Well, I'm off to AA this morning
 

Hi all--

In remembering the first time I stopped drinking in 1987, I remember that I started going to meetings even before I took my last drink. Geez, there are just too many regrets piling ever higher.

It is no small feat to get to meetings where I live, and it seems like the schedules are almost taunting me, they are so incompatible with the times I'm available. But no matter...I'm tired of saying sorry to people, tired of feeling sorry inside, tired of feeling so ashamed.

I recently came back here and stated that "failure is not an option." I also have read here the very true statement that "nothing changes unless something changes." So I'm going to my son's school to watch a dance performance, then hitting the road to a 10 AM meeting.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, right? And for crissakes, it sure has hit home that I am totally, utterly, and entirely powerless over alcohol at this point.

Please pray for me, everyone. And now I'm going to stop writing so my crying doesn't get my keyboard all wet.

Hey there, Wild1 -

I feel for you, and you will be in my prayers. Good for you for getting to a meeting! I'm so proud of you! You won't regret going. And you'll have a nice reminder of why life is worth living sober when you watch that dance performance beforehand. You can stop feeling ashamed and regain your integrity... it's definitely a process, and it will go in fits and starts (speaking from experience here!), but if you stick it out, you *will* succeed. We are here for you - to listen, to talk to, to gain advice from.

Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

take care of you, and courage to you,
--anne

Well done for going to AA !!! :) You will be fine :)

Oh wow...
What a day.
(...)

(((Wild 1)))
 

You wrote:

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, right? And for crissakes, it sure has hit home that I am totally, utterly, and entirely powerless over alcohol at this point.

Step 1. Beautiful, I am so grateful to see that you are going to AA and beginning the journey. God bless you and take it one day at a time...

Ken

Wild One,

Great to see your post, even better to see that you are grabbing hold of the problem and setting out to beat it.
Now from my point of view you are not powerless, you have shown by your decision to do something that you are asserting yourself over alcohol. You did that, nobody else. Feel that power and enjoy it!

On a lighter note talking about the longest journey starting with a single step I was reminded of the story about the tourist lost in the west of Ireland. He had been driving around in circles for hours when he spotted a farmer at a gate. The tourist pulled over and asked the farmer the way to Dublin. The farmer thought for a moment and replied "Well if I was going to Dublin I wouldn't start from here"
Getting away from alcohol is a bit like that, the start is the hard part.
Michael

Well I went to a meeting. I will probably look back on this and laugh--heck, I'm laughing about it right now: the meeting was called "Children R Welcome," and boy were they ever! A whole bunch of toddlers, a whole bunch of booboos, and a whole bunch of chaos.

I am just humbled by how difficult it is to stay away from alcohol right now. I still have misgivings about many aspects of AA, but I do have to admit that it did work for me in the past.

The hardest thing for me to remember is to emphasize principles not personalities. I have an uncanny talent for attracting the most neurotic/annoying person in a room, lol, and that certainly happened this morning. Although there was some great, great sharing, a woman came up to me after the meeting, insisted that I call her, and said that "when you call, I do the talking." With all due respect, I really don't need the tough-love approach right now. Of course, that's just like me to focus on the most annoying part!

But anyway, I just got off the phone with another person, and she indicated that local meetings (I had to travel to a nearby city to get to this one) have a wonderful fellowship. So here goes...

I must admit that it was a serious eye-opener to hear this man share about his experience. Like me, he had a lot of years, stopped going to meetings, and went back out. Unlike me, he ended up in a psych ward. And I knew right then and there, that could easily be me in the extremely foreseeable future.

Am I going to stick with AA in spite of its shortcomings in my mind? Yeah, for now I am. Everyone keep praying for me please! Thanks for listening. :)

Well done Wild One,
You have done really well. I can see from you post that you are positive and I am sure you are going to be OK. You can handle those misgivings, give them a good kicking and you will feel great.
Michael

Hey Wild1 -

Was thinking about you this morning... I'm glad you came & told us how the meeting went! AA really does work... I have the same habit, though, of needing to remember the message, "principles not personalities." I'm glad you heard good things. I have never once left a meeting without having heard something I needed to hear. Good for you for going... and keep up the good work.

wishing us both (and everyone else here!) another sober 24,
anne

Toni,

I've got a 16 year old I'd like to bring with me to a meeting:(

I hope, the kids don't cause too much distraction. A friend of mine in AA was bringing his grand son. The little guy didn't make a peep.

