quercusalba

Hello, all -

I have a question for you... let's see if I can phrase it so that it makes sense. I am doing quite well at the moment... after struggling through some emotional hurricanes last week, I was given a respite over the past five days & I've felt great, on top of the world. I have't had those feelings of lightness and joy for such a long time - I really feel as though it was a gift. At any rate, this morning, the negative thoughts have kicked in again. I knew this was coming, but I'm not entirely sure what to do about it. It's not that I'm craving alcohol.... but the things going through my head, if allowed to run amuck as they've done in the past, can lead me to a point where I will *want* to drink. My mental situation is this: I will have a negative thought in my head for no particular reason - just about any small thing can set me off - and I begin to obsess about it; the negative thoughts multiply and feed upon one another until there's a storm of whirling, hateful negativity in my brain. I have begun trying to practice simply saying, "Stop!" in my head and redirecting my thoughts in a positive, constructive direction... I am having some success with this, but not enough. I know that this downward spiral leads to bad behavior (like picking up a drink) on my part... so... what my question is is this: do any of you have this problem? And if so, how have you handled it? I guess it's a pretty specific issue, so maybe I won't get many answers... but if you have anything to add, even if it's just an idea, please please share.

Thank you in advance.

wish you all well,
anne

bartender129

Hi Anne,
Yes I have dealt with the issue that you are talking about. IMO, the first key to these situations is the recognition of those thoughts. It sounds like you are doing a great job of this. Once recognized, how does one deal with these thoughts that might lead to partaking in a maladaptive behavior? Well I practiced and utilize a technique that takes those thoughts, one by one, and exposes them for the irrational beliefs that they really are. Once exposed as irrational or counterproductive, these thoughts lose some of their edge, and I am less likely to act on them.


Check it out

FriendofBill

Anne,

Obsessive thinking is the nature of the disease of addiction. It is like having a starfish stuck right smack in the middle of your face.

You can see NOTHING, but the starfish, feeling its grip, smell, movement. You can see nothing outside of it, you cant see that you have friends you can call, books to read, prayer, meditation...when the "starfish" of obsession is stuck on your face, it is the only thing that exists.

That is what obessesion is like for me.

I need starfish remover!!!!!!!!!!

How I remove that obsessive thinking is:

1. Get my self to a meeting FAST!
or
2. CAll sponsor or anyone in my fellowship
or
3. Drop the my knees,,,talk to God, ask for help
or
4. Read my literature
or
5. Get my arse out the house, into nature, walking, talking to birds, flowers, whomeever!

The point is: GET OUTSIDE MYSELF IMMEDIATELY!

My obsessive mind is a terrible neighborhood, I cant go in there alone,,need help of God, friend, animals,,,,whatever!

Good luck!:e14k <-------------Obsession

bikewench

Hey Anne...

Yeah... negative thought spirals...

Old conditioning... old ways of relating... old fears..

I agree with Tarbender... recognition of old tapes running in our heads is frontline defense. Acknowledging that all things running through my head aren't valid takes much of the power away from negative thinking.

We have to challenge these old tapes one by one... holding them up to the light of recovery... and hopefully our Higher Power.. ;o).. for validation or rejection.

Cathy31

Hi Anne
I'm so glad thatyou had a good 5 days...sorry that you are not great right now - however! You are being proactive and identifying the preamble to destructive (drinking) behaviour.

Anne, what are you using outside of willpower? In my experience willpower never got me anywhere, except very drunk! My willpower vs Alcohol - Alcohol wins hands down. THe only thing ever to make a difference to this scenario in my life has been...not pick up the first one...and I can do that through going to meetings. When I don't go to meetings I get complacent and I drink. Simple.

What is your current approach?

Great to hear from you

Cathy31
x

Andy F

Hi Anne

I enjoyed and identified with your post.

I can take a thought and run with it.

I dealt with it using cognitive behaviour therapy. Not cognitive behaviour therapy adapted to alcoholism, but a more general approach.

