Frustrated
 

I haven't posted in a long long time, but now I feel the need to. I've been sober for 9 months on the dot May 1st of this month. I drank daily and extremely heavily for 5 years. At first the euphoria of sobriety was almost too good to be true. The first six months went by relatively smoothly (of course I still want to drink all the time, my problems would only start if I had that first drink though). As of late, I'm angry. Angry at absolutely nothing. Pissed off at the world 90% of the time. The only thing I can do to escape it is to drink. That's all I new for 5 years, and those 5 years were suppost to be the hardest of my life, though I was numb I didn't feel anything. I'm also on 30 mg of Paxil, which helps some, but no pill is ever the solution. Why am I so angry, lost, and frustrated? Just completley aggrevated at nothing at all. I just think back of when I felt like that, I would escape in a bottle, downing anywhere from a 750ml to a 1L of vodka or whiskey in a day. Everytime I want to reach for the bottle I just think of the awful withdrawals I went through, the ER visit, and the detox. But too often the constant broken record playing in my head NEVER stops. I feel like I'm barely holding onto sobriety..........

Hi Ared,

Congratulations on your 9 months. I guess I would ask you what have you been doing besides not drinking for those 9 months? When I stopped drinking I had to take a long, hard look at myself. I had to accept that I was not the person I had 'pretended' to be. I had lied and had put on a face to the world that I thought everybody wanted to see. So, I had to dig deep and figure out who I really was. And, I needed to figure out ways to deal with my emotions other than drinking.

I'm also taking antidepressants and I agree that a pill alone is not the answer, but the right antidepressant, the right dosage, can make a huge difference.

SR has helped me a lot too. There is a lot of wisdom to be found here.

Anna

Hi there frustrated. I believe that there is only one link between your sobriety and this anger and anxiety that you are speaking of. That is that if you sacrifice your sobriety, you will likely increase the anger and anxiety.

It may be helpful to view these emotions and the time of abstinence that you have separately. The two need not be related and can be dealt with more effectively separately. Here are some helpful tips for dealing with anger:



Tips for the Management of Anger
1) Always try to say I made MYSELF angry.
2) Give up the idea that anger must be expressed.
3) Know what to overlook.
4) Recognize that people aren't against you, they are merely for themselves
5) Lower your voice.
6) Recognize the hurt or fear that precedes anger.
7) Recognize that another person's abusive behavior says more about them and their emotional pain than it says about you.
8) Ask yourself if your feelings of anger are helping your problem solving skills.
9) Avoid scorekeeping.
10) Learn not to hit the sore spots.
11) Ask yourself how important the issue will be in a week.
12) Avoid mind reading.
13) Learn to agree to disagree.
14) Kill them with kindness.
15) Work on anger coping self-statements for "comprehensive emotional rustproofing."


anger

Hi Ared,
 

Are you seeing a therapist?

Are you attebnding AA and starting Step work?

Are you praying for peace and serenity?


:wink3: Way to go on your sober time!

Hi Ared,

I am by no means an expert, but your post brought to mind a link that someone else posted in another thread. (Sorry I can't remember who, I had bookmarked it.) Specifically the length of sobriety time you mentioned.

Excerpt -- "The term 'flare up periods' or 'flare ups' refer to definite time periods during which the recovering alcoholic/addict experiences an increased amount of tension and anxiety. ..."

http://butt-trusted.org/flare-up.html

Maybe it might help?

Hello Ared83,
Can relate! came mighty close to losing my grip on sobriety's hold, a time or 2 myself,
especially when wondering how, i could be mad at the whole world, and not give a s*** about it at the same.
My life saving solution,,Praying in overtime & some deeeep breathing.

Hi Ared, Welcome back to SR. I am getting close to 2 years but, I can remember between 9 months and 1 year going through the same anger. I can tell you it will pass. My feeling is that you get to the point where alcohol is really losing it's hold on you. Your body can hold alcohol up to 1 year depending on how much and long. The part that is affected most is your brain. Your brain has fatty cells the enable to hold chemicals for a long time. Sometimes I even felt the anger because I knew my drinking days were really coming to an end. Many people have told me that approaching 1 year is a very difficult time. This is why it is suggested to be careful about decisions in the first year. Just hang in there and find something to channel your thoughts towards positives. Don W

When I stopped drinking, I was told to replace it with something. My choice of a replacement was AA. I went to a lot of meetings with people just like me where I was able to talk about how I felt. I got a sponsor right away and followed directions. I started getting into the Big Book and doing some reading/studying. Between the family, work, and AA, I didn't have a whole lot of time to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I think it's a valid point to say that if I stop drinking, I'd better find something to take up the time and energy I devoted to drinking, otherwise all I've done is stop drinking. Not drinking is important in sobering up, however that's not all there is to it.

I second that.

Also, why go it alone - get help: pshciatric, creative, self help, etc. And, of course AA - which is designed, word for word, person by person, to deal with your problem. Drinking is a very personnel experience and so is your sobriety - but you can find a place where you feel united with people. You are me and I am you. We are different but we can share and feel connected.

If you want help, this is my help to you: go to AA, listen, relax, and start to enjoy life. AA is for you people like you and me. It is its primary purpose to help us.

If you dont fancy AA then heed Musics advice and try and fill the vacum with something constructive. A doctor maybe may help.

Ones things for certain that the hardest things an alcaholic can do is stop drinking on his own. Dont be terrified by that fact, just accept it, and move on. Good luck.

I had back problems the first 2 years of sobriety. I was trying to get the law and family off my back. I suffered for 2 years. You didn't mention if, you're going to meetings. We snuff our emotions for a period of time and when, we no longer do, it's like we open the flood gates.

What type of life style are leading now? Do you exercise, meetings, eat right, get good nights rest. How about prayer? Do you pray? My life got a lot better when, I started turning my day over to God as I understood him.

9 months..
 

HI Ared.. First off - congratulations on 9 months.. (one day at a time)..

Each day is a miracle.. Yet, I hope you realize that 9 months is still very young in sobriety.. What your going thru is not unusual.. Many of us seem to get past that very first hump and float along for a few months feeling pretty ok.. Then problems arise.. Well, thats life.. (smile)..

I had a terrible time with anger.. Both before getting sober and for quite some time after getting sober.. I could not even sit in a meeting where the topic was anger for a long time.. I actually found that looking for the reason for the anger was the answer for me.. When we are angry its due to some other feeling we don't want to look at.. Maybe I was hurt by someone. Maybe rejected, and the list goes on.. My choice was to be angry rather than face "FEELINGS"...
I can only share what worked for me and countless others.. I got to AA meetings.. I got the Big Book (alcoholics anonymous).. I read it from the beginning thru Chapter 1.. At that point I realized I definately fit. I was an alcoholic.. Chapter 2 is titled "There Is A Solution".. I wanted to know the solution - so started reading again..

I became willing to go to any lengths. I started taking the suggestions from those who had what I wanted.. They told me I had to do what they did. Go to meetings, read the book, get a sponsor and start working the steps..

You may be doing all of these things.. If so, good.. if you keep doing all these things - this too shall pass..

Linda C...
" Nothing changes if nothing changes"

i do what music, millwall, captain and linda do....

mackat