LOL

I'd be having too much fun checking out the kids to pay attention to the meeting.

What ever it takes to stop someone from drinking so be it. I like open meetings. It's good to have family involvement. Without support from my family, this would have been so much harder to stay sober


chris

welcome home Toni

I actually went to two meetings yesterday. Quite frankly, the second one largely sucked, but at least I walked away with the simple reminder that "Alcoholism kills." Duh. LOL! But to be very honest, most of the people who shared had 10, 21, 22 years in the program, but they sounded crazier than I am right now! And, to paraphrase one of the slogans, I didn't want what they had. And geez, it seemed a requirement that every person's sharing had to include numerous utterances of f***, f***ing, s**t, and g*****n. It's not like I don't ever say these words, but still. I guess I need to keep shopping around for a meeting that works for me.

On the other hand, I didn't drink yesterday either. And I'm not in a "honeymoon" phase either, flying high only to crash and burn in a few days. Matter of fact, my boys were driving me nuts yesterday afternoon, but I got through it.

I got two books at the morning meeting: "Living Sober" (which I had never seen before; was it available around 1987-1993?...) and the 12 & 12. They were out of Big Books. When I read those books, it made much more sense, and I am trying to hold on to the good stuff I heard and read, rather than remember some of the truly weird stuff said at the 6 PM meeting.

Somehow I missed the fact that there are 9 AM meetings every day in the next city, and usually (although not today) that is a perfect time for me! I guess that maybe these weren't listed on AA's website or something.

Can I get some advice about something I posted yesterday? As I mentioned, one woman who approached me really got in my face with a tough-love, Scared Straight demeanor. I honestly am not interested in calling her and listening to her. Sure, I am interested in learning from others' experience, but I'm not at all interested in dealing with this person. Matter of fact, many years ago, someone came into my life at a crisis point and was all too ready to TELL me what to do, lead me around by my nose, and treat me like a child. My feeling is that this person will not be good for me (although I was in touch with two other people yesterday who were).

So if I see this person at the Tuesday morning meeting again, how do I politely say "thanks, but no thanks"? I got a massive number of phone numbers yesterday--this group maintained a photocopied list of everyone who attends, which I thought was very cool--and I would just as soon listen to this person speak, but otherwise not have any contact with her.

Any comments would be appreciated.

Thanks but no thanks,sounds good...Its honest, straighforward,and kind.

Wow you've really done so well, I can see the effort you make. I know what you mean about the the "swearing meetings" and not wanting what some have. That's okay. I looked and went untill I found a meeting that was more in tune with my needs. As for the in your face type of lady, wouldn't work for me, though sometimes that's the type we exactly need. Go with your instinct. Be honest, just say, thanks, was she suggesting she sponsor you? Those are the type I tend to avoid myself, but I have a great sponsor, I knew she was the one when I saw her. Keep up the good work.

Good for you! Congratulations on your work so far. It's hard in the beginning, but it really sounds like you have decided that you need to be in recovery, and that's great!

As far as the in-you-face lady goes- I remember someone telling me early on to listen to people sharing in meetings and to stick with the people who had something you wanted (in other words, people you were attracted to, not people who promoted themselves to you.....). Sounds like this lady is NOT in the "attracted" category for you. That's OK. She may make a perfect sponsor for someone else but not for you. So a polite "thank you" should be all that's necessary. And try to call those people you are drawn to.

Recovery and sobriety are an "inside job" but it's also really important to ask for help. It's one of those many paradoxes of AA. And the best people to ask for help are those your intuition tells you have something to offer that is in tune with you. If you can keep going to meetings, listen, absorb as much as you can, and stay away from that first drink, things will get better.

Best of luck to you!

P