I just can't quit for good
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Hell
Posts: 10
I just can't quit for good
This Goddam booze really pisses me off. I got rippin drunk last night again. At least I didn't sleep with some strange woman. I was driving around all blacked out with a burned out headlight and no license. F'n nice. My dad saw me and followed me to the bar and drove me home. He got my car today and told me I had to put the car in my own name. I don't blame him but it was the first time I "slipped up" and drove since my second dwi 8 months ago. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
The thing that really sucks is even though i don't drink very often, I get so drunk when I drink. I'll be just fine and having the most fun of my life and then all the sudden the next thing I know, I'm waking up the next day with a terrible hangover and wonder how disgustingly weird I might have been at the bar. My dad told me today that our family is full of drinking problems but I'm the worst. That's just F'n great. It is so unfair that I have this "curse" I did nothing to deserve it. It has really destroyed my personality and I feel so alienated from the world. At least other people can't tell for the most part.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
I'm at my wit’s end with whole thing. I've really been trying to stay away from it but I get so lonely I just need some social interaction with people. In my neck of the woods the only socializing is at the bars, and there are many around here. I've tried a few aa meetings but although I'm 35, the people at those meeting are all older. I don't feel comfortable there anyways. I've tried psychologists and I've been on one med or another for years. When I'm sober I still have bouts of stress, loneliness, and hopelessness and the only release seems to be getting a buzz on. I've tried God too. What an embarrassing disaster that was. I am NOT compatible with organized religion, especially Christianity. <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
I really need to make some more friends but it's awful hard without a drivers license. Now that I can't afford insurance in my name I'm really screwed even when I get my dl in two months. The only friend I needed was my wife, now that she's out of the picture I'm soooo lonely I could die. I spent this entire winter in my house in the woods by myself. My best friend is a daily drinker right now so I can't hang with him. I feel like my life is imploding and the end is near. I laid on my couch with a hangover all day and thought about ways to kill myself. Pretty pathetic huh? You want to know what is even worse? I'm a psychology major and an honor student! I guess I haven't learned a F'n thing. Or worse, it's all b.s. and I wasted these last few years in school. <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
I need to get busy living or get busy dying. The only problem is that it seems I have been at this crossroads so many times before and I'm more and more leaning toward the latter. I just don't know if I have the strength to try again especially since I'm not convinced anything will work for me. <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
The thing that really sucks is even though i don't drink very often, I get so drunk when I drink. I'll be just fine and having the most fun of my life and then all the sudden the next thing I know, I'm waking up the next day with a terrible hangover and wonder how disgustingly weird I might have been at the bar. My dad told me today that our family is full of drinking problems but I'm the worst. That's just F'n great. It is so unfair that I have this "curse" I did nothing to deserve it. It has really destroyed my personality and I feel so alienated from the world. At least other people can't tell for the most part.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
I'm at my wit’s end with whole thing. I've really been trying to stay away from it but I get so lonely I just need some social interaction with people. In my neck of the woods the only socializing is at the bars, and there are many around here. I've tried a few aa meetings but although I'm 35, the people at those meeting are all older. I don't feel comfortable there anyways. I've tried psychologists and I've been on one med or another for years. When I'm sober I still have bouts of stress, loneliness, and hopelessness and the only release seems to be getting a buzz on. I've tried God too. What an embarrassing disaster that was. I am NOT compatible with organized religion, especially Christianity. <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
I really need to make some more friends but it's awful hard without a drivers license. Now that I can't afford insurance in my name I'm really screwed even when I get my dl in two months. The only friend I needed was my wife, now that she's out of the picture I'm soooo lonely I could die. I spent this entire winter in my house in the woods by myself. My best friend is a daily drinker right now so I can't hang with him. I feel like my life is imploding and the end is near. I laid on my couch with a hangover all day and thought about ways to kill myself. Pretty pathetic huh? You want to know what is even worse? I'm a psychology major and an honor student! I guess I haven't learned a F'n thing. Or worse, it's all b.s. and I wasted these last few years in school. <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
I need to get busy living or get busy dying. The only problem is that it seems I have been at this crossroads so many times before and I'm more and more leaning toward the latter. I just don't know if I have the strength to try again especially since I'm not convinced anything will work for me. <o:p></o:p>
Old and in the Way
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
Welcome Peplepew. Sorry you're in so much pain right now, but glad you found this place. People smarter than me will be along shortly, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone on here.