You are pretty switched on to be identifying this root problem.

quercusalba

Thanks guys... I really appreciate your input. Bartender - thanks for the link - I've read it before, but it's one of those things that bears reading again (thusly bookmarked). FriendofBill - great, great suggestions. I like your analogy of the obsessive mind being a terrible neighborhood - so true. Getting outside, being with nature, animals, other people.. anything to get out of my head... that's really, really key. I knew this, but somehow it helps to have reinforcement from others who have the same issues that I do. Bikewench - again, so true - holding these stupid thoughts up to the light & seeing what their real worth is (not much!) is a good exercise... and Cathy - I'm trying to use every tool in the box and not just my own willpower. My own willpower has proven itself to be less than trustworthy. Meetings - check! And Andy - glad you identified. Part of my problem is that I begin to think I'm some sort of mutant alone in this... so it's wonderful to know I'm not. Also, I really liked something you said to someone the other day about having worth just because you *are*. I love that... thank you.

Thank all of you. I am so glad I found this community.
--anne

nutz

There hasn't been a quick fix for me.
Recovery for me has always been about relationships.
Relationships with myself, GOD and others > life in general
The 12 steps...imo, are building blocks. How dose it work?
The more I understand and accept myself the better off I am.
To get a honest look (evaluation) at myself.

After hitting bottom and sufferning so much, for so long,
doing things my old ways or the way I was taught in the pass.
Been to hell and back !!!...Sounds or feels familar ?
Not everything was negative...as a whole it didn't work.
SO...I became willing. Willing to experiment with new
ideas, most of the time seems corney or outrageous at first.
Not all new ideas worked for me, therefore I remain OPEN to
ever new possibilities. In this attitutude , I feel free and relieved.
Just that along, relieve the pressure that was in my head.
" I became teachable",again.lol

To remain teachable is also a challenge as I progress in my recovery,
but it is how I grow. My ego gets in the way at times.
I'm also a recovery perfectionist.lol Recovery is about being humble also.
The fog had lifted over time..I don't confuss it with "kiss'in ass" today.

oki doki
My concept of a HP was a smiley or happy ball at first. ( I had a chioce).
It kind da blew my mind .lol
Corney ??..yes, But at least the freanken ball wasn't going to send me to hell.
It also reminded me to smile or be happy.
Plus when I got ****...I threw the freaken ball...a stress reliever too.
I curse at GOD a lot and still do.
God tells me..."it's okay dude, your 4 letters outburst won't hurt me,
after all ,I'm god"
it's honest, open, free communication.

Some of the key phrases I accepted and ran with.
I don't go to church but read the bible a lot..It was wicked when I was high.
I stopped trying to figure it out and just decided to run with it.
"with god all things are possiable"
" be of good cheer,for I've overcame the world"
" have faith like little children".

God also tells me...
" it dosen't matter if you don't beliving in me, I beliving in you"
"after all I made your silly arss and I know already how you are"
"it dosn't matter if you don't love me, I love you no matter what"
" after all, I'm the one whos full of love"
"you don't have to do anything for me...after all,I'm god"
" I have everything already, I am everything...dude"
"ask me about anything you want, any place , any time"
"you are my child and I love you"

It kinda blew my mind.lol

I also mediate everyday.
it's a process.
it helps slows down my mind
At first it was hard...all the thoughts flash across my mind.
My mind was un disciplin. The thoughts kept coming no matter what.
At first i tried to block it out ( I fought it ) or tried to figure it out.
After a while I was recommended not to fight it and just let it run though.
Eventaully the thoughts got less and less and I can get to stillness.

My obessive thinking works in the same way...I try to figurd it out.
The answer is not to figurd it out and just LET GO.
Where those crazy thoughts go ? Beats me ?!!
I'm not suppost to figurd it out.
I practice applying this principle on the outside when deal
with people or situations. I let go .

Of course not always perfect and I hold on, more than not.
Then I'll have to talk to God about it.
God tells me " dude, didn't I tell you i would take care of that"
"why in the hell, do you have to think so much about it?"
"you don't trust me or what?"..then GOD just laughs.
"silly kid,go do this instead"

I've done many, many inventories of myself.

