wendy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Originally Posted by luckyfosho
It wasn't until i got into recovery that i really found out the meaning of caring for someone. I never really allowed anyone into my heart i was so busy numbing that i never really felt what it was like to have someone love me just the way i am. I am an Alcoholic and addict and my sick mind would tell me that i was not worthy. i could not let anyone know me because i was sick and i didn't want anyone to know because i felt that i was the worse person in the world.
hugs,
phinny
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I was in and out of AA for years. Took me countless tries and 5 years to earn a 1 year medallion! 
Simewhere alomg the way my fear fled. Step work was the key I think.
Congrats on your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Charleston S.C.
Posts: 1,461
I also was in and out for years, admit it Don, OK! 20 years. I 'm not sure why, I kept trying, when in most cases I gave up hopes and dreams quick. I have all kinds of chips from AA. I was going to give them to a group but, instead have them in a zip lock in the open to remind me of the struggle. This sounds crazy but, all of a sudden something somebody told me 10 years ago makes sense or a sloggan all of a sudden I understand. My doctor at the VA asked me what has made the difference this time.
I didn't know, I told him, this time. Heck, many of the things I'm doing now I did before.
I guess it boils down to I just didn't want to stop before. And saying I wanted to was saying what others wanted to hear. Don W
I didn't know, I told him, this time. Heck, many of the things I'm doing now I did before.
I guess it boils down to I just didn't want to stop before. And saying I wanted to was saying what others wanted to hear. Don W
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