I've been there my friend. It gets better. If you're serious, I hope you'll read the link below.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=44510
There's a lot of support here. Hope you'll stick around.
Joe
I need to get busy living or get busy dying. The only problem is that it seems I have been at this crossroads so many times before and I'm more and more leaning toward the latter.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=44510
There's a lot of support here. Hope you'll stick around.
Joe
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi amd Welcome! 
Glad to see you here at SR..AA is what I use to keep sober but there are other recovery programs. Have you tried any?
SMART is an interesting method IMO.
Keep in touch...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: chelsea michigan
Posts: 5
hey pep , im 33 and I am alot like your self at least you get your license back in 2 months i went without one for a year and it sucked cause i had noone around . if you want to talk email me at von6677******.com , dude your story sounds so much like mine .
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Welcome to SR peplepew. The people here all know where you are coming from.
First, don't kid yourself, other people can tell. They may not say anything to you, but they can tell. I also come from a family with a history of drinking problems and you are right, it's not fair. So? There are a great many things in this world that are not "fair". Most of them I cannot do anything to change but the fact that my life goes to hell when I use drugs (and alcohol is a drug) is not one them. I do not have to put the drugs in my body. I can take responsibility for my own life and my own recovery. I can adjust my expectations and my attitude concerning what constitues a successful, happy life. I can look outside myself to find answers to my problems without expecting a magic solution that requires no work or change on my part.
So that is exactly what I do. I do it through A.A. and N.A., I do it through reading books that have everything to do with recovery and nothing to do with recovery. I do it with a conscious effort that becomes more a part of my personality every day. I do it by starting each morning by saying "(insert word of choice) grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I do it by ending each day sober and believing in my heart that "every clean day is a successful day, no matter what else happens." And most of all, I do it by not looking for reasons not to do it.
A few as in "two or three"? I'm not saying that A.A./N.A. is the only way to get sober, or that it is a requirement for a happy, joyous and free existance for all recovering alcoholics, but a few meetings hardly counts as "trying". I felt totally out of place when I started too. I just didn't fit in with all those happy recovering addicts and alcoholics. They were not like me. They didn't have my problems, they didn't need to use like I did. They were poorer than me or they were richer than me, they were less educated than me or they were more educated than me, they were older than me or they were younger than me.
But in reality, they were all people "who had to have something different and thought they had found it in drugs." Just like me.
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Tony
Originally Posted by peplepew
My dad told me today that our family is full of drinking problems but I'm the worst. That's just F'n great. It is so unfair that I have this "curse" I did nothing to deserve it. It has really destroyed my personality and I feel so alienated from the world. At least other people can't tell for the most part.
So that is exactly what I do. I do it through A.A. and N.A., I do it through reading books that have everything to do with recovery and nothing to do with recovery. I do it with a conscious effort that becomes more a part of my personality every day. I do it by starting each morning by saying "(insert word of choice) grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I do it by ending each day sober and believing in my heart that "every clean day is a successful day, no matter what else happens." And most of all, I do it by not looking for reasons not to do it.
Originally Posted by peplepew
I've tried a few aa meetings but although I'm 35, the people at those meeting are all older. I don't feel comfortable there anyways.
But in reality, they were all people "who had to have something different and thought they had found it in drugs." Just like me.