I also do the excercises in the course of miracle text.
It's a process of cleaning out my mind.
The first lesson is "my thoughts are meaningless"lmaf.

I've also done other workshops in clearing my thinking
of circumstances that was truamatic.

Allowing myself, acceptence, forgiveness are major keys.

it's a dailey practice or repreive. I get better as I go.
But you loose it , if you don't use it.

good luck and god bless

CarolD

I use prayer and 'switch'

Switch ...comsist of mental images. ie:

'Spring floods might wash me away'

switch

I conjure a pix of me floating down a river
riding a raft and laughing.


Simplification is a +!!

nutz

I've been practicing this too.
lowering my expectations and refocusing on possitive.

it helps me break away from that cycle of obsessive
mental masturebations.
You know...when an alki/addict gets mind F**k, off we go.
And sometimes we do it to ourselves...like a rush or a buzz.
it leaves us drain but we get addicted to it.
My thoughts drives my emotions. What about you all ?

quercusalba

Nutz - I always love reading what you've written.. thank you so much for a lot of wisdom. Thank you!

Carol - again, good ideas... there really is something to simplify, simplify, simplify!


--anne

tyler

Hi anne,

You may want to check out http://smartrecovery.org they have alot of tools for dealing with thoughts like that. Unlike so other programs, they are accepting of 12-step recovery as a method of getting clean and many use both programs with success. I've found it very helpful.

michaelj

Anne,

Immediately after giving up the booze I found that if I thought too deeply about the problems of addiction I would get my mind into a fearful mess. I would be giving myself contradictory advice and become completely unreasoning. I found that for me the best cure, in early sobriety, was to do something physical. A walk, a jog, ironing, cleaning out cupboards. The task was not important, the act of physical exercise seemed to take my mind completely away from the problem.
Early on in sobriety I was more susceptible to the tricks the mind can play. I find that now that sobriety is more entrenched I can sit and process my thoughts without the fear that I will reach for the glass. For me the time I have been sober is a great investment and I feel that I am less liable now to put it in peril.

Good luck

Michael

mackat

i would add that journaling helps me get some perspective, helps me turn off that endless tape loop, and after some sober time, i can read about the times when it was not so good and have faith that i have been held up thru those times as well....

Time4Me11

Hi Q

This is a biggy for everyone it seems. Those spirals of negative thoughts that used to be drowned out by our drinking are now free to roam our recovering pyches and relief is needed before it takes us to that first drink.

The teachings and meditation practices of Buddhism are promarily focused on identifying and relieving one's self of these cycles of thought. I have found the writings of Pema Chodron on this subject very down to earth and invaluable in starting my basic meditation practice. I am also currently reading, "One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and the Twelve Steps" by Kevin Griffin. It has been a great inspiration to me to see so many parallels between the teachings and the 12 step recovery model.

Excercise is almost the only other way I have found to dissipate them...get some good ol endorphines moving around in their place.

Best to you.

Dan

These days, it's a two step process for me.
I read here a while back that ' our stories are our best defense'.
Just another way of saying watch the movie 'til the end.

Secondly, as mentioned above numerous times, getting the endorphins up and active.

My fail safe though, if that approach doesn't work?
Call another addict or alcoholic, and dump it.
Just dump it.

lulu70

Hey Q--When I am in that place I say I am a giant ball of negative energy. There are many things that can take me there. Some big and some small. Most are small. However, I find the only thing that can bring me out of it is ACTION. Sometimes it is going for a walk, sometimes journaling, sometimes coming here or going to a meeting and helping another alcholic/addict, sometimes it is calling my sponsor, sometimes just saying the serenity prayer and using those words to analyze my negative thinking will help. For instance, if I am filled with negativity over being laid-off from my job (yes, this is a reality) I will say the Serenity Prayer and really think about what I cannot change--the fact that I am being laid-off; what I can change--I have control over my attitude and I can work my butt off to find another job; and then I realize that I do have the wisdom to tell the difference.

Hope you are feeling better after posting here. It always helps me!!!!