Persecution you must bear
Win or lose you've got to get your share
Got your mind set on a dream
You can get it, though harder them seem now
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
But you must try, try and try
Try and try, you'll succeed at last
I know it, listen
Rome was not built in a day
Opposition will come your way
But the hotter the battle you see
It's the sweeter the victory, now
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
But you must try, try and try
Try and try, you'll succeed at last
"You Can Get It If You Really Want" - Jimmy Cliff
I wish all the best for you as you start this weird, different, hard, joyous, bizarre, awesome, and so freakin worthwhile journey called recovery.Win or lose you've got to get your share
Got your mind set on a dream
You can get it, though harder them seem now
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
But you must try, try and try
Try and try, you'll succeed at last
I know it, listen
Rome was not built in a day
Opposition will come your way
But the hotter the battle you see
It's the sweeter the victory, now
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
But you must try, try and try
Try and try, you'll succeed at last
"You Can Get It If You Really Want" - Jimmy Cliff
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Tony
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by peplepew
I need to get busy living or get busy dying. The only problem is that it seems I have been at this crossroads so many times before and I'm more and more leaning toward the latter. I just don't know if I have the strength to try again especially since I'm not convinced anything will work for me.
Let's see now. What will work for you? Not Christanity, that's for sure, and probably not any orgainized religion. AA's got too many old farts in it so that won't work either. Let me ask you a question here. How's your way working?? If you keep cutting of your nose to spite your face, you're going to run out of options. There won't be any place for you to hide. Matter of fact, in order to make things move along a lot faster, why don't you just get blasted every night. Two things could happen. You may just die faster, or the old farts in AA might start looking a little better. Who knows?? You might even check out God.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Hell
Posts: 10
Thanks for your warm welcomes and advice. I didn't think of mentioning it before but I used to come on this board and talk but I haven't been on in about a year. I couldn't remember my old log in info so I had to create a new account. I guess I'll take the welcomes as a welcome back.
It’s the thought of having to manage this problem for the rest of my life that makes me so mad. It's obviously a biological problem cause I don't see other "normal" drinkers swing from mildly intoxicated to completely obliviated and blacked out in 10 minutes like I do.
Now I get to deal with the alienation by my father. It really hurts that he sends signals that he is ashamed of me. I guess he sees it as a personality defect. Instead of trying to help me he just walks away like he doesn't want anything to do with me. What an *******. I often think of picking up and moving far away and starting over but I don't know if that would help at all. My dad has never been interested much in my life to begin with, it seems he only shows up to tell me how bad I screwed up or when I'm in really deep ****. Not once has he ever expressed interest or offered positive encouragement in my academics or any other aspect for that matter, not even one "atta boy" for my stellar achievements. Maybe he'll read this some day and get a clue. Sorry this is a personal problem, I just wanted to vent.
I looked at the "smart" program. I guess it's as good of a place as any to start. when I do get my full driving privileges back i think I'll attend some aa meetings for companionship if anything.
I guess I'm really ashamed of it all when I really think about it. I try to see it as something I never asked for and couldn't avoid but when other people find out they treat me differently. I hate that. I want to punch them when they do. I have never done it but just once I would like to pound some judgmental jerk to unconsciousness.
Maybe if society wasn't so full of negative connotations about alcoholism more people would be willing to accept it when they have it and get help.
My therapist told me I should try an NA meeting. She said there would be more people my age to find a common ground with. Maybe it would be a good way for me to get my feet wet. The only problem is that I don't want to run into that woman who gave me my alcohol evaluation. She attends and I think even holds some of the meetings, she is an ex-meth user. I lied my ass of when I got interviewed by her and my family and even my ex-wife lied for me. I guess I had to since I didn't have money for treatment. That and from what I have seen treatment is nothing but a miserable failure and possibly a damaging element to recovery. Maybe I'm totally off here but it seems that it is just the paid version of AA, that's what everybody I talked to who went through it said.
I think I am really disappointed in myself for forgetting how much trouble boozing has been for me. Can anybody explain this phenomenon? I think this time around I just wanted to go hang out with my best friend. I have been isolated for almost a year from my driving revocation and I'm just about to go nuts. It must be bad because I was willing to risk going to jail and ruing my life to the point of no coming back. I think I was really hoping to meet a girl. That's exactly how I ended up getting my last dwi.
I hadn't been out for months since my divorce and went to a street dance with my best friend and his girlfriend. I stayed til the end of the night just hoping maybe I would run into a nice woman. How pathetic is that? Boy did that suck. I don't get away with hardly anything.
This whole situation is so unbelievable and unjust. My life really sucks and I lack motivation to do anything about it anymore. Does that make me a quitter? Maybe I'm just too negative and my personality sucks. I can't seem to cope with too many disappointments. I used to but not anymore. I look at the world around me and the only good I see is rare displays of love and kindness and it is too infrequent out there and non-existent in my life. Even when I do see it I am skeptical because I have seen so much of it be disingenuous and conditional. maybe that makes me a disturbed person. Maybe i should just lie to myself and pretend everything is just fine and make b.s. excuses for things that aren't. Pile on the anti-depressants and proceed.
Sorry if I'm getting too philosophical, but these issues seem to be the triggers to my even contemplating drinking. I guess I will never be able to fix the world around me, just my perspective maybe.
Dammit I'm an alcoholic and it really sucks. And I'm not sure what to do about it anymore. What really sucks is that women run for the hills when they find out. I'm going to be a lonely old hermit who lives in the woods by himself and dies alone with no children. If I died right now nobody would know for weeks, maybe months. Good thing I don't have a dog that needed to be let out and fed. Oh there's another thing. My canine companion got run over on the highway in front of my house last fall. My pooch was suffering separation anxiety from me being in jail and tried to follow me on my bike when I was riding to get picked up for my community service. My bad luck never seems to end. I don't feel sorry for myself, just tired of it all.
It’s the thought of having to manage this problem for the rest of my life that makes me so mad. It's obviously a biological problem cause I don't see other "normal" drinkers swing from mildly intoxicated to completely obliviated and blacked out in 10 minutes like I do.
Now I get to deal with the alienation by my father. It really hurts that he sends signals that he is ashamed of me. I guess he sees it as a personality defect. Instead of trying to help me he just walks away like he doesn't want anything to do with me. What an *******. I often think of picking up and moving far away and starting over but I don't know if that would help at all. My dad has never been interested much in my life to begin with, it seems he only shows up to tell me how bad I screwed up or when I'm in really deep ****. Not once has he ever expressed interest or offered positive encouragement in my academics or any other aspect for that matter, not even one "atta boy" for my stellar achievements. Maybe he'll read this some day and get a clue. Sorry this is a personal problem, I just wanted to vent.
I looked at the "smart" program. I guess it's as good of a place as any to start. when I do get my full driving privileges back i think I'll attend some aa meetings for companionship if anything.
I guess I'm really ashamed of it all when I really think about it. I try to see it as something I never asked for and couldn't avoid but when other people find out they treat me differently. I hate that. I want to punch them when they do. I have never done it but just once I would like to pound some judgmental jerk to unconsciousness.
Maybe if society wasn't so full of negative connotations about alcoholism more people would be willing to accept it when they have it and get help.
My therapist told me I should try an NA meeting. She said there would be more people my age to find a common ground with. Maybe it would be a good way for me to get my feet wet. The only problem is that I don't want to run into that woman who gave me my alcohol evaluation. She attends and I think even holds some of the meetings, she is an ex-meth user. I lied my ass of when I got interviewed by her and my family and even my ex-wife lied for me. I guess I had to since I didn't have money for treatment. That and from what I have seen treatment is nothing but a miserable failure and possibly a damaging element to recovery. Maybe I'm totally off here but it seems that it is just the paid version of AA, that's what everybody I talked to who went through it said.
I think I am really disappointed in myself for forgetting how much trouble boozing has been for me. Can anybody explain this phenomenon? I think this time around I just wanted to go hang out with my best friend. I have been isolated for almost a year from my driving revocation and I'm just about to go nuts. It must be bad because I was willing to risk going to jail and ruing my life to the point of no coming back. I think I was really hoping to meet a girl. That's exactly how I ended up getting my last dwi.
I hadn't been out for months since my divorce and went to a street dance with my best friend and his girlfriend. I stayed til the end of the night just hoping maybe I would run into a nice woman. How pathetic is that? Boy did that suck. I don't get away with hardly anything.
This whole situation is so unbelievable and unjust. My life really sucks and I lack motivation to do anything about it anymore. Does that make me a quitter? Maybe I'm just too negative and my personality sucks. I can't seem to cope with too many disappointments. I used to but not anymore. I look at the world around me and the only good I see is rare displays of love and kindness and it is too infrequent out there and non-existent in my life. Even when I do see it I am skeptical because I have seen so much of it be disingenuous and conditional. maybe that makes me a disturbed person. Maybe i should just lie to myself and pretend everything is just fine and make b.s. excuses for things that aren't. Pile on the anti-depressants and proceed.
Sorry if I'm getting too philosophical, but these issues seem to be the triggers to my even contemplating drinking. I guess I will never be able to fix the world around me, just my perspective maybe.
Dammit I'm an alcoholic and it really sucks. And I'm not sure what to do about it anymore. What really sucks is that women run for the hills when they find out. I'm going to be a lonely old hermit who lives in the woods by himself and dies alone with no children. If I died right now nobody would know for weeks, maybe months. Good thing I don't have a dog that needed to be let out and fed. Oh there's another thing. My canine companion got run over on the highway in front of my house last fall. My pooch was suffering separation anxiety from me being in jail and tried to follow me on my bike when I was riding to get picked up for my community service. My bad luck never seems to end. I don't feel sorry for myself, just tired of it all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London
Posts: 448
Hi Peplepew
I think that there is plenty of help available to stop drinking, but it is not perfect, neither can it do it for you.
With respect, you are full of excuses and misunderstandings. If you believe you 'can't stop drinking then that is the reality you will create. If you think not having a girlfriend or an imperfect father is a reason to drink, then you're deluding yourself. If you think you will never have a girlfriend then you are fortune telling the future and you don't really know that. If you think you have been especially selected to be cursed with some unfair illness that you can't do anything about, then your wrong about that too. Fact is, taking a drink is your reaction to life and you can do something about it, but I suspect your waiting for someone to do it for you. They're not coming, but they are waiting for you. Sobriety is led by you. Take responsibility because no one else is going to.
I used to get taken to accident & emergency in various drunken states and I remember wailing one day 'you don't know what it's like to be an alcoholic'. So I have done my share of avoiding responsibilty.
I think that there is plenty of help available to stop drinking, but it is not perfect, neither can it do it for you.
With respect, you are full of excuses and misunderstandings. If you believe you 'can't stop drinking then that is the reality you will create. If you think not having a girlfriend or an imperfect father is a reason to drink, then you're deluding yourself. If you think you will never have a girlfriend then you are fortune telling the future and you don't really know that. If you think you have been especially selected to be cursed with some unfair illness that you can't do anything about, then your wrong about that too. Fact is, taking a drink is your reaction to life and you can do something about it, but I suspect your waiting for someone to do it for you. They're not coming, but they are waiting for you. Sobriety is led by you. Take responsibility because no one else is going to.
I used to get taken to accident & emergency in various drunken states and I remember wailing one day 'you don't know what it's like to be an alcoholic'. So I have done my share of avoiding responsibilty.
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Originally Posted by Music
NEWS FLASH.....You are busy dying!! What you're going through is exactly how booze kills, but you haven't seen the worst yet!
Let's see now. What will work for you? Not Christanity, that's for sure, and probably not any orgainized religion. AA's got too many old farts in it so that won't work either. Let me ask you a question here. How's your way working?? If you keep cutting of your nose to spite your face, you're going to run out of options. There won't be any place for you to hide. Matter of fact, in order to make things move along a lot faster, why don't you just get blasted every night. Two things could happen. You may just die faster, or the old farts in AA might start looking a little better. Who knows?? You might even check out God.
Let's see now. What will work for you? Not Christanity, that's for sure, and probably not any orgainized religion. AA's got too many old farts in it so that won't work either. Let me ask you a question here. How's your way working?? If you keep cutting of your nose to spite your face, you're going to run out of options. There won't be any place for you to hide. Matter of fact, in order to make things move along a lot faster, why don't you just get blasted every night. Two things could happen. You may just die faster, or the old farts in AA might start looking a little better. Who knows?? You might even check out God.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Originally Posted by Peplepew
The only problem is that I don't want to run into that woman who gave me my alcohol evaluation. She attends and I think even holds some of the meetings, she is an ex-meth user. I lied my ass of when I got interviewed by her and my family and even my ex-wife lied for me.
By the way, I did the exact same thing at my alcohol evaluation. I flat out lied about my condition. My whole goal was not to get clean, my goal was to get my certificate of sobriety so I could go back to using. Thank goodness they took me in anyway, even though I wasn't even an alcoholic.
If all you've heard is that treatment is just a paid version of A.A. and doesn't work anyways, let me be one person to say different. Treatment worked for me at first exactly because it wasn't a paid version of A.A./N.A.. See, I knew everything there was to know about A.A. and N.A. (although I hadn't even been to one meeting) and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that they were not for me.One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless,
Tony
Michael
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: London England
Posts: 291
Hello and welcome to the site,
I've read your posts and it seems to me that you have all the reasons in the world to live a sober life. So what's stopping you?
I'll tell you what it is...it's you. You are addicted to booze and you will not let it go. You have given a comprehensive list of reasons why you should quit but you don't. You don't quit because you will never find the right time or the right reason, you would rather wallow in your own misery and wake up without a clue as to what has happened to you. Well wallow away because only one person can help you, it ain't your dad, it ain't me or anyone else in the world. It's you and you alone. You call the shots. Call the right shot and life will only get better. Stay as you are and life will get worse and worse, what you are experiencing now will seem like a cakewalk.
As I say....your call.
Michael
I've read your posts and it seems to me that you have all the reasons in the world to live a sober life. So what's stopping you?
I'll tell you what it is...it's you. You are addicted to booze and you will not let it go. You have given a comprehensive list of reasons why you should quit but you don't. You don't quit because you will never find the right time or the right reason, you would rather wallow in your own misery and wake up without a clue as to what has happened to you. Well wallow away because only one person can help you, it ain't your dad, it ain't me or anyone else in the world. It's you and you alone. You call the shots. Call the right shot and life will only get better. Stay as you are and life will get worse and worse, what you are experiencing now will seem like a cakewalk.
As I say....your call.
Michael
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by peplepew
Dammit I'm an alcoholic and it really sucks. And I'm not sure what to do about it anymore. I don't feel sorry for myself, just tired of it all.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Pep and welcome!
You will find a great deal of support and as you can see we don't sugarcoat it for you. We understand and sympathise but we've all been there in some aspect of what your going through. It's all a matter of how bad you want it and what your willing to go through to achieve it, as mentioned, hows your way working for you? Stick around, you'll hopefully read something that sicks and solidfies your resolve to do whatever it takes.
You will find a great deal of support and as you can see we don't sugarcoat it for you. We understand and sympathise but we've all been there in some aspect of what your going through. It's all a matter of how bad you want it and what your willing to go through to achieve it, as mentioned, hows your way working for you? Stick around, you'll hopefully read something that sicks and solidfies your resolve to do whatever it takes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: QVB NYC NY
Posts: 620
i went through similar things pep, many tried to saver me but couldn't. f-god, f-AA, f-everyone...... they couldn't possibly understand!
then i learned the hard way that i wasn't ready yet, i knew my life was a mess but i just wasn't ready to stop the one thing that was making it messy! untill of course i had beaten myself down even more.
look at the bright side pep, you know there is help and you know where it is! you also realise there is no need to suffer anymore or any longer!
you also know psychology won't help, and you know that first hand!
hmmmmm, what will help?
try not drinking! yeah it will suck, and you'll be miserable, till you get into the swing of sobriety, but where the hell are you now? oh yeah, you're visiting hell, i forgot!
you can try many different ways to not drink, AA isn't for everyone, but it works for me and i'd suggest you stick in with the old timers you spoke of, just hang out a bit with an OPEN mind, see if there's anything in common with what they share and what you feel
or.........
you can keep on drinking till think you know how deep your bottom is! mine was six feet, when i got close enough to taste it i came running to sobriety with an open heart!
then i learned the hard way that i wasn't ready yet, i knew my life was a mess but i just wasn't ready to stop the one thing that was making it messy! untill of course i had beaten myself down even more.
look at the bright side pep, you know there is help and you know where it is! you also realise there is no need to suffer anymore or any longer!
you also know psychology won't help, and you know that first hand!
hmmmmm, what will help?
try not drinking! yeah it will suck, and you'll be miserable, till you get into the swing of sobriety, but where the hell are you now? oh yeah, you're visiting hell, i forgot!
you can try many different ways to not drink, AA isn't for everyone, but it works for me and i'd suggest you stick in with the old timers you spoke of, just hang out a bit with an OPEN mind, see if there's anything in common with what they share and what you feel
or.........
you can keep on drinking till think you know how deep your bottom is! mine was six feet, when i got close enough to taste it i came running to sobriety with an open heart!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Hell
Posts: 10
I'm certainly not feeling sorry for myself, that is not what I'm feeling. I'm mad. Mad mad mad. I've been breaking things and throwing dishes at walls for two days now. I'm glad I havent hit a window or a tv yet.
I'm not blaming my dad either. I just wish he would actually care cuz I don't have anybody. Yes he is an alcoholic too. I suppose he just doesn't want to have anything to do with my problem because he might have to face his own.
All I'm saying is that i don't have confidence in any methods for sobriety right now and that is NOT an excuse.
I guess I don't believe psychology is a load of crap, I just think as it is applied by my provider it ends up being ineffective for some people. For Christ's sake they heard people through like cattle and just pump them full of drugs. Nobody has even spent the time to actually find out what my correct diagnosis is. The only person I have confidence in is my new doc and all I get is 10 min with him and out the door I go. And half that time is spent talking about scuba diving.
I'm so frustrated right now I think I need some really loud Guns and Roses. AAAAAGGGHH!
I'm not blaming my dad either. I just wish he would actually care cuz I don't have anybody. Yes he is an alcoholic too. I suppose he just doesn't want to have anything to do with my problem because he might have to face his own.
All I'm saying is that i don't have confidence in any methods for sobriety right now and that is NOT an excuse.
I guess I don't believe psychology is a load of crap, I just think as it is applied by my provider it ends up being ineffective for some people. For Christ's sake they heard people through like cattle and just pump them full of drugs. Nobody has even spent the time to actually find out what my correct diagnosis is. The only person I have confidence in is my new doc and all I get is 10 min with him and out the door I go. And half that time is spent talking about scuba diving.
I'm so frustrated right now I think I need some really loud Guns and Roses. AAAAAGGGHH!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: QVB NYC NY
Posts: 620
not trying to tweak your emotions pew, but as a psychology major you should see the link between the rage you're going through and self pity?
it's a tough batlle putting down the drink, and even tougher keeping it down for those with above average IQ, as a somewhat intellectual i know this all to well, do you have a big book? if so read how it works.
it's a tough batlle putting down the drink, and even tougher keeping it down for those with above average IQ, as a somewhat intellectual i know this all to well, do you have a big book? if so read how it works.
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Look at your disease as a blessing. I know that sounds ludicrous, but delve into the Big Book and it will begin to make sense. Then you will begin to understand the meaning of blessing. However, it takes time and a lot
work to finally reach that understanding. You can work through all your anger. It's good to let it out.
work to finally reach that understanding. You can work through all your anger. It's good to let it out